The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[tripod23]

the problem is ...even if she came back she would only try and give you more sh-t to mess your head up even further , so why would anyone want that to happen.

you see my ex came back after i caught her with another dude , red handed , i saw him put his arm round her a kiss her , I CONFRONTED HER OF COURSE , AND SHE SAID THEY WERE JUST FRIENDS , LOL LOL ...SHE EVEN SAID TO MY FACE DOES THIS MEANS THATS IT BETWEEN US.........WHAT A JOKE...

so from that moment i went nc for around 6 weeks back in the summer time.....it all ended with the new guy and she text me with her new number and a load of kissed asking if i was still interested , i didnt reply for about 3 days and i wasnt going to , but in my head i thought she realises she has made a mistake.......WRONG WRONG WRONG ANSWER.

she was feeling bad i have no doubt , but by filling me with sh-t i was roped back in and now her little ego was on top of the world.......WHAT A TOTAL IDIOT I WAS....I REPEAT ...WHAT A TOTAL IDIOT I WAS.

ITS AN EGO BOOST FOR THEM TO THINK THEY HAVE THE POWER TO WIN YOU BACK EVEN AFTER TREATING YOU LIKE SH-T.....THERE IS A BIG FALL COMING...........

if they were genuine , they would come back and say they screwed things up and i would really like you to forgive me so we can give things another go , and we can work on what the problems were......if this was said then maybe just maybe you could give it a try . only maybe...but dont think long term because it aint gonna happen.....REMEMBER EGO BOOST.

i wish i had stuck to my guns and just politley said i appreciate the fact that you have come back to the best guy , but i will give this one a miss.... but i wish you all the best . and left her sat there wondering WTF

but i didnt i played it cool and went out with her 3 times and on all 3 times knocked the back out of her,,,,,it was easy.

i tried to make a 4th date with her all the time thinking we may get back to what we had.......WRONG WRONG WRONG ANSWER.

that was never gonna happen - why because she had made her mind up and to be fair looking back she was a totally differnt chick i have to say , and not in a good way ...........plus i saw red flags along the way which made me sit down and think about what was actually going on.

then i spotted her on a dating site....which i had joined after we broke up....RED FLAG....seriously guys all these little signs and problems are only the tip of the iceberg.

she will never change and neither will your ex , so why would you want them back in your life ...DO YOU WANT TO FEEL LIKE SH-T EVERY MORNING AFTER WAKING UP , BECAUSE I KNOW I DONT , DO YOU WANT TO BE WONDERING WHO SHES WITH , WHO SHES BANGING BEHIND YOUR BACK.....WHOS SHES TEXTING .....JUST A FRIEND MAYBE.......I THINK NOT.

GUYS YOUNG AND OLDER LIKE MYSELF JUST STOP WORRYING ABOUT HER ... I KNOW ITS HARD VERY HARD AT TIMES ... STOP PUNISHING YOURSELVES ....AND REALISE THERE IS NOTHING TO BE FIXED. ITS OVER...............

even if my ex came back and said i still love you miss you and your the best thing that ever happend to me.........it would be a nice little speach BUT........BIG BUT........HOW WOULD YOU BELIEVE HER - THINK ABOUT IT.......THE TRUST IS GONE .

validation / ego boosts are great feelings , a lot of women are insecure big time .....thats why they need validation and the old ego boost that my ex wants me back type of thing then she can brag to all her mates , have a laugh at you turning up at her work , and watching the next drama unfold ...only to reject you further......screw that never ever again.

life has a funny way of making you see sense in what ever form , i have learned an awefull lot about myself recently , and at my age i have been ashamed of myself at times ......so guys please have repect for yourself.....live well ,eat well , buy a better car , dress nice , and all the rest of it - but walk away from the nastyness you have been dealing with . in other words .....SCREW HER ITS HER LOSS

take solice in the fact that you tried your best to make things right.

 

[narcissist]

Is there anyone that actually want their ex girlfriend back and doing NC for that reason, or am i the only one here? Lol Day 4 of NC.

not me lol

 

[Lotus Effect]

Is there anyone that actually want their ex girlfriend back and doing NC for that reason, or am i the only one here? Lol Day 4 of NC.

No, not the only one I'm sure. But things change...

Initially I wanted my ex back. She dumped me in May, we got back, and then I dumped her in July for cheating on me. Said a huge amount of sh*t but then I changed my speech because I wanted her back. HUGE MISTAKE.

Chased her. Finally I've sent her a letter telling lots of emotional garbage, and that I was going NC. That was 41 days ago.

By that time, I still wanted to get back together with her. But as time passes, and you keep on reading stuff, and getting solid advice, and doing a whole lot of mistakes, your mind will change...

At first, you want her back, then you'll want revenge, to prove that you are ok w/o her, then you want her back again. Then you realize how sh*t she really is, and that she does not deserve not even knowing if you are alive...

Then you will move on... So buckle up little dude. It's a hell of a ride, and sooner than expected, you will not think so foundly of your ex. This sh*t I guarantee you.

PS: Another thing that I guarantee you, is that even not wanting her back, and seeing all of her flaws, you will still want her back. The difference is that you will realise that the girl you want back does not exists, it's just an idealization that happens to live in the body of said ex GF!

 

[drakeramore]

Hi guys,

I don't post here and up until a little while ago did not feel the need to either.

First off, I would like to say how helpful this specific thread is as I am seeing that other guys are going through similar things as me now and that makes everything so much easier as I can relate and get something from your experience.

I am quite inexperienced, having been with only one girl although in my mid-to late twenties. For that there have been a few reasons - some health issues, some isolation, part self-imposed, part-not so much, not having so many friends and in general being disillusioned with the whole society thing.

Anyway, I have had this thing with a very, very special girl to me for the last two years. It has been rough at times, very on-and-off, had our arguments. I am guilty of quite a lot here as I was firm and completely set on us not becoming exclusive and wanted to keep my options open without hurting her and going through breakups. Also, I was not going to cheat on her while we were together so I guess I figured we shouldn't be together at all in order to avoid that completely.

Long story short, I brought this on myself. We promised to each other though that if we meet somebody else we will let the other one know so that I or she is prepared for the consequences and the changes that could bring about. Also, we stopped being intimate March this year. (I know, a long time ago.) Yet, I did not pursue any other girls as I was fixed on her still and not hurting her and was somehow convinced we will be together again sometime.

Up until just recently she called me and requested that we meet and just plain told me that she is moving to another country to live with some ex-colleague of hers. They apparently have been chatting and distant-dating the last few months - I would guess since March and in the meantime visited each other, met each other's parents, etc.

So, she is doing this now and just told me as if I kind of could care about it. I didn't act like I cared a lot when she told me that but later that day and the next one I kind of broke down and have been like this ever since. I told her everything about my emotions (probably a mistake), that I still love her and that I am a fool (I guess I am one )

Then right afterwards I came to my senses and told her sincerely that i will be going NC from now on as I can't just be her friend or just a chat companion from now on since she is moving to another country (probably forever if things work out for her and her new BF), I just can't be part of that, it would be too painful.

So, that is what I just did, she contacted me a few times and expressed just how amazed she is of my decision and how childish this is. I, of course, don't see it that way. Am currently on day 3 of NC and am in a great deal of pain, constantly looking through my phone if she has texted me or if she has contacted me some other way. It is as if I am waiting for smth to happen and for us to be together again. When in reality she has been with this new guy the last few months, visited him in this another country, met his parents.
I mean, this means it is a foolish illusion to think we can be together again.

I have not up until now realized how much I value her as part of my life. It is just that I always thought she was going to tell me if she met someone new in her life and was calm that she has not since she had not told me anything, let alone of her visiting him, flying to him etc.

I am in a great amount of pain and needed to let it all out. Please excuse my chaotic thoughts but needed to put to words all that so that it could make some more sense I guess.

I am very, very hurt and am thinking about her all day long. NC should help but at least for the moment is not.

Another thing is that I really believed her when she was telling me what a special thing we were having, how rare it is and all other bs. I trusted her with my heart although was a total ******* at times to her and acted as if I took her for granted.

It is quite hard for me to get intimate and to get close to people and to make friends. I kind of feel I will never feel towards another woman the same way and that I have met my soulmate and that is it. From now on it is like I have to settle for something best case scenario. I feel like I am sinking and don't have anything to look forward to in life, at least it seems that way. Plus, I don't have true friends (she was the only one) to whom I can relate to unconditionally and share everything, that is why I am writing here.

I really appreciate your help, even if you just read all this I just wrote, thank you. Advice would be appreciated as well.

I am with you guys on this nightmare of a journey and am going the NC way - it does seem to be the only way for me to save myself from all the future pain I would be in if I continue being in her new life now with her living with this new guy now.

Thanks, guys.

 

[m7ytn]

YOU are who you're trying to win back through NC. All the time spent on that one girl has been freed up to allow you to better yourself

Well said.

 

[waltfranks]

Day 1
Been in an emotional relationship with a woman much younger than me for about two months. I became pretty obsessed with her and, as a result, was far too needy and instigated contact far too often. She liked me, she said she did clearly, but blew hot and cold. I'd see her on the way to work and we'd build up to some physical contact at the end of the week. She lives with a guy and would get guilty and then it would all 'reset' over the weekend. She always said nothing would happen between us but I was pretty sure it would if I didn't blow it.
Her bf is a bit of a loser tbh and she has acknowledged that he takes her for granted financially and that she 'accepts her lot'
Then after a fairly drunken Friday night last week in which I met her late on the way home and during a day in which I'd been so needy that I'd become downright creepy, she didn't contact me and told me to leave her alone at the weekend. On Monday morning we sat together but it was so so cold you could see the ice on the inside of the window. Then, Monday afternoon she emails to say that it's not the way she wants her life to be and that it's over.
I of course do the whole gutted, emotional thing and basically beg her to stay friends. She is downright cold and emails to say that it might be worth a go but that we can never go back to how we were. And that if I transgress, she will cut me out. At that point I became angry and decided to go NC and ignore her for my own sanity.
I see her waiting for the train at a distance on Tues morning but NC. As we get off, I overtake her and ignore her. Then she emails me saying she knows she isn't the innocent one and apologising for her previous email. I go NC for the rest of the day but then she walks past me on the train on the way home and smiles. I do not smile but respond to her previous email saying that I was glad she had apologised. Wish I'd stayed NC and ignored it.
So today is Day 1. I need to be honest and say that, at the moment, I will use NC in the hope that she breaks it and contacts me. As time goes on, that might change as she fades in my mind.
I put this girl on a pedestal. She is beautiful, funny and a delight. But she's also a bit of a narcissist and displays an extraordinary lack of empathy sometimes. I know it's better that she is not in my life but I have an addiction here and only time and NC is going to kick it.

 

[Formerlyrossitheking]

She gets:

No call
No text
No message
No email
No snapchat
No fb
No letter
No chance meeting
No meet up
No 'first date'
No spoonfeeding
No tease
No 'neg'
No second chance

Nothing.

Whether it's a week, 30days, the 'golden' 2 months, a year. Whatever.

She gets Nothing.

It's been. It's done. It's gone.

The sooner you realize your wasting your fvcking time. The better.

She is not coming back.

It's dead.

Grief.

Then come back stronger. Your time deserves it.

Then when she attempts to get back in contact with you (for nothing more than an ego boast) which she will eventually do (because you have showed a backbone).......be it a week, a month, a year or whatever.

You simply........repeat the above.

Your time is more valuable than some chick. Time will confirm that to you.

 

[Groverz]

Is there anyone that actually want their ex girlfriend back and doing NC for that reason, or am i the only one here? Lol Day 4 of NC.

I do, just not now. Not ready and I don't think she is too, gotta get myself back on track.

 

[Machtwo]

24 hours

Well then, what a difference 24 hours can make, there I was feeling pretty happy with things & trying to help others on here, then BAM!, I wake up this morning and I feel like I've been totally stabbed in the back, I've not had this feeling or thought before.., what the fvck!!?

 

[Jariel]

Well then, what a difference 24 hours can make, there I was feeling pretty happy with things & trying to help others on here, then BAM!, I wake up this morning and I feel like I've been totally stabbed in the back, I've not had this feeling or thought before.., what the fvck!!?

Same happens to me all the time mate. I keep feeling like I'm getting there and I start sharing the advice that helps me, but then all of a sudden I get a thought or suspicion jump into my mind and it starts to plague me. Next thing I know, I'm making up a whole story around this little suspicion, my body is tense and my pulse is racing and I'm feeling angry and resentful.

That's all it takes to ruin my day and set me back.

And yet, I can often go the opposite direction. I start thinking more accepting thoughts, I see things from her perspective and I start to feel much better about the situation and empowered to move forward.

This is why I try to take a more positive and forgiving attitude to the situation and towards my ex...because ultimately it helps me.

An exercise that is really helping me right now is to stop and monitor my train of thoughts and how they influence my emotions. When I feel down, I backtrack and ask myself what thought(s) triggered it. I also take time to observe the physical feeling of the emotion, where it resides and this is really helping me to control it.

 

[Machtwo]

Thanks Jariel, I know most of my thinking about my situation is self inflicted, I have no evidence to back up any of the random sh1t I dream up occasionally, all I know is that I was sh1t on, this is a fact and I can get well & truly angry about it - if I let it!

 

[BeefNoJerky]

NC Challenge, Day #5

Though we haven't had any contact in 7 days, I'm on my 5th day of having accepted this challenge.

The last few hours have been the hardest. I don't want to contact her, but I do find myself wanting to go checking up on her on Facebook. It's crazy. I know that the longer I wait, the more it will drive up her interest in me, and as soon as I contact her, it will resolve any tension that she's having.

Given that I ultimately don't want to be with this girl, I'm finding myself constructing bullsh** logic like, "contact her, then she won't like you then you'll be free of her". Can you believe that?!? As a friend once said, "when you're alone, you're not in good company."

Anyway, I'm certain that without this forum I'd be contacting her. Thank you guys for helping me strive for some degree of self-respect.

Hang in there guys,
BeefNoJerky

 

[Machtwo]

G.I.G.S.

This link may help one or two people on here, I've just read it & it certainly could have been written about my ex. It hasn't given me any hope for the future, more confirmation of what my course of action will be cometh the day!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/bre...aks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome

 

[Renegade357]

G.I.G.S.

This link may help one or two people on here, I've just read it & it certainly could have been written about my ex. It hasn't given me any hope for the future, more confirmation of what my course of action will be cometh the day!

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/bre...aks-breaking-up/251986-grass-greener-syndrome

I think this is what happened to me. I don't think it's limited to women in their early to mid-20s either. One thing that's true is if she wanted to reconcile I'd be very fearful of her dropping me again. The reasons we broke up are confusing and I even have trouble explaining it to friends. When she broke up with me she seemed very unsure of herself. Either that or she was afraid to go through with it and hurt me. One or the other. She didn't actually say she wanted to split, I sorta forced it after she didn't say she wanted to stay together. I'll probably never know what was going through that nutty chick's head. I really need to stop thinking about it.

If she could drop me that easily I would never feel safe getting back with her.

 

[Machtwo]

I have trouble explaining it to anybody who asks!

Her actions fit stereotypical templates, very confusing!

 

[Renegade357]

I have trouble explaining it to anybody who asks!

Her actions fit stereotypical templates, very confusing!

I honestly think my chick was never fully into me to begin with. She faked it for a full year and never had the courage to break up with me. Her strategy for the last month of our relationship was to make me miserable until I dumped her.

 

[tripod23]

evening guys,,,,,i know one thing for sure , that if you show weakness the chick will look at you in a totally different way , any begging , pleading , showing up at her work ect will just make her realise you dont feel worthy to be with her , now on the other hand a lot of chicks will dump your ass just because you will not bend and mould yourself into what she wants .......

but at the end of the day you must also comprehend that any woman who is foooking you around is either hooking up with another dude , or she is just not that into you anymore...simple.

but as a man [ alpha ] that is he will just say ok see ya give me a call if you change your mind , and hes gone into the night and she maybe left thinking wtf just happend . most guys i have had before beg me to stay with them , flowers , meals , promises all that bullsh-t .

the other thing to think about is the chicks father figure , while she was growing up , if her father just did anything her mother said just to keep peace , then the chick will be looking for something similar from you....because its wired into her brain..... from an early age.

as i have read above i know that some days are tough , and things pop into your mind , you may even think she is seeing someone else , she banging him even , i know just how this feels trust me , BUT ONCE YOU GET TO THE PLACE WHERE YOU SAY ENOUGH IS ENOUGH FOOOOK THIS **** I DESERVE BETTER , THAT WILL BE THE DAY WHEN YOU MAY START TO FEEL BETTER.

ITS A PROCESS.

i have some awesome memorys of my ex , and she seemed so sincere and i believed her i really did , but you must always remember the heartache she has put you through over the last weeks , months , or when ever . and if you have any trust issues then i really think your like me,,,,,,and thats screwed ...because without trust & respect there will never be love...

all what is happening to us all now is a learning curve , it makes you sit up and question a lot of your own actions as well as hers , so be greatfull for the opportunity , because its better to learn now , as opposed to if you were married , because that gets really painfull so iv been told.

just continue moving forward , try to become the best at what you do , and realise your a catch , and if some chick wants to try and treat me like sh-t then she will not be seeing any more of you.....let them stuggle on .

most chicks will always have a couple of blokes , dudes , idiots call them what you want as backup because they hate being on there own,,,,,,they need ego boosts and validation all the time .

so guys in conclusion , just dont even think of contacting her if she dumped you , remember silence is the key here. but be prepared to never see or speak to her ever again , which if she treated you badly you will most likely be glad about as time moves on.

take care

 

[adam225]

She gets:

No call
No text
No message
No email
No snapchat
No fb
No letter
No chance meeting
No meet up
No 'first date'
No spoonfeeding
No tease
No 'neg'
No second chance

Nothing.

Whether it's a week, 30days, the 'golden' 2 months, a year. Whatever.

She gets Nothing.

It's been. It's done. It's gone.

The sooner you realize your wasting your fvcking time. The better.

She is not coming back.

It's dead.

Grief.

Then come back stronger. Your time deserves it.

Then when she attempts to get back in contact with you (for nothing more than an ego boast) which she will eventually do (because you have showed a backbone).......be it a week, a month, a year or whatever.

You simply........repeat the above.

Your time is more valuable than some chick. Time will confirm that to you.

:yes: I like... +1 rep buddy

 

[European-DJ]

Day 80

My emotional roller coaster ride has been just as hectic as yours. I have gone to bed felling like the knight in armor, and woken up like a backstabbed peasant.

The first 20 days was the hardest, my ex cheated on me while I was away on vacation, and when I came back she acted like nothing happened. She had started acting distant, and I knew something was wrong – all hell broke loose when I pressured her and she admitted that she had cheated while I was away.

At first I exploded and turned my back on her, but this was a girl I had spent 2 years of my life with, and something I just couldn’t leave from one day to another, even considered the circumstances.

I tried working it out with her, tried to glue the pieces together and rebuild what was broken – it just didn’t work out the way I wanted it too.

She was still in contact with him, and even admitted – after I pressured her again - that she wanted to pursue a relationship with him, and couldn’t see it work out with me and her, I was used like a backup, until everything was settled between the two.

She kept pushing me away, and I realized that was it, I gave her back all of her things and ended the whole thing right there – even though, deep inside, I just couldn’t handle the thought of me and her not being together, I was thrown out of the warm comfort zone, and into the cold and unknown.
After this incident, I only contacted her once – in a friendly way – but did not receive any reply. I decided to go NC.

Since then, I have had my ups and downs; I have been at the verge of insanity, going from extreme highs to extreme lows, and I miss her every day – the only thing keeping me from going back to her is that I know it would be the wrong thing to do.

I have reached day 80, and while I must admit it is a lot easier, I today almost broke no contact.

Every day I have to deal with the fact that she have moved in under 500 meters from my current apartment, on a street that I have to bike past at least 10 times a day to get to School, work, the gym, my parent – basically anywhere. Every day, when I bike home from work/the gym, I see the light in her bedroom and feel unease, because I know she is with her new boyfriend and it hurts every time.
- I even meet her boyfriend from time to time, I see the look that he gives me, he knows exactly who I am and he doesn’t like me. I don’t like him either; I fell like getting into a fight with him every time I see him, but instead I act respectfully and don’t bother giving him neither my attention nor time.

As you can imagine, it is very hard constantly being reminded of my Ex, being reminded of the guy that she cheated with, being reminded that she is so close but still out of reach – that is why I almost broke no contact today, I went by her street, stopped for a second, saw the lights in her bedroom and almost went to her door – the feeling of just seeing her one more time, just hearing her voice just once again, was like a drug addict craving for just another needle – but in front of the door was her new boyfriend, with his best friend (My ex’s roomies boyfriend) and a third guy. Even though I am not frightened by any of them, I decided to get back on my bike, and go home.

Braking contact would just send me back to scratch; breaking contact wouldn’t bring her back –even if it did, would I really have her back after everything she has done? Would I be able to enjoy any second of it knowing that she could cheat any moment? And could I allow myself the misery of getting back together, trying to repair something that is already broken? No, I am definitely better off with a clean sheet of paper, as you can never completely erase old pencil stripes from a white piece of paper, you can use a rubber, but the marks will be forever.

 

[tripod23]

european dj.......thats not very nice to have that done to you at all , but try to put it in all perspective if you can , you are 21 years of age right , well hers a little story for you ,

i went out with a girl from being 16 until i was nearly 21 , i will hold my hand up and say i wasnt a very good boyfriend to her at all , and even to this day and i am now nearly 42 i still regret being that person back then .

but back to the story , she cheated on me with a guy who i confronted while they were together in the car , he wouldnt get out and face me , she looked shocked as hell , so i walked away went no contact while she was with him , he used to drive past my house in his brand new motor , it made me feel like sh-t.......she then came back 3 months later , we patched things up , but i never really got over what happend , things went side ways and we ended yet again , she met up with another ex boyfriend who she ran off with had a child very shortly after , and then moved away , it took me a long time to get over that ,,,,,i mean a long time.

she must have been married i would say 20 yrs , then out of the blue her husband decided to comit suicide , so she is now a widow , and from what i was told she was not all that bothered because she is better off now .

now my point to this is ......that just because you get dumped does not mean in any way shape or form that she will live happily ever after and you will never meet anyone else , you may meet someone next week , next month , 2 yrs from now.... who knows .

but let me tell you from my point of view , you are young enough to get through this ......i saw i mate of mine last week who iv known all my life , he has just broken up with his partner after 13 yrs , they lived together and all the rest of it , he will be selling up moving back with parents and starting again . he is 42......

so things aernt as bad as they could be ......just imagine being him how would you feel . i know now i would be really pi--ed .

do not contact her at all my friend , shes a cheater , and is no good in the long run , even if you got back together the is always nagging doubts in your mind ....foook that you have youth on your side ...plus you are learning this stuff while you are young , when i was 21 mate there was NO internet to fall back on like this website for instance.

go live your life brother and forget all that sh-te that makes you feel like you need to contact her .......grind it out you will be glad you did.

life is funny in many ways ,,,and you never know whats round the corner....

good luck fella