^^^I dreamed of my ex wife for the past two nights. And yes...I've been thinking about her A LOT today....even more than usual. I keep having these visions of us getting back together and me taking her places that I would have never been interested in before. And her "falling back in love" with me. I get this warm feeling all over my body when these thoughts creep in, but I know they're just fantasies. God, I wish she would come back to me!
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
I've dated 3 girls this week, Monday Tuesday and Wednesday .. Which 2 of them came to my house and we had sex..
I'm feeling guilty when I wake up and first thing I do is to check if I got a text from my ex.. lol
Gotta love how much girls have passed by and how much missed opportunities only because I'm stick with that girl in mind..
I'm feeling guilty when I wake up and first thing I do is to check if I got a text from my ex.. lol
Gotta love how much girls have passed by and how much missed opportunities only because I'm stick with that girl in mind..
expos
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2013
- Messages
- 798
- Reaction score
- 134
Had to keep it together tonight. It's been more than a week since my 3 month fling ended with this chick who was more or less a rebound from my 5 year relationship. Neither wanted to be serious, somehow she lost interest, and it was over via one text message. I didn't even fight to bring her back.
In my AFC days, I would have blasted her with a couple calls and texts...but not this time. I went ghost.
It probably wasn't going to work anyways. Usually, when I'm really into a chick, they are first thought on my mind when I wake up. This girl never had that power.
Well, tonight I see her on Facebook (we are still Facebook friends) commenting on some photos of some mutual friends. I'm going out tomorrow night with these people and it's taken so much restraint to not ask her to join us via a text or FB message.
It's going to suck with her not being there...because damn...she was hot.
In my AFC days, I would have blasted her with a couple calls and texts...but not this time. I went ghost.
It probably wasn't going to work anyways. Usually, when I'm really into a chick, they are first thought on my mind when I wake up. This girl never had that power.
Well, tonight I see her on Facebook (we are still Facebook friends) commenting on some photos of some mutual friends. I'm going out tomorrow night with these people and it's taken so much restraint to not ask her to join us via a text or FB message.
It's going to suck with her not being there...because damn...she was hot.
Oh I know she wasn't perfect, but the problems I have with her personality aren't enough to make me not want to be with her anymore. I keep trying to snap myself out of this by saying things like, "She threw away a 9 year relationship like it was nothing" and, "If she truly loved you she wouldn't have let her feelings rot away without telling you, then when she finally did say something she didn't even give you a chance to try and change because it was already too late." What she did sucks. I know that. But, she says she was scared and thought it would get better with time. The problem with that was I thought everything was alright, so I didn't see any reason to change my routine. But yes, I am guilty of every crime she has accused me of (neglect, unwillingness to compromise, selfishness, thoughtlessness, and a general lack of appreciation to her) If we had never separated and divorced I would have never been able to see this as clearly as I can right now.
But alas, I told her that I'd give her time if she thought it would help but I couldn't wait for her forever. She then told me she still "couldn't do it" because she just doesn't think she can ever trust me to not go back to my old ways. "Losing" me obviously doesn't mean anything to her. I wish I could turn off my feelings for her as (seemingly) easy as she has turned off hers for me.
But alas, I told her that I'd give her time if she thought it would help but I couldn't wait for her forever. She then told me she still "couldn't do it" because she just doesn't think she can ever trust me to not go back to my old ways. "Losing" me obviously doesn't mean anything to her. I wish I could turn off my feelings for her as (seemingly) easy as she has turned off hers for me.
expos
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 10, 2013
- Messages
- 798
- Reaction score
- 134
It’s been 40 days since my last exchange with my ex-wife. We’ve been officially divorced since last November.
I’ve posted about it in another thread…basically the whole story of how we met, our marriage, our subsequent divorce after three years of marriage….so I won’t rehash it here. I asked to leave, she filed.
I loved my wife so much, but she treated me really badly (BPD characteristics), and I had to be strong and end things. Thankfully no kids.
My wife moved on quickly with a co-worker literally a month to three months after we officially divorced…she personally told me and essentially rubbed it in my face in a particularly awful conversation a couple of months ago.
So who was the guy that she moved on with?
Well, he’s this fat ugly slob that makes $100K per year. The guy is 32, but looks mid-40's. I'm tall, lean and look younger than I am...we couldn't be more different.
I imagine she had eyed him up ($$$$$) or vice versa prior to us being officially divorced…so it was heartbreaking to find this out, watch her lose all her weight for him (she got fat during our marriage) and pull out all the stops, but not for her own husband.
This sent me into a horrible depression. The woman who you loved and married, who only managed to have sex with you 4 times in the final year of our marriage, out screwing another guy so quickly after divorce. I have shed buckets of tears over this. 3 months into their relationship, he’s Facebook friends with her entire family, and attended her brother’s destination wedding. I found this out through old mutual friends. I imagine she’ll probably marry him. It broke my heart to hear all of this happen, since I was pretty entrenched into her family for five years.
I’ve noticed some positive changes in myself in the past month due to a couple of things...mainly because I got revenge.
Her new boyfriend has cyber-stalked me a lot (facebook, linkedin, my URL), so I think he’s rather insecure or my ex-wife has talked me up a bit and he’s worried about me resurfacing.
This stalking got put into motion as soon as my ex-wife found out I was seeing this beautiful woman (who all of my friends have casually admitted that she is clearly better looking than my ex-wife.) The photos are on Facebook, so I imagine when she found this out she had to check out her replacement and probably got jealous that I landed this stunning lady.
I also got promoted to Director status at the University I work for, so now I make more money than I ever have. I’ve also gained 10 lbs of muscle and have people telling how handsome I look. I’m getting eye contact for random women. I’m like this completely rebuilt person.
All this, and I still find myself sad and thinking about her every morning when I wake up. This has been brutal, but I need to remember that she will do all the same crap to this new guy, get fat again, and treat him poorly. I can’t expect her to change, or the BPD behavior to go away.
I want my love for her to go away...
I’ve posted about it in another thread…basically the whole story of how we met, our marriage, our subsequent divorce after three years of marriage….so I won’t rehash it here. I asked to leave, she filed.
I loved my wife so much, but she treated me really badly (BPD characteristics), and I had to be strong and end things. Thankfully no kids.
My wife moved on quickly with a co-worker literally a month to three months after we officially divorced…she personally told me and essentially rubbed it in my face in a particularly awful conversation a couple of months ago.
So who was the guy that she moved on with?
Well, he’s this fat ugly slob that makes $100K per year. The guy is 32, but looks mid-40's. I'm tall, lean and look younger than I am...we couldn't be more different.
I imagine she had eyed him up ($$$$$) or vice versa prior to us being officially divorced…so it was heartbreaking to find this out, watch her lose all her weight for him (she got fat during our marriage) and pull out all the stops, but not for her own husband.
This sent me into a horrible depression. The woman who you loved and married, who only managed to have sex with you 4 times in the final year of our marriage, out screwing another guy so quickly after divorce. I have shed buckets of tears over this. 3 months into their relationship, he’s Facebook friends with her entire family, and attended her brother’s destination wedding. I found this out through old mutual friends. I imagine she’ll probably marry him. It broke my heart to hear all of this happen, since I was pretty entrenched into her family for five years.
I’ve noticed some positive changes in myself in the past month due to a couple of things...mainly because I got revenge.
Her new boyfriend has cyber-stalked me a lot (facebook, linkedin, my URL), so I think he’s rather insecure or my ex-wife has talked me up a bit and he’s worried about me resurfacing.
This stalking got put into motion as soon as my ex-wife found out I was seeing this beautiful woman (who all of my friends have casually admitted that she is clearly better looking than my ex-wife.) The photos are on Facebook, so I imagine when she found this out she had to check out her replacement and probably got jealous that I landed this stunning lady.
I also got promoted to Director status at the University I work for, so now I make more money than I ever have. I’ve also gained 10 lbs of muscle and have people telling how handsome I look. I’m getting eye contact for random women. I’m like this completely rebuilt person.
All this, and I still find myself sad and thinking about her every morning when I wake up. This has been brutal, but I need to remember that she will do all the same crap to this new guy, get fat again, and treat him poorly. I can’t expect her to change, or the BPD behavior to go away.
I want my love for her to go away...
Faldero456
Don Juan
I haven’t posted for a few days. Problems are, this does have to do with cancer. While we were still together she got a bad diagnosis from a pap smear. It could be cancer. She went through a pile of test. Biopsies, internal check ups. Needing time for cultures. This Monday the results come back. She hasn’t shared this with anyone. Not her mother or her kids. I am the only one that knows what is up. This is killing me. I do not know what to do.
Just made 60 days today guys. Last night I was at a party she was at, she starts talking to my friends about ME, starts crying, asks why is he ignoring me, etc. I stayed strong and resisted the urge. She texted me many times and call me many times in the past 60 days, and I didn't respond at all. Keep in mind she dumped me. It feels great and this thread helped me so much. STAY STRONG. Use your mind, not your heart. Don't go back to all the heartbreak...no contact is no contact!
Machtwo
Don Juan
My wife has given me the impression that she isn't bothered as well, I think this hurts the most, this person that only 3 years ago, said vows, made promises for life, and was the happiest day of our lives, is somebody that I hardly recognize anymore! I believe, have faith in NC, it is the way to go.henrea4 said:
Stick with it henrea4, keep busy, better days lay ahead.
Machtwo
Don Juan
Mauser96, I don't believe my STBXW is, or was having an affair, I know women can be devious so and so's, but her routine never changed while we were together, even after 4 months apart, my neighbors who I'm great friends with, have said in passing that she is still home every night & weekend at the same times. Now I'm not 100%, short of getting a private detective I never will be, but why should I pay somebody to find out if she really is scum of the earth?? I would rather move on & not create any undue extra pain for myself.Mauser96 said:
I truly believe that better things lay ahead for me, I have to have faith in this.
sandy12321
Banned
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2011
- Messages
- 5
- Reaction score
- 0
Day - 3.
Man this is hard. was in a relation for 1yr with a 34 yr. women. Always pushed me away once we got close. Every 20-25 days she used to push me away and later behaved as if nothing happened. Sometimes she even blamed me for running away! She has a commitment problem. Sometimes she would say that she does not want all this and the next day she would say that i was the only guy with whom she talked so much.
Three days back when things were going fine suddenly she said that all is very complicate and feel like she is forcing herself. After that i lost my mind i said things liek she used me n all. No contact from both sides.
I have/had Oneitis problem. and this was my first relationship.
I am emotionally drained...
---
Just checked when I posted day-1 in this thread -
05-25-2013 & 06-19-2013
Things were getting messier with time.
Man this is hard. was in a relation for 1yr with a 34 yr. women. Always pushed me away once we got close. Every 20-25 days she used to push me away and later behaved as if nothing happened. Sometimes she even blamed me for running away! She has a commitment problem. Sometimes she would say that she does not want all this and the next day she would say that i was the only guy with whom she talked so much.
Three days back when things were going fine suddenly she said that all is very complicate and feel like she is forcing herself. After that i lost my mind i said things liek she used me n all. No contact from both sides.
I have/had Oneitis problem. and this was my first relationship.
I am emotionally drained...
---
Just checked when I posted day-1 in this thread -
05-25-2013 & 06-19-2013
Things were getting messier with time.
Faldero456
Don Juan
Well no news, is good news. She got her results back today and didn't contact me. I can only assume she is healthy. I am very happy that she is not ill.
Back to day 1 of NC for me.
Back to day 1 of NC for me.
Today is day 60 of no contact! It was one of the hardest things to do (more so the first 30 days) Also, after finding out a month later she started dating someone one week after the initial break-up, I almost broke down and almost broke the "no contact" rule!
Anyways, since the break-up I've been able to enjoy the single life:
-No more worrying about the significant other
-No more fighting and losing your cool
-More freedom and independence going out
-Been going to the gym 3x/week and eating healthier to take care of body (minus the increase of drinking lol)
The main thing as a man I miss is the sex, physical companionship, and just having someone there. But those are all the wrong reasons to keep someone in a relationship if you can't connect on an emotional level. I know there are mistakes I made on my end, but I accepted that and I also accepted that she made mistakes as well. When I look at the big picture, and I see how quickly she moved on after I initiated the breakup after 3 1/2 years, it tells me she just lost love for me towards the last couple of months and I've accepted that. I'm a strong believer of "If things are meant to be, they're meant to be." Relationships shouldn't be this hard or this hurtful.
Anyways, since the break-up I've been able to enjoy the single life:
-No more worrying about the significant other
-No more fighting and losing your cool
-More freedom and independence going out
-Been going to the gym 3x/week and eating healthier to take care of body (minus the increase of drinking lol)
The main thing as a man I miss is the sex, physical companionship, and just having someone there. But those are all the wrong reasons to keep someone in a relationship if you can't connect on an emotional level. I know there are mistakes I made on my end, but I accepted that and I also accepted that she made mistakes as well. When I look at the big picture, and I see how quickly she moved on after I initiated the breakup after 3 1/2 years, it tells me she just lost love for me towards the last couple of months and I've accepted that. I'm a strong believer of "If things are meant to be, they're meant to be." Relationships shouldn't be this hard or this hurtful.
Machtwo
Don Juan
Well done Gamble on reaching the milestone of day 60!
I too believe that if things are meant to be, they're meant to be.
I miss the daily contact, companionship & just being able to see & chat to her.
Also, NC is really difficult some days, but I know I have to fight the urge.
Relationships shouldn't be this hard or hurtful - couldn't agree more.
I too believe that if things are meant to be, they're meant to be.
I miss the daily contact, companionship & just being able to see & chat to her.
Also, NC is really difficult some days, but I know I have to fight the urge.
Relationships shouldn't be this hard or hurtful - couldn't agree more.
pekingduck
New Member
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2013
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
Hi guys, I've been reading these forums for the past 7 days, let me give you a quick rundown of what happened:
We have been going out for almost 2 years now (2 years next month). We were both pretty much first times for everything to each other...sex, kissing, EVERYTHING. The first few months were amazing and it stayed consistant like that for quite a while, all the way up to when we went overseas together for a month about half a year ago. Then we sort of settled down with each other, talked about our future and our ambitions, plans, yes there were a few ups and downs too but I was happy to meet her halfway. Like all relationships, we had our ups and downs.
I was one of those committed boyfriends who would do pretty much anything for her without being a doormat. I never looked at other women, flirted with anyone else, always bought her pressies for valentines, birthdays, christmas even holiday accomodation etc and I'm not that rich, I work very hard for my money...... Show her affection, lovey dovey crap (she was cold towards the end)....
That being said, I probably also had negative things to me during the last few months such as my short temper, anger and attitude towards other people (impatience), sometimes being a bit immature just because I thought it was funny etc. But our times together did mean a lot to me and hopefully to her too, we used to go to places exclusive to ourselves such as beach, quiet mountains, getaways you name it.... I can say it was great. (We pretty much did everything together, go to uni, work, study, eat even though we didn't live together)
But throughout the whole relationship, she never really 100% trusted nor appreciated the things I did for her...yes... there were times where she said (just a few weeks ago) how "she was all mine", other times there was a bit of a lack of communication on her half, she rarely asked to meet, rarely texted, never rang....which I am fine by cause its part of her personality. Therefore I had to make arrangements for everything and 99% of the time she would agree to them. The week before we broke up, I didn't make any arrangements to see or meet her due to me being busy, which led to the events of the breakup week:
Last week she invited me over to her house, where she was acting a bit cold which I thought was to do with exam stress from uni, so I brushed it off, we talked about uni, work and stuff some issues we were having, in the morning we had sex which wasn't as good or intimate as it usually was...I brushed that off too and left to do my own stuff.
The next day out of nowhere, I get a text saying that she doesn't see a future with me so I ring her and ask her what's up and she tells me that we shouldn't see each other anymore because she had a thought about it for the last few weeks and concluded that she wouldn't marry me or have a future together.
So we meet up again the day after in person this time, I tell her to say what she has to say, or forever hold her silence because it will be the last time we will talk, and even though she wants to be my friend, I don't want to because for me it would hurt too much, so its either strangers or boyfriend/girlfriend. She cried and we talked and left it at that and agreed that we would talk about our relationship next year on our supposed anniversary. And if she ever wanted to get back with me, she would have to offer our promise ring to me in person in the meantime. We were both happy. 2 days later, she texts me after I completely ignored her at work. She texted me on her break saying how she thinks of getting back together with me 50 times a day. I respond breaking NC saying how I would get back with her and I can't stop thinking about her. (BIG MISTAKE I learnt) She didn't reply and the next day she sends me a text saying how she needs time to think about it and why she broke up with me. (I didn't reply although very tempted to)
Yesterday night I had a dream that I was having very realistic sex with her in the car and it was very intimate and hot. I woke up feeling like crap cause it actually didn't happen and we were broken up. I get a text from her 2 hours later saying that she "needed help to study and she needs me". I told her "sorry I can't help you, I am not your friend" breaking NC again because I felt bad if I completely ignored her. At the same time I felt as if this was an excuse for me to text her or her ploy to get attention from me.
I get an angry text back from her, saying "Ok. dw I won't text you again, your phone number is being deleted".
And I didn't reply to that, and now I have been feeling as if I'm back to day 1 again...like crap....I feel like I'm being manipulated and my emotions are being twisted by her. I know she probably isn't doing this consciously but I'm guessing she wants me around to break her fall and cushion the breakup until she settles in with another guy. Who is then going to look after me when she leaves me for this other person? NO-ONE. I'm thinking really clear headed with my brain, but my heart keeps feeling sorry for this girl who fully tore my heart up and expects me to be around. I feel bad as if I am obligated to make her feel better about the breakup or help her study like I usually would. I know that if I asked to meet up she probably would, but I honestly don't think that will change her decision.
In conclusion, I am 100% fine with no contact and getting along with my own life, it is when SHE puts me or manipulates me by sending me these texts like "I need you..." to be in a difficult position that I find hard to restrain myself and text her back trying to be not too nice or not too cold.
Any suggestions? I feel quite bad at the moment and I have work with her again tonight. I keep thinking about if she were to f**k someone else and how she was only meant to have me inside her and we would have lost that specialty together. But I know I can't control her and she does what she wants....which is sad...but that's life.
I'm kind of happy that she deleted my number but sad at the same time. Mixed emotions here... we had something special...now its all wasted. FML
I guess, day 1 NC starting all over again here we go...
any suggestions or feedback? greatly appreciated!
We have been going out for almost 2 years now (2 years next month). We were both pretty much first times for everything to each other...sex, kissing, EVERYTHING. The first few months were amazing and it stayed consistant like that for quite a while, all the way up to when we went overseas together for a month about half a year ago. Then we sort of settled down with each other, talked about our future and our ambitions, plans, yes there were a few ups and downs too but I was happy to meet her halfway. Like all relationships, we had our ups and downs.
I was one of those committed boyfriends who would do pretty much anything for her without being a doormat. I never looked at other women, flirted with anyone else, always bought her pressies for valentines, birthdays, christmas even holiday accomodation etc and I'm not that rich, I work very hard for my money...... Show her affection, lovey dovey crap (she was cold towards the end)....
That being said, I probably also had negative things to me during the last few months such as my short temper, anger and attitude towards other people (impatience), sometimes being a bit immature just because I thought it was funny etc. But our times together did mean a lot to me and hopefully to her too, we used to go to places exclusive to ourselves such as beach, quiet mountains, getaways you name it.... I can say it was great. (We pretty much did everything together, go to uni, work, study, eat even though we didn't live together)
But throughout the whole relationship, she never really 100% trusted nor appreciated the things I did for her...yes... there were times where she said (just a few weeks ago) how "she was all mine", other times there was a bit of a lack of communication on her half, she rarely asked to meet, rarely texted, never rang....which I am fine by cause its part of her personality. Therefore I had to make arrangements for everything and 99% of the time she would agree to them. The week before we broke up, I didn't make any arrangements to see or meet her due to me being busy, which led to the events of the breakup week:
Last week she invited me over to her house, where she was acting a bit cold which I thought was to do with exam stress from uni, so I brushed it off, we talked about uni, work and stuff some issues we were having, in the morning we had sex which wasn't as good or intimate as it usually was...I brushed that off too and left to do my own stuff.
The next day out of nowhere, I get a text saying that she doesn't see a future with me so I ring her and ask her what's up and she tells me that we shouldn't see each other anymore because she had a thought about it for the last few weeks and concluded that she wouldn't marry me or have a future together.
So we meet up again the day after in person this time, I tell her to say what she has to say, or forever hold her silence because it will be the last time we will talk, and even though she wants to be my friend, I don't want to because for me it would hurt too much, so its either strangers or boyfriend/girlfriend. She cried and we talked and left it at that and agreed that we would talk about our relationship next year on our supposed anniversary. And if she ever wanted to get back with me, she would have to offer our promise ring to me in person in the meantime. We were both happy. 2 days later, she texts me after I completely ignored her at work. She texted me on her break saying how she thinks of getting back together with me 50 times a day. I respond breaking NC saying how I would get back with her and I can't stop thinking about her. (BIG MISTAKE I learnt) She didn't reply and the next day she sends me a text saying how she needs time to think about it and why she broke up with me. (I didn't reply although very tempted to)
Yesterday night I had a dream that I was having very realistic sex with her in the car and it was very intimate and hot. I woke up feeling like crap cause it actually didn't happen and we were broken up. I get a text from her 2 hours later saying that she "needed help to study and she needs me". I told her "sorry I can't help you, I am not your friend" breaking NC again because I felt bad if I completely ignored her. At the same time I felt as if this was an excuse for me to text her or her ploy to get attention from me.
I get an angry text back from her, saying "Ok. dw I won't text you again, your phone number is being deleted".
And I didn't reply to that, and now I have been feeling as if I'm back to day 1 again...like crap....I feel like I'm being manipulated and my emotions are being twisted by her. I know she probably isn't doing this consciously but I'm guessing she wants me around to break her fall and cushion the breakup until she settles in with another guy. Who is then going to look after me when she leaves me for this other person? NO-ONE. I'm thinking really clear headed with my brain, but my heart keeps feeling sorry for this girl who fully tore my heart up and expects me to be around. I feel bad as if I am obligated to make her feel better about the breakup or help her study like I usually would. I know that if I asked to meet up she probably would, but I honestly don't think that will change her decision.
In conclusion, I am 100% fine with no contact and getting along with my own life, it is when SHE puts me or manipulates me by sending me these texts like "I need you..." to be in a difficult position that I find hard to restrain myself and text her back trying to be not too nice or not too cold.
Any suggestions? I feel quite bad at the moment and I have work with her again tonight. I keep thinking about if she were to f**k someone else and how she was only meant to have me inside her and we would have lost that specialty together. But I know I can't control her and she does what she wants....which is sad...but that's life.
I'm kind of happy that she deleted my number but sad at the same time. Mixed emotions here... we had something special...now its all wasted. FML
I guess, day 1 NC starting all over again here we go...
any suggestions or feedback? greatly appreciated!
pekingduck
New Member
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2013
- Messages
- 2
- Reaction score
- 0
To add, I have been defriended from facebook out of her anger this morning =O
Machtwo
Don Juan
pekingduck, keep up with NC, don't be blackmailed or emotionally bullied, lay low, very low.
Faldero456
Don Juan
Day 2 done. On to day 3. I do not want to fall again. This is too tough. If I had stuck to my guns 60 would have been done with already.
Machtwo
Don Juan
I'm at day 42 today, I have no intention of breaking any of the rules of NC, but it's so bl00dy hard some times! I would say the past few days have been the most difficult - is not supposed to get easier as the days clock up??
I wish she would contact me, just so I could ignore her & feel a tad better.
I wish she would contact me, just so I could ignore her & feel a tad better.
