I almost broke NC this afternoon – Because I wanted to apologize (again).
Day 6:
I wanted to get an understanding of why I got so hooked on this girl "all of the sudden" and decided to look through our old conversations to get some perspective. Comes to show, I have been chasing this girl for the past 5 months without realizing it. Initially, I was my old self, I honestly did not care whether she would meet me or not, and even when she did agree to a date/meeting/hookup, I would sometimes cancel our arrangement later that same day. However, GRADUALLY she became busier, started hanging out with friends more, being more rejecting of my proposals and seemed INDIFFERENT towards me – in essence, she got a life for herself and became interesting.
The more indifferent she became, the less indifferent I became; the more I started chasing her, the more she pulled away. This is the epitome of what is taught on this forum regarding break-ups – People value most what they fear losing or cannot have. I have, in fact, become the chasing and obsessed “ex” as a result of her “following” the very tips taught on this forum.
Now, while I probably blew all of my chances with this girl ages ago, I think this serves as a valuable lesson for anyone experiencing dropping IL from their GF or for someone who recently encountered a break-up (and haven’t acted desperate and needy yet) – MOVE ON, act indifferent, become less available – for people value most what they fear losing or cannot have.
Luckily, I can find a bit of comfort in the fact that I managed to have sex with her twice in the last month of my chase (December) and that I managed to somewhat end it with dignity, by telling her that I was not interested in a platonic friendship, but that she could reach out if she ever changed the mind. Thus, the ball is in her court and she's the one to decide if we will ever play ball again.