The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
tripod23 said:
Thanks lads. Hopefully you'll both get what you need to move on eventually.Machtwo said:This is absolutely brilliant, my ex is stubborn as hell, if I ever get this kind of message from her I will totally, 100%, be over her forever.
I feel slightly confident that a similar message will eventually come my way, just hope it's soon! lol
Backwardsman
Don Juan
- Joined
- May 10, 2013
- Messages
- 77
- Reaction score
- 6
Hi all,
Just wanted to post a video that i watch from time to time, its spiritual so may not appeal to you all, but i urge you to give it a watch, its helped me loads with how my mind works etc - Am sure Jariel will back me up on this type of content..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KopmSpe33Eg
Just wanted to post a video that i watch from time to time, its spiritual so may not appeal to you all, but i urge you to give it a watch, its helped me loads with how my mind works etc - Am sure Jariel will back me up on this type of content..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KopmSpe33Eg
ha ha ha , well done guys the old secret works like a charm nice work.m7ytn said:
got to say fellas i love this website , reading all the drama storys is awesome , one thing i have noticed is that a lot of the storys play out in a very similar fashion..........just goes to show a lot of chicks are all wired in a similar way........mmmmmm . worth remembering in the future.
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Guys. Quit with this Sh*t already.
Stop seeking validation on the ex. You guys think that they are all b*tches for wanting to have the upper hand. For us breaking NC and them go cold on us.
But that is exactly what I am reading in these last few posts. You should get over the ex by yourself. If you depend on her texting you and telling that she is sorry, that she loves and miss you, You are all being p*ssies.
Let's supose this sh*t never happens. Will you never move on? 'Cmon! It is inside you all.
F*ck closure. F*ck your ego. Let her go by yourselves.
PS: To help you with this idea read this posts. One mine and one of Jariel!
F*ck You Ego
How to become a DJ
EDIT:
Tip: Do not reply her. She dumped you, not the other way around. Let her understand the weight of her actions. Let her miss you more. Anyway. Missing or not. Do not give her the time of your day. You have something way more interesting going on your life right know...
...YOU!!
Stop seeking validation on the ex. You guys think that they are all b*tches for wanting to have the upper hand. For us breaking NC and them go cold on us.
But that is exactly what I am reading in these last few posts. You should get over the ex by yourself. If you depend on her texting you and telling that she is sorry, that she loves and miss you, You are all being p*ssies.
Let's supose this sh*t never happens. Will you never move on? 'Cmon! It is inside you all.
F*ck closure. F*ck your ego. Let her go by yourselves.
PS: To help you with this idea read this posts. One mine and one of Jariel!
F*ck You Ego
How to become a DJ
EDIT:
Yeah, it happens.Backwardsman said:
Tip: Do not reply her. She dumped you, not the other way around. Let her understand the weight of her actions. Let her miss you more. Anyway. Missing or not. Do not give her the time of your day. You have something way more interesting going on your life right know...
...YOU!!
Backwardsman said:
Yes, definitely. Books and videos of this kind are really helping me to get through this difficult period and to try and put things in perspective. It's taking time to sink in and I've certainly not mastered it, but it's a very helpful path to follow.
I hate these mornings. I go to bed at night feeling fine, but every morning I wake up in such despair.
I've woken up today feeling really fvcking angry at her!! I want to contact her and rip into her for the way she's manipulated me. I hate the fact that she's done this to me and in her mind we're on good terms and I'm thinking positive things about her.
BUT, this is an internal conflict I have to resolve. I know from experience and from solid advice, that contacting her is not going to benefit me at all. It's just this need to try and get back at her because I'm hurting...a way of defending my wounded ego.
Although I'm still in a lot of turmoil, I am at least wise enough and strong enough not to act on it.
I've woken up today feeling really fvcking angry at her!! I want to contact her and rip into her for the way she's manipulated me. I hate the fact that she's done this to me and in her mind we're on good terms and I'm thinking positive things about her.
BUT, this is an internal conflict I have to resolve. I know from experience and from solid advice, that contacting her is not going to benefit me at all. It's just this need to try and get back at her because I'm hurting...a way of defending my wounded ego.
Although I'm still in a lot of turmoil, I am at least wise enough and strong enough not to act on it.
jariel mate .....do not contact her at all......not at all .
i feel the same way about my ex , but i wont be contacting her , f-ck that ...what to put a feather in her cap and look like a chump - i dont think so.
plus the fact im getting on with things that are far more important than thinking about contacting some nasty ass manipulating chick who has no respect for me .
let it go man , just move on and let her be.....its just not worth doing anything at all . the silence alone speaks volumes my friend . go live your life whats done is done......a lot of the guys on here have great mindsets they just say f-ck it she had her chance she blew it ....so f-ck her.
this is the best way to deal with it , i know from my point of view , that if i had totally f-cked someone over i would never live with myself , so i have no doubt that your ex may feel some guilt about how she treated you , but thats not an issue anymore because your moving on with your life and you are man enough to handle it .
jariel , just forget her and realise she is not a nice person , anyone who has to manipulate people to get what they want are weak as f-ck , and they dont think they are good enough to get what they want without twisting things in their favour.........walk away and never look back is the only answer.
do not reach out to her , dont contact her , just forget this girl all together and let her be .
just stay busy, and focus on your purpose and your mission , which is forgetting about this and making a better life for yourself without any of this nasty **** going on .....FORGET HER EXSISTANCE.
take care
i feel the same way about my ex , but i wont be contacting her , f-ck that ...what to put a feather in her cap and look like a chump - i dont think so.
plus the fact im getting on with things that are far more important than thinking about contacting some nasty ass manipulating chick who has no respect for me .
let it go man , just move on and let her be.....its just not worth doing anything at all . the silence alone speaks volumes my friend . go live your life whats done is done......a lot of the guys on here have great mindsets they just say f-ck it she had her chance she blew it ....so f-ck her.
this is the best way to deal with it , i know from my point of view , that if i had totally f-cked someone over i would never live with myself , so i have no doubt that your ex may feel some guilt about how she treated you , but thats not an issue anymore because your moving on with your life and you are man enough to handle it .
jariel , just forget her and realise she is not a nice person , anyone who has to manipulate people to get what they want are weak as f-ck , and they dont think they are good enough to get what they want without twisting things in their favour.........walk away and never look back is the only answer.
do not reach out to her , dont contact her , just forget this girl all together and let her be .
just stay busy, and focus on your purpose and your mission , which is forgetting about this and making a better life for yourself without any of this nasty **** going on .....FORGET HER EXSISTANCE.
take care
Thanks Tripod!
It hurts so badly and my mind is a total mess, but I am staying strong and will not contact her! I know that any contact, even if it's out of anger will only show her how messed up I am over her and feed her ego some more...and will sacrifice my dignity in the process and just confirm she made the right decision to get away from me.
I realise I'm just battling with chemical states in the brain right now and that your whole personality and perception of life can change according to what you're feeling at the time.
A valuable lesson I am learning is to become aware of these emotional/chemical influences and to resist acting on them. But rather to take time to rationalise before taking any action.
However, what I am only just realising is that this goes for overly positive emotions too. Sometimes they can delude you into thinking things are great and obscure the truth. You may act positively towards your ex and try to clear the air and make her feel better, for example, not realising she's just manipulating you.
The best actions are the ones that are not influenced by emotion and are based on rational thinking. Thankfully, now that I'm aware of this, I can read your response and the advice on her and I know that silence and no contact are the best option and any temptation to stray from that is pure emotional influence.
It hurts so badly and my mind is a total mess, but I am staying strong and will not contact her! I know that any contact, even if it's out of anger will only show her how messed up I am over her and feed her ego some more...and will sacrifice my dignity in the process and just confirm she made the right decision to get away from me.
I realise I'm just battling with chemical states in the brain right now and that your whole personality and perception of life can change according to what you're feeling at the time.
A valuable lesson I am learning is to become aware of these emotional/chemical influences and to resist acting on them. But rather to take time to rationalise before taking any action.
However, what I am only just realising is that this goes for overly positive emotions too. Sometimes they can delude you into thinking things are great and obscure the truth. You may act positively towards your ex and try to clear the air and make her feel better, for example, not realising she's just manipulating you.
The best actions are the ones that are not influenced by emotion and are based on rational thinking. Thankfully, now that I'm aware of this, I can read your response and the advice on her and I know that silence and no contact are the best option and any temptation to stray from that is pure emotional influence.
Alright boys, day 47 of No contact. I am finally starting to get into Zone 2 of NC. Meaning, I don't want anything to do with her. But part of me wants her to see how good I am doing now. Part of me wants her to see me one day, looking good with an upgraded bird in my arm. But I think less and less of this now. I am finally starting to work on inner self. Working on that part that doesn't need validation from any women and how not to get attached to them so easily.
Gym is going well and so are the studies. Smashing the exams.
I have a couple of new girls sorted and planning a trip to Europe mid next year.
So, keep your chin up boys. When we hit rock bottom, there's only way to go and that's up!
Gym is going well and so are the studies. Smashing the exams.
I have a couple of new girls sorted and planning a trip to Europe mid next year.
So, keep your chin up boys. When we hit rock bottom, there's only way to go and that's up!
silence is golden trust me ... the more you try to explain things the worse it will be because you bring everything back to the surface , after time people / humans often she the past through rose coloured glasses , they will forget a lot of the bad sh-t that went on .
but seriously who cares what went wrong ...as it takes 2 people to work on things if them 2 people want to be together , if that is want you both want.
but when a chick decides your out , your out brother and then the replacment is in.......its foooking tough to come to terms with but you have to there is no choice if you want to keep hold of your dignity and pride and respect for yourself.
if you keep thinking i need to talk to her because i forgot this this and that , then you just look like a fool who is constantly thinking about her , screw that ....... she is a manipulating , lying , nasty , female who wants you to suffer . now if you say your piece and walk away and then go totally cold and silent......what does this say.......think about it .
i told my ex if you think you can do better than me ....then by all means crack on , but i am not being friends just to make her feel better while she nobs me around.
they will all ways try to make themselves feel better its human nature when you have done someone down , we all have weaknesses to some degree , but crying to an ex for forgiveness to try and get things back to how they were , when its the chicks fault things went sideways is out of the fooking question.
i know in my mind that i am at a point now where i have lost all respect for my ex , and my head feels so much more positive as the days go on......yes i would love to be able to talk to her like when we first met and she was all over me........but thats history now ......she changed her mind........and when this happens i am affraid to say that as a man you have to say well if thats the case its time i got the foook off this ride because its never gonna be as smoooth as it once was . what more is there to say other than women are very strange i will admit that.......but so are some guys in all fairness.
the only thing i know for sure is i never run around telling people i love them ...only to dump a pile of sh-t in their lap days / weeks later and drag their emotions all over the place , but both women and some guys will do this ....its just the way life is.
the only power you have is walking away and improving your life from that moment on , but what ever you do dont ever think that a replacment chick will complete your life .......because happiness only comes from within.......to a certain degree.
money cars women fancy cloths houses etc....are all additions to your happiness and thats it in a nutshell.
but seriously who cares what went wrong ...as it takes 2 people to work on things if them 2 people want to be together , if that is want you both want.
but when a chick decides your out , your out brother and then the replacment is in.......its foooking tough to come to terms with but you have to there is no choice if you want to keep hold of your dignity and pride and respect for yourself.
if you keep thinking i need to talk to her because i forgot this this and that , then you just look like a fool who is constantly thinking about her , screw that ....... she is a manipulating , lying , nasty , female who wants you to suffer . now if you say your piece and walk away and then go totally cold and silent......what does this say.......think about it .
i told my ex if you think you can do better than me ....then by all means crack on , but i am not being friends just to make her feel better while she nobs me around.
they will all ways try to make themselves feel better its human nature when you have done someone down , we all have weaknesses to some degree , but crying to an ex for forgiveness to try and get things back to how they were , when its the chicks fault things went sideways is out of the fooking question.
i know in my mind that i am at a point now where i have lost all respect for my ex , and my head feels so much more positive as the days go on......yes i would love to be able to talk to her like when we first met and she was all over me........but thats history now ......she changed her mind........and when this happens i am affraid to say that as a man you have to say well if thats the case its time i got the foook off this ride because its never gonna be as smoooth as it once was . what more is there to say other than women are very strange i will admit that.......but so are some guys in all fairness.
the only thing i know for sure is i never run around telling people i love them ...only to dump a pile of sh-t in their lap days / weeks later and drag their emotions all over the place , but both women and some guys will do this ....its just the way life is.
the only power you have is walking away and improving your life from that moment on , but what ever you do dont ever think that a replacment chick will complete your life .......because happiness only comes from within.......to a certain degree.
money cars women fancy cloths houses etc....are all additions to your happiness and thats it in a nutshell.
Machtwo
Don Juan
Jariel, you've done it again, STOP reading my past mindset!!Jariel said:
I used to do this every friggin' morning, I could start to feel my blood boil where my train of thought took me - this was many weeks ago now, I'm not saying I'm cured or over her completely, but this is what I've come to realise:
Inspirational books, videos, literature, anecdotes, websites, jokes...etc haven't fixed me. The only thing that has, is TIME.
Forget about her as best you can, let the days turn in to weeks, weeks in to months, you will have your day in the future to 'right' some 'wrongs', just look after yourself until this happens.
Damn right! I guess it's the analytical and logical nature of man to think of a problem as something repairable and it's hard to just let it stay broken, but that's exactly what you need to do. I once heard someone say that trying to fix a relationship is like trying to fix a broken mirror - you end up getting hurt in the process. Better to sweep the shards away.tripod23 said:
This is something I've been learning the hard way. I've rejected or flaked out on around 10 girls since my break up, including a guaranteed fvck buddy and a former oneitis who revealed her feelings for me some time ago...and who is not talking to me since I flaked.
It's nice having someone to text and fill the emptiness, having the attention and flattery, but until I'm healed, I take no pleasure in being with them.
The way I'm feeling right now is mostly self inflicted as my mind just keeps torturing me with questions, doubt that she ever cared, visions of her with someone else, what we could've had, how much she meant to me, what I could've done differently and so on. Nothing productive comes from that kind of thinking...it just stirs those negative emotions, which in turn make me feel depressed, which stops me from getting on with my life and being happy. Once I am able to stop myself from thinking those thoughts, I will stop flooding my brain and body with negative feelings. And like you say, that has to come from within.
It does help to know others have gone through this sh1t and survived. And it helps to know there's nothing unusual or wrong with me for being this way.Machtwo said:Jariel, you've done it again, STOP reading my past mindset!!
I used to do this every friggin' morning, I could start to feel my blood boil where my train of thought took me - this was many weeks ago now, I'm not saying I'm cured or over her completely, but this is what I've come to realise:
Inspirational books, videos, literature, anecdotes, websites, jokes...etc haven't fixed me. The only thing that has, is TIME.
Forget about her as best you can, let the days turn in to weeks, weeks in to months, you will have your day in the future to 'right' some 'wrongs', just look after yourself until this happens.
Some times when I'm thinking rationally I can see all reason to our break up and it all makes perfect sense why she doesn't want to get back together. I realise it's nothing personal, I accept that her emotional text was a moment of weakness and I feel fine about it all and hold no ill feelings towards her.
Other times I just think she's making a mistake and she'll come to her senses. It hurts to let her go and I would give anything to be with her again.
Then I might go through a period of blaming myself and regretting my actions, wishing I could take it back and feeling the need to apologise and explain.
Then the worst times are when I perceive the entire situation as something very hurtful and negative. I feel like I'm not worthy, that she was not into me that much, couldn't wait to get rid of me and find someone else, that she's manipulating me for an ego fix and so on.
So many different ways of looking at the same event. Most are just speculation, jumping to conclusions and paranoia, and yet they keep me stuck in this pit of depression, anger and resentment, and a whole heap of negative emotions that make life miserable.
And yep, the worst thoughts always come to me in the morning as I'm lying in bed and stick with me until mid day.
I'm doing all the studying and self help I can, and although it's providing a good distraction and is improving my mind, it's not really helping me get over it.
It does help to become aware of my thoughts and how they manipulate my feelings and my identity, but as you say, it's just time now and I have to ride it out.
Just had my first IISQ from a rather pretty lady. What's that you ask? Obviously it's "an Invitation to an Informal String Quartet"! I play violin in my university orchestra and she approached me at the end to see if I'd be interested in playing some Christmas carols and **** in a group. I get the feeling she might be interested in me (from previous times we've spoken) but sadly I had to decline the offer because I'm absurdly busy around December.
Slightly kicking myself because that was a perfect time to get her number and I could have easily said I was too busy some other time, afterwards. What a stupid noob I am.
At least I'll know what to do next time an IISQ that I'm too busy for comes my way pahaha... In terms of relevance to NC/my ex, my violin has actually been a really good hobby to focus in on to get my mind off things - I'd advise anyone with an instrument/hobby to get a bit more invested in it, especially post break-up.
Slightly kicking myself because that was a perfect time to get her number and I could have easily said I was too busy some other time, afterwards. What a stupid noob I am.
At least I'll know what to do next time an IISQ that I'm too busy for comes my way pahaha... In terms of relevance to NC/my ex, my violin has actually been a really good hobby to focus in on to get my mind off things - I'd advise anyone with an instrument/hobby to get a bit more invested in it, especially post break-up.
I'm a new poster here but I've been keeping my eye on this thread for a while.dvx said:Is there anyone that actually want their ex girlfriend back and doing NC for that reason, or am i the only one here? Lol
From what I've seen the understanding is that there are two camps of people doing NC: the serious people that want to mature/move on and the people that are aching for a way to get their girl back. If you're doing it for the latter then you're doing it for the wrong reason.
NC should be your trigger to be introspective and work on yourself - YOU are who you're trying to win back through NC. All the time spent on that one girl has been freed up to allow you to better yourself, heal as necessary and then get the hell back out in the wild to find better women.
If your goal of NC is to win her back then you're going to tumble like a jenga tower if she texts you and bawl every night she doesn't. In making her your goal you're diminishing all the work you do and setting her firmly on the pedestal. The problem I've seen is that a lot of guys delude themselves into thinking they are doing this for themselves when in actuality it's still all about her. (edit: There's a funny yet sad irony that the best way to get her back is to truthfully not want her back and genuinely move with the times).
You can do all of this in an attempt to win her back but the chances are you're just going to poison yourself with a lethal dose of oneitis and ultimately feel worse off than you were when you broke up.
Focus on yourself, get over her and wait a long ass time before you consider getting back on good, talking, terms with her. This is mostly me reiterating what I've heard here - I'm a fairly inexperienced guy - but doing NC for the best reasons is seemingly the way to get the best results.
Renegade357
Master Don Juan
dvx said:Is there anyone that actually want their ex girlfriend back and doing NC for that reason, or am i the only one here? Lol
Can't remember your story. How did you go out? Did you beg or grab the parachute and pull the rip chord before the plane went down?
My ex hasn't made any attempt to contact me since we broke up in July. Part of me has always hoped that she would come back to me and say all the right things. Then I would go back into the relationship at date 1 and keep things on my terms. Do it the right way. Oh, and I'd still see other women until she convinced me that I can be taken off the market by her again.
This line of thinking is a waste of time. I'm moving on to new women. I've set up dates with 5 different women so far. Three of them I dropped after the 1st or 2nd date because I didn't like them enough to pursue. Two of them flaked on the first date with a lame excuse so I cut them loose before we even got out of the gate.
It's a battlefield out there but it's nothing compared to the pain of getting dumped by the same girl twice.
Day 50!
Hey guys hope all is well. Jarel stick in there one day at a time man. Get the little things out of your day that gives you nourishment even if it's giving a smile or having a really good laugh. Then think about how good it makes you feel and build on it. Also have something to look forward to like a vacation.
I'm on day 50 I miss her but I'm getting better. Got a date tonight looking forward to it. Keep posting and stay strong NC is the ONLY way.
Hey guys hope all is well. Jarel stick in there one day at a time man. Get the little things out of your day that gives you nourishment even if it's giving a smile or having a really good laugh. Then think about how good it makes you feel and build on it. Also have something to look forward to like a vacation.
I'm on day 50 I miss her but I'm getting better. Got a date tonight looking forward to it. Keep posting and stay strong NC is the ONLY way.