The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[tripod23]

laura ...if this guy has no job , and not proactivley seeking to find work , forget it.......that is not how life is meant to be , dont get me wrong i have total sympathy for genuine people who cant find work ,

but say you get back with this guy , and go another 12 months no work , being drunk , or drink dependant , what will things be like then,,,,,,that is not what anyone needs , screw that , i love a drink and when i am out i always have a few , but my self respect wouldnt allow it to spiral out of control.

if he just faded into the as renegade says , i would imagine he may just be leaching off someone else by now .

just my thoughts....

 

[BeefNoJerky]

Day 7

NC Challenge, Day #7

Though we haven't had any contact in 9 days, I'm on my 7th day of having accepted this challenge.

I was SO CLOSE to looking her up on Facebook just about an hour ago. If it weren't for this forum there's be NO WAY I wouldn't have.

Thanks guys. I just want to get some distance from her. Any contact or hope of being with her wrecks me. I am so much happier when my attention is on other things.

Thanks everybody.
BeefNoJerky

 

[Renegade357]

if he just faded into the as renegade says , i would imagine he may just be leaching off someone else by now .

Heh, what if he went no contact like most of us have done? Doesn't mean he or we are with someone else. I mean I sure as hell am trying but not yet.

He's probably got some game if he can get a girlfriend when he is an alcoholic and has 0 going on in his life. You never know.

 

[Renegade357]

In my breakup email I said he can call me when he gets a job.

It's interesting that you left the door open for him. Even though it was kind of backhanded.

My breakup was a lot like yours. We had a good relationship without many problems. Both of us have good jobs and no bad/unhealthy habits. It all went sour when I told her that I talked to a friend of mine about our relationship and some of the things I don't like about it. Specifically the fact that she didn't seem to be interested in the long term. Which I thought was true. After a full year together she never talked about the future, never wanted to meet my parents, never said "I love you"..

Anyway, after I told her I had that convo with my friend it drove her off a cliff. She told me the same stuff you were saying. That I didn't trust her, that I didn't protect her, ect.. It was our breaking point. I didn't understand it at the time but reading your post helps clear that up. I think in a way she was using that as an excuse to bail because she had mixed feelings about me. The chick didn't act like a chick acts when she's in love.

Anyway, I got no open door from my ex when we split. She didn't really say much when I broke it off with her. She was just kind of sad and speechless. I had to lead the entire convo. Bottom line is I'd be shocked if she was sitting around thinking about me. I'm also kind of shocked you are sitting around thinking about this ex of yours. Maybe he did go NC on you and it's working. Or maybe you can't find a replacement.

 

[Tack]

Eat one cheeseburger today. What happens to you. Nothing.
Eat one cheeseburger a day for a week. What happens to you. Nothing.
Eat the same burger for hundred days in a row. What happens to you?You become fat and your health suffers.

The same principle applies to real NC ( Real NC = no form of contact PLUS and the big one. The one which hurts the most and does the most internal damage - social stalking of her. Delete everything in sight of her).
Apply real NC for a day. What happens to you. Nothing.
Apply real NC for a week. What happens? Nothing.

Apply the same NC for a 100 days straight. What happens. The compounded effect of distance from her will grow strongly in your mindset. She will suddenly become distant in your head. How long does it take. What day. Day 50,60,70? Who knows....what's important is that she will eventually become distant and the result will happen before you even realise it. You won't even realise it. The same as the fat that develops from those burgers.

What does this distance of her form in your mindset?

A genuine assurance and belief in yourself. Real Clarity in yourself. Everything about YOURSELF.

Why is this important?

This raises your 'confidence' ( it's no such thing as confidence. It's just the clouds, fears and doubts blocking the sun in your mind. We all have the sun there).

This confidence will then get you anything you desire.

Why?

Because you experienced loss and you are still standing. You realise that it's not about her.........but about YOU.

Who notices this belief and assurance you have in yourself........yep, you've guessed it. Every fvcking person you encounter.


Keep away from those burgers people.

Rossi

Good post and exactly what I needed to see right now! I find myself checking every few days whether she still has my family on Facebook - she does - and it's not particularly helping me get forward. I removed her on Facebook after we broke up and set a thing to redirect me to this thread if I tried to go on her profile ahah... Think I might have to do the same redirect for my brother/sister because I have no reason to go on their profile other than to see if she's still friends with them!

Pretty petty but when it's the only source of information about her it's easy to see how people can get really stalkerish without meaning to be.

Edit: Oh and for me this is day ~40. Ridiculous to think it has been that long. I've had entire days where she hasn't entered my head (I think, anyway) but I still look back on the break-up with sadness. Considering the relationship as a whole I find it hard to force myself to think about the bad bits because there honestly weren't too many - very few arguments and very little drama. The whole thing ended with a fizzle, not a bang. Perhaps in the future we'll start talking again (the relationship was actually really good for me) but for the immediate future I'll be keeping up the NC.

Have faith anyone that has recently broken up or is even at day 20/30. Another week or two really helps more than you might think.

 

[mkj1990]

You know what really cracks me up? When a woman treat you like absolute sh*t for months, and dump you in a cruel way. And then all of a sudden bombard you with text-messages wanting to get your attention after a couple of months.

... and right in between there somewhere you've realized what a piece of sh*t she is. :crackup:

Well, it's just happening.

So I just opened up a beer and put my feet on the table. Cheers lads. She had her chance, and blew it.

NC lads. The way to do it. I NEVER pictured my self in this possition when I started NC around two months ago.

 

[Renegade357]

NC lads. The way to do it. I NEVER pictured my self in this possition when I started NC around two months ago.

Nice work, you held out for 2 months and now she's contacting you? What kind of stuff is she saying?

 

[BeefNoJerky]

Day 7 of the NC Challenge, Day 9 since our last contact.....

AND SHE JUST CONTACTED ME. I got a message from her, like, 2 minutes ago via Facebook and I archived it without even looking at it!

My heart is racing. My pupils are dilated and I'm slightly shaky. But, I DID IT.

Thanks for being here guys.
BeefNoJerky

 

[TitanSS]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVsoPU4DhVA

Theory Of A Dead Man - So Happy

If you're missing a girl. Listen to this and adopt his attitude.

 

[BeefNoJerky]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVsoPU4DhVA

Theory Of A Dead Man - So Happy

If you're missing a girl. Listen to this and adopt his attitude.

This is EXACTLY what I needed to hear tonight. Thanks, @TitanSS

 

[Driggs]

I think we can all agree that the purpose of this thread, and of NC in general, is to help you get to a point where you feel settled about this person, and happy and fulfilled in your own life.

That is a process. Could you imagine yourself a month from now, looking back on today and laughing, not only wondering why you felt so glum then but realizing that today was the day you made that decision to move forward into the sunlight?

Someone once told me that when you really find yourself moving on, the people and things that seemed so important seemed to just recede into the background. She even said that for her, their images in her memory seemed to get foggy and indistinct, like black and white pictures she hadn't looked at in a while and didn't want or need anymore.

And I thought that was a very good way of explaining the way that memories fade. When you really think about it, it could take time, but two weeks from now when you're feeling better, you could look back and realize that it seemed to take no time at all.

Go out and see the sun.

 

[Jariel]

Feeling surprisingly good...

The other day was one of the worst I've had. I was overwhelmed with guilt over my ex's dad dying, then when I found out she was seeing someone, I was crushed. I could feel my heart pounding, be stomach churning and felt like giving up on life.

But yesterday I told myself I need to push through this. Not just think happy thoughts or wait for time to heal...I need to make a real effort to fight. Like a boxer lying on the mat listening to the ref counting him out, I realised I can't just lie there and wait, I needed to give everything I've got to get back on my feet.

It's kinda weird, but it felt almost like a physical strain going on inside my head, but I could literally feel myself regaining control. I kept telling myself things like "Fvck this sh!t, it's time to man up!" and "Fvck her, fvck this depression, get the fvck back on your feet and enjoy life!" and when those dark thoughts kept coming into my head, I would force them out or just say "I don't give a fvck!"

I stood up tall for the rest of the day, I threw myself into my work and I started texting round various plates and started chatting online. I spent a lot of yesterday emailing and texting a couple of women and feeling a real chemistry with them and it just put this whole break up into perspective.

Learning that my ex is seeing someone helped clear any guilt I've been feeling and forced me to get closure. I feel a massive relief to get her out of my life for good and to know there is no going back.

I had a big smile on my face all of last night and for the first time in 3 months, I've woken up feeling fine and eager to start my day. In fact, I was woken up by a text message from a hot girl I was talking to a while ago.

Sometimes guys, you just have to really push yourself out of this. I know how it feels to be so low you can't even bring yourself to get dressed, you constantly feel sick and like there's no point to life, and all you're thinking is "how do I get out of this?" The answer to that question is focused effort!

You literally have to force yourself out of it in the same way you would lift a weight that's crushing you or climb a steep hill. You will try and fall, and you will feel defeated. Then you will try again, and fall again. But then one time you just find the power inside you to dig in and keep going.

There's a chance I will fall again, but I know I have to push myself back up again. Keep fighting it guys because once you get out of this rut, you will feel this blissful sense of relief waiting for you!

 

[The Simple Man]

Feeling surprisingly good...

The other day was one of the worst I've had. I was overwhelmed with guilt over my ex's dad dying, then when I found out she was seeing someone, I was crushed. I could feel my heart pounding, be stomach churning and felt like giving up on life.

But yesterday I told myself I need to push through this. Not just think happy thoughts or wait for time to heal...I need to make a real effort to fight. Like a boxer lying on the mat listening to the ref counting him out, I realised I can't just lie there and wait, I needed to give everything I've got to get back on my feet.

It's kinda weird, but it felt almost like a physical strain going on inside my head, but I could literally feel myself regaining control. I kept telling myself things like "Fvck this sh!t, it's time to man up!" and "Fvck her, fvck this depression, get the fvck back on your feet and enjoy life!" and when those dark thoughts kept coming into my head, I would force them out or just say "I don't give a fvck!"

I stood up tall for the rest of the day, I threw myself into my work and I started texting round various plates and started chatting online. I spent a lot of yesterday emailing and texting a couple of women and feeling a real chemistry with them and it just put this whole break up into perspective.

Learning that my ex is seeing someone helped clear any guilt I've been feeling and forced me to get closure. I feel a massive relief to get her out of my life for good and to know there is no going back.

I had a big smile on my face all of last night and for the first time in 3 months, I've woken up feeling fine and eager to start my day. In fact, I was woken up by a text message from a hot girl I was talking to a while ago.

Sometimes guys, you just have to really push yourself out of this. I know how it feels to be so low you can't even bring yourself to get dressed, you constantly feel sick and like there's no point to life, and all you're thinking is "how do I get out of this?" The answer to that question is focused effort!

You literally have to force yourself out of it in the same way you would lift a weight that's crushing you or climb a steep hill. You will try and fall, and you will feel defeated. Then you will try again, and fall again. But then one time you just find the power inside you to dig in and keep going.

There's a chance I will fall again, but I know I have to push myself back up again. Keep fighting it guys because once you get out of this rut, you will feel this blissful sense of relief waiting for you!

Nah, it's because of the interview. :cheer:

 

[Jariel]

Nah, it's because of the interview. :cheer:

haha, yes, that's it! Interview everyone in here and cure them mate!

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 45! It's only raining outside!

SHE JUST CONTACTED ME. I got a message from her, like, 2 minutes ago via Facebook and I archived it without even looking at it!

My heart is racing. My pupils are dilated and I'm slightly shaky. But, I DID IT.

Hey man!

Watch out for these messages, specially this early on breakup messages!!

They are the kind of wreteched messages that have no meaning at all... After reading this kind of stuff you wil actually say "What the F*ck". What is she trying to say?

I'll tell you what is she trying to say.... Nothing! She is feeling like cr*p because she cannot handle being alone and now she is trying to reel you in so she can confortably move on.

Remember. She ditched you. It's her fault not yours. She made you feel like sh*t. Now she must pay the price on her own.

If you read it now. You will feel bad. If you read it and answer her, you will feel really bad and altogether she will feel good about herself.

It was her personal choice ditching you. Now be a man, and walk away. Never to be heard again.

Complete the challenge man. The 60 days. It hurts so much. But in the end you will feel so enpowered, not because she is chasing you, but because only a real MAN can walk away never to look back! I have a feeling you can do it man!

PS: Do not delete the message, or any other message she send you. Just don't read it. When you feel you can handle yourself, than read it (Only to realise how full of sh*t she is)

I think we can all agree that the purpose of this thread, and of NC in general, is to help you get to a point where you feel settled about this person, and happy and fulfilled in your own life.

That is a process. Could you imagine yourself a month from now, looking back on today and laughing, not only wondering why you felt so glum then but realizing that today was the day you made that decision to move forward into the sunlight?

Really good you are also feeling like this man! it amazes me how mantaining NC and not giving that b*tch an inch of attention and news can make you see things with other perspective! I'm glad to know that you are also in such a good state of mind Driggs, considering both of us got here about the same time, and the same situation!!

Nah, it's because of the interview. :cheer:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! :crackup: :crackup:
Good one!

Anyway! It's Cool that you are feeling this Good again Jariel. Keep on rolling!

------------------------------------------------------------

As for me, I'm feeling awesome today.
Yesterday ditched a plate that was being hot/cold (Can't take this sh*t anymore) and went to little house party (Me, 2 friends, 4 chicks).

Hooked up with two of them, and got things really hot with one of them in the balcony of the apartment! Really hot!
The girl was 17, yeah, Seven F*cking Teen, had such an angelic face, and was already such a little sl*t! hahaha!

Anyway! Keep going guys!!

Peace

 

[BeefNoJerky]

Hey there Lotus Effect, thanks for your words. I still find myself thinking about her today, but it was good to get outside, get a change of scenery and basically redirect my thinking.

Thanks again everybody,
BeefNoJerky

 

[Lotus Effect]

Hey there Lotus Effect, thanks for your words. I still find myself thinking about her today, but it was good to get outside, get a change of scenery and basically redirect my thinking.

Thanks again everybody,
BeefNoJerky

Sorry man, but you will find yourself thinking about her today, tomorrow, and many days yet to come. This is why it hurts!

You just have to keep on strong, because throught out all of this pain, it will emerge a new stronger you! We only grow in pain!

So hold on, 'cause it will be a hell of a ride!

 

[Driggs]

I've been basically fine since Nov 1. It's all about regaining mental control. In the meanwhile I found out about some things that she did (ie. lied about me when she did not need to do so) that make me much less interested in her. I am attracted to her sexually but I am quite sure there is something wrong with her mentally.

 

[BeefNoJerky]

Sorry man, but you will find yourself thinking about her today, tomorrow, and many days yet to come. This is why it hurts!

You just have to keep on strong, because throught out all of this pain, it will emerge a new stronger you! We only grow in pain!

So hold on, 'cause it will be a hell of a ride!

Boy, did you get the right. I've been thinking about her to much since she sent the message. However, it's been the first time that I've felt even a little control over the situation or myself as it relates to her. Thanks for your help and encouragement.

Day 10
NC Challenge, Day #10

Though I haven't had any contact with her in 12 days, I'm on my 10th day of having accepted this challenge and it's been 2 days since she contacted me and I ignored her.

Not contacting her back has been so liberating. It's the first time I've had the sense that she's not THE ONLY ONE.

I have been pretty restless since she contacted me, but at least this is a change from the old familiar pattern of being at her beckon call. It To be honest, it disgusts me that I even wrote that. It's just gross being weak.

Thanks guys,
BeefNoJerky

 

[Groverz]

I really suck at NC. But I did end up going to her house to give her a bday pres, she liked it, even made her cry. It was a custom painting. See seemed nervous but was decently chatty. Was still in her Pjs because it was pretty early in the morning.

Maybe someday she will come around and see the new and improved me. But until im going out and having fun, no random hookups though. I have had a few offers and turned them down. It gets a bit frustrating though because I just want to go out and have fun and not worry about pissing someone off if I don't want to have sex with them.

O well, back to NC day 1.. lets see if I can make it a few weeks.