The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[narcissist]

i miss her soooooooooooooo much its unbelievable

i am honestly so close to contacting her, i just want to hold her f**k

i know im the one who broke up with her because she cheated but i cant stop f**king thinking about her

please stab some sense into me guys

im dying here


i can feel myself slowly falling into a pit of depression knowing that she will never be in my life again, knowing that ill never kiss her again, or make love to her


life f**king sucks

 

[Backwardsman]

i miss her soooooooooooooo much its unbelievable

i am honestly so close to contacting her, i just want to hold her f**k

i know im the one who broke up with her because she cheated but i cant stop f**king thinking about her

please stab some sense into me guys

im dying here


i can feel myself slowly falling into a pit of depression knowing that she will never be in my life again, knowing that ill never kiss her again, or make love to her


life f**king sucks

Do not contact her, if you do and she doesnt reply you will feel even worse... best not to have any contact at all, then you aint waiting for responses etc..

Things will get better mate, stick in there please... you will see

 

[m7ytn]

Do not contact her, if you do and she doesnt reply you will feel even worse... best not to have any contact at all, then you aint waiting for responses etc..

Agreed... its going to suck for a little while dude. Acknowledge that it is going to suck, but find that strength to persevere... You will be glad that you did.

Its fvcked up that she cheated on you, and you made the right decision by ending it. You might be wishing that you had not broke it off with her now... but its just a withdrawal symptom. What message is it going to send to her if you break up and initiate NC, only to turn around and contact her because you miss her... It says that she can do any damn thing she pleases just short of murder and you will still be available to her...DO NOT SEND THAT MESSAGE.

Short and simple...she cheated on you, which means she has little or no respect for you. If she has any respect for you at all, I guarantee that it will be gone the moment you initiate contact. Right now the best thing you can do is respect yourself, and that means DO NOT CONTACT HER.

 

[dvx]

Anyways to make it as short as possible, i've had an on and off relationship with my girl for about 3 years now. The most recent breakup was when she left me some time during the summer. Man i was devastated, i did all the wrong stuff, i was desperate, needy, clingy, you name it. I begged here for several weeks. I just couldn't believe it nor wanted to believe it. She left me for good this time. I did not get any reasons for the breakup just that she couldn't handle me anymore. She said i was a psyckho and a stalker etc etc.

Well i started searching the net how to get her back, the answer was no contact. I said to myself i must give this a shot no matter how hard its going to be. I went from calling her a hundred times a day and sending bunch of texts to NO CONTACT at all. I removed her number and i was determined to succeed. I went total quiet.

As the weeks went by, i started losing hope more and more that she will ever call. Until the most unexpected thing happened to me this thursday. I was at work and i see my phone ringing with private number, i did not pick up, after a few mins it rings again with private number, i did not answer, third time it rings its HER NUMBER! I could not believe it! I did not answer this either.. When i got home from work a few hours later she rings again, This time i did answer.

She was like; Hey it's me just wanted to say you've left a tshirt and a pair of shoes here, what should i do with them? Man i felt the anger rushing me and i was like, you calling me for that? I don't know it's just a tshirt throw it away if you wish. She was like Ok then and we hung up.

Now this is where the fun part starts. 5 mins later she calls again!! I answer and she is crying! She says "Why do you hate me?" "Why haven't you called me all this time?" "Have you found another girl"?

I changed subject and i said well you called me about my stuff what do i know, then she said no acctually i didn't call about your stuff i was just nervous. The real reason i called is beacuse i miss the things we used to do and i've been thinking about us alot the last days. I called to see how you are and what you've been up to but i see you're busy so i won't bother you anymore. And yes i was kinda busy i was on my way to the gym with a friend so i said ok. We said goodbye and hung up.

2 days later i kinda felt bad about being harsh with her. So i called her (big mistake i know) And guess what? She didn't answer, i called 2-3 times.

After a while i get a text from her: Don't call me ever again, remove my number, i thought u became a man i guess i was wrong.

Man this chocked me hard. I was in total chock when i read this. 2 days ago you we're calling me and crying saying you missed me now you tell me to f*** off and remove your number?

Whats the matter with this girl? Is she normal? Did i do something wrong? Have i ruined all the chances? I really love this girl and want to get back so badly but i don't know what to do. I can't read her, i cant understand what she is doing.

Sorry for the messy text. I hope someone will read and try to help me

Btw i was on day 25 of NC when she called.

 

[Renegade357]

2 days later i kinda felt bad about being harsh with her. So i called her (big mistake i know) And guess what? She didn't answer, i called 2-3 times.

LOL, haven't you ever heard of voice mail? Never call a girl multiple times like that. Once is enough if you leave a message.

Anyway, when you go NC and don't talk to a girl they start going crazy because they can't believe you are over them. They get insecure and the curiosity about what you are doing starts eating them up. You have to capitalize on this by spoon feeding them when they come back. Go slooooooooooow. Also see other women too.

 

[dvx]

LOL, haven't you ever heard of voice mail? Never call a girl multiple times like that. Once is enough if you leave a message.

Anyway, when you go NC and don't talk to a girl they start going crazy because they can't believe you are over them. They get insecure and the curiosity about what you are doing starts eating them up. You have to capitalize on this by spoon feeding them when they come back. Go slooooooooooow. Also see other women too.

Thanks for your input. I've learned my lesson now i will not call her again. Should i go back to no contact again or what do you suggest? And how should i handle it if she calls me again?

 

[Renegade357]

Thanks for your input. I've learned my lesson now i will not call her again. Should i go back to no contact again or what do you suggest? And how should i handle it if she calls me again?

Well, I wouldn't call her back especially after she told you to delete her number. You have a "stalker" image to get rid of. Not gonna help by contacting someone who told you not to contact them.

Anyway if I was you I'd just go back to NC and if she contacts you again be like "So I take it you want to see me? Is that why you keep calling?" Then try to set a definite date by asking her to your place for dinner or something at a specific day and time. If she says no cut the conversation short and don't call her again. Repeat that until she stops calling or agrees to see you or better yet you find someone else.

 

[dvx]

Well, I wouldn't call her back especially after she told you to delete her number. You have a "stalker" image to get rid of. Not gonna help by contacting someone who told you not to contact them.

Anyway if I was you I'd just go back to NC and if she contacts you again be like "So I take it you want to see me? Is that why you keep calling?" Then try to set a definite date by asking her to your place for dinner or something at a specific day and time. If she says no cut the conversation short and don't call her again. Repeat that until she stops calling or agrees to see you or better yet you find someone else.

Yep I will most def NOT call her. The problem is it's a long distance relationship as she is studying in another city right now so it's kinda hard to set up a date unless she invites me over to her city. I was thinking about ignoring her totally when she calls, atleast for a week if she calls constantly. I want her to burn as much as possible. And i want her to really think that she has lost me forever. I think this might be the only way for her to realise what she has lost. I don't want her to think she can reach me as easy as she did again. And definitely not after her immature text that she sent.

 

[m7ytn]

After a while i get a text from her: Don't call me ever again, remove my number, i thought u became a man i guess i was wrong.

Her first contact (the call) was to pull you back in...to make you think about her because she was feeling insecure. You fell into the trap by answering.

Her second contact (the text after you called) was to boost her ego. When you initiated and maintained NC, she was disempowered...probably didn't sit well with her knowing that she didn't have your nuts in a jar sitting on her dresser. She shut you down hard in an attempt repair her weakened image and regain the control she lost when she initially called you.

Whats the matter with this girl? Is she normal? Did i do something wrong? Have i ruined all the chances?

There is nothing wrong with her... she is a woman, this is totally normal for her...

What you did wrong was break contact because you mistook her seeking an ego boost for her wanting to rekindle an old flame.

Have you ruined all the chances? Thats hard to say... you may have decreased your chances some. The question should be, was there a chance to begin with? You said your relationship with her has been on and off for three years now...that is a bad sign. Sounds to me like the two of you may just not be capable of maintaining a relationship with each other, but neither of you wants to completely call it quits. Do you really want to get back together if there is not a compelling reason to believe it will not end the same way again?

I really love this girl and want to get back so badly but i don't know what to do.

You do nothing...nothing you can do will bring her back if she doesn't want it. What you can do is NC...if there is a chance she will come back, this is the only way it will happen; however, I would be VERY cautious of her intentions if she contacts you again.

I cannot stress this enough...there is no reason you should accept her back unless there have been some major changes for both of you. If you do get back together, it will fall apart and for the same reasons if you don't understand why it didn't work the times before and make corrections...

I can't read her, i cant understand what she is doing.

You are absolutely right you can't...and you will not be able to read her as long as your judgment and perception of her remains clouded by your emotions. That is why you need to implement NC... clear the fog. Who knows, once you are able to clearly understand what she is doing, you may come to discover that you are no longer interested in her... it tends to happen.

 

[Groverz]

Ended up having another dream last night about her after an awesome night out with friends. It was a good one, we saw each other at some market and were chatting and she kept commenting me, then I woke up. Felt fine. Do wish it was real but did not feel bad in anyway when I woke up which was awesome.

Finally getting a grip on my mind and emotions and not letting them run me.

Also woke up to see 2 messages on POF from girls, I have yet to respond, got my own things to work on today.

 

[dvx]

Her first contact (the call) was to pull you back in...to make you think about her because she was feeling insecure. You fell into the trap by answering.

Her second contact (the text after you called) was to boost her ego. When you initiated and maintained NC, she was disempowered...probably didn't sit well with her knowing that she didn't have your nuts in a jar sitting on her dresser. She shut you down hard in an attempt repair her weakened image and regain the control she lost when she initially called you.


There is nothing wrong with her... she is a woman, this is totally normal for her...

What you did wrong was break contact because you mistook her seeking an ego boost for her wanting to rekindle an old flame.

Have you ruined all the chances? Thats hard to say... you may have decreased your chances some. The question should be, was there a chance to begin with? You said your relationship with her has been on and off for three years now...that is a bad sign. Sounds to me like the two of you may just not be capable of maintaining a relationship with each other, but neither of you wants to completely call it quits. Do you really want to get back together if there is not a compelling reason to believe it will not end the same way again?


You do nothing...nothing you can do will bring her back if she doesn't want it. What you can do is NC...if there is a chance she will come back, this is the only way it will happen; however, I would be VERY cautious of her intentions if she contacts you again.

I cannot stress this enough...there is no reason you should accept her back unless there have been some major changes for both of you. If you do get back together, it will fall apart and for the same reasons if you don't understand why it didn't work the times before and make corrections...


You are absolutely right you can't...and you will not be able to read her as long as your judgment and perception of her remains clouded by your emotions. That is why you need to implement NC... clear the fog. Who knows, once you are able to clearly understand what she is doing, you may come to discover that you are no longer interested in her... it tends to happen.

What should i do if she calls again? Make her beg by not answering? If yes, for how long?

 

[Renegade357]

What should i do if she calls again? Make her beg by not answering? If yes, for how long?

Find a local girl. Long distance relationships are nothing more than a head screw.

 

[mkj1990]

Today has been tough. After she contacted me yesterday and the day before that, she's really occupied my mind. Just quoting my own post from yesterday:

So today has been a bit interesting.

As I said she texted me yesterday, and later in the evening she texted me again: "So how are you doing?" Just replied the next morning with "Good. U?", and then she responded with "i'm doing great, enjoying life" blah blah blah. I did not answer her instantly, and an hour later I got the "Are you mad at me??"-respons. An hole hour! Wtf. Waited for around six hours before I just replied with "No". Haven't heard anything since. Hopefully she'll stay off my back, at least for a couple of days. I'm not contacting her, that's for sure.

So... Even though I don't feel that I broke NC as she initiated the contact, and I just responded short and in a quite cold manner, I still feel like I took a huuuuge step backwards! It's been weeks since I've thought so much about her in one day. Been reminding my self of the bad memories, and the good ones as well. And most of all been doing a lot of thinking on how I handled the situation, what she things now and how she's going to respond to this in the future. (even though I know I shouldn't...)

Don't know if she just wanted to catch up, or just trying to get under my skin once more. Either way, I feel like the last one is about to happen. Just got to fight it off now.

 

[Backwardsman]

Today has been tough. After she contacted me yesterday and the day before that, she's really occupied my mind. Just quoting my own post from yesterday:




So... Even though I don't feel that I broke NC as she initiated the contact, and I just responded short and in a quite cold manner, I still feel like I took a huuuuge step backwards! It's been weeks since I've thought so much about her in one day. Been reminding my self of the bad memories, and the good ones as well. And most of all been doing a lot of thinking on how I handled the situation, what she things now and how she's going to respond to this in the future. (even though I know I shouldn't...)

Don't know if she just wanted to catch up, or just trying to get under my skin once more. Either way, I feel like the last one is about to happen. Just got to fight it off now.

Its not easy mate, i finished with my ex last saturday, not heard from until friday tea time, she snapchatted me, then a text saturday morning asking if im ok, i replied saturday tea time sayin "yep am good thx", she replied "good".

2 more snapchats today, ignored them and carried on.... i dont want her back as i finished it and would be like my name sake if i went back... am happy

 

[m7ytn]

What should i do if she calls again? Make her beg by not answering? If yes, for how long?

Remember...NC is not to punish her, but rather to help you.

I know a lot of people like to think of it in terms of winning and losing, and that is fine...if the intention is not to reunite with her. The goal should not be to make her beg for a predetermined period of time and then answer in hopes that it will teach her a lesson. I guarantee if this is your goal, you will be the one who will learn a lesson and in a very painful way. Your goal should be to heal so you can have a clear head on your shoulders to deal with the situation. The fact is, you are not thinking clearly right now.

If there is a possibility that there is a future with this woman... it should not even be entertained while you are maintaining NC... if you are entertaining this thought, and it turns out that there is no prospect there...the whole process will have been pointless and you will feel like utter sh*t.

Don't hope that she will contact you... in fact do the opposite. Hope that she does not contact you so you will have the space and time needed to get your head on straight. Allow me to emphasize this again: If she calls you next week, and you answer that call you are not going to be in a position to act rationally. Even if you get back together, it WILL BE ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU ARE RIGHT BACK HERE saying you know what that m7ytn guy was right. Sh*t will fall apart and for the same reasons. No relationship magically repairs itself after a few weeks of NC. It takes both parties seriously analyzing what went wrong and making a conscious effort to fix it. You are not yet in the proper state of mind to analyze your situation...much less remedy it. Let me try to explain this with a personal story...

Story time with m7ytn (this is a long one):
When I was younger (I'm only 27 now but still), I met a girl and fell in love (or so I thought)... We got married, and stayed married for 2 years. When I was in Iraq, about 3 months into my tour she started being evasive...I didn't get a chance to call her often, maybe every 3-4 days...but when I did she would always have to go because she was busy--huge red flag. So I decided to dig for an answer...by figuring out her email/messenger password...which led to me getting her myspace password. Turned out, she was privately telling all her girl pals on myspace that she was divorcing me, mind you this was the first I heard of it. I log into her messenger and there is a guy messaging me (who he thought was her) and talking about how great a time they had... as painful as that conversation was, I sat there for 20 minutes chatting with this guy about all the things he was going to do when he fvcks my wife...that was the most painful thing I have experienced. I then asked my wife who the guy was...what does she do? She says "oh, he is just a friend...nothing more." I then told her about the conversation and the fact that I knew everything...how does she react? She turned that sh*t around and started screaming at me about how I VIOLATED HER TRUST by going through her email! I will never forget what was said next... I told her that it really hurt me that she would do that...her response verbatim: "I am about to hurt you more...I am divorcing you." Now I was in a ****ty situation...there were no plates to spin, there were no women to pursue where I was...there was nothing to take my mind off of the reality I was facing. Between missions I had nothing but time to sit and sulk about it...so I did what every AFC would do... I tried to persuade her to take me back...a lot. I called when I got a chance every time...until she NC'd me. This went on for about a month or so...just long enough for her relationship with Jody to crumble...then came the email, about how guilty she felt. I naively thought she was sincere...when in fact she didn't want me back, she just didn't want to feel like I hated her to ease her conscience. I talked to her for another couple of months thinking progress was being made and I wanted to take her back...until the divorce papers showed up. I took it hard...again, but I put myself there. I begged her back...again to no avail. To shorten this story, because its already too long... lets fast forward 3 years. I log on to Facebook, and I get a message from my ex wife. Hadn't talked to her in years. She wanted to talk to me and asked me to call her. I had no emotional investment in her, and thought why not for ****s and giggles...so I did. It had been three years since we had been divorced, and she poured her heart out to me saying that she was genuinely sorry for what she had put me through...and I believe her. But here is what she told me that stuck... she said that she had regretted it after she cheated on me, and would have came back to me...if I wasn't trying to beg her back. She lost respect for me...she told me this. And why was I trying to beg her back? Because I didn't have my head on straight... my judgement was so clouded that I was willing to take back a cheating slvt under any circumstance. I had reached the intrinsic maximum of beta... So there you have it... If I would have employed NC, I would have thought clearly and told her to kick rocks back when she emailed me a month after she cheated... Even if (as unlikely as it would have been) I would have wanted her back, I would have been in a state of mind where I would not have been so clingy.

This brings me to you and your question... So what should you do if she calls again?

Avoid her like the plague. What you need to do is complete the challenge. 60 full days NC. Don't answer her calls, don't acknowledge her existence...don't look at her pictures...basically attempt to pretend she never existed. If she contacts you...dismiss it. If she shows up at your door, tell her that she said not to contact her so you are respecting her request and you invite her to do the same. Do this for 60 days...and then? Still don't contact her... If she contacts you after this 60 days and you really, truly are still interested in her...then answer, but be very wary of her intentions. You will be in a much better position to deal with her because you won't have an emotional force field preventing you from hearing the voice of reason. What if she doesn't ever call after the 60 days? It wouldn't have worked out anyway...and nothing in your power was going to change it. At that point you consider it a blessing that you got out with your sanity and you drive on with your pride still intact.

 

[dvx]

Remember...NC is not to punish her, but rather to help you.

Strong story there man. We haven't had any cheating issues though. When she called me last week she did ask me why haven't you called me all this time, it's been several months (it was only 25 days lol) but in her world it felt like months since the last time i called her. Could that mean anything? And she immediately asked "have you found someone else or what?" and "have u forgot that i was your girlfriend once?" "But i think this is best for us" bla bla.

What could those questions mean? I would rather not go for 60 days, i mean i just finished the 30 days. And i really think we can work it out. But im not sure how to react when she calls again or what to say. I know she is feeling lonely and seeking comfort from her girlfriends but that's just a temporarily fix for her. Im sure she is thinking and missing our moments every day and she did say that. I regret calling her the next day though. It kinda took me back a few steps again.

 

[Backwardsman]

Strong story there man. We haven't had any cheating issues though. When she called me last week she did ask me why haven't you called me all this time, it's been several months (it was only 25 days lol) but in her world it felt like months since the last time i called her. Could that mean anything? And she immediately asked "have you found someone else or what?" and "have u forgot that i was your girlfriend once?" "But i think this is best for us" bla bla.

What could those questions mean? I would rather not go for 60 days, i mean i just finished the 30 days. And i really think we can work it out. But im not sure how to react when she calls again or what to say. I know she is feeling lonely and seeking comfort from her girlfriends but that's just a temporarily fix for her. Im sure she is thinking and missing our moments every day and she did say that. I regret calling her the next day though. It kinda took me back a few steps again.

If a relationship ends then its time to move on - One of my exes once asked for a break, massive red flag..

If the relationship has run its course its time to move on, if the relationship was good and working you wouldnt be here now....

Its hard, believe me - my ex has just snapchatted me again, thats five times this weekend and 2 texts (i ended it last saturday)...

 

[m7ytn]

What could those questions mean?

It means that she is seeking comfort...NC won't be easy for her either, but don't break contact for the entire 60 days...I'm telling you! They all will contact you...I have never had a relationship end where they didn't contact me...I don't care how bad the breakup was. It could very well mean that she just feels lonely and she knows that you will answer. This is why I said be very wary of her intentions. Because if that is her intentions...well, then she will keep you around until there is a better prospective suitor that comes along.

For the last time...that is why you need to complete the 60 days. You may think you know her intentions, but you can't...not right now. You are seeing her through rose colored lenses dude. I'm not just saying this for my health, I am trying to help you to not jump back into something you will later regret.

You say you think you can work things out...what are you basing this on? You are not even talking right now...you saw before what happened when contact was broken...

And as far as her saying "have you forgot that I was your girlfriend once?"... That is just it...she was, at one time...and as much as it might suck to hear, she isn't now...so stop thinking that a past history with her means a prospective future...that is in no way how the breakup game works my friend. Don't think you can read her, because you can't... do NC like I said before...or you will set yourself up for failure, plain and simple.

 

[dvx]

It means that she is seeking comfort...NC won't be easy for her either, but don't break contact for the entire 60 days...I'm telling you! They all will contact you...I have never had a relationship end where they didn't contact me...I don't care how bad the breakup was. It could very well mean that she just feels lonely and she knows that you will answer. This is why I said be very wary of her intentions. Because if that is her intentions...well, then she will keep you around until there is a better prospective suitor that comes along.

For the last time...that is why you need to complete the 60 days. You may think you know her intentions, but you can't...not right now. You are seeing her through rose colored lenses dude. I'm not just saying this for my health, I am trying to help you to not jump back into something you will later regret.

You say you think you can work things out...what are you basing this on? You are not even talking right now...you saw before what happened when contact was broken...

And as far as her saying "have you forgot that I was your girlfriend once?"... That is just it...she was, at one time...and as much as it might suck to hear, she isn't now...so stop thinking that a past history with her means a prospective future...that is in no way how the breakup game works my friend. Don't think you can read her, because you can't... do NC like I said before...or you will set yourself up for failure, plain and simple.

So if she calls me the next time and tells me how she misses me etc. And i ask her out for a cup of coffee so we can talk out, you think that is wrong thing to do? It will not bring her back or what? Because i think we might be able to talk and try to go for a new start. I know how insecure she is and i think she's having second thoughts about the breakup.

 

[Backwardsman]

No NO NO

So if she calls me the next time and tells me how she misses me etc. And i ask her out for a cup of coffee so we can talk out, you think that is wrong thing to do? It will not bring her back or what? Because i think we might be able to talk and try to go for a new start. I know how insecure she is and i think she's having second thoughts about the breakup.

No No No.... i wouldnt, she is most likely keeping you in her orbit, ignore all contact from her and move on please...

Like i have said before, if a relationship has ended, it has ended... There is no point going back, yes, in your mind you might think it will work, but thats the only place it exists...

Even though i finished my ex last week, yes she still pops in my mind from time to time and has been sending me snap chats all weekend, i just ignore them, i just get on with my life - You only get one chance, dont waste it over 1 girl, theres billions more out there.......

Your breakup was meant to happen, if it didnt then it wouldnt have happened.... let the breakup be a lesson to you, my previous breakups were all initated by the girl, the last one, i had the balls to do it cos i didnt like the situation.... What i am saying is, breakups are lessons, learn from them and better yourself for the next one....