The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Zontyy]

The custody battle never ends, now that my EX has lost her custody battle with me. She is having her mother file emergency petition. The one caveat I didn't like about our custody battle was that her mother was her supervisor per court, despite child services thinking the mother is just as dangerous. So for the limited time my son does see his EX they have been coaching him. This time though it looks really bad, apparently my EX forge a document from child services to make it look like I was being investigated when I am clearly not and my EX's mother attached this forged document to her petition. I called child services about the petition and they emailed me back saying that both supervisors and there administrator have read the petition and it does appear in their eyes that my EX and EX's mother fabricated this document to make it appear to be from child services. I was told by the caseworker the lawyer from there department will be there at my court date to clear this up.

I am actually looking forward to court for once.

 

[Zontyy]

The custody battle never ends, now that my EX has lost her custody battle with me. She is having her mother file emergency petition. The one caveat I didn't like about our custody battle was that her mother was her supervisor per court, despite child services thinking the mother is just as dangerous. So for the limited time my son does see his EX they have been coaching him. This time though it looks really bad, apparently my EX forge a document from child services to make it look like I was being investigated when I am clearly not and my EX's mother attached this forged document to her petition. I called child services about the petition and they emailed me back saying that both supervisors and there administrator have read the petition and it does appear in their eyes that my EX and EX's mother fabricated this document to make it appear to be from child services. I was told by the caseworker the lawyer from there department will be there at my court date to clear this up.

I am actually looking forward to court for once.

In cases like this, your son is probably better off without the chaos your ex brings into his life and with only you there. Stability is so important for children. Bad parents cause more harm than good in most cases.

As I live out this life, your statement here is more true by the day.

 

[soulforge]

She is used to playing games and **** tests and it probably goes her way with most other men. She didn't expect the ghost from you or the willpower to just leave it alone. She finally accepting the facts and needs to "put the spin on it" to satisfy her fragile ego. Nicely played man.

Thanks bro.. She is a single mother of two young children. The baby daddy is in the picture too.

She is heavily tattooed and has a bunch of male friends, including some criminal types.

Lots of red flags.. She wanted me to give her a relationship, make a ton of sacrifices for her. I was only getting to see her once a week, sometimes once every two weeks.

All these sacrifices from me. Yet she would remind me that her kids will always come first.. additionally she would pull back and barely make an effort to text me, when she is annoyed about something.

All this sacrifice from me, and she doesn't even care to communicate properly like an adult with me.. I decided to cut her loose.

 

[soulforge]

Having a tougher time with the break up today.

It's the worst when the girl actually had some great qualities too, but the Situation itself isn't good.. or the communication suddenly broke down.

 

[Aurora Demon]

THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - Daydream Enginner

Hey Guys and girls,


Let's start the No Contact Challenge. This has personally helped me 2 years ago, and i have seen many members asking for "how to get my ex back", and after breakup questions. The idea is a simple one, for 60 days, you will not talk or communicate with the girl that bazooka your heart. In any way, form, or communication, and every time you feel like saying something to her, you will write what you were going to tell her, AND/OR why you want to contact her, in this thread instead. This has been field tested by me, and it works from selling your soul to the she-devil.

You are going to do No Contact for yourself, you need to get away from here and move on. You will feel a transformation at the end of your challenge, and the ex that broke your heart, won't be a parasite in your mind anymore. You might even get your ex's attraction back, but you will be busy thinking about other girls to give her a second chance.

Let's begin,
Here are the rules:

1. First of all, before you do anything, read these articles:

The "Just Got Dumped" GUIDE
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155594

The Ultimate Break Up Guide…
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=38886

and....

No Contact - The Guide



...continued.

New toxic girl I’ve tolerated for months, just blocked her today. So relieved.

 

[soulforge]

New toxic girl I’ve tolerated for months, just blocked her today. So relieved.

How long did you date her for? What exactly makes her toxic

 

[Lotus Effect]

I'm not sure how to approach this,

I already know everything that is supposed to be known. Still here I am.

I find myself in a very difficult situation. I have never seen this behaviour before.
But if I'm to work this around, I'll put the outcome of this situation mainly because:

- She is BPD, as stated by her.
- I still have my insecurities.

This recipe made impossible for us to move forward, because we can't have a good thing without spoiling it.

Anyway I'm still speechless, cause I've never seen an 180º happening so fast, in the blink of an eye.

Backstory
---

To sum it up, at 8PM we go out for dinner at my friends restaurant. We had an amazing time. She was professing her love to me, telling me that she was really enjoying this 'being my girlfriend thing', making trip plans for all year long. You could see the glimmer in her eyes.

She also gave me a book, with a small dedicatory telling me how lucky she was to have me in her life and that she would be the luckiest person by having me for as long as possible.

This was 8PM

10PM she was telling me that she loved seeing me around with my friends, who are very caring towards me, and also with her friends, which were super easygoing. Super happy.

Bounce to a night club.

1AM We discussed at a venue and left, and she told me that she did not want to be one of those couples that argue in open places.

Went to hers, we try to have a conversation, but we cut off each other as we are speaking. She tells me that this behaviour is very triggering for her cause is very reminescent of her toxic abusive ex, proceeds to cry.

3AM she dumps me, and tells me 'I was really in love with you lotus, and that it was great while it lasted but it was better just to rip off the bandaid'. Over nothing.

I ask her 'what', then she pulls back and say that she did not dump me, she says 'IF' we were to breakup is better we do it now.

I say how is it even possible having a day such as the one we had, and then 2 hours later that is all gone.
She agrees and says lets sleep on it.

Anyway, went to sleep, woke up, got her to work. We dont speak a word. I tell her 'do you have anything to say'. She declines.

I tell her 'you have my number, call me when you feel like talking. I'll respect your space.'

This was 8 in the morning. At 10PM, 14 hours later she texts me asking how my day was.

By that time I was already sleeping. Replied this morning. 4 hours in, she still haven't replied.

---

What really intrigues me is the whole situation. If we were in a bad mood, or things were of, I would see it coming. That was not the case.

We were in a very healthy and beautiful stage of the relationship. Very mature, with everything always being discussed in a proper manner, crazy s3x, very much in love.

Anyway, as of this moment I'm not sure if we are broken up or not, I'm assuming not, but I rather start this post now, just in case.

And as usual, back to the drawing board!
Cheers guys!

 

[Sophisticator]

Bounce to a night club.

1AM We discussed at a venue and left, and she told me that she did not want to be one of those couples that argue in open places.

Went to hers, we try to have a conversation, but we cut off each other as we are speaking. She tells me that this behaviour is very triggering for her cause is very reminescent of her toxic abusive ex, proceeds to cry.

3AM she dumps me, and tells me 'I was really in love with you lotus, and that it was great while it lasted but it was better just to rip off the bandaid'. Over nothing.

Can you elaborate, because you're glossing over the 'discussion'. If you start or respond to the wrong conversation with someone who is emotionally unstable, it can easily escalate into a break-up. So, what was it about?

Second, in a conversation, you should interrupt each other. That's rude and disrespectful. When you're speaking, you don't like other people cutting you off, so don't do it to anyone else, and when other people break into your conversation, tell them they will have to wait their turn.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Okay, she said she wanted back two days later

that was Monday

today she said she wanted to be at her place on her own

I drove by her place

empty

Called her she said she was sleeping and was super rude. That was 23h

two hours later she texted me saying she was sorry she was rude.

Drove by her place

she was there

which means. She lied, got home, and texted me to cover up her tracks.

at this point it is a done deal

we have plans tomorrow but I’m not sure what to do now I know she is lying doing exactly what we know.

any thoughts?

 

[New_Journey]

3AM she dumps me, and tells me 'I was really in love with you lotus, and that it was great while it lasted but it was better just to rip off the bandaid'. Over nothing.

It was not over nothing, there is something cooking.

I ask her 'what', then she pulls back and say that she did not dump me, she says 'IF' we were to breakup is better we do it now.

I say how is it even possible having a day such as the one we had, and then 2 hours later that is all gone.
She agrees and says lets sleep on it.

You are trying to use logic with her. What you should have done is, you wanna break up, ok, and then leave. You trying to reason with her, is proving her that you want her more than her wanting you.

We were in a very healthy and beautiful stage of the relationship. Very mature, with everything always being discussed in a proper manner, crazy s3x, very much in love.

If there is not another guy in the picture, I would say she felt too comfortable with you, and didn't have any anxiety of losing you.

This was 8 in the morning. At 10PM, 14 hours later she texts me asking how my day was.

By that time I was already sleeping. Replied this morning. 4 hours in, she still haven't replied.

This was a $hit test, you failed by replying. She wanted to break up with you, but still you took the time to reply. Notice how she hasn't replied to you? She knows she has you by the balls.

Anyway, as of this moment I'm not sure if we are broken up or not, I'm assuming not, but I rather start this post now, just in case.

She broke up with you, you didn't accept it, that's why she said:

lets sleep on it.

For you to $hut up, because you were insisting in not breaking up. Its not a good position to be in.

today she said she wanted to be at her place on her own

I drove by her place

empty

Good fvcking job in doing that, you found out what you needed to see. If she were hurting because you broke up, do you think she won't be in her house thinking about you?

two hours later she texted me saying she was sorry she was rude.

She went to see another guy, got what she wanted and then she doesn't want to lose you completely and want you as a back up.

we have plans tomorrow but I’m not sure what to do now I know she is lying doing exactly what we know.

any thoughts?

You acted weak by trying to reason with her in not breaking up. She lied being home, she's taking her sweet time to reply to your texts. If you go out with her, you are just rewarding her bad behavior and asking her for more.

She is trying to monkey branch, its painful, but is better to be hurting knowing the truth than live a lie, that in the future the pain will be greater.

Cut your branch now that you can, don't let her grab into another one while you being in it. It requires cojones and ball of steel, but its the only way forward. You know how to get woman, you'll be fine.

She's losing you, a great guy who makes plans with her, taker her out, makes her happy, what are you losing? A gal who lies, wants to break up with up and is rude? Regain your respect, when time passes, you will be glad you did that.

Remember, if you don't respect yourself, she won't.

 

[Lotus Effect]

It was not over nothing, there is something cooking.


You are trying to use logic with her. What you have done is, you wanna break up, ok, and then leave. You trying to reason with her, is proving her that you want more than her wanting you.


If there is not another guy in the picture, I would say she felt too comfortable with you, and didn't have any anxiety of losing you.


This was a $hit test, you failed by replying. She wanted to break up with you, but still you took the time to reply. Notice how she hasn't replied to you? She knows she has you by the balls.


She broke up with you, you didn't accept it that why she said:

For you to $hut up, because you were insisting in not breaking up. Its not a good position to be in.


Good fvcking job in doing that, you found out what you needed to see. If she were hurting because you broke up, do you think she won't be in her house thinking about you?


She went to see another guy, got what she wanted and then she doesn't want to lose you completely and want you as a back up.


You acted weak by trying to reason with her in not breaking up. She lied being home, she's taking her sweet time to reply to your texts. If you go out with her, you are just rewarding her bad behavior and asking her for more.

She is trying to monkey branch, its painful, but is better to be hurting knowing the truth than live a lie, that in the future the pain will be greater.

Cut your branch now that you can, don't let her grab into another one while you being in it. It requires cojones and ball of steel, but its the only way forward. You know how to get woman, you'll be fine.

She's losing you, a great guy who makes plans with her, taker her out, makes her happy, what are you losing? A gal who lies, wants to break up with up is rude? Regain your respect, when time passes, you will be glad you did that.

Remember, if you don't respect yourself, she won't.

Tks

I needed this

 

[Foe]

Tks

I needed this

hey mate, dated a BPD for three years and your situation is very familiar. If you need specifics check my history. For now, though here's what I can tell you.

1. Thats a classic split (look up splitting). Happens all the time with BPD's and it does not need a reason. They get triggered by literally anything; even good things trigger them as they have this weird fear of abandonment which even when they feel in love, comfortable they get triggered, split and overcompensate usually with a breakup of some kind.

2. Anything she says regardless of how severe cannot be taken literally and frankly should be ignored for the most part. They will reverse everything said over time and completely change their perspective. If you want to stay with her you are going to need to learn how to ignore the behavior as impossible as that is (I couldnt) it is the only way this relationship will work, if thats what you want. Its been over a year since I saw mine and she reached out a month ago, in love wanting to see me etc etc. I said no but only because I couldnt handle it. Im not a weak guy btw. I realize now she never broke up with me (even though she said she did and ghosted me for months). In her head that never happened.

3. Unless you are some kind of super human this relationship has a high potential to ruin you, I am still getting over mind even though Ive been in a relationship for over a year. You will never experience "love" like you will with a BPD (or sex for that matter) as they have a way of mirroring you when they are in the adoration phase where you literally think you are dating your perfect partner. You are in a way but it will not last and will stop at any time which will weaken you over time and you will become a husk of your former self. Walking on eggshells as they say, suffering all kinds of emotional turmoil just to get back to that adoration phase which feels so real.

4. Though pretty much any woman can justify her behavior (cheating etc) with any wrong doing of your own, or none if they feel like it. BPD's tend to take it to the extreme in alignment to their extreme feelings. Cheating is more likely as when they split you are basically the worst person on earth and being with someone else perfectly ok in that situation. This doesnt last, they eventually come back to earth but by that stage the deed has been done. Because this happens frequently they get very good at first denying it to themselves then lying to you about it, which to them isnt even a lie.

Everything New_journey said is on point for a normal relationship but if you are dealing with a BPD there is no rationality that can be applied. He's right about moving on though this is the worst type of girl to try and have a relationship with especially if she is BPD.

Got more if your interested