The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[European-DJ]

Day 4
I am starting to realize that we are probably not to be together again. This, is a "frightening" feeling, which brings forward some irrational thought that I want to act on. However, I know better than to act on impulses and I can recognize that it would be nothing but fear induced actions.

The frightening feeling might be a good thing; I guess by having acknowledged that we are not going to be together again, I can accept it. When I’ve accepted it I’ll be able to Turkey move forward and leave her behind.

Today was a difficult day, I had a strong feeling that she would reach out today (as she did last Tuesday), unfortunately I think I shattered the last bit of attraction when I was too available the last time she reached out and I reacted by trying to fix things.

I’ve been through something similar back in 2013. While I’m in a much better state of mine, I’ve caught myself in the despairs of thinking that this time it was “different” that she was “special” and “not the rule, but the exception”. Obviously I was wrong. It comes to show that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover and that’s even the cutest and most innocent looking girl will act just as poorly and without integrity as any other girl.


Hopeful my heart will start accepting what my mind has already accepted - that the only way forward is moving on.

 

[Gan]

Forgot what day I'm on but I'm close to two months. I broke contact about a month and a half ago and never spoke to her again. Kept her on social media but even then I gave her no form of attention (no likes, shares, snapchat views, things like that). One thing for sure is, things DO get easier, you just gotta hang in there.

She messaged me yesterday, and I'm thinking of replying tomorrow. I'm not sure yet. Things are good for me right now, I'm gonna see where this goes.

 

[bobafatt]

DAY 1

After numerous times of trying to fix things today is the day that i man up to the situation and finish it for good. Although we had a good relationship at times the bad always outweighed the good. She has been through some hard times these last few months - losing her job one of them. I stupidly let her move in with me and thats where it really started to go down hill. I have never met such an angry person, someone so demanding, someone who is so good at guilting me or making it seem like it was always my fault.

Ive known for a while that it was never going to work, i guess i got complacent and my mindset was there wasnt anything better out there but this morning the final straw for me was her messaging somebody else.

There's always that feeling at the end of a relationship that something isnt quite right and you can just tell if you carry on this way, your own mentality will suffer. i hate head games more than anything!

After another argument this morning i finally told her to get out of my life for good, i told her to leave a few weeks back and she's been living with friends. She stayed round last night, had great sex but that was about it!

All of her clothes are now gone and the rest i have bagged up and are ready to be picked up on friday. I sent her a last text before blocking her on every platform just explaining that i was going ghost so i can fully get over the relationship and that friday is the best time to pick all her stuff up ( i will make sure im out the house that day )

Its hard but it really is for the best! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK PEEPS!

 

[European-DJ]

Forgot what day I'm on but I'm close to two months. I broke contact about a month and a half ago and never spoke to her again. Kept her on social media but even then I gave her no form of attention (no likes, shares, snapchat views, things like that). One thing for sure is, things DO get easier, you just gotta hang in there.

She messaged me yesterday, and I'm thinking of replying tomorrow. I'm not sure yet. Things are good for me right now, I'm gonna see where this goes.

Hi Gan!

Good to hear that you are reaching the end of the challenge. I am curious as what she wrote you? Also, From an objective point of view, I wouldn’t put too much effort into it. If it took her a full two months to send you a single text the it’s probably over and (depending on the text) she probably wouldn’t care if you responded or not. I would just leave it, at least you would have left it with the upper hand by ignoring her.

 

[European-DJ]

DAY 1

After numerous times of trying to fix things today is the day that i man up to the situation and finish it for good. Although we had a good relationship at times the bad always outweighed the good. She has been through some hard times these last few months - losing her job one of them. I stupidly let her move in with me and thats where it really started to go down hill. I have never met such an angry person, someone so demanding, someone who is so good at guilting me or making it seem like it was always my fault.

Ive known for a while that it was never going to work, i guess i got complacent and my mindset was there wasnt anything better out there but this morning the final straw for me was her messaging somebody else.

There's always that feeling at the end of a relationship that something isnt quite right and you can just tell if you carry on this way, your own mentality will suffer. i hate head games more than anything!

After another argument this morning i finally told her to get out of my life for good, i told her to leave a few weeks back and she's been living with friends. She stayed round last night, had great sex but that was about it!

All of her clothes are now gone and the rest i have bagged up and are ready to be picked up on friday. I sent her a last text before blocking her on every platform just explaining that i was going ghost so i can fully get over the relationship and that friday is the best time to pick all her stuff up ( i will make sure im out the house that day )

Its hard but it really is for the best! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK PEEPS!

Welcome to the challenge Bobafatt!

I would recommend you to go over some of the previous posters’ experiences in this threat. Especially Jariel’s whole experience will give you some great perspective of why you should never supplicate when she reaches out (which she will). I made the mistake 5 days ago and I wish I hadn’t. I felt even more silly and stupid after being the “good guy” and doing what I felt was right.

Leave her be. This is for you, not for her.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 5
This morning I thought quite a lot about her. It was not thought about getting her back, but rather irritation and annoyance of giving her what she asked for and then being stumped on.

I know that this website teaches us that Women act on emotions and men on logic, but damn is this girl an illogical creature.

What I really have to understand is that we were never in a real relationship, rather we were FB's for 1½ and realize that I was the one continuously rejecting her wishes to become more than that. I need to become more of the person I was two years ago and not the supplicating fool I am right now.

The last few weeks I have been reading tons of articles on Sosuave; and while they are all very uplifting, they just remind me that I am spending time on this website because of HER. Therefore, I think it is for the better to take some days of this website and focus on other things. I will be back in a weeks time with a short update. Hopefully, the wording of the update will be more optimistic and positive than my previous 14 days have been.

Best of luck to any new joiners joining us over the weekend!

/European

 

[bobafatt]

Welcome to the challenge Bobafatt!

I would recommend you to go over some of the previous posters’ experiences in this threat. Especially Jariel’s whole experience will give you some great perspective of why you should never supplicate when she reaches out (which she will). I made the mistake 5 days ago and I wish I hadn’t. I felt even more silly and stupid after being the “good guy” and doing what I felt was right.

Leave her be. This is for you, not for her.

Yo European DJ thanks for the reply - where can i find these posts from Jariel? can you link them.

 

[bobafatt]

DAY 2

Today has been a bit harder im currently working night shifts so when i wake up around 3pm i tend to sit around waiting to start work at 10pm. I always seem to catch cabin fever when working nights.

She has been on my mind alot today just general thoughts but feel like ive dealt with them pretty well. I have blocked her off all platforms including her mobile which im kind og thinking was a bad idea as all of her stuff is still round mine ready to be picked up on friday.

I got myself back on tinder to see what was about and almost instantly her face popped up so she obviously has the same idea, i cant be angry at her for that but did upset me a little bit.

Im going to train alot more down the gym now it has become very enjoyable for me since starting back again this year, something i packed in along with healthy eating when i met my now ex. The amount of girls to check out down the gym is unreal did catch one beatiful chick blonde hair, quite short but my god she had the weight in all the right places.

Something i have also wanted to give up is porn, this is something that ive watched for a long time and its such a lazy thing to do. Seen the arguments for and against it alot recently and for me i feel like NOFAP is something that would really benefit me.

Here's to day 2 of NC and day 1 of NF

 

[Gan]

Hi Gan!

Good to hear that you are reaching the end of the challenge. I am curious as what she wrote you? Also, From an objective point of view, I wouldn’t put too much effort into it. If it took her a full two months to send you a single text the it’s probably over and (depending on the text) she probably wouldn’t care if you responded or not. I would just leave it, at least you would have left it with the upper hand by ignoring her.

Hey Euro. I msg'd her back. There's very little effort on my part, keeping things pleasant but vague and responding whenever I want. Her message will make no sense to you unless I explain it but for the sake of time let's just call it a breadcrumb text because that's what it was. I'm looking for effort on her part and I couldn't care less if she doesn't show any.

 

[GerryCreanio]

Hi everyone, first post and I don’t know where else to put this but I need to vent somewhere.

Let me start by saying I’m a scumbag. I’m married and I stupidly fell in love with a coworker. Who was in a long term relationship herself. I know. Apart from a sexually charged drunken kiss and a vast number of lunch/coffee dates it’s gone no further - a combination of both our guilt & me being a beta ****.

In order to try and save my marriage I quit my job before Christmas. We were both upset by this, clearly. At the Christmas party she barely spoke to me.

I’ve gone ‘No contact’ for 30 days now. I’m a grown man and I’ve cried over this - I never cry. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and although I have better days they are mainly bad ones. I dream about her, I think about her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Distractions are temporary help, I’m lifting and doing new hobbies.

Here’s what I need advice with please:

Last time I saw her I told her I wasn’t going to contact her in case it caused problems with her boyfriend who phuvking hates me for obvious reasons. I gave her my email address.

She hasn’t reached out at all.

Here’s the complication. My company has threatened legal action for taking their clients. They won’t win, but it’s entirely possible that everyone in the company has been told not to contact me for this reason.

It’s the not knowing that’s the hardest thing. If I knew she was ignoring me because she didn’t care then I’d be ok with that and move on. But what if she’s crying herself to sleep every night over me, has decided to leave her boyfriend for me but can’t tell me?

It’s unlikely that we’ll bump into each other ever again although I could engineer it given some persistence and luck.

What do I do from here? Keep up the NC, or try to get in touch with her somehow?

 

[Murk]

Ok just signing in, split with my gf of 9 months last week.

She didn't drunk call me this weekend, I've hit the game hard and have a 19 year old chubby girl coming over tuesday, a date for midweek with a girl ve ****ed twice and a date on Friday, also have a date penciled in for jan 31st which is a few wednesdays away.

I felt a bit nostalgic about the split at first but realised that I can focus on myself now and date/bang much hotter chicks without the stress of my previous relationship,

The only way is up. Stay strong brothers.

 

[Gan]

Day 52 (or 5?) of NC

She broke contact 7 days ago. She sent me a text message asking me a question. I replied two days later and she immediately tried to have a regular conversation with me. It felt a little off considering she was the one that stopped talking to me, so I ignored her. I won't let her pop back in to my life whenever she pleases, cause that's f*cked up. I'm all for reconciliation as long as she owns up to her mistakes.

 

[Murk]

Day 5

The realisation that we will not see each other is weird. I need to bang new girls ASAP! That's the only way to get this girl out of my mind right?

 

[IggyStooge]

No contact 1 week.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 5:
Today I sincerely feel like ****. I woke up multiple times at night with the urge to check my phone to see whether she had written.

I was confident she would write me over the weekend, but I can conclude that she hasn’t. This might have been the reason that I haven’t felt too sad during the first couple of days, as I was sure she would reinitiate contact by today.

As suggested, I took an outside perspective of the situation and it made me realize how I’m sitting and mourning, while she’s most likely out having heaps of fun with friends and dates.

I believe the major pain point in this “break-up” is going to be the question of whether I truly “mattered” to her.
When you invest a lot of yourself in someone you would like to see it reciprocated - if she was never to reach out again, I would feel utterly cheated.

Day 10:
Man do things get easier after the first week. I’ve barely thought about her the last few days.

I doubted whether it would be an easy fix to get over her, as fvcking two new girls had no dampening effect on my “sadness”. However, this Friday I laid a girl whom I had been trying to lay in my late teens. Way over the usual girls I land, a real HB9, and it gave me a huge confidence boost.

I’ve been playing it cool with the HB9, while arranging some casual dates with my two old FB’s. This should keep my insecurities at bay. I’ve come to realize that my insecurities are the prime driver for initially wanting to get back together with the girl, however, with the knowledge that I can still pull, she’s become much less of a problem for me.

 

[Murk]

Day 6 still feel a bit sad/nostalgic, and now thinking plunging straight into dating isn't what I need right now. Still plan to smash the chick coming over tomorrow but don't think I wanna take on board anything new. Will work in fitness and saving money for the next few months until the summer, good plan?

 

[RedScorpion]

Hi everyone, first post and I don’t know where else to put this but I need to vent somewhere.

Let me start by saying I’m a scumbag. I’m married and I stupidly fell in love with a coworker. Who was in a long term relationship herself. I know. Apart from a sexually charged drunken kiss and a vast number of lunch/coffee dates it’s gone no further - a combination of both our guilt & me being a beta ****.

In order to try and save my marriage I quit my job before Christmas. We were both upset by this, clearly. At the Christmas party she barely spoke to me.

I’ve gone ‘No contact’ for 30 days now. I’m a grown man and I’ve cried over this - I never cry. It’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done and although I have better days they are mainly bad ones. I dream about her, I think about her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Distractions are temporary help, I’m lifting and doing new hobbies.

Here’s what I need advice with please:

Last time I saw her I told her I wasn’t going to contact her in case it caused problems with her boyfriend who phuvking hates me for obvious reasons. I gave her my email address.

She hasn’t reached out at all.

Here’s the complication. My company has threatened legal action for taking their clients. They won’t win, but it’s entirely possible that everyone in the company has been told not to contact me for this reason.

It’s the not knowing that’s the hardest thing. If I knew she was ignoring me because she didn’t care then I’d be ok with that and move on. But what if she’s crying herself to sleep every night over me, has decided to leave her boyfriend for me but can’t tell me?

It’s unlikely that we’ll bump into each other ever again although I could engineer it given some persistence and luck.

What do I do from here? Keep up the NC, or try to get in touch with her somehow?

First, I'll say - don't be so hard on yourself. You did the right thing, even if it took a bit later than it could have been. As odd as it may sound - it's good in a sense that you're feeling guilt over this, as this shows you have some sense of empathy towards your wife and the situation. Some men and women have no such culpability in them - and so they create much harder lives for everyone around them because of this. So don't feel entirely bad.

Not knowing is going to be very tough - but I would try to limit the speculation. It's your heart trying to look for ways back in and connect with her, and drive it back to full engagement. Hoping and wanting that 'dream' of reconnecting and confessing love and all that. But this is all just hopeful fantasies, to please the mind. And ultimately absorb you more.

Look at it this way. She has a method to communicate with you. You clearly gave her an 'in' to contact you if she truly wanted to. If she was crying over you, and couldn't bear to be without you - she would circumvent that theoretical 'no contact' by the company, and write you. Especially because you specifically gave her your email. Rules wouldn't stop **** - she could create another email and contact you under an alias and such. Regardless - she would path a way to contact you. But she hasn't.

You didn't close the door completely on her in any case - but I think you and her are both mature enough to know the reality of the situation here. And you know what you want as well, since you've already made a big step towards it - the survival, and hopefully revival of your marriage. Think of trying to respark that love with your wife as a goal.

Remember that the things we cannot have - always seem to be of even higher value. You'll have to overcome this. And time will help. The trick is not to feed the negative emotions and feedback you're giving yourself. "I messed up. I ****ed up. I threw what we had away. It's all my fault." as an example. Try to stop yourself as soon as you start getting into it. Think of your wife or other things. I think we tend to 'love' the things we think of most, as some kind of feedback reinforcement.

Anyway. You're doing the right thing. Keep pushing through. That goes for everyone else as well.

 

[Murk]

Day 7

In the barbers on my lunch break getting a nice trim. I got flakes son some girl coming round yday but my date for tonight is going ahead as planned. Been thinking about my ex but I’m sure after tonight if I bang (90% sure) I should be a lot further in getting over this.

 

[Gan]

Day 54
Even though I broke contact by replying to her messages a week ago, I'm still in power. I cut it super short without revealing anything about myself or what I was up to, and on top of that, I did not reply back after a few exchanges. I feel kind of guilty, but I need to remember that being with her is not logical. I can't pretend to like her enough to be friends either because of the way things were left. It's hard to have any kind of respect for her. I'll forgive her if she ends up owning up to her sh*t, but until then... cya!

 

[yonggg]

back again to this forum after few years. succesfully used no contact twice few years back in 2 previous relationship

now just got dumped by my gf of 9months

it started good and went to sh*tty relationship after the 5 months together.
she always insecure, jealous,and negatively thinking about me like saying that i might not love her, that i might leave her,
this happened almost everyday. crazy, right?
but i know that shhe really into me.
but when we had fights, very often she was uncontrollable, she just wont stop angry, wtf.

i was frequently thinking about dumping her, but i didnt since i love her, even though i cant bear to think how frustrating i will be if i go into marriage with her. and also i kinda feel bad since im the one that deflowered her.

but here im the one getting dumped, cause at the last fight, after lots of intense debate i got tired, so i dont want to talk on our way back home, i just drove her home not talking to her. i just said im tired and dont want to debate. i also didnt offer to eat together first even though we hadnt eat that time.
so she was mad at me, slam the car door and then after few minutes texted me we breakup. i replied " well then"

now starting NC day 1.
im wondering whether i should do this or not. its like i really dont know wtf just happened, i love her, i know she love me (or not), but we fights frequently, its very weird relationship for me.