The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[StuffofLegends]

Day 17 NC

Didn't bother posting yesterday.. I felt very weak towards her (missing her & etc.) and just didn't even feel like admitting it...

It's killing me to not check up on her through social media and find out what she's been up too but I still have resisted.

Only thing keeping me from giving in and looking is the hope that if I continue on with strict NC for 60 days I will lose the desire to care or at least the desire will have died some.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 115 of No Contact.

Im eventually over her.
It took nearly 4 months to get over this "relationship" of 3 months.
Maybe because it was the hottest girl I ever dated, a realistic 8/10

A face of an angel, but innerly she was the opposite of it.
Im not saying it was only her guilt, hell no! Of course I was also guilty.

But she was on SSRi´S (Antidepressant), and there were red flags already which I igonored.

I not regret this relationship, quite the opposite!, Im thankful for this experience, I would never be this person I am today without it!

I found this forum, I found MGTOW, I swallowed the red pill.

No hate, no revenge, the great feeling of Indifference Inside me.

Hail No Contact!

Dude, best advice I can give to you!

Don't go MGTOW.

It is sad. Sad, and gay!

You can resent women as much as want to.
You can be bitter for as long as you want to.
You can be jaded for as much as you want to.

But Please, don't be MGTOW! MGTOW has absolutely nothing to do with red pill, or seduction, or being a Don Juan!

Being MGTOW only mean that you cannot accept women's nature!

Swallow the pill. It is bitter. But then understand women's nature, and use them for your will and pleasure!

Don't be a gay MGTOW complaining on how hard life is on man. Life is hard on everyone.

You just have to wear your big boy pants once in a while!

Peace!

 

[MattTheW]

Day 17 NC

Didn't bother posting yesterday.. I felt very weak towards her (missing her & etc.) and just didn't even feel like admitting it...

It's killing me to not check up on her through social media and find out what she's been up too but I still have resisted.

Admitting it is a step forward mate - its when you are in denial that you cant be helped....

What you should be doing is getting out, and then posting on "social media" about your nights/day s out with your mates - soon you wont give a fcuk what she's up to.....

Only thing keeping me from giving in and looking is the hope that if I continue on with strict NC for 60 days I will lose the desire to care or at least the desire will have died some.

YOU WILL GAIN NOTHING FROM LOOKING AT ANYTHING TO DO WITH HER - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
You have to drill this into yourself, I know it's difficult, I been there, but you and only you can get these thoughts under control.

Everytime you look you will just put yourself a step back, don't do it to yourself......stay firm fella

NC in itself will not cure your desire for the lie that is this perfect woman that you have trapped in your head

It is only a part of it - you also need to move your life forward
you need to be doing things, improving your self, expanding your social networks (not the online types) etc

Just sitting around "not contacting" your ex will not magically remove her from your thoughts

I got a FWB that I struggle to keep onetitus at bay with, I knew I wouldn't have any contact with her from Thursday till today, at first I was thinking "how the hell will I get through the weekend without trying to contact her"

So what did I do......sit in the house and wonder what she was doing all weeked?
No,I went out all day Saturday and Sunday with my mates, drinking, dancing, little bit of cold contacting, only just now when I read your post did I realise that I haven't even thought about her once this weekend!!

Keep yourself busy and you will keep your mind busy

 

[StuffofLegends]

@MattTheW Thanks again, man. You are absolutely right that NOTHING will be gained by viewing anything to do with her... I actually did get to talking with a girl an asked if she wanted to go see a movie this wknd and she said yeah so that's cool. Dunno if I really want more than friendship with her but I'll see how things go.

 

[Bienpv]

I did't get dumped but seemed like it, she wanted to move slowly, be friends first and see what it turned out. After a few hangouts she dissappeared and said she wanted to have time alone, not talking to anybody (and it included me of course). She just turned up and sent me a message. Should I just ignore?

 

[MattTheW]

First off - You haven't stated how long you've known her for before the "be friends" thing came up, so its a little hard to give a definitive answer here....

I didn't get dumped but seemed like it, she wanted to move slowly, be friends first and see what it turned out.

Usually you start off as friends - you stay friends.
Up to you, but if you go down this route then you will no doubt just be a stop gap until she finds someone else, and then you will be stuck as either just a friend, or the filler for the inadequacies in her new relationship - Fun times for you.......

After a few hangouts she disappeared and said she wanted to have time alone, not talking to anybody (and it included me of course). She just turned up and sent me a message. Should I just ignore?

Again, your choice fella, you weren't really together so it's not like you have actually broken up.
You could sound her out - see what was SOOOOO important that she had to go NC on everyone......
Or just move on

To me, it sounds like she wasn't that into you (if I'm honest) I might be wrong.....but the "be friends" thing just screams of "I don't want you as a BF but you can be an orbiter" to me.

Unless you want an non-sexual female friend, I would be looking elsewhere, in fact, I would have been contemplating looking elsewhere from when she said "try being friends" and then would definitely have been once she dropped off the map......

 

[latebloomer1984]

I did't get dumped but seemed like it, she wanted to move slowly, be friends first and see what it turned out. After a few hangouts she dissappeared and said she wanted to have time alone, not talking to anybody (and it included me of course). She just turned up and sent me a message. Should I just ignore?

Mate you are going to see the following a lot in this forum and for good reason...

JUDGE HER BY HER ACTIONS NOT BY WHAT SHE SAYS

She has left you on the back burner until convenient, you reply and make yourself available, you are her lap dog, her door mat. Basically she will know that you are available whenever she needs you. Hold off and ignore this one, if she keeps chasing then come back here and assess, she needs to realise you dont run your life by her timetable, you have your own life to lead bro.. start living it at the whim of others and you are fvcked.

Stay strong, hold off and she will be foaming at the lips for you before you know it.

Anything you want to talk over let me know, we are all here to help each other, peace.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

It's been about 4 months since the breakup.

I think that the breakup was one of the most important steps in my recent years, since I had a LOT of time to think what I want in life.

Well, gentlemen, that's it. In a few months I'm off to study in Europe.

 

[Lion1985]

Day 115 of No Contact.

Im eventually over her.
It took nearly 4 months to get over this "relationship" of 3 months.
Maybe because it was the hottest girl I ever dated, a realistic 8/10

A face of an angel, but innerly she was the opposite of it.
Im not saying it was only her guilt, hell no! Of course I was also guilty.

But she was on SSRi´S (Antidepressant), and there were red flags already which I igonored.

I not regret this relationship, quite the opposite!, Im thankful for this experience, I would never be this person I am today without it!

I found this forum, I found MGTOW, I swallowed the red pill.

No hate, no revenge, the great feeling of Indifference Inside me.

Hail No Contact!

Sh!t!

I thought I was over her, and than, peeeeeeng, I dreamt of her.
And now I experience again an emotional rollercoaster.
I dont understand it :cuss:
I was nearly 100% sure im eventually over her and now again I feel like sh!t.
I do NC (4 months), I do gym, I do go out, fvvvvvck that!
My theory is, I need at least 5-6 months NC, we will see

One thing my mind bustle about all the time: -> Does NC make her forget me?

(I know It should be indifferent and NC is about me and not her, Im just asking from a from a psychological point of view)

 

[Noyou]

Sh!t!

I thought I was over her, and than, peeeeeeng, I dreamt of her.
And now I experience again an emotional rollercoaster.
I dont understand it :cuss:
I was nearly 100% sure im eventually over her and now again I feel like sh!t.
I do NC (4 months), I do gym, I do go out, fvvvvvck that!
My theory is, I need at least 5-6 months NC, we will see

One thing my mind bustle about all the time: -> Does NC make her forget me?

(I know It should be indifferent and NC is about me and not her, Im just asking from a from a psychological point of view)

If things were good, nc won't make her forget about you.
But that should not matter at all

 

[Bienpv]

Mate you are going to see the following a lot in this forum and for good reason...

JUDGE HER BY HER ACTIONS NOT BY WHAT SHE SAYS

She has left you on the back burner until convenient, you reply and make yourself available, you are her lap dog, her door mat. Basically she will know that you are available whenever she needs you. Hold off and ignore this one, if she keeps chasing then come back here and assess, she needs to realise you dont run your life by her timetable, you have your own life to lead bro.. start living it at the whim of others and you are fvcked.

Stay strong, hold off and she will be foaming at the lips for you before you know it.

Anything you want to talk over let me know, we are all here to help each other, peace.

Thanks bro, I intend to do so. I'm chewing the 15 lessons right now and realising how wimp and needy I was. Now, I am not gonna take that friend **** any more.

 

[Bienpv]

Unless you want an non-sexual female friend, I would be looking elsewhere, in fact, I would have been contemplating looking elsewhere from when she said "try being friends" and then would definitely have been once she dropped off the map......

Thanks bro, I see things clearly now. She's just toying me around. We've known each others for long (not close). It was just by chance I asked her out.

 

[Noyou]

When my ex mentioned the "be friends" part and "stay in contact" I dropped right off the ****ing planet to her. Now I get random friend requests on facebook from random women. ****ing really? Lol dumb slut

Day 211

Got random friend request from old facebook profile. Looked at exs FB, she added some guy and proceeded to look at his page. She's in one of his pics, looking the exact same when she left me. Also the guy looks pathetic, sideways hat looking fool.

All happened after I went on this date with this 9/10 woman.
Had a feeling this might happen, was a fool for falling for that indirect "pull" of power.

Moral: exs always feel when you're moving on and will stop you

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Sh!t!

I thought I was over her, and than, peeeeeeng, I dreamt of her.
And now I experience again an emotional rollercoaster.
I dont understand it :cuss:
I was nearly 100% sure im eventually over her and now again I feel like sh!t.
I do NC (4 months), I do gym, I do go out, fvvvvvck that!
My theory is, I need at least 5-6 months NC, we will see

One thing my mind bustle about all the time: -> Does NC make her forget me?

(I know It should be indifferent and NC is about me and not her, Im just asking from a from a psychological point of view)

Brother,
Sorry to tell you this but I was almost certain that it'll happen to you.
These feelings change rapidly from day to day, some days will be like a breeze while others are dreadful. I also had a dream about the ex just a few minutes ago before I woke up, we were at a party, she was following me and being all flirty like always, and then kissed me.
I didn't pull back. Bad, I know.

The most important thing is to not panic. These things and dreams are normal and will pass with time. (and this is coming from someone who was a total mess)

 

[The North Dragon]

Well today will be day one for me.

She finally broke it off between us last night after 1.5 years.

Relationship was good I felt and was a really good girl, was independent and not needy or clingy.

For the first year we dated everything was great she would do anything for me despite working two jobs to run her own flat. Then the time came about 8 months in asking me to move but I wasn't ready. I stalled it and told her Xmas time just to keep her quiet however when the time came I didn't want to. Simply because I was at a college and I would have struggled to provide and would feel guilty for her Paying everything. We then talked and suggest she moved into a new flat with her friend for time being but ever since then the relationship feels like it went downhill.

Initially she got that flat and was still with ex and pretty sure it was intent for him so I felt really uncomfortable moving in there.

Anyway so just breaks up with me because she's sick of being hurt and I keep making the same mistakes. She always complained they should she would do anything for me and when the tables turned and I stated doing more for her I confronted her and felt unappreciated and felt she acted selfish. This was the last straw for her apparently.

I thought I was doing well seeing her a few night a week and the weekends while focussing on college and gym. Always had her wanting more.

In the last 4 months there has been more arguing then ever and go couple days without talking and then try talk it out.

She told me last night that this was it and she couldn't do it anymore, she felt hurt because I called said I felt unappreciated but I know she has very low income and pays out a lot and would pay for things when she could but in the heat of the moment some things were said that I shouldn't have and that lost it for her. She got real upset and I apologised for making her feel that way but it wasn't enough for her. Said she couldn't do it again as I am perfect for 1-2 weeks then go back to my old ways. She decides it best for both of us to move and go our seperate ways because this relationship isn't healthy and we both know it and in a couple of months apparently I will thank her for it.

She also said I am just not giving her what she wanted in a relationship anymore and she just wants to focus on herself, her goals and job. She didn't want to be a doormat anymore and said she was going to start acting like me and put herself first.

Finally told me she loved me but be better if we could stay friends but I disagreed and told her I have enough friends and it can't work like that. Obviously we will bump into each other at college next month and she said she will wave and would rather not have me as an enemy.

When we spoke last night I apologised for my own doing and for making her feel that way but just kept pushing me away and saying we csnt keep going like this and it fukcing sucks when someone tells you that when your not ready to hear it. I loved her always did and told her and now she just wants to give up and it hurts so bad. I promised myself I would never let myself get int this situation

In previous relationship I was walked over mucked about and would chase girls who finished with me so I thought It was time to step up and man up and what I thought I was doing well her clearly I didn't.

So today is day one and don't even want to go into work this morning it hurts today. I told her not to bother contacting me, didn't beg her to stay and should drop my thins off tomorrow. Does it sound like she has something set up already? She started going into detail about how my next girlfriend should looks although it hurt her to say.

Going to try and stick out this NC as I need to work on myself and I know I still want her back and to know I can never speak to her again is torture. She was trying so hard just to be friendly last night but I never gave into and it sucked! She always told me I want much on an emotional person and that I was like a rock. Didn't feel like that last night .

I am unsure whether to delete of Facebook as well. Is it possible she is going to contact me or is this relationship just done and she is set on moving on?

 

[MattTheW]

Sh!t!

I thought I was over her, and than, peeeeeeng, I dreamt of her.
And now I experience again an emotional rollercoaster.
I dont understand it :cuss:
I was nearly 100% sure im eventually over her and now again I feel like sh!t.
I do NC (4 months), I do gym, I do go out, fvvvvvck that!
My theory is, I need at least 5-6 months NC, we will see

It takes time fella, and the amount of time you were with that person doesn't always dictate how long it takes for you to get over them

I understand where you are coming from, I dreamt about doing something with my grandfather a few months back.....lovely dream.....until I woke up, and realised he'd been gone for 10 years

Don't put a time constraint to it - just do it, I have no idea how long it took me to get over my ex, all I can tell you is that we split up last August, we didn't go NC straight away due to splitting of assets, kinda drifted apart though and eventually went NC

You'll get there fella, there are always little setbacks, but it's how you handle them that keeps you on the right track

One thing my mind bustle about all the time: -> Does NC make her forget me?

(I know It should be indifferent and NC is about me and not her, Im just asking from a from a psychological point of view)

NC is all about you, not her. Do not concern yourself with whether going NC will make her forget you or not. If you start thinking about things like this then you keep her in your head and slow the whole process down for yourself.

 

[MattTheW]

Finally told me she loved me but be better if we could stay friends but I disagreed and told her I have enough friends and it can't work like that. Obviously we will bump into each other at college next month and she said she will wave and would rather not have me as an enemy.

Yeah, better for who??!!
Good response, make sure you keep it that way

When we spoke last night I apologised for my own doing and for making her feel that way but just kept pushing me away and saying we csnt keep going like this and it fukcing sucks when someone tells you that when your not ready to hear it. I loved her always did and told her and now she just wants to give up and it hurts so bad. I promised myself I would never let myself get int this situation

She's made up her mind - you just got to suck it up.
The only way you could get back with her would be to do some major sucking up (which might not even be warranted) and then all the power is with her, you would just be her b1tch
TIME TO MOVE ON

In previous relationship I was walked over mucked about and would chase girls who finished with me so I thought It was time to step up and man up and what I thought I was doing well her clearly I didn't.

As above, the only was you'll get her back would lead to yet another relationship like your previous ones.
There does have to be some give and take in a relationship, some women just want too much, they want that guy they can walk all over.....chalk it up and move on

So today is day one and don't even want to go into work this morning it hurts today. I told her not to bother contacting me, didn't beg her to stay and should drop my thins off tomorrow. Does it sound like she has something set up already? She started going into detail about how my next girlfriend should looks although it hurt her to say.

Don't stay in moping around, get out, go to work, talk to friends about other stuff and try and keep your mind off of her.......
In her head she's already moved on, the dumper usually moves on a while before they dump the other person....she may have someone else lined up, or she may just be already at the indifference stage......if it helps, just assume she's got someone else in her sights.......
Don't dwell on what she's doing, who she's banging etc. It will serve you no purpose, concentrate on yourself
When you get your stuff back, keep it brief and on point. don't get drawn into a massive conversation, she'll probably be after taking your balls as her possession

Going to try and stick out this NC as I need to work on myself and I know I still want her back and to know I can never speak to her again is torture.

Don't try...DO
What purpose does it serve you to have her back?
Better yourself, and you will realise that you don't need her back
She should compliment your life, not be it, and once you better yourself you'll realise that all that sh1t you wrote before doesn't compliment your life one bit

She was trying so hard just to be friendly last night but I never gave into and it sucked! She always told me I want much on an emotional person and that I was like a rock. Didn't feel like that last night .

And if you had been all emotional she probably would have swung the other way and said she needed someone who was less emotional......you are what you are fella, don't change for a woman....change for yourself

I am unsure whether to delete of Facebook as well. Is it possible she is going to contact me or is this relationship just done and she is set on moving on?

Your decision with respect to facebook, if you know that you wont be able to stop looking at her profile then yes delete her, because looking at the profile will not help you one bit

As I said above, the only way to "save" this would be for you to crawl and change. and that is not the way forward for you. You will make her the centre of your universe and when she leaves you you will be in a much worse place than you are now.
Chances are that she has branch swung anyways and she's with a guy she had in the wings......

TIME TO MOVE ON

 

[The North Dragon]

I physically feel sick as I feel I ruined something and didn't know what I had till she left. I admit I wasn't the best and was a d1ck especially on nights on nights out but other times I could be sweet and romantic.

I feel my thinking and the way I act is ruining relationships

 

[MattTheW]

I physically feel sick as I feel I ruined something and didn't know what I had till she left. I admit I wasn't the best and was a d1ck especially on nights on nights out but other times I could be sweet and romantic.

I feel my thinking and the way I act is ruining relationships

OK, reread this with regards to one of your nights out and how she acts:

Sunday night we were out and it was good but we got to pub and there was this guy their she said she hated and couldn't stand. She persistently told me this before. Later on he came and started talking to us and they to had a good and he asked her to buy him a drink and she did. Despite she has no job and has very little money she can't afford to do things with me . Anyway me n her went to the dance floor n I leave to get a drink and literally straight away this guy comes in like a hawk n starts dancing with her! I was raging! Totally up close I was left standing there on the dance floor myself looking like a idiot. They weren't grinding or anything. I just walked out and she chased me we argued.

Next day we argued and I told her she never shown me respect and passed my boundaries. She told me I had OCD regarding respect and boundaries.


Today she just text me saying we need to talk about this relationship, it isn't the same blah blah.

So, if you want me to spell it out I will - but the end of your relationship aint on you

I can ram it down your throat if you'd like, I can dissect what I've highlighted above to show you what was happening

Or you can wake up and realise that this was gonna happen regardless of what you did

 

[The North Dragon]

I know she wasn't meeting anyone because I knew it schedule inside out and t wasn't much and if I asked to meet or see each other she would be there in a heartbeat

Feelings a bit like a roller coaster at the moment and I think it helped when I tried distancing myself from her before when she started saying we need to talk.

I know in a couple of weeks or months I will be able to safely say that we couldn't work because she had gained weight and hit a low being, very rarely had no money to do things and if She did she had to work weekends, she was in debt and never got in our 1.5years of dating. But I wanted to help her because we agreed that I saved her from a dark place with her ex but I wasn't stupid enough to pay all her bills I would help out with stuff here and there.

Another thing was she said I didn't show enough attention at times and again especially on nights out but again that's because I didn't want to show to much and seem like a wussy but I couldn't find that happy medium.