The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[gettinit]

Funny, I have actually wrote four letters and just deleted them a day later. I did not write them in email, but instead in word so the send button would not be right there asking to be pressed. Yeah, I know that nobody can just forget three years and I'm pretty confident that I cross her mind more than once a day. I don't know that I want revenge, more just an acknowledgement that I wasn't disposed of without looking back. I have attempted the impossible by trying to figure out her mind set and have come up with a few things since I can now step back and see things as they are, or should I say were. I have come to the conclusion that the new guy is just a crutch that would allow her to break free of me. Yeah, she still wanted out, but our bond was too strong to just walk away. I almost never called her. I'm just not a phone person and I would rather save things up for when I am face to face with someone. During one of out last text conversations (I actually prefer email since you can express a complete thought), she took a while to reply: "Sorry, I was on the phone... AGAIN!" It seemed odd at the time, but now seems to fit in since she changed her mind about coming to see me later in the conversation. I have to guess that the new guy calls her all of the time. If that's what she needs, we were doomed anyway. I have struck up text conversation with a girl that seems pretty cool. Am I ready for that? probably not, but it at least distracts me for a bit. I'm trying not to let these thoughts become a habit. Thanks for the warning.

 

[RedScorpion]

One thing I've done just now that seems to have helped, is going through a pretend goodbye scene in my head with her. Significantly helped it seems. Saying whatever I wanted to say to make amends, wish her well, etc. . I know it sounds kind of corny or wimpy (and obviously wouldn't do it in real life), but since I never had a goodbye or blowout with her (I just quietly removed my connections with her) - I think it was something that was missing all along. I think the mind can believe that it's real if you imagine or go through it well enough. I've read that for procrastinators, sometimes the act of imagining that you've done something, can remove your impetus to actually perform it. As perhaps you somehow believe subconsciously 'Oh, I've already done that, haven't I?'.

'I don't know that I want revenge, more just an acknowledgement that I wasn't disposed of without looking back.' - I agree with that sentiment, that's something I'd like to feel as well, rather than revenge per say. However, I don't think there's a direct way of me being able to find that out. The options available to me now are NC... or reaching out and most probably looking pathetic (regardless of approach). And ultimately, simple NC and moving on is objectively the best option.

 

[Carpathian]

Always remember, any form of contact with her started by you will make you look pathetic, especially a letter that she can read again and again and s****** and, god forbid, sending her gifts/flowers etc and turning up at her house or place of work.
You must maintain your frame - however much it hurts - and remain in NC. It is the only way. Think about it, what's the alternative? Begging, pleading and having a restraining order issued against you that will lead to a police record and employment problems?

 

[gettinit]

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One thing I've done just now that seems to have helped, is going through a pretend goodbye scene in my head with her

I never thought of that and I may give that a try. It certainly cant hurt.

Another day, another bit of clarity. Going back to the daddy issues, she chameleoned into my perfect woman. It was always "Whatever you want to do", never a complaint. She was a VERY organized person, no clutter and EVERYTHING that she had served a current purpose. The thought of our mementos going missing made me realize something. There was NOTHING in her place that reflected any of her past married life or family, with one exception. A picture of her uncle. Maybe the father figure that all must live up to? I know now that I don't think that I have to worry about her contacting me and am willing to bet that I have also been erased. Crazy as it seems, I actually feel sorry for her. You would think that all of this would lift my anxiety, but it still remains. Apparently, the hooks are deeper than I thought, because, this morning, I feel the same as I did the day that it ended.

 

[noBSgames]

What the hell.. after like 3 weeks NC and I was telling my friend my ex stopped snooping on me he was like don't jinx it... what the hell do you know she just called me like two min ago!! Jesus I sometimes swear she hears when I talk about her.

My friend was telling me my ex was asking his girl how I been doing and general fishing for info and she told her off saying look your married and have a husband now so leave me alone and let me heal..

As you can see they don't know how to let go

 

[gettinit]

Day 17
I'm doing my best to stay busy and clear my head. No dice. I am holding strong to NC, but the anxiety has returned. Although nothing in my workout routine or eating habits has changed, I've lost 4 lbs. I can't believe the effects this is having on me and I still can't put my finger on what the real underlying feeling is that is causing such mental and physical distress. I have always thought of myself as a strong person and this seems to have me beat (for now). I have to break the pattern of thinking about what is going on her end. Is she relieved? Stressed? Laughing?...crazy since in reality, none of it matters. Its OVER.

 

[RedScorpion]

Hang tough. I've found it gets a bit harder around the third week, as it clicks in that it's actually happening. I was out doing a day trip with friends around that time, and I was just focused on the anxiety or whatever during it.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. All of that you're going through is normal. One thing (I'm theorizing) that might be happening, is that you might be inadvertently giving this a bit more power in yourself. 'I'm strong, this shouldn't be happening, this is beating me for now - therefore it must be stronger than me'. I don't know for sure, but a thought. It really does take some time. Just make sure you're taking care of yourself.

'Is she relieved? Stressed? Laughing?' I've had the same thoughts. That's also the power of NC - you don't get any info in that regard. You only get to work with old info... which helps with her eventually fading from your mind. Example - a girl in the distant past, I was stepping away from, but couldn't resist checking out her facebook one day. And there she was, posting partying pics and blatantly flirting with other guys on there (comments and whatever). I don't know if it reset me, but it definitely wasn't fun. So just only having old info, your mind will get bored with it eventually.

 

[noBSgames]

So far 3 weeks I haven't made any contact but my ex sure does keep trying.. and the stuff she tells my friend or what she does... man

 

[jbl888]

I received a phone call the other day from a different number that resembled my number. I had a feeling it was the ex using a burner number. I did not answer it. The same day I received a text picture message from a weird area code. When i opened it up, it was some overweight chick posing with her bra on. Hair color was ginger just like my ex. She also sent some cheesy pickup line lmao. I sure am not tripping but let me tell you girls can be really immature.

 

[Roober]

Day 17
I'm doing my best to stay busy and clear my head. No dice. I am holding strong to NC, but the anxiety has returned. Although nothing in my workout routine or eating habits has changed, I've lost 4 lbs. I can't believe the effects this is having on me and I still can't put my finger on what the real underlying feeling is that is causing such mental and physical distress. I have always thought of myself as a strong person and this seems to have me beat (for now). I have to break the pattern of thinking about what is going on her end. Is she relieved? Stressed? Laughing?...crazy since in reality, none of it matters. Its OVER.

Just stick with it. It will get better. Try to keep yourself distracted. Have you started seeing other women? While I feel I started a bit too early after my breakup, it helped me knock her off the pedestal. I finally began to see her for what she really was... a woman not worth my time

 

[sickwithu]

1,5 year relationship. She cheated, no forgiveness, we talked for some while, she didn't even try do anything, just making excuses, blocked fher rom social networks.

DAY 3.

 

[noBSgames]

Ex tried to get me to break NC again yesterday she saw I posted a video of my car up and she said "I'm still waiting on my ride" next thing I knew she had deleted her message however I took a screen shot I never responded.

 

[Roober]

1,5 year relationship. She cheated, no forgiveness, we talked for some while, she didn't even try do anything, just making excuses, blocked fher rom social networks.

DAY 3.

Brutal man! My buddy is in a similar situation, except from a marriage of 10 years and two kids. It's unfortunate that so many people do this. You will be better in the long run, time to focus solely on yourself.

 

[damnit]

Hi, I'm new here. Got dumped and cheated a month ago. Was also lied to to keep friendship because she was acting she feels terrible while she ****ed this other dude and still ****s him.. So it's a no contact day 1 for me..
I was never in this kind of situation, hopeless than ever so much that I don't have a will to live. Was in many relationships before and this stroke me so much I cant even explain. I had only her, and I'm unemployed, no friends here, living in a village after losing a job.. And know lost confidence, I don't know how I can move on.. Would like some support, you may think I'm acting like a *****, it was the first time i was actually giving myself in to a relationship. Helped her in every way possible. Devastated as I confronted her today and she admitted . She wanted to keep me for friendship while doing other guy, how low is that. Making excuses, telling she loves me and that she needs time, and me, I know all this rubbish, and i ****ing fell for it.. Told her I hate her.. didn't actually help. How to believe in karma or anything while she knows my life is a piece of ****.. And I don't have strength to go on..

 

[RedScorpion]

That's the danger of putting so much weight of your life on one person (advertently or inadvertently). If **** hits the fan (and it does with literally every relationship, unless you're together for the rest of your life) - then you're left with not much else.

First things first. You will feel like **** for now. But you will get better. It will take time, so allow yourself that time to heal. No contact will help you heal, as you have no new information about them... they will fade away eventually.

Focus on rebuilding yourself outside of her or any girl. You need friends. You need a job. You need a life for yourself.

Get a job where you're not just by yourself. You'll make friends that way as well as money. Start working out... good for self-esteem and also endorphins, will make you feel better. Also, pick up some sort of hobby, preferably one that interacts with others.

 

[noBSgames]

My ex tried to contact me again yesterday.. first facetime.. then a call and voicemail.. she tried to say it was her cousin that did it and she text me saying "don't think I called you that was XXXX that called you"

 

[damnit]

That's the danger of putting so much weight of your life on one person (advertently or inadvertently). If **** hits the fan (and it does with literally every relationship, unless you're together for the rest of your life) - then you're left with not much else.

First things first. You will feel like **** for now. But you will get better. It will take time, so allow yourself that time to heal. No contact will help you heal, as you have no new information about them... they will fade away eventually.

Focus on rebuilding yourself outside of her or any girl. You need friends. You need a job. You need a life for yourself.

Get a job where you're not just by yourself. You'll make friends that way as well as money. Start working out... good for self-esteem and also endorphins, will make you feel better. Also, pick up some sort of hobby, preferably one that interacts with others.

Yeah, the sad thing is that I knew what I'm supposed to do, I know it now, I actually brought this to myself, just didn't want to believe it.
I would say the same thing to others, it's just harder when it comes to yourself.. I know what should I do, but was doing exact the opposite.. When you experience enough of relationships and you've been with some decent girls and crazy lunatics , you learn. But then again, out of fear, you begin to think, no way, not again.. It will get better, after a while you feel ashamed for feeling like this and think with reason. And thanks for support. It never actually gets easier when it comes to break ups and betrayals, you just feel to cope with it better than when it's your first time in my opinion.. Take care everyone.

 

[noBSgames]

Ex hasn't contacted me back again "yet" but I'm sure she's going to find some BS way to try to.. last time was her little cousin called me and she sent a text after saying don't think I meant to call you.. last time she tried to ask my friend about me.. my birthday is next month so I'm sure that's going to be another time she will try to contact me.

 

[Roober]

Ex hasn't contacted me back again "yet" but I'm sure she's going to find some BS way to try to.. last time was her little cousin called me and she sent a text after saying don't think I meant to call you.. last time she tried to ask my friend about me.. my birthday is next month so I'm sure that's going to be another time she will try to contact me.

Good job man, keep it up! If you feel like it is hindering your growth, maybe consider blocking her!

 

[noBSgames]

I guess she thought I was going to break down and try to contact her? Wtf it's funny she's been contacting me more or trying to find out about me more now then ever before.. I have spoken in indirect ways by saying how much better off I've been.. I built my motor myself I dropped it in myself and I've drove it around which made her livid because that was her way to control me..

Let me tell you almost 4 years of not driving it feels effen good!!!