Help! Possible Cluster B- Feeling Totally Lost

[SmackinIsaiah]

This is why I come here. I have religiously read shari's site every article. I think I want to convince myself that she is so I can somehow pad this fall, just how it ended was so cold and ruthless (switching from marriage to just a cold witch, plus the condom) I'm reading those articles so often completely behind in assignments. I really appreciate the help and guidance here cause I've never felt so lost, the bpd diagnosis is the only thing that makes sense.

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

Plus I really want to know if this hoovering is going to happen, it did before during the first split when she still had feelings, actions now are pointing that she doesn't now.

 

[deuce42]

Isiah - this is just the thing. You will never rationalise or understand her because BPD behaviour is just so irrational. I heard the term "predictably unpredictable". A normal person doesn't go from marriage to as if you no longer exist and leaving doms around. Their brains simply don't operate in the way others do. You may hurt yourself over and over by trying to understand or make sense of it. There are no answers because the bahaviour does not make sense. It changes from one state to another.

My guess is that you make sense of other issues in your life by using your own moral standards as a benchmark for what you expert others to do. This probably works with most people in your life and you have learn't that this is a fair way to operate with people. A BPD just doesn't work this way though. Their brain splits from one thing to another and makes no sense. Moreover, they are incapable feeling empathy even if they were aware of this and wanted to feel it. So I bet she doesn't even feel the pain she is causing you even if she knows you are now sitting alone hurting about it. She may undestand it, but she can't feel the pain.

You may never understand her.

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

Little to no hovering at this point. I'm starting to convince myself that while there may be huge issues, this may not be bpd. Perhaps she just fell out of this hardcore love story we had and got bored. I really dont see her coming back despite the cold ending. I'm sure she found someone new.

 

[SHECHAFESMYFIGS]

I'm not a chump, a chump is someone who would hit a woman. A chump is someone would give up at the first sign of difficulty and it took me a long time to get over the feelings of failure that there's just nothing I could do for her when clearly I was the best thing that had ever happened to her. So while I don't and won't just ignore her when she comes around, neither do I particularly concern myself anymore with what's going on when she's gone. But that doesn't mean I don't wish she could be ok.

You sound like a white knight/CSAW. Although I didn't hit my cluster B, she tried hard to get me to do so. I would not blame another man for beating one in the right setting. In fact, I think proof of a cluster B disorder should be codified as an affirmative defense in the domestic violence criminal code to excuse any beating or rotten thing done to these monsters. I don't view them as human and could not care less about any hardship inflicted on them. I care about all the men's lives that are ruined or damaged by them!

 

[Johnnyventana]

Little to no hovering at this point. I'm starting to convince myself that while there may be huge issues, this may not be bpd. Perhaps she just fell out of this hardcore love story we had and got bored. I really dont see her coming back despite the cold ending. I'm sure she found someone new.

Denial stage! Been there. Either way, at the end of the day -- she still sucks, right? That you know as a fact, and that is all you need to know.

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

I don't know about denial, just questioning it.

 

[Die Hard]

Every once in a while, threads like these pop up.

Just like "Captains save-a-hoe" don't seem to understand that they CAN'T save the hoe, many SoSuave members don't seem to understand that they CAN'T save the OP...

 

[Knight's Cross]

Gents usually these women are easy to spot. Here are some markers:
1. First or second date she tells you what pieces of garbage her previous boyfriends are. If I can't hear a woman say that she has had "some" relationships that were good, but didn't work out due to just differences, my radar goes up.
2. She may be hard to get on the hook, but once the relationship starts she's very aggressive in pursuit of you early. It won't feel normal. It'll feel good, but your senses will tell you she's coming on too strong. Now, most guys blow this off because here's where she throws sex to set the hook firmer.
3. As many have said, at about 6-8 weeks they drop a major $hit test at you. It'll either be a blatent lie, a disrespectful move, etc. Either way, she'll do this to see if you a) boot her to the curb or b) let her get away with it. If you let her get away with it.....the games have just begun. You will be in a endless loop of BS until you wind up here on SS hopefully, or commit suicide, or break free on your own.
The more important question I ask is not about the Cluster B personality people out there. The question I ask is Why did we let that person into our lives? If you have a good network of family, and friends, and faith, or whatever you want to use as a compass you will recognize these personalities and not fall prey to them. You wouldn't be spending an inordinate amout of time writing about it. You'd recognize her at date 1-3 and even if she's smoking hot you'd pass. Guys that fool themselves thinking they'd keep her around as a FB, one nighter, etc. are foolish. They are playing with fire.
My own exposure with a Cluster B is very similar to others. Hook set early with sex and agressive pursuit. I was pedestalized, then when I started acting like a boyfriend all hell broke loose. I was disrespected, lied to, etc. Fortunately I had faith and friends that helped me break free from the cycle. Once I did, the MASSIVE hoover went into effect, she tried even harder to get me back, saying things that she never said in the relationship to win me back. I used legal means to break free. Only once in a great while now does she try to contact me. I usually laugh, because I know it's probably because some other guy has figured out her game and tossed her out of his life. I guess I should celebrate that another AFC has come to open his eyes. If only it weren't so devastating a process to get there.
KC

 

[Paintballguy]

This is precisely right. I made the shapeshifter comment up above, as I noticed she would mirror back to my my own phrases and words, days later. Freaky.

I have noticed these tell-tale signs of a BPD:

1) Hyper-feminine
2) Baby voice (or like Marilyn Monroe)
3) Highly sexual, projects strong sexuality
4) Mirrors your own phrases and sayings back to you, even days or weeks later, as if they were her own.
5) Loves you, hates you; loves you, hates you (might not be hate, might just show as being "incensed" or annoyed).
6) Shows signs of being a future nag (little comments like, "I told you you should have written that address down...")
7) Alarmingly self-centered
8) Almost completely bereft of empathy or a nurturing spirit
9) Looks down on people of lower socio-economic status, though will not openly say that. You can just tell.
10) Attention is her SOLE concern. She lives and dies by attention
11) Intense jealousy

These rolled off my typing fingers in a split second. I didn't even have to think. Anyone else, feel free to add some tell-tale signs.

This is an excellent thread. It's helping us all to develop an "Early Warning System" in order to escape the suckage of their vortex. Did you ever see the video of that aircraft carrier deck worker getting sucked into a Grumman A6 engine intake? Miraculousely, he survived, albeit with many cuts and bruises. He who has an ear, let him hear...

That was my ex to the T. Looking back, I can safely say she is BPD. That girl managed to royally mind fvck me. Thankfully, I was able to bounce back, and I learned what to look out for.

 

[Paintballguy]

This is precisely right. I made the shapeshifter comment up above, as I noticed she would mirror back to my my own phrases and words, days later. Freaky.

I have noticed these tell-tale signs of a BPD:

1) Hyper-feminine
2) Baby voice (or like Marilyn Monroe)
3) Highly sexual, projects strong sexuality
4) Mirrors your own phrases and sayings back to you, even days or weeks later, as if they were her own.
5) Loves you, hates you; loves you, hates you (might not be hate, might just show as being "incensed" or annoyed).
6) Shows signs of being a future nag (little comments like, "I told you you should have written that address down...")
7) Alarmingly self-centered
8) Almost completely bereft of empathy or a nurturing spirit
9) Looks down on people of lower socio-economic status, though will not openly say that. You can just tell.
10) Attention is her SOLE concern. She lives and dies by attention
11) Intense jealousy

These rolled off my typing fingers in a split second. I didn't even have to think. Anyone else, feel free to add some tell-tale signs.

This is an excellent thread. It's helping us all to develop an "Early Warning System" in order to escape the suckage of their vortex. Did you ever see the video of that aircraft carrier deck worker getting sucked into a Grumman A6 engine intake? Miraculousely, he survived, albeit with many cuts and bruises. He who has an ear, let him hear...

That was my ex to the T. Looking back, I can safely say she is BPD. That girl managed to royally mind fvck me. Thankfully, I was able to bounce back, and I learned what to look out for.

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

update

Just an update, I don't know what she's trying to pull now if anything.

After 10 days of no contact, I received a text from her saying I had mail and asking if I wanted the half dead houseplant. I said "no", she seemed surprised replying "oh, I bought it for you."

Few days later my phone is dead, turn it on and I see a text from her asking if she gave me this journal (she wrote a love sonnet thing in it) that she gave me christmas before last.

Didn't reply, look at my facebook the next day and her work colleague (whom she didn't seem to be fond of) requested to add me, I ignored it since I heard it's possible that they can see your status updates.

Finally couple nights ago I get a text saying "Are we doing the silent treatment again?" I reply with a "We were out of town". She jus replied "hmmm"

Just started my new job, and hunting for a home as really escalated so I'm doing fine, but what is with all this? Anyone?

 

[5string]

Just an update, I don't know what she's trying to pull now if anything.

After 10 days of no contact, I received a text from her saying I had mail and asking if I wanted the half dead houseplant. I said "no", she seemed surprised replying "oh, I bought it for you."

Few days later my phone is dead, turn it on and I see a text from her asking if she gave me this journal (she wrote a love sonnet thing in it) that she gave me christmas before last.

Didn't reply, look at my facebook the next day and her work colleague (whom she didn't seem to be fond of) requested to add me, I ignored it since I heard it's possible that they can see your status updates.

Finally couple nights ago I get a text saying "Are we doing the silent treatment again?" I reply with a "We were out of town". She jus replied "hmmm"

Just started my new job, and hunting for a home as really escalated so I'm doing fine, but what is with all this? Anyone?

It's called hoovering. She is trying to suck you back in brother. Don't fall for it. :nono:

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

You really think that's hoovering? Any response I've given her is very short and distant, but not disrespectful. Usually I just don't respond since she doesn't have the balls to actually call me if she wants to talk.

I found her mentioning the journal with the huge entry she did pretty out of the blue and weird.

 

[5string]

You really think that's hoovering? Any response I've given her is very short and distant, but not disrespectful. Usually I just don't respond since she doesn't have the balls to actually call me if she wants to talk.

I found her mentioning the journal with the huge entry she did pretty out of the blue and weird.

Yea I do.

You seem to be getting yourself back together by your posts. Keep it up. Don't let her mindfvck you. In your case, I'd advise no contact.

 

[georgie24]

Yea I do.

You seem to be getting yourself back together by your posts. Keep it up. Don't let her mindfvck you. In your case, I'd advise no contact.

nothing else needsto be said!

leave her be for your own sake, ask yourself why are YOU attached to her?


something tells me her antics and stunts will lure you back.

god speed brother

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

Unplugged

 

[Die Hard]

Why the fvck are you asking us/yourself the question about what she's gonna do next?

Are you done with her? If your answer is YES, then you shoudn't be thinking about her, nor should you be having contact with her. Even if you ignore her 9 out of 10 times, you're still having contact. And the contact is getting you to think about her, as your latest post painfully proves.

Do what you have to do, man. I don't wanna see you post here about her no more. If you do, then you are failing at getting past her... Being done with her means being done with her, there's no two ways about it. Let me ask you: Why don't you post here about the ants in your backyard and what they are planning on doing tomorrow? It's because you don't give a flying fvck about those ants! Get it?!

 

[SmackinIsaiah]

I need to re-read these posts before posting. I just had a seat on the throne to do some reading and thinking and I came across the Red Pill. I'm unplugging, this is ridiculous and a waste of energy.

 

[Johnnyventana]

She was super hoovering. What sucks about it, it that it is a very delicate thing. Give in too much, and she just stops. She's not normal. So her reaction is that she still has you, and stops. Almost like she thinks everything is okay, or she was just shoring up her 'supply' should she need it. You never know.

What is it you want? If you want her gone. Just don't respond.

If you want to continue the dysfunctional dance, you can never let her think she fully has you. Almost, but not quite. Keep her trying/pretending.

If you are young and you want a real relationship though, once again, I'd run!