The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

tripod23

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how do you get to a place where your not affected by women even when your relationship is over,,,,,,,,,,,,im not really sure how to completly forget about them , because if you could do that then i dont personally think you didnt give a sh-t to begin with . but what i think is you have to be strong enough to take what is thrown at you if you can , i mean my ex has had another dude in her bed where we slept together [ not the best of feelings from my point of view ] she even said he was a pest , she even said her feelings for me hadnt changed , ,,,,,,,,,, ?

i also think that as a man you need to watch a womans actions , and forget what sh-t she comes out with because the morning after she may feel different .

you see when a woman says she loves you , thats how she feels when she says it , two weeks down the line she is dumping your ass for some other dude.........and your thinking wtf happend.......last week she loved me .....sh-t i need to do something to win her back [ that stuff never works ] .

this is why you have to tell her at the time shes dumping your ass , she will almost always want to stay friends.........big yawn another big yawn . then just tell her that doesnt work for me , i love you and want to work things out , if she still says no..............then im afraid its time to walk the walk cause she has made her mind up...........just say - well give me a call if you change your mind - you can even say and if im still free we can talk like adults . otherwise take care and thank you for everything.....see ya , then you have to never contact her again , and i mean never.

guys look at it this way , if your at the point where your the guy who has to pick his stuff up , then what you do is dress sharp , smell nice , and go and collect your stuff , be polite if at all possible , and then say goodbye.

if she cared enough about you while you were together this will be on her mind , she may even already have another dude waiting in the wings , but if you leave her with pleasent - ish thoughts about you before you vanished into the night - she may just question herself .

i blasted my ex the last time we talked - and i realise she most likely will never want us to be together again , but i made that choice when i was backed into a corner , i was sick of her bullsh-t so she got it . all my timings have been out of wack if im being honest , but realise this , plus i also realise that any further conversations have to come from her making it happen , if it never happens , so be it.......thats life.

being 100% honest with you all , i feel i could have handled my situation better , but there are certain things i have learned in the yrs i have been with chicks , and some of the stuff i have talked about doing , be honest with your selves ,

do you want a girl who WANTS to be with you [ FOR YOU ].......i think your answer would be yes of course........so if thats the case why do you want to try and force someone to be with you when they are not showing signs that they want the same thing.......think about it.
 
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Renegade357

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tripod23 said:
how do you get to a place where your not affected by women even when your relationship is over,,,,,,,,,,,
You'll always be affected there's no stopping that but you can definitely decrease the blow. The best way to protect yourself is to get out first when you see things going south. In Doc Love terms that would be at the point where you see that her interest level has dropped under 50% and there's no turning back. They'll still be with you after they start to dislike you because that's what women do. The thing is when they get to that point where they mentally decide its over (but neglect to tell you) it's usually when they turn vicious and actually TRY to hurt you.

I think they do this because they disrespect you for staying with them when they hate you AND you're holding them back from going to the greener grass. They also don't like to be alone.


you see when a woman says she loves you , thats how she feels when she says it , two weeks down the line she is dumping your ass for some other dude.........and your thinking wtf happend.......last week she loved me .....sh-t i need to do something to win her back [ that stuff never works ] .
You can't really judge a woman by their words. They're dishonest by nature. They can't help it because they want to avoid conflict and hurting people's feelings. Always ends up making things worse. Best to watch her actions and how she acts especially when you're not around.


guys look at it this way , if your at the point where your the guy who has to pick his stuff up , then what you do is dress sharp , smell nice , and go and collect your stuff , be polite if at all possible , and then say goodbye.
Yep. The ability to walk away and not look back is the only power we have over them.


being 100% honest with you all , i feel i could have handled my situation better
That's how we all feel I'm sure. I wish I could go back and handle the breakup differently but I did the best I could at the time. The important thing to realize is it's over.


do you want a girl who WANTS to be with you [ FOR YOU ].......i think your answer would be yes of course........so if thats the case why do you want to try and force someone to be with you when they are not showing signs that they want the same thing.......think about it.
You need to learn to drop girls first before they drop you. Most guys get dumped 90% of the time. You need to flip that percentage around the other way and start dropping them when they misbehave.
 

mkj1990

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So my ex contacted me again today, for the second time since the break up.
She texted: "Congratulations with your tattoo. Finally you did it". After a few hours I just answered with a cold "thanks". Didn't want to seem bitter or anything. And I ain't bitter either. I really don't care what she does anymore.
 

tripod23

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yep .....all of the above is correct in one form or another.

everything i have learned will never be enough , but its enough for me to remain on my feet and move forward.

its tough but it could always be worse.
 

tripod23

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great place to be........dont care either way.

well done mate you are at the point which a lot of guys cant get to .
 

tkz

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Nice guy finishes last, girl seeing someone need the experts
I had been seeing this girl for 5 months and we kind of went on and off and she wanted it off, but l liked her and persisted for a full year ,l was always a gentleman even during our dating days , traveled her wherever , flew her on trips and even after we broke up l was there for her l was helping her with her rent, bills and she asked me to help get books for her sisters in Africa last few weeks and l did that.in a nut shell she is a high maintenance and loves to spent and show off girl but l let it slide because l loved her.l basically spend $1500 for the books last few weeks and got get a guchi bag and would meet her every need.In the last 4 months l spend close to $7000 helping out.It was not about the money it was the concern and the care for everyone in her family.Now l am a guy who has a good job and very good salary so the money was not as bad.l helped her so much to point were she did not appreciate it and would sound as if it was my duty and still l tried to be a nice guy.A week before she told me she wanted to start life with a new man she said to me we would get back together in the future and even suggested marriage and talked about how l was the only person she could trust and who was responsible and good guys going places and we talked about how l would build my business empire and end up with her family working for me and stuff and she seemed on board only to be told a week later that she met a guy two days before and wants to start a new thing with him.I told her l would not interfere, nor contact because l want her to get a chance to be happy and if it does not work out l don't want to be implicated.l treated her like gold she got all her desires and l genuinely helped from the heart but l guess l was used and now l am hurting.l have not talked to her in 10 days but she does not care l guess.l am focused on improving myself to higher things in my career but l guess we will never talk again.
 

Bacious

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Day 34 and to be frank I'm slightly disappointed that she hasn't tried to (properly) contact me even once. Much as I'm starting to feel like I'm moving on (certainly in a better frame of mind than the first two weeks) it's still a bit of a kick in the teeth. I guess I just want to feel validated even though I wouldn't reply, in itself that's probably not too healthy.

She was the one to break it off with me and having had over a month to contemplate I see why, I had become far too complacent and boring. Beyond that I also moved further away from her to go to university, which didn't help. The thing is that given our break-up was on exceptionally good terms I can see us getting together in the future when she moves to attend the same uni as me in a bit under a year.

It's not a good thought to keep in my head and I'm still deluding myself in thinking everything will get better if we talk again in the future. Gotta kill that desperation.
 

m7ytn

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Back to 0

So I made a calculated decision to contact my ex today. As I had mentioned before, I had left my spare keys and parking pass for my apartment complex at her place and was originally planning to wait until the full 60 days of NC before contacting her to get them. I thought about this for a good hour and finally decided that I should just go ahead and contact her to get my things. The reason is simple: it is pointless to establish NC when I know that I am going to have to contact her in the future anyway.

So here is how it went--> I called her cell and left a very brief message telling her that I needed to get my spare truck keys, etc... She called me back almost immediately. We had a short conversation in which she asked how I was. I told her I have been busy as hell, which is true. She talked a little bit about her work and then asked If I got the email she sent me last week. I told her yes, but that I didn't feel like it was necessary to respond to it. I asked her if I can pick up my stuff tomorrow, to which she said yes. She then said that she assumed I didn't want to see her because I had previously ignored the email she sent and suggested that she could put my stuff in her mailbox so I could pick it up without meeting. I said that was fine. She talked a little more about what is going on with her life (mostly work) and then I told her that I had to go and would pick up the stuff tomorrow at noon. She told me that it sounds like I am doing well and told me to take care and I told her the same and ended the call.

So tomorrow I am going to go get my sh*t at noon, and will start NC all over again. Sorta sucks because I was 26 days in, but I feel like it was better to do this now than to do it after the challenge. Frankly I was not going to be able to heal knowing that I would have to see her in a month. I do still feel like I have made progress though, I am actually kind of proud of the way I handled the conversation with her...very detached from displaying any emotion other than the fact that I am doing well and keeping busy. At least now I know there won't be a constant reminder that I would have to see her in the future looming over me during the entire challenge. But it still does suck going back to day zero.

Just hang in there guys.
 

Jariel

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I've been doing a lot of reflecting the last days and it really helps to read all of your posts here, so thank you.

I've come to the conclusion that I should really have no regrets. It [/i]feels[/i] like I made a mistake returning her contact and writing her a letter because I've got nothing back from it. It feels sh1t that I got my hopes up and had them shattered again. And yet I realise that her not wanting to get back together is saving me from a lot of pain in the long term and being dragged into her turmoil. She knows it, I know it, but I'm just too emotionally attached to feel it right now.

I wrote the letter to her to clear my own conscience, not as a game to win her back. I'd caused her a lot of hurt, at a time when she needed my support, and I was carrying that guilt with me for a long time. I have finally been able to let go of that guilt and have been able to end things in a more dignified and less hateful way. I have no regrets about that.

Because I'm hurting, I suppose it's natural for me to want to lash out, blame her for everything, fvck with her mind, get the upper hand and so on, but really that's just emotional thinking. The right, and rational thing for me to do is just leave things as they are. Our last contact was actually really positive. I've not begged, manipulated or hounded her, so I'm one of the lucky few who can walk away from my relationship on good terms and with my dignity in tact.

My issue now is with myself, trying to conquer these emotions and obsessive thinking. I need to identify the positive things in my life, the prospects and goals I want to achieve, and focus my energy into those instead. It's difficult right now, but I know that I will get there.

One thing that helps me is studying the sceince behind love and attachment, and how it's essentially just brain chemicals making me feel this way. Here's a really interesting video I recommend...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G4NfXEuF_cs&list=WL40EF3AB14860A4EE

Anyway, thanks again for all your help and advice. Still a lot of healing to do, but really trying to reframe everything in a positive light.
 

Jariel

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Bacious said:
Day 34 and to be frank I'm slightly disappointed that she hasn't tried to (properly) contact me even once. Much as I'm starting to feel like I'm moving on (certainly in a better frame of mind than the first two weeks) it's still a bit of a kick in the teeth. I guess I just want to feel validated even though I wouldn't reply, in itself that's probably not too healthy.
Believe me, it's not as satisfying as you might think. I was healing and moving on just as you are, then I got the message I'd been praying for, saying everything I hoped to hear.

I really thought this would make it easier and make me feel better, but that feeling soon disappears. Instead of thinking "great! she still loves me" you start wondering if it was some kind of manipulation tactic, whether she's seeking validation too and it all starts to feel very negative.

Just keep focusing on moving forward...


Backwardsman said:
Hi all, woke up this morning to a text " you ok? x"....

Its starting.....

Ignore...... ;)
Best thing to do mate! :) Keep strong.
 

Backwardsman

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Jariel said:
Believe me, it's not as satisfying as you might think. I was healing and moving on just as you are, then I got the message I'd been praying for, saying everything I hoped to hear.

I really thought this would make it easier and make me feel better, but that feeling soon disappears. Instead of thinking "great! she still loves me" you start wondering if it was some kind of manipulation tactic, whether she's seeking validation too and it all starts to feel very negative.

Just keep focusing on moving forward...




Best thing to do mate! :) Keep strong.
Cheers mate, i will, and just got another snap chat, not looked at it yet as when you view it it tells the other person its been viewed etc, so will look at it later :)
 

Driggs

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You know, Jariel, maybe it would help you if you didn't write pages about it every day. I think things like that are sort of like plants, they grow depending on how much you feed them, and if you don't feed them they have a tendency to wither away.
 

Jariel

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Driggs said:
You know, Jariel, maybe it would help you if you didn't write pages about it every day. I think things like that are sort of like plants, they grow depending on how much you feed them, and if you don't feed them they have a tendency to wither away.
You could be right mate, but sometimes writing here, venting or getting my thoughts straight helps me to get it out of my system without contacting my ex or bothering my family and friends, which is a positive.

I also decided when I joined this thread that I wanted to document my progress after the break up to share with others my experiences, things I did right and that made me feel better, and of course, everything I did wrong too.

Once I'm over this, I will go back over my posts and try to look for any patterns or insights I can summarise and share.
 

fuko2007

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day 20 something. Starting the move today, i dont feel like working. This week has been hella crazy, still think about the X sometimes but not that much. Heard she was sick with strep throat, made me feel kinda bad. But oh well not my problem anymore, i cant find anyone to f-ing help me move. All my friends are lasy as sh*t, so this is gonna suck. Anyway im abt to get started, wish me luck haha
 

BeefNoJerky

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60-Day NC Challenge, Accepted. Day #1 Today

I'm in slightly a unique situation.

I basically have a ridiculously bad case of one-itis. She and I have been in near-miss situations for 5+ years. Yeah, five... years... We've both been unavailable for long periods of time, but there has always been this smoldering attraction from both of our sides.

Nonetheless, a month ago, she could have gone through a minor difficulty to make it work out.... and she didn't. I was willing to basically sacrifice everything going on in my life for this woman. And, at the end of the conversation, she ended by saying, "someday hopefully you'll be able to do me anally." This is the sort of mixed-message I've been getting for years. Also, while we were in the middle of a hiatus a few months ago, she slept with a guy and then a couple weeks later re-initiated contact with me. I realize, if she really was thinking about me rather than herself, she would have reversed the order of those two things....

So, bottom line, she's owned me mentally for a lot more of my life than I ever wished. Oh, I'm probably older than most of the people on this forum.

Anyway, we had a petty fight over nothing a few weeks ago, so we've been in minimal contact anyway. So, I want to go the next step and get this girl out of my life, for at least the foreseeable future. If there ever again there IS any contact, I want her chasing me more than I chase her. But, again, that's even if we have any more contact and for my own peace of mind, I don't even know if I do.

So, today I deleted her contact information from Google, from WeChat, put her on my restricted list on Facebook and made it so that she doesn't show up in my newsfeed.
 

m7ytn

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Do women think we buy into their sh*t? NC Day 0

So, as I said in a previous post, I went to get my keys and my parking pass back from my ex who was supposed to put it in her mailbox. I had told her I would be there at 12:00 noon on the dot. I pull up, check the mailbox and guess what is in there... a lot of mail (that i had to go through looking for my stuff) and nothing else...no keys, no parking pass.

So, I went and knocked on her door and I am assuming she was sitting right beside it because she answered in like 5 seconds. This was the following dialogue:

Me: "Did you forget?"

Her: "No, I just didn't expect that you would be here this soon."

Me: "I said I would be here at noon."

Her: "I'm sorry" (as she goes to grab the parking pass)..."Oh, and I can't find the your keys, I don't think you left them here." (she hands me the parking pass and looks like she is about to start crying).

Me: "Well, thanks...take it easy." (I get in my truck and drive away).

This gentlemen, is a prime example of a woman's bull****. Maybe I am reading too much into this, but here is what I think:

First: I told her I would be there at noon on the dot... I was in the military for 6 years and something that stuck with me is that I AM ALWAYS ON TIME. She knows this, and I do not think for a minute that she didn't expect me...at the exact time I said I would be there. She wanted me to knock on her door, because she wanted to see me...there is no other reasonable explanation for that.

Second: I do not believe for a minute that she "couldn't find my keys" or that "I must not have left them there." A week before we broke up I remember they were on the key rack beside the door...I know because I remember her saying "you left your spare keys, they are on the key rack" (from when we previously lived together)...and I forgot to grab them when I left that day. A week later after we broke up, I kept thinking about the fact that I was going to have to get those keys back...for every bit of 4 weeks now. So, what do I think? She has the keys, they are there and she said she didn't have them because that is her fall back plan... When she decides to contact me again in the future, it is expected that it will be because she stumbled upon my keys...a perfect excuse for her to contact me.

So this is why I think she is full of ****. When I left, she looked like she was about to cry...she seemed very emotional. I'm not gonna lie, it was difficult to see. I was in an LTR with this woman for almost 2 years. I would be lying if I said I didn't love her. We had no major land mines in our relationship, no real hostility toward each other...so yeah its hard to see her like that. But the fact is, I won't beg her back...and if she gives a damn about a reunion...it will be initiated by her and will be conditional as far as I am concerned... otherwise, I will be nothing more than a memory to her.

So this is the point where I begin the challenge again... day zero. But on the bright side, every day is a progressive step forward.
 

tripod23

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how did you feel when you saw her mate , did you get the gut rumbleing feeling , or was there nothing there.....?

the keys by the way is her next and last chance to see you or contact you , now if she actually contacts you , then she aint over your relationship , on the other hand if she posts them to you with no word what so ever, then thats it finento.......my ex left some of my stuff up my driveway , and text me to let me know what she had done..........i never text her back and still havent done a week later........foook it if they wanna play games they will play them on their own , my ex did what she did to get a reaction out of me im sure of that.

but i just thought well if you can do that after everything then so be it.
 

m7ytn

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tripod23 said:
how did you feel when you saw her mate , did you get the gut rumbleing feeling , or was there nothing there.....?
I would be lying if I said I didn't feel extremely nervous... There is definitely still something there, but I am not going to let emotion affect my judgement or conflict with rational thought regarding the situation. I handled myself extremely well if I say so myself...better than her for sure. I would not say that I would never take her back...because I would. My reason for No Contact is to heal, not punish her...so under the right conditions, I would date her again...but only under those conditions. We did have a good relationship when we were together, and honestly I think the relationship ended primarily due to stress from outside factors (work, family issues, etc). Does that provide justification on her behalf? I don't think so, but I realize she has a lot on her plate at the moment. If she got her **** together and was willing to go to couples counseling, then I would consider it. But am I holding on to hope that this will happen?--no. All I can do is move on with life and focus on my own happiness, that doesn't involve worrying about her anymore.

So to answer your question, yes there was still something there... it wasn't hope, but rather indifference.

I still care about her and hope she works her sh*t out, whether it is with or without me. Fact is, I am not going to sit around and pine away over her or the loss of our relationship. Because if she truly doesn't want to be with me, why should I care.

I have come to the conclusion that love is a drug...you are going to go through withdrawal...but after that first few weeks, it gets easier. 3 weeks ago, there would have been no way I could have held myself together like I did today when I saw her. I like to think of it as a drug addiction really... imagine if you were trying to quit smoking but only had a drag off of a cig every other week...you will never kick that addiction. So long as you have that taste, that feeling it gives you...you will always crave it. Coming from someone who has kicked smoking... that first few weeks is hell when you are around your friends who smoke. Just seeing a pack of smokes makes you want it, but if you keep cold turkey, it doesn't take too long before you can control that craving. Now I can be in the same room with a friend who is smoking and I don't give two sh*ts about lighting up myself...Relationships are the same way... if you keep talking to her or see her often (taking the occasional drag), you will never kick the habit. That is why NC is soooo important.
 

mkj1990

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So today has been a bit interesting.

As I said she texted me yesterday, and later in the evening she texted me again: "So how are you doing?" Just replied the next morning with "Good. U?", and then she responded with "i'm doing great, enjoying life" blah blah blah. I did not answer her instantly, and an hour later I got the "Are you mad at me??"-respons. :confused: An hole hour! Wtf. Waited for around six hours before I just replied with "No". Haven't heard anything since. Hopefully she'll stay off my back, at least for a couple of days. I'm not contacting her, that's for sure.
 
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