The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[john doe71]

What can I say guys, you were right and she's told me now that she's been seeing someone else.

I am not even going to recount all the mistakes I've made, all the advice I should've taken and how badly I have fvcked up.

I really should've just listened and not taken this guilt and blame upon myself.

I can't really say anything more. You guys tried to tell me, yet I wasn't taking it in. I've learned the hard way now. Hopefully it will sink in and save me this trouble in the future.

Not really sure how to rebuild myself from here.

You need to be out celebrating the fact that she is someone elses problem now. You will find someone much better so enjoy the single life buddy

 

[Jariel]

You need to be out celebrating the fact that she is someone elses problem now. You will find someone much better so enjoy the single life buddy

Yes you're right. The relationship brought so much pressure and misery upon me, I should be glad.

To be honest, at least now it's over. No more discussions, no more wondering, hoping, clinging or obsessing. Part of me feels a sense of relief and closure now.

And not only have I learned how to handle a situation like this in future, I've learned (from her) how to get inside someone's head and stir up their emotions. Sometimes we need a mistress of mind games to really teach us how to play.

I'll be fine guys. The future is waiting.

 

[Lotus Effect]

We have all tried to tell him and he doesnt listen. He obviously has low self esteem and his probs are beyond any advice we give. Sux but it is rediculous. Man the fu*ck up ariel!!!!! And get on with ur life!!!

It's not like this man!

As I've said earlier, some take it better than others. Some believe that their situation is salvagable in some kind. I was one of this dudes. If you look back my posts you can see how weak and pathetic I was. Lot's of guys in here saw my slow but continuos evolution. Tripod, Cali, Renegade, Culebra, Machtwo, Groverz, fuko2007, mkj1990, Driggs and many others. Jariel included.

But I had to really hit rock bottom to see things with another eyes. I had to go to the deeppest low I've been to understand that from there, the only possible way to go was up, 'cause I couldn't reach any lower. But only from there.

I can't really say anything more. You guys tried to tell me, yet I wasn't taking it in. I've learned the hard way now. Hopefully it will sink in and save me this trouble in the future.

Not really sure how to rebuild myself from here.

First of all, f*ck if she is seeing someone else. Once again, she only told you this sh*t to hurt you even more. GO GHOST. Thankfully, I've been man enough all of this time not to check on how my ex is doing, firstly because I don't want to hurt myself, and secondly because f*ck whatever she is doing with her life, I don't give a f*ck about it, since SHE IS DEAD.

And that is what just happened today Jariel. Your Ex died. Together with her father. Both of them are dead. Car accident. Boom. Gone. So from now on you cannot check what the F is going with her life, because she is not alive anymore. The only thing you could check is her tombstone in the graveyard, but thankfully you have other important sh*t to do!

You know when the situation was the opposite, when you were feeling great and I was a sappy AFC, I also didn't want to hear your wise words, or anyone else for that matter. And I went on a coffee with her against all advices that were given. I sent a letter to her against all advices that were given as well. You got the idea. When something is on our minds, there's no way anyone can tell us to do the opposite. So don't blame yourself for not taking the advices. This is just natural human behaviour.

Also, like me, you learned the only way that stubborn f*cks like us can learn. THE HARD WAY.

I just hope you've learned this time alright!

And about rebuilding yourself, just see things from the other side of the coin. It was a lesson. A valuable one. And the more it hurts you, the stronger you get. As I've said, let the EGO take this blow. It grew too confortable.

On a personal tip, once again I will say this to you. Go do some Transcendental Meditation. Pay for the sh*t. Things will slowly grew to change! I've been healing way way faster ever since I started. You know it, you've been following my posts ever since "falecomnetto".

Now it's time for you to step out of your confort zone...

...Again!

EDIT:

You need to be out celebrating the fact that she is someone elses problem now. You will find someone much better so
enjoy the single life buddy

^^^This, I approve!

 

[tripod23]

jariel , i think if she wants you she will find you mate , please stop blaming yourself , listen i did something very much the same back in feb/ march this yr , i knew my ex was with another dude but she didnt know i knew at all to be fair .

see i was one step ahead of her all the time , once you can accept what is done is done , that is the time when you know in your mind ..... right ok i am at rock bottom , fvck this **** i am moving forward and she doesnt deserve me.

all the advice that has been given is first class it really is , see the problem is emotions , they are a mother f-cker to keep under control .

i must say i have let mine run wild this year , i should know better at my age.
i have taken a massive blow from my ex , to the point where i just can not beleive someone can be so cold.....its just like i have been in a dream for a full year . foooking horrid seriously .

i can tell your are at that point , but listen fella all you have done is try to set things straight with this girl , really thats all .

to me she sounds like my ex , no matter how much explaining you do , talking all the same logic bull**** , nothing works , let me tell you why .

she has made her mind up...... and so has mine . aint life a mother foooker .

your next move is like the guys say above ballocks to wether she is seeing someone else , its just to hurt you , i know for a fact the same thing is happening to me as we speak , do i sound botherd , i dont think so , ok maybe a little , but f-ck that **** . they are so small minded its unreal , just f-ck her right off.

i did the same as you writing the old letter , get this only ten pages long , sad tw-t i am , do i sound botherd hell no , because i did it at the time because it felt right and so did you.

just look at it this way ....did she write to you ...let me guess NO.

IT GOES BACK TO WHAT I SAID THEY LOVE DRAMA , EGO TRIPS , AND BEING CHASED SO THEY CAN TELL THEIR FRIENDS,,,,,,DO YOU KNOW HE WONT LEAVE ME ALONE.........THIS IS HOW THEY TALK IM TELLING YOU .

NOW IF YOU JUST GO GHOST , WHAT THE FVCK IS SHE GOONA SAY TO HER GIRLYS THEN..........THINK ABOUT IT SHE AINT THAT POPULAR NOW IS SHE.......

LISTEN PAL I HAVE NO DOUBT YOU HAVE MADE MISTAKES WE ALL DO , BUT IF THIS GIRL HAD ANY FEELINGS FOR YOU , I THINK SHE WOULD BE WANTING TO TALK ABOUT WHAT WENT DOWN AND HOW IT CAN BE SORTED , BUT FROM WHAT IV READ SHE COULDNT GIVE A MONKEYS........YEAH HER FATHER HAS PASSED THAT IS SAD FOR IT TO HAPPEN TO ANYONE , BUT SOMETIMES IN LIFE THESE THINGS HAPPEN TO GIVE CERTAIN PEOPLE A WAKE UP CALL.............THINK ABOUT THAT AS WELL MATE.

SOME PEOPLE GO THROUGH LIFE TREATING OTHERS LIKE DOOR MATS , AND THATS FINE IF YOU CAN LIVE WITH YOURSELF , BUT AS THE OLD SAYING GOES IF HE DOENST CALL GOING HE WILL CALL COMING BACK . AND I THINK THERE IS A LOT OF TRUTH IN THAT STATMENT.

SO LISTEN MATE START TOMORROW WITH A DIFFERENT OUTLOOK , YOU TRIED YOUR BEST , BUT SHE WASNT HAVING ANY OF IT , IT LOOKS LIKE SHE REALLY WANTED YOU TO SUFFER , SO FROM NOW ON JUST PUT ALL THIS DOWN AS A GREAT LESSON IN LIFE .

GOOD LUCK

 

[Lotus Effect]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to tripod23 again.

I'm really glad I've read that!

Thanks man. Not only fits Jariel's situation and yours, but mine as well. And it goes with the same kind of thought I have right now.

I wrote the letter. It was what felt right back then and f*ck it. It was good for ME doing that! Whatever she thought back then or she is thinking right now is her problem, not mine anymore, thank god. Even though I'm strong and good willed with my NC, and I'm trying to help all the others guys who are struggling like I did, it's really good read some reasuring sh*t from time to time.

I know it wasn't directed to me, but damn it fitted like a glove!

Thank you tripod23

 

[Jariel]

Damn right guys, this is all absolutely brilliant advice that I should've taken ages ago. But like Tripod said, those emotions are a b1tch!! Brings out another person entirely.

I've been sitting here thinking about how to move forward from here and I realise I have to be willing to make the fvcking effort!! I've been allowing this depression and obsession to take me without putting up a fight. I've been feeling downtrodden and keep telling myself I can't get through this, I'm hurt, I'm drained, I need time, but the truth is I've not been making any effort to help myself and this is where I need to man up and suck up the pain.

 

[Driggs]

the truth is I've not been making any effort to help myself

Of course you have, your posts here are proof of that. I just think dwelling on emotional problems of various sorts is counterproductive. I used to have trouble with depression and now that I have made a conscious effort not to talk about it, I think it has improved quite a bit.

You might get some benefit from some of the Ross Jeffries stuff for self-NLP. For anyone not familiar with him, he is basically the grand daddy of all modern PUA / seduction methods and in my opinion is brilliant.

You're in luck-- here it is on YouTube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMf0yn5sJ1c

I think this thread in general is not such a great idea because it encourages people to get on here every day and spend some time ruminating about how they CANT CONTACT THE GIRL TODAY.

What's going to happen if every day you participate in a thread about how you are making a huge effort not to think about a purple cow?

The fact that you are still broken up about that girl after a month shows that something you're doing isn't working. Why not spend your computer time on Facebook meeting ten new girls a night and flirting with them? That's not to say you're going to become Casanova by sitting on facebook but it's a whole lot closer to Casanova than a sausage party of guys who can't get over their exes.

I haven't posted at all in this thread about my month of NC. I waited until I had recovered my frame, then contacted her yesterday and today. She replied something btchy and nasty yesterday, which left her open for me to "crack the whip" on her, meaning a little pull followed by a push-- my message today gave her a little gentle scolding about being a btchy little girl, and then told her I wouldn't be interested in her.

Since I intend to go NC on her anyway for a good long time, and since I talked about this girl last I have found out even MORE damn good reason to do so, it really doesn't matter what I do, so I took the opportunity to do a little experiment.

I was interested in whether I would be able to pull her back in enough to apply aloofness, and then see the psychological effect that aloofness had. Even her btchy response was nevertheless in fact a response and gave me the opening I needed to reject her.

We'll see how that works over the next six months or so. She has changed her FB avatar to a "bedroom eyed" glamour shot, which is an obvious reaction and an attempt to make me feel jealous. At this point I'm about as jealous as I would be with a biology experiment.

 

[Laura2013]

Wow I had no idea guys go through this kind of psychological analysis to try to fulfill their love/sex lives. I assumed the way men act is just ingrained in their personalities for the most part.

I am trying to figure out how to handle a breakup. I dumped the guy over something silly though things were going well, though there were a lot of other problems in the relationship. When I break up with a guy part of me feels really guilty I might break the guy's heart and part of me feels like the guy doesn't care enough to be sad over it anyway.

I guess I should wait a couple weeks to sort out my feelings and let him sort out his emotions. I am already thinking about how sad it will be not to be able to hug him and feel sad thinking of him being lonely also. It's really hard to not contact someone after a breakup, when you are used to sharing everything with them. I guess I will just kind of let the dust settle? I just don't know when is a good time to call him or if I should wait for him to call me since I'm the one who rejected him.

 

[tripod23]

driggs.....i must say that your point about writing on here everyday can do you more harm than good , keep dwelling on what has happend .

these situations are foooking awefull when they happen , and the modern day b-tch really knows how to foook with your head , but the net is a great tool to seek out help and info like this , like i said in one of my posts i had another situation a long time ago when i was nearly 20........i can remember going 3 months of no contact with this chick..........iv not got a clue how i did it , there was no net no nothing just a few friends and family , and after a while thats gets you down.

at least this way it feels like a bit of an outlet to some degree , having said that really nothing has changed other than nowadays its far easier for an ex to look you up , or get back in touch really it couldnt be more simple .

chicks of today have had their arses wiped far too much , you even see school girls walking around trying to look like wags .....its a joke , its all because there mothers are are so far up their own arses they can see wood for trees.

these foookers dont know what hard work is seriously , they get most of their money from having kids , or a broken marriage where they fleece the guy , and they just know for a fact its easy come easy go , and thats why they really behave the way they do............this is why if they treat you badly you must show them that you will not allow this sort of behaviour from them...

most guys pander to a chicks needs like some sort of butler , because he thinks he will never find one like this.......but the truth is its to be hoped you dont find another one like this otherwise your really in fvcking trouble....holy ****.

anyway at least from now on there is only one way to go and thats up......

here watch this cheese.......its very upbeat and will get you ready for the weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UtKADQnjQmc

 

[tripod23]

laura2013 , welcome on board.........but i really dont think you belong here if your female..................lol lol

 

[Laura2013]

laura2013 , welcome on board.........but i really dont think you belong here if your female..................lol lol

I was googling information about breakup advice and it brought me to this site, before I realized it is catering to guys trying to be better at picking up women. However, women are given the same advice, like if you read He's Just Not That Into You or some of the other dating material designed for us, it's surprisingly similar in how you should behave in relationships, when to leave, etc. and how to react after a breakup.

 

[tripod23]

hi laura......its a great site , it would be good to hear your story , maybe some of the guys could chip in and maybe give you some advice ,

i can give you some great tips ..........but i will need your phone number first.........lol lol

 

[Laura2013]

hi laura......its a great site , it would be good to hear your story , maybe some of the guys could chip in and maybe give you some advice ,

i can give you some great tips ..........but i will need your phone number first.........lol lol

What happened was, he got upset I went to a movie with an ex-boss (who I'm not interested in and never will be--and my guy has met my ex-boss at the office where he used to work) and then he told his friends about it asking if they'd be upset and they made some negative comments. He called me just to talk about other things and told me what they said, maybe not even trying to hurt my feelings but just say I was wrong. I got upset he would talk about me to his friends that way and should trust me and know that I wasn't trying to cheat on him. But apparently the friends and he agreed it was wrong (though I had no bad intentions) and questioned if I really respect him. I started crying and he apologized. So then I sat at home and thought about all the negative things about our past, though things had been going really well lately, and wrote a breakup email. I already want to make up with him but feel like I should wait a little while, maybe a couple weeks, to show respect for his feelings and self-respect for my decision. Reading this website makes me wonder if it would be viewed as me testing him, though that was not my intention at all.

I don't want to move on in all honesty and am not interested in anyone else, though I guess now it looks bad, especially because we are long-distance and he will be back soon--in a couple weeks or less, after I have been waiting a year. I guess part of me is afraid of how things will work out when he gets back, and we dated 6 months prior to the physical separation. We had been getting much closer and were really looking forward to reuniting, but I hated imagining him badmouthing me to the friends! I feel like he should protect my reputation and not let others say bad things, even if he doesn't like something I did.

I want to add, I wasn't trying to manipulate him or test his reaction. If I was, it was not conscious, though reading this website makes me think someone who has the mindset advocated here would view it that way. I honestly didn't think he would mind at the time, and his reaction was way more than I expected. But I didn't find it attractive at all the way he reacted so negatively. It just made me want to push him away. On another thread, I was reading how a man should put a woman in her place or she will view him as weak. I guess there is a way of doing that, that also seems really insecure and is unattractive, at least to me. I don't know if this is the end for real or not... I guess I want to wait a couple weeks to see how much I miss him.

 

[Formerlyrossitheking]

Damn right guys, this is all absolutely brilliant advice that I should've taken ages ago. But like Tripod said, those emotions are a b1tch!! Brings out another person entirely.

I've been sitting here thinking about how to move forward from here and I realise I have to be willing to make the fvcking effort!! I've been allowing this depression and obsession to take me without putting up a fight. I've been feeling downtrodden and keep telling myself I can't get through this, I'm hurt, I'm drained, I need time, but the truth is I've not been making any effort to help myself and this is where I need to man up and suck up the pain.

Sitting here thinking about how to move forward....try this.

Write a list of your top 10 personal achievements and accomplishments in your whole life.
Now count how many involved any of your ex's.

Tell us what you think of your results. That's a start.

 

[tripod23]

laura , i cant imagine him bad mouthing you to his friends , but the guy probably wondered why you wanted to go to the movies with an ex boss ,

i think you need to talk to him if you still have strong feelings for him , thats if he was a good guy to you , if he wasnt then then it slide , everybody has good points and bad points in life , its wether or not you can meet in the middle ,

a lot of what the guys talk about here is breakups , when things go side ways , they try to make good what they have done wrong , but some females wont have anything to do with the guy ,

it sounds to me like you still want this guy , so go for it , at least from what i can make out you are at least prepared to talk to him .

give it a try if thats what you feel .

i dont think your situation is anywhere near as bad as some of the storys on here , give the guy a call or text.

good luck

 

[Laura2013]

Maybe. Some of the stories here are really sad, and I just now read some and felt horrible for some of the people involved. He wasn't the best guy to me since I support us financially and we fought, but we shared a lot of laughs and had a lot of comfort and chemistry. I think we could work it out if we both want to, if things continue on the trajectory they were, though we had some pretty crazy arguments before it became long-distance, which is what I am most wanting to avoid in the future.

I assumed guys don't get that broken up about relationships, but maybe they really do, they just don't feel as comfortable showing that side, or maybe I have dated some really emotionally unavailable ones. I thought I was the only one who thinks about a breakup everyday. I'm obsessing about this one but still feel justified, so I don't feel that bad about it. I guess only time will tell.

 

[tripod23]

laura , you never know what goes on in a persons mind , me and my ex had some fantastic laughs , and awesome times together , one of the best connections i have ever felt , she once said to me she couldnt leave me if we fell out , but guess what its been 10 weeks with not a single peep from her.

if i had been a total barsteward to her i would say so , i have no problem admitting when im in the wrong , but i wasnt i was a good guy to her and she knows it.

life is funny in the way things happen , at the time you cant get your head around it , and then out of the blue .....BAM something happens that you just did not see coming......very weird.

if this guy of your was relying on you finacially , thats not good let me tell you , as a man he should have been trying to work hard to make the best life he could , any guy who doesnt get off hiss arse and get to work , or even have 2 jobs if thats what it takes is no good.......same goes for women as well.

think about things very carefully laura..........how old are you btw ?

 

[Formerlyrossitheking]

Eat one cheeseburger today. What happens to you. Nothing.
Eat one cheeseburger a day for a week. What happens to you. Nothing.
Eat the same burger for hundred days in a row. What happens to you?You become fat and your health suffers.

The same principle applies to real NC ( Real NC = no form of contact PLUS and the big one. The one which hurts the most and does the most internal damage - social stalking of her. Delete everything in sight of her).
Apply real NC for a day. What happens to you. Nothing.
Apply real NC for a week. What happens? Nothing.

Apply the same NC for a 100 days straight. What happens. The compounded effect of distance from her will grow strongly in your mindset. She will suddenly become distant in your head. How long does it take. What day. Day 50,60,70? Who knows....what's important is that she will eventually become distant and the result will happen before you even realise it. You won't even realise it. The same as the fat that develops from those burgers.

What does this distance of her form in your mindset?

A genuine assurance and belief in yourself. Real Clarity in yourself. Everything about YOURSELF.

Why is this important?

This raises your 'confidence' ( it's no such thing as confidence. It's just the clouds, fears and doubts blocking the sun in your mind. We all have the sun there).

This confidence will then get you anything you desire.

Why?

Because you experienced loss and you are still standing. You realise that it's not about her.........but about YOU.

Who notices this belief and assurance you have in yourself........yep, you've guessed it. Every fvcking person you encounter.


Keep away from those burgers people.

Rossi

 

[Laura2013]

laura , you never know what goes on in a persons mind , me and my ex had some fantastic laughs , and awesome times together , one of the best connections i have ever felt , she once said to me she couldnt leave me if we fell out , but guess what its been 10 weeks with not a single peep from her.

if i had been a total barsteward to her i would say so , i have no problem admitting when im in the wrong , but i wasnt i was a good guy to her and she knows it.

life is funny in the way things happen , at the time you cant get your head around it , and then out of the blue .....BAM something happens that you just did not see coming......very weird.

if this guy of your was relying on you finacially , thats not good let me tell you , as a man he should have been trying to work hard to make the best life he could , any guy who doesnt get off hiss arse and get to work , or even have 2 jobs if thats what it takes is no good.......same goes for women as well.

think about things very carefully laura..........how old are you btw ?

I was thinking of emailing him earlier but I know resisting is best. We both had a problem with drinking, and he was much more severe, while I was still able to work most of the time and still do. In my breakup email I said he can call me when he gets a job. I kind of regret saying hurtful things like that, but it was at the foundation of what went wrong overall. I won't be able to be with him if he still drinks. I guess expecting that much to change though might be too much. I still love him as a person a lot, but I can't see a successful relationship if he stays the same way, so I guess I should maybe think hard about whether I want to go back or not.

I'm 28 next month. I still drink and am trying to quit that right now also, and it's really hard in a different way. I am glad, however, that I am finding it easier to stay sober since relationship problems are kind of what pushed me into drinking. To anyone going through a breakup, I think the advice here of hitting the gym is way better than taking up a drinking habit. I strongly advise against coping with alcohol, even though it may be tempting to hit the bar scene for a while, since habitual drinking can become a problem later on and prevent future healthy relationships, especially doing it to cope.

 

[Renegade357]

I was thinking of emailing him earlier but I know resisting is best. We both had a problem with drinking, and he was much more severe, while I was still able to work most of the time and still do.

When you broke up with him did he beg or just fade quietly into the night?