The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[gettinit]

Day 7

I have now moved to being pissed off. My ex went on the pill about two years ago. Condom free living was awesome. The last two times that we were together, just prior both of the MIA weekends, she told me that she had to go off of it due to some minor heath concerns and I would have to pull out. I am now thinking that she wanted a fresh ***** for the weekend. By going without condoms, I basically trusted this woman with my life. Its pretty clear to me now that she was f*ck**g this other guy at the same time. I have no idea who he has been ****ing and neither could she. STD test time. F**K!

I'm thinking of waiting a week or two and telling her to get it done without explanation. If there is an issue, I'm sure that she will be in touch. After all, why should that be at my expense? I'm not looking for an excuse to break NC, this is business.

 

[noBSgames]

A week and 5 days she broke NC by sending a picture of whoever family member on a hospital bed with a foot wrapped to soak the blood..

Clearly it's to get me to say something I did not respond.. btw the picture is like two weeks old so I don't see the point of her sending it to me

 

[noBSgames]

Typical hoovering tactic.

Yeah I figured that much

I wonder if I'm about to enter the triangle phase now her so called husband she marrried in DR and me back here..

God she's so textbox

 

[ApolloSunGod]

A week and 5 days she broke NC by sending a picture of whoever family member on a hospital bed with a foot wrapped to soak the blood..

Clearly it's to get me to say something I did not respond.. btw the picture is like two weeks old so I don't see the point of her sending it to me

Keep it strong NC shes just looking for valadation to see if you still care, her hamster is spinning ghost her be indifferent she'll keep reaching out..

 

[noBSgames]

Keep it strong NC shes just looking for valadation to see if you still care, her hamster is spinning ghost her be indifferent she'll keep reaching out..

Yeah I expect her next way of contact would be a phone call or email

 

[noBSgames]

That may not happen until she's fully hoovered you back in (i.e. contacting her). She doesn't love/care about you. She only needs narcissistic supply. Stay NC.

Yeah I'm not going to contact her but me and my friend have found it fun to make her very jealous and it's like nothing him just tagging me in places we have gone out to.. I mean I've been friends with him for some 23 years and she tried to break that bond he saw what she was trying to do and he wasn't buying it.

 

[XFORCE]

Day Two
Lots of emotions today with a intermittent floods of anxiety. I worked out hard last night and have to say that it seem to calm me for a few hours. I'm still trying to come to grips with what I am feeling. Is it loss? Is it regret? Is it ego due to the fact that I realize that I have been replaced? Is it fear that I won't find anything better? Is it just bottled up anger? I think that branch swinging may really be in a woman's DNA. This isn't my first Rodeo and I normally have a good, healthy impression of myself and can bounce back. I'm trying to figure out why this one has kicked me in the gut so hard and I feel like my confidence is at an all time low. Just before getting dumped and deleting it all, I scrolled through some recent texts and it hit home that she was not putting in what I was and in some cases, seemed to be replying just because she thought that she had to, even when she initiated contact. This is yet another warning sign for me to stash in my mind for the future. I hope that I can actually recover from this damage and actually relax in the company of a woman in the future.
I just realized how pathetic I sound. I'm also wondering if posting here is going to keep this in the forefront, instead of helping me to let go.

Nothing pathetic, man. This stuff is real and we have/had it happen to us. It stinks but it's also a fact of life.

Definitely go the self improvement route. When my first girlfriend relationship ended after five years, I was lost. Lots of doubt, regret and self-loathing in the time soon after. To take my mind off her, I did ANYTHING. I learned how to ride a motorcycle, cook, ballroom dance, hip hop dance, massage therapy, read what seemed like 1000 books ranging from self-help to history to fiction, rock climb, taijitsu, kung fu, stress reduction tactics, fix what was (mentally) wrong with me, cut hair (men and women's and even my own), tailor my own clothes, improved my self image by going to the gym and getting a new wardrobe, etc. ANYTHING!

There's so much you can do since you're free. It's sad to think of it that way BUT when I dropped all this knowledge and wisdom (collected over the 13 years since that first breakup) on my new girlfriend, she was ****ing impressed. I'm in a great (so far), new relationship now and I'm not misleading myself to think we'll be together forever but going through all this stuff before, I'm more readily equipped should I have to move on. I really like my new girlfriend but I'm also not delusional to think it'll be like this honeymoon period forever.

Go NC, man. I had to go soft NC on my girl now when she was acting up and true to form, the things I've read on this forum have happened and she reached out to me first (minus the attitude).

Stay strong.

 

[Roober]

My *No Contact* Challenge starts today. It has been 3 months since our divorce. The last time I contacted her was the second week of June of this year. This challenge I'll be following ALL the rules. Especially Rule # 3.

Good luck man! If you do not have kids and you guys have resolved everything, that will make it much easier. Start reading. Start dating if your ready. OLD is not great, but a good way to get yourself out there. Find fun things to do, you may find a new hobby.

 

[noBSgames]

Still haven't broke NC.. going to a big event with my friend and his fiancé I think that might cause her to trigger a direct response.. It's pretty funny how she could not wait to get married but yet still focused on me

 

[Firestar786]

every single time Ive gone NC, I have ALWAYS been contacted by my ex.

The only time is this one girlfreind I had who had deep abandonment and connection issues. After I went she left completely. She did however indirectly write messages on her facebook/whatsapp to try to lure me in. However, this lady has mental issues so Im glad she never attempted to contact me.

 

[noBSgames]

I think that's the case with my ex abandonment issues her "husband" she married is still back in her country and she's back home now so when he's not around she feels lost and alone.

I'm not feeding into that bs anymore I gave her enough warnings.. she mad I'm fixing my car because she feels I'm going to use it to pick up women.. it's too funny she wanted me to sell it and all so I can be carless like her? No thanks

 

[jbl888]

My ex of 1 year dumped me couple days ago.There were times were i would say this is not working out and she ends up crying. All those times, i had to comfort her and said okay i did not mean that. For some reason i wanted her to break up with me. I am not sure why. The day after i was completely broken down and called her so many times (I deeply regret doing this but I must accept it and move on). After she picked up, she basically said i didn't give her the attention she needed and that my actions did not show that i liked her. I ended up breaking down during the video chat and begged, which i deeply regret. She also said she loved me (first time i heard her say it haha). I then said the same thing after. She said its too late now. I then said okay i want to meet you so that we can exchange the stuff that we gave to each other. She said i can either burn it or donate the stuff she gave me. After yelling at me in anger, she hung up. I went NC on her and decided its done for good. I read watched a video on narcissistic behavior somewhere on the threads here. I now understand how toxic some women can be.

 

[noBSgames]

Dude mine told me just about the same line about if she had stuff over my house just to mail it to her it's all a game to them and when you give into it by saying no I'm not going to mail it she knows she still has you because that part of her will still be at your house.

 

[noBSgames]

@DonJuan she didn't tell me to mail her stuff back to her. I never been to her family house ever. She told me that i can donate the stuff she gave me or i can burn it. Also mentioned to me that she didn't want to see me at all. I told her okay but I want my stuff back. So she said she can mail it to me. The last time she was at my place was about 3 weeks ago and she knows that I was moving out. I feel like she wants to know the new address.

Yep it's all a game for them now that mine knows my address I have to always wonder if she's just going to show up one night

 

[jbl888]

I only have 3-4 stuff and put some stuff in the basement. I was so lucky because on the last day when i was moving out i gave her majority of the stuff (stuff we used for sex lol) she got for me. I told her to keep it at her home and I will visit her because i cannot take it. What should i do with the clothes my ex bought me? Should i wear it still, throw it out, or keep it in the basement. I don't want to sound like a a****** but I read a post that some dude posted on the forum stating that he wears clothes that his ex girlfriend bought him and he sees new girls with it which made him feel badass lol.

 

[noBSgames]

Ha mine got me a few shirts and pants honestly I'm not going to throw them out. As for the sex stuff we had she wanted them even though I brought them she seemed upset for that but she would never be able to use them at her house anyway because she lives at home with her mom and the sister and mom share the same room

 

[jbl888]

Ya mine lives at some family's house where she has the basement to herself. I never met her family ever or her friends. I said a few words here and there when my she was on the phone with her gal friends at the place i was prior. When we were dating into 1 month, one day she called me and cried because she made out with a guy that she used to have a '"thing with." I told her its over, she begged and cried. I told her i will give her one more chance. Beginning of our relationship, she mentioned about seeing other people. Then few days later she said I am sorry i didn't mean that. That raised red flags for me. Couple months later, I brought up the open relationship and she said she needed time to think. She would tell me she wants me all to herself blah blah. Then finally she agreed to it. When she texted me her new # recently, i found out it was a burner one. Now I don't to say everything is her fault. I could have been not nice to her at times. However, i feel that her goal was to change me into a beta male. I am not going to keep track of days of NC anymore. However i do want to update how i feel & my progress. Also i think it is a great way to connect with any bro's that may have gone or is going through the same thing as me.

 

[gettinit]

Tomorrow it will be two weeks NC. I actually had a couple of days where things actually felt sort of normal. Out of nowhere, the last 3 days have pretty bad. I went to watch football with my friends and thoughts of her even crept in there. The human mind is a crazy thing. She is my last thought at night and first of the day, even though I know that we won't ever be together again. She had my replacement already and ended three years with a pretty cold text. No respect on two counts. That's what I think is really bothering me. She lost respect for me. She definitely had daddy issues and that explains a lot of her behavior, but the end almost seemed vicious, like I hurt her and she had a veiled score to settle. I'm happy that I read the last text and the more that I think about it, it was designed for maximum pain and she hit the mark like a pro. Backing up a bit, She threw one of the most manipulative texts at me. I didn't dawn on me until I realized that she was F-ing her new guy for the missing weekend. After not texting me for four days: "I know that I have been out of touch. My sadness about not being able to be with you shouldn't have stopped me from checking in or seeing how you are..I'm Sorry.. "

Wow. Mastery of deception and manipulation.

I must say that I have considered breaking NC and responding to her dump me text. "Sorry about the slow reply. I wanted to be very clear about my thoughts, but all that I have been able to come up with as a response was: LOL "

 

[RedScorpion]

It's kind of weird, but I think the best way to get back at her is to remain NC. She has no idea what you're thinking, what your reaction is. That up and down nagging of 'Does he hate me? Is he sad? Is he just moving on like I didn't even matter either?". That last one is probably the most powerful, and can only be done by NC, and perhaps indirect information provided to her by friends, hearsay... whatever - that you're simply moving on with life. With NC, you're letting her own mind work against herself. If she doesn't know your emotional state in regards to her... then it can play on in her head for a long time. Much longer than if you give her an emotion for her to settle on (such as anger, sadness, rude, snottiness, rub in her face... etc.).

Downside is that by virtue of it being caused by NC, you don't get to see or know that it's affecting her either. That's kind of the tricky part... which I have to admit I have trouble with as well. You want that feeling of 'Yeah, I showed her!', or you want to see her in regret for causing you pain. You want to see the fruit of your actions. This is where you have to rationalize for yourself... that this will produce the biggest fruit. And she'll make it by her own hand, rather than you trying to drive a dagger in for the last go.

Sometimes it would be great to just 'know' it was working, and it was best... that's where I have to have faith in my past experiences, as well as advice from other people here.

You guys were together for three years. She won't forget that. She simply can't, even if she was completely sociopathic or whatever. She'll be looking at how you handle the aftermath of this. If you ever did want to communicate, I'd advise to come from a place of indifference and 'all the best to you'. Where you're content to let things go and you're just moving on. Basically - where you would be at the end of all this. It's a bit more of a burn to know someone is just pressing forward and moving on, rather than if they're still held back, holding emotions and anger towards you.

That's my take on it anyway. One thing other members in the past have recommended is writing a letter as intended for her...and then never sending it. Definitely a terrible idea to actually send one (others have sent one and have paid in silence in return or say a patronizing short reply 3 weeks later).

Also, try and not get into the habit of thinking about her too much (I made this mistake, paying for it a bit now). It will ingrain in you as a habit, so you get used to thinking about her constantly. So try to think about other things (or nothing at all).

 

[noBSgames]

So the ex contacted me again.. she had saw a picture of me and she was like you look sad smile god loves you.. It was the most crazy thing.. I went out to Mass with my friends and spent like 7 hours having fun and we would post the snaps and she would always be the first one to watch them.. I never spoke direct to her nor did I respond to her crazy message she sent me.. it's amazing for someone who's married still all in my life trying to find out every little bitty thing going on.