The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Tissot]

So, I picked up my stuff from her parents place yesterday and today she messaged me that she'll call me tonight...she made contact, perhaps just to sort out some stuff left in my boxes and organise it to return it to her in the future, she's out of the state at the moment but she'll be back in a couple of months or so...

I'm thinking I should take the call just to be polite and civil so she doesn't think I'm still bitter which I'm not. I'm ready to talk but obviously I just have to be direct and play it safe and not to reveal too much information about my life now, suggestion anyone??

 

[instantnoodles]

Delete

 

[Tissot]

Also I replied to her so I don't seem rude and I haven't confirmed whether its ok to call me, I'm actually going out on a date tonight so...

 

[Tissot]

And the date was superb!! I wasn't even thinking about my ex, the date and I just talking about her and her past and of course the ex topic re-surfaced but it didn't bother her at all and she understands completely about the situation since she also only just got out of a long term relationship of 10 years!

We're both not looking into anything serious and just having a nice relax night together so it's great. We're thinking of having another date next week so I'm looking forward to that and also hanging out with the boys next weekend! great week ahead and still going strong even though I kinda broke NC, but it was for the best and just to be civil, no animosity here and there, just being courteous. She messaged me during the date and I said 'is it an urgent matter' she said 'no it's not' and then I said 'ok, I hope you're well. and that's it! Direct to the point message and I had the last words. I'm not expecting to hear from her and it's actually ok, and I'm not feeling hurt or anything.

First step into the acceptance stage of grief and I'm almost letting it go I think. This thread has been a tremendous help and I hope everyone is doing ok and has had a great weekend so far, here's to more being strong, calm and collected guys! Good luck for the week ahead!

 

[Faldero456]

Day 6 nearly done. Nothing new and insightful, just taking it day by day.

Faldero456

 

[henrea4]

Lmao how do you guys do it...my gf and I have been going through some trouble and haven't been talking so I've been trying to prepare for a breakup in case it happens, but I always find myself looking on her facebook wall and twitter.

It's not easy. It's taking everything in me to resist texting her or looking at her FB page right now.

 

[Casey]

Mauser,

Even though I am back day 3 of NC, I am reviewing her FAULTs and wondering how I fell so hard for her. As they say hind-sight is 20/20.

Yes you are right, it was an ego boost for this old fart. :yes:
But it isn't woth being disrespected.

Faldero456

Hey Faldero456 - seems like we have a bunch in common. Living in "Sucksville". BTW, I'm 43 and she's 26. I would have never believed in a million years that anything could have happened between us - me, married and two kids...her, a gorgeous nude model living with a boyfriend. We just clicked and BOOM...9 months of most torrid affair imaginable.

Ironically, she dumped me while I was on vacation in Costa Rica with my family. I say ironically because I believe you're from CR.

Anyhow, I'm on Day 17 on NC and I swear to god it's getting harder not easier. I think the main thing is to stay busy but sometimes that's difficult when I just seem locked to the couch pining away in my mind.

She dumped me hard (and no warning) with a short email declaring that the relationship was over because I could never be hers completely. She went total NC on me at that point. I went NC about 6 days later.

I realize now that I let myself fall way too hard for this girl. I need to step back and decide if I'm really in love with her (and that's why it's so hard) or if I'm just upset that "someone took my toy away" as my buddy puts it. Yes, like you, she was a HUGE ego boost for me. Now, I'm utterly deflated and shattered because I don't have her anymore.

I almost cracked today and broke NC but my buddy talked me out of it. If any of you guys feel like you're about to break - find someone to talk to about it and just vent for a while. You owe that person a few drinks afterwards but it's the least you can do.

Anyway, strength brother(s)! I know we'll all pull through this - have to, no choice in the matter.

 

[Faldero456]

You need to apologize to your wife. Not talk to me.

 

[Subbeh]

day 8

Ok guys, I'm on day 8 and I'm doing alright. I have my moments where I feel like bashing my head through a wall but those moments don't last very long fortunately.
I noticed that the thing that really bothers me though is that it took me quite some time to get this girl into bed in the beginning of our relationship; it took a few weeks and so I thought this would be the perfect girl for a relationship.
Not only has she cheated on me now, it only took the guy a few days to have sex with her, and it's making me feel like shiit. She's still seeing him and he's like a russell brand kinda guy. I'm the opposite and I wish I was more like this dude right now... On the other hand I'm a steady guy with a good job and he's 25, still lives with his parents and doesn't have any outlook on life and neither does she. I'll be much better off with another girl, but this still messes with my head big time

 

[fuko2007]

Ok guys, I'm on day 8 and I'm doing alright. I have my moments where I feel like bashing my head through a wall but those moments don't last very long fortunately.
I noticed that the thing that really bothers me though is that it took me quite some time to get this girl into bed in the beginning of our relationship; it took a few weeks and so I thought this would be the perfect girl for a relationship.
Not only has she cheated on me now, it only took the guy a few days to have sex with her, and it's making me feel like shiit. She's still seeing him and he's like a russell brand kinda guy. I'm the opposite and I wish I was more like this dude right now... On the other hand I'm a steady guy with a good job and he's 25, still lives with his parents and doesn't have any outlook on life and neither does she. I'll be much better off with another girl, but this still messes with my head big time

how old are you? and how old is she?

 

[Machtwo]

Hi fellow sufferers!!

I've just noticed today, day 48 of NC, that I had a mail from STBXW on day 40 of NC. I've blocked her mail address & sent an NDR return to her address but I didn't realise they went in to my junk mail folder. She said I hope you're ok & how is my brother - he has a long term illness, do you think I should do anything?

Andy

 

[Subbeh]

how old are you? and how old is she?

We're both 27. She works as a barmaid, is always broke and parties all the time nowadays and I doubt that's going to change soon. She's a very attractive girl and gets a lot of attention from guys. I wish I could just use her for sex like this guy and don't have any feelings for her

She wants to get back together and dump this guy for me, but I would be a complete fool to fall for it. Atleast she respects my NC policy...

 

[Subbeh]

Hi fellow sufferers!!

I've just noticed today, day 48 of NC, that I had a mail from STBXW on day 40 of NC. I've blocked her mail address & sent an NDR return to her address but I didn't realise they went in to my junk mail folder. She said I hope you're ok & how is my brother - he has a long term illness, do you think I should do anything?

Andy

It's up to you to decide, but this is a NC challenge and you didn't block her for no reason! Think about it for a day, don't do anything impulsive. You're probably still trying to get over her.

 

[fuko2007]

We're both 27. She works as a barmaid, is always broke and parties all the time nowadays and I doubt that's going to change soon. She's a very attractive girl and gets a lot of attention from guys. I wish I could just use her for sex like this guy and don't have any feelings for her

She wants to get back together and dump this guy for me, but I would be a complete fool to fall for it. Atleast she respects my NC policy...

Dude you said it in a nutshell. She is a barmaid. You have a good job. She cheated and has no morals. Your a steady guy. I dated a bartender one time....worst girls to date. Man do yourself a favor and just dont even talk to her. She dumped you for this guy and now wants to dum him for you. She is unstable and sounds like a control freak. You should be mad right now and find a way to use that as power. You have the upper hand now bc she "wants you bacK" Never talk to her again.

 

[Affi11]

Restarting

After 3 weeks, and a lot of healing, I restarted NC. She came over to pack her stuff, and I thought I could be there. I didn't even have a plan, really - I was just going to be there. At first it wasn't bad, but then it started hurting, bad. And now ended up running away. She's moving out on Thursday, and then I can finally start the process of healing.

 

[Machtwo]

After 3 weeks, and a lot of healing, I restarted NC. She came over to pack her stuff, and I thought I could be there. I didn't even have a plan, really - I was just going to be there. At first it wasn't bad, but then it started hurting, bad. And now ended up running away. She's moving out on Thursday, and then I can finally start the process of healing.

I had to do this, for me it's been the hardest part, moving my stuff out of our dream marital home. I think I spend more time thinking about my property than I do her!! Anyway, I did the moving out of my stuff over a couple of months & now I've not been anywhere near the house or her for 5 or 6 weeks. It does feel better as the time goes on, but I do miss my wife, my life & where I lived.

Good luck, but it's a tough journey, I won't lie to you.

 

[Machtwo]

It's up to you to decide, but this is a NC challenge and you didn't block her for no reason! Think about it for a day, don't do anything impulsive. You're probably still trying to get over her.

Thanks Subbeh, great advice do nothing, I read the NC challenge again, I'm going to forget I read her mail.

Keep the faith, power to all men!

 

[Tissot]

So, new development, she called last night and she was drunk, she said her mum told her that she should call me, I didn't say such thing, I said to her mom that our mutual friend said that my ex is just about ready for contact from me and I said ok, when I have the time I will call her or something...

My ex told me she got offered a job in Japan from the company she works at the moment and also maybe thinking of going to university to continue her study...I was calm and congratulate her on all aspects, I didn't say anything about my life so I remain a mystery to her and I like it that way...

The call cut short because her phone got cut off or something. I'm not going to initiate another contact, if she wants to talk to me she can reach out...I still can't believe she called me while she's drunk, maybe she was nervous, who knows...

 

[Subbeh]

Dude you said it in a nutshell. She is a barmaid. You have a good job. She cheated and has no morals. Your a steady guy. I dated a bartender one time....worst girls to date. Man do yourself a favor and just dont even talk to her. She dumped you for this guy and now wants to dum him for you. She is unstable and sounds like a control freak. You should be mad right now and find a way to use that as power. You have the upper hand now bc she "wants you bacK" Never talk to her again.

Thanks fuko2007. I'm starting to feel more and more relieved about this whole breakup. For a long time I already felt like it wasn't going anywhere but I was too afraid to end it.
Now that I have, I still have my down moments, but knowing that I have my freedom again and that I don't have to worry about this relationship anymore gives me such a good feeling!

I've had quite some breakups before, and it can be a b!tch, but you always get over the girl and in the long run you'll be happy that it ended because it gives you motivation to improve yourself and you'll get so many more opportunities with other/better suited/more attractive girls which you don't realize when the old girl is still in your head.

Trust me guys, we're all going through some hard times, but in the long run she won't seem so special after all and you'll have learned from the whole situation.

BTW: I just booked a 3 month trip to Australia and New-Zealand for the end of this year. I always wanted to do this, but never could because of my girlfriend. Think about the freedom you have now!

 

[Monciel]

Dumped

My fiancé dumped me because he wanted to finish his school. We have been together for 7years but we have been having ups and downs. From all the break ups that we had, I'm the one always chasing him back.
It came out of nowhere when we said he is moving out and that he is done with us. He said to me We weren't even fighting and even we had great sex. But something hit him and that's why he decided to leave and concentrate on his school for it is his priority. It was very painful.
Today is when I start my NC.