The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[RedScorpion]

@RedScorpion , it was a good read, it's healthy to vent man in situations like these.

Just keep going strong, and be on the lookout for new women. Anytime you find your thoughts drifting about this one, remind yourself this: Why am I thinking about someone who absolutely doesn't care about me?

This is a tactic I'm employing in my own no contact, and it is helping.

Thanks man. Yeah, it's true. I have to remind myself of that. It's a bit tricky because the bad times, and the motives that lead me to back away from her - I slowly forget them. And left with the good times rolling in my head as a memory. Then I get doubts, desire that again... builds up, have to remind myself of the bad... etc. Bit of a cycle I have to break. I know it mostly comes from not really having another woman in my life. As soon as that happens - she'll fade away.

 

[aimanjohari]

Day 1 starts now.

Got dumped few hours ago. 2.5 years of relationship. Still not sure what to feel.

The memories starts creeping up on me.

 

[Brandonc662]

I went through a breakup about 9 months ago. It really blindsided me as things seemed to be going great. She was 10 years younger then me, beautiful, and moved to a house in my town to be with me. It only lasted 5 months but we spent the total amount of time together that some people do in years. She was someone who I could actually see a future with. There were a couple of issues but they were all very minor like her jealousy and insecurities.

Well, 9 months ago she said she needed a break. I told her I do not do breaks, that I'm always looking for someone to move forward with and I'm not interested in being with someone who wanted to take a step back. Even though it crushed me, I only said "you broke my heart," handed her her purse and coat, and told her she should probably go ahead and go home.

I did want to be with her but I was not going to beg, cry, and plead. It would have to be on my terms and her idea. I knew from past experience that no-contact was the way to go. I hadn't been in a situation where I needed no-contact, in a very long time, so I read up on it as a refresher.

I read several articles about 21, 30, and 60 days. I decided on 35 days and broke NC to send her a text described good times and pointed out little traits that I liked about her that corresponded with those times. I did not receive a response. The only other times I broke it was 48 hours after the first message saying "Your silence came through deafening, I hope you find happiness in whatever you are looking for" and a couple of months later FB messenger sent her an invite, either on it's own or from my pocket. I only said "I did not send that. I apologize, love."

In the last 9 months I have thought of her about every day. The good news is it's decreasing substantially over time and I haven't even looked at her FB in over a month. I have lost weight. Put on a little muscle. Got a new hairstyle. A new job. I got costody of my kids. I get hit on by women constantly. Things are going very well for me now.

I try to date. Honestly, it's a lot less dating and just inviting girls over to watch a movie and then have sex. Still, these girls are fun to **** but I don't see a relationship with any of them. I know there are women out there that are better then my ex but every time I get to know someone I feel like I would be downgrading and will not do that. So it ends up being pump and dump. But from past experience, I know probably sooner and later someone will come along that will live up to my standards. So in the mean time I'm content with just ****ing and waiting on that.

I am also glad I broke no contact when I did. I don't think I did it too early and precieved as weak. I now also don't have any "what ifs" about if I would have reached out. I sometimes wonder if doing it sooner would have worked but I can dismiss that with "after 35 days you sent a message and she couldn't even be bothered to respond, what would two weeks in either direction really have changed"

So, I am free! I have some regrets about small things I did in the relationship but everyone will have those. People are not perfect and I made no huge mistakes. I can learn from them and not make them again though, so it's not in vain. I lay my head down at night with a clean conscience... and I have no regrets about my actions during or after the breakup.... I am free...

 

[RedScorpion]

Day 60 now. I think working through the feelings rather than suppressing it helped quite a bit. Fairly content to continue NC forever. Still some regret over the good times had, but that is life after all. Would be extremely surprised if I heard from her ever - she has a lot of pride, also tends to sulk, silent treatment. So... yep. I'm better without her in my life than with, so I'll go with that.

 

[gettinit]

@RedScorpion thanks for pointing me over here. Hang tough!

Day 1
Wow, I just went through a few posts aside from the first and there is a lot of shared pain here. I just got dumped out of a 3+ year LTR, knowing that I had been replaced and got the "we need a break while I make a life decision" text. Apparently I may have an easier time than many of you with NC. She isn't on any social media and neither am I. Seeing her with a click might be hard to resist at times.

I read the OP and it rang true with an earlier relationship. Weeks after a breakup, the texts began. They became more desperate and eventually one included "I think that I love you, please respond". Nope. That one also took a while to get out of my head, but know that any interaction would just have prolonged it. I'm hoping that by day 60 I'm free and clear of this. Time to put on sports radio. A certain song coming on can instantly bring on that adrenaline/anxiety/stomach churning feeling in a flash.

As far as NC in this one, she can message me all that she wants. I now have a completely different picture of her in my head. Sure, the good pictures are sure to take over here and there and will still hurt a lot, but I have seen the true colors. I had stated in my "About to be dumped post", she has conviction, but not on my level. This is why I am so picky with who I spend my time with. I'm a quality over quantity type of guy. She was quality. Now she is defective in my eyes and no longer worthy of being my girl. If things get mushy in my head, I will think about how my girl wronged me. Poof. On a more immature level in the area of sweet revenge, she has little chance of completely blocking me out of her head, no matter what her mindset is or becomes. There are two of her coworkers that she interacts with on a daily basis. One has the same first name as me, as for the other, my nickname was Boss...

 

[Dash Riprock]

I went through a breakup about 9 months ago. It really blindsided me as things seemed to be going great. She was 10 years younger then me, beautiful, and moved to a house in my town to be with me. It only lasted 5 months but we spent the total amount of time together that some people do in years. She was someone who I could actually see a future with. There were a couple of issues but they were all very minor like her jealousy and insecurities.

Well, 9 months ago she said she needed a break. I told her I do not do breaks, that I'm always looking for someone to move forward with and I'm not interested in being with someone who wanted to take a step back. Even though it crushed me, I only said "you broke my heart," handed her her purse and coat, and told her she should probably go ahead and go home.

I did want to be with her but I was not going to beg, cry, and plead. It would have to be on my terms and her idea. I knew from past experience that no-contact was the way to go. I hadn't been in a situation where I needed no-contact, in a very long time, so I read up on it as a refresher.

I read several articles about 21, 30, and 60 days. I decided on 35 days and broke NC to send her a text described good times and pointed out little traits that I liked about her that corresponded with those times. I did not receive a response. The only other times I broke it was 48 hours after the first message saying "Your silence came through deafening, I hope you find happiness in whatever you are looking for" and a couple of months later FB messenger sent her an invite, either on it's own or from my pocket. I only said "I did not send that. I apologize, love."

In the last 9 months I have thought of her about every day. The good news is it's decreasing substantially over time and I haven't even looked at her FB in over a month. I have lost weight. Put on a little muscle. Got a new hairstyle. A new job. I got costody of my kids. I get hit on by women constantly. Things are going very well for me now.

I try to date. Honestly, it's a lot less dating and just inviting girls over to watch a movie and then have sex. Still, these girls are fun to **** but I don't see a relationship with any of them. I know there are women out there that are better then my ex but every time I get to know someone I feel like I would be downgrading and will not do that. So it ends up being pump and dump. But from past experience, I know probably sooner and later someone will come along that will live up to my standards. So in the mean time I'm content with just ****ing and waiting on that.

I am also glad I broke no contact when I did. I don't think I did it too early and precieved as weak. I now also don't have any "what ifs" about if I would have reached out. I sometimes wonder if doing it sooner would have worked but I can dismiss that with "after 35 days you sent a message and she couldn't even be bothered to respond, what would two weeks in either direction really have changed"

So, I am free! I have some regrets about small things I did in the relationship but everyone will have those. People are not perfect and I made no huge mistakes. I can learn from them and not make them again though, so it's not in vain. I lay my head down at night with a clean conscience... and I have no regrets about my actions during or after the breakup.... I am free...

NEVER break NC. They dumped you, they need to reach out. Plain and simple. NO EXCEPTIONS.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Day 64 of pure NC. Realizing she was only a BPD woman-child. Like a 12-year old trapped in a 34-year old body. 100% serious.

 

[gettinit]

Day Two
Lots of emotions today with a intermittent floods of anxiety. I worked out hard last night and have to say that it seem to calm me for a few hours. I'm still trying to come to grips with what I am feeling. Is it loss? Is it regret? Is it ego due to the fact that I realize that I have been replaced? Is it fear that I won't find anything better? Is it just bottled up anger? I think that branch swinging may really be in a woman's DNA. This isn't my first Rodeo and I normally have a good, healthy impression of myself and can bounce back. I'm trying to figure out why this one has kicked me in the gut so hard and I feel like my confidence is at an all time low. Just before getting dumped and deleting it all, I scrolled through some recent texts and it hit home that she was not putting in what I was and in some cases, seemed to be replying just because she thought that she had to, even when she initiated contact. This is yet another warning sign for me to stash in my mind for the future. I hope that I can actually recover from this damage and actually relax in the company of a woman in the future.
I just realized how pathetic I sound. I'm also wondering if posting here is going to keep this in the forefront, instead of helping me to let go.

 

[resilient]

Day 1 starts now.

Got dumped few hours ago. 2.5 years of relationship. Still not sure what to feel.

The memories starts creeping up on me.

Sucks man.

Take care of yourself and self-improve like a ninja.

You'll feel better for your progress and will get to a point where you've had some distance to reflect on your life, where it's going and such. You'll laugh at how you committed so much energy to one woman who after 2.5 years of LTR decided to discard you.

Keep reading this forum and articles on this website and you'll improve with some introspection.

You want to get to the point to where your frame is in check and you decide when you're ready to walk away with proper screening rather than investing in a LTR and letting her decide when is the proper day and time to dump you.

Good luck.

 

[RedScorpion]

Day Two
Lots of emotions today with a intermittent floods of anxiety. I worked out hard last night and have to say that it seem to calm me for a few hours. I'm still trying to come to grips with what I am feeling. Is it loss? Is it regret? Is it ego due to the fact that I realize that I have been replaced? Is it fear that I won't find anything better? Is it just bottled up anger? I think that branch swinging may really be in a woman's DNA. This isn't my first Rodeo and I normally have a good, healthy impression of myself and can bounce back. I'm trying to figure out why this one has kicked me in the gut so hard and I feel like my confidence is at an all time low. Just before getting dumped and deleting it all, I scrolled through some recent texts and it hit home that she was not putting in what I was and in some cases, seemed to be replying just because she thought that she had to, even when she initiated contact. This is yet another warning sign for me to stash in my mind for the future. I hope that I can actually recover from this damage and actually relax in the company of a woman in the future.
I just realized how pathetic I sound. I'm also wondering if posting here is going to keep this in the forefront, instead of helping me to let go.

I think what you're feeling is normal. You're correct in some aspect that by posting here, it will keep it at the forefront in your mind. I think this is good at least in the beginning, as you do need to process and 'settle' for yourself what has happened. So you can eventually say to yourself "Alright, I've already thought about this, gone through what has happened, how I can improve myself - time to let go". Because I think that's one key aspect of going through it - what can I do for the future? How can I choose a better result for myself? And depending on what that is, it can be gut wrenching. I tried to suppress it, move on to other things (focus on hobbies, working out, hanging out with friends, etc.). Sill had to go through it. Ultimately though, focusing on the future and yourself will help you push past it.

There's also the loss part. You had something with another person, a connection. And that ****ty feeling of 'Ok, it's actually over' sucks ass for a myriad of reasons. Ego and regret is a hard one as well. Anger, fear of not finding another woman who is better... going through the same things. One thing I'm working on is preventing idealization of them after the fact. Reflecting only on the good, can prevent you from seeing the bad. Making further regret there. I think this is more evident later on in time as the bad seems to fade away.

At some point though, it is better to not ruminate on it (well, try not to ruminate at all). And to stop or reduce posting about it. Watch yourself in creating a habit of thinking about her, or the situation, or anything related. If you feel you have to give yourself a moment to think about it, go for it. Give yourself a set amount of time (doesn't matter, but say 15 or 30 min), and then cut it off. Just a general strategy.

I wouldn't feel bad about sounding pathetic either. Try not to shame yourself. It's definitely pretty easy to. There's dozens, if not hundreds of guys stories here - including my own. Some of them very successful too in the field of women. It's ultimately better to vent here about feelings, and possible desire to do something, than actually doing that something you find you didn't want to. Usually revolving around breaking NC.

 

[noBSgames]

5 days NC the ex added me on snapchat and I'm 100% guessing she made this video just thinking I was going to watch it about her new husband and I'm sure it's just on snap because god forbid she posted what she posted on facebook why would call her out on it.. but my friend watched it for me and he and I got a nice laugh out of it how she said this guy has always asked to marry her and she kept turning him down so she finally just gave in..

her story always does not match up.. maybe my BS detector has got a major upgrade but she has told me in the past she does not date Dominican men because they cheat.. and how did we date for two years then she jumps and gets married.. smells like BS and money involved.

 

[noBSgames]

1 Week no NC I did head out with my friend yesterday to get some wings he posted it and she responded to him but it was just her laughing other then that I haven't had any contact with her nor has she contacted me

 

[QuadDeuces]

Oops, I just texted my oneitis BPD ex, who dumped and ignored me in the worst way, many months ago.
"Hey what'sup, still wanna get a coffee?"
She read it and didn't reply.

FML.

I'm spinning tons of plates, so doesn't really matter but I feel like I can sink in the floor.

Reminder, don't text exes.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Oops, I just texted my oneitis BPD ex, who dumped and ignored me in the worst way, many months ago.
"Hey what'sup, still wanna get a coffee?"
She read it and didn't reply.

FML.

I'm spinning tons of plates, so doesn't really matter but I feel like I can sink in the floor.

Reminder, don't text exes.

Well lol got a reply.
She was enraged, about some picture I had sent her when we last talked, months ago, in which there was another girl.
How dare I sent a picture of another girl to her.

She hates my guts. Drama kicked off.

I apologised, told her it was a mistake to contact her, and I promised to never contact her again.
Then just proceeded to delete her number and all chat history.

Just another reminder to never contact your ex, she still hates me. What a stupid mistake, what was I thinking.

 

[RedScorpion]

Well lol got a reply.
She was enraged, about some picture I had sent her when we last talked, months ago, in which there was another girl.
How dare I sent a picture of another girl to her.

She hates my guts. Drama kicked off.

I apologised, told her it was a mistake to contact her, and I promised to never contact her again.
Then just proceeded to delete her number and all chat history.

Just another reminder to never contact your ex, she still hates me. What a stupid mistake, what was I thinking.

I wouldn't take it personally. They can be f**cked in the head and it's outside normal response levels. This girl (above) was pissed at me because I hung out with two other girls and a guy, gave me the silent treatment. Didn't mention much about the hang out except generally saying stuff about eating in a restaurant, was good, etc. Note that I'm single... this girl has a boyfriend. And she's getting huffy about my interaction with other females. Not obligated to her what-so-ever.

They are f**ked. Don't put her 'hate' on the same scale as a normal person.

 

[sosousage]

I have been no contact with my ex for one year and she didnt text me. Why???????? This method is a lie

 

[Michael Corleone.]

I have been no contact with my ex for one year and she didnt text me. Why???????? This method is a lie

Why are you even worried about it? You have gone no contact with her..live your life already. You are still wanting her to hit you up after a year? Did you ever get over it to begin with?

Sorry but it sounds like you did this for all the wrong reasons.

 

[sosousage]

Why are you even worried about it? You have gone no contact with her..live your life already. You are still wanting her to hit you up after a year? Did you ever get over it to begin with?

Sorry but it sounds like you did this for all the wrong reasons.

lmao you registered just to quote me? this must be fake account

what the hell dude

 

[noBSgames]

My ex is trying to make me show her attention it's kind of funny to see given she's supposed to be married and all lol

Still did not break NC

 

[gettinit]

Day 5

What an off f***ing day. I came to the realization a few days ago that that my ex had some daddy issues. Not not batsh*t crazy, just exact behavior that I read on here quoted below.

"Breaking up with these girls will destroy you emotionally because their love towards you is so extreme. They make u feel so good because you become their life. They give everything to make you happy. They'll pay for dinners, suggest fun things to do together. Even being together alone at home on a Saturday night will be fun like you've never had. Can you have met the most perfect woman you have been searching for your entire life?"

For the two days after reading about toxic women, I felt a bit better in that I understood what was possibly happening. Today has been challenging. and she has been on my mind nearly every minute. I have never had an issue with an ex like this. I think that I have been basically love bombed for 3 years and it just stopped. Nausea, anxiety, irritable, losing focus, not sleeping... equals withdrawal.

I still cant get my head around this one...