The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[mike465]

I know just how you feel, man. I was with my ex wife for 9 years, and we were two weeks away from our 8th anniversary and she tells me that she isn't in love with me anymore. This came seemingly out of the blue. Now, my ex was the type to always text me and was really lovey-dovey. That night, I didn't get a single text message from her after she went to work. Like a light switch, she just changed completely before my eyes. I guess since the secret was out she figured she could drop the act. Then, after we separated (which was only a few days later...oh and btw in that time I was also served divorce papers) the nc continued and when I tried to contact her she acted really nasty to me. A week prior I was thinking of doing something nice for her for her 40th birthday (she is 6 years older than me) and our anniversary and now I'm sitting at my parents house 4 months later, divorced, still trying to figure out where the hell my wife went. I made the mistake of cyber stalking...looking at her FB page and whatnot...she looks great. Lost a bunch of weight (she had type 2 diabetes and her doctors recently told her that if she keeps this up she can stop taking some of her medications) and is going out with friends more. Everything seems to be just going peachy for her while I'm sitting here feeling like killing myself at least 3 times a week. Yeah, it sucks ass.

Man we're all here for you, all in this together.

I'm only young and feel I have to learn to deal with this **** for the future or it could be much worse. Just gotta keep out there, keep talking to girls and moving on. Every guy on here is good at attracting women, we just need to keep ourselves out of the line of fire (relationships) until we're sure about it...and even then, don't get too close.That's pretty much what I've learned in the last couple of months.

PM me if you need someone to talk to bro

Keep it up guys

 

[Faldero456]

Day 4 of No Contact. If I hadn't broken it would be day 21. This sucks going through the bad spot again.

Keep asking myself, "how to get back to feeling as I did?"

Only way is to keep the NC.

I was feeling great. Now I don't.

I'll get there. I know that I am strong.

Faldero456

 

[Casey]

Accepting the NC challenge

Day 1

My mistress of 9 months dumped me completely out the blue 8 days ago. I haven't heard from her since her brief email letting me know that she was ending it. I have emailed her a few times and called her as well...no reply, nothing. I imagine she got the same NC advice from someone, somewhere - and is sticking to it hardcore. I'm completely gutted and distraught by her decision to end things and worst of all to go "NC".

A buddy of mine was giving me all of the same sort of advice from this thread (he's been through this a lot more than me) and so I had knuckled down 2 days ago and decided to take the NC route. I was honestly starting to feel better already and then I cracked earlier today.

My Mistress (now Ex-Mistress) - who by the way still lives with her BF of 6-7 years - is a model and it's nearly impossible not to go online and find myself distracted into checking one of the many places I can see pictures or video of her (Tumblr, FB, modeling site, YT, vimeo, you name it). Well, like I said, I crumbled today and checked her Tumblr page and she posted a new pic from a shoot she just did. I wept like a ****ing baby for the first time since she dumped me.

I'm in a lot of pain right now. It's excruciatingly hard - like nothing I've ever been through. Please don't judge me (or her) for cheating on our respective SOs...I'm not here to be lectured or preached at (I hope that's not what this site is about).

Right now I'm finding that reading in chat forums like these is the only thing that really helps. I find solace in reading about other stories and hearing the advice that others have. I will go NC for as long as I can handle it.

Thanks in advance for any advice and support you can lend.

 

[itdude]

so long story short. my ex dumped me more than 2 months ago and still the pain is so very real and I have not moved on one bit. that is why I am back here and hope to this time stick to the NC rule. I have not been able to master this yet and I think its the only way to move on and get back to the person I was before I met her.

this time I am going to post here every time she contacts me so I can reply to this thread rather to her.

no contact DAY ONE. :woo:

 

[Tissot]

30 days!! Half way there!! Still going on strong guys and the urges to contact her is getting less and less by the day too. I met someone at a bar last night and we had a really nice conversation without agenda, just getting perspective on other women's way of thinking and really understanding them...it was really nice!

The girl I met was gorgeous too and incidentally, she also just broken up with her ex bf and having an on and off thing and then I suggested her maybe you should do what I'm doing; cut off contact and move on, anyway it was a great boost for me since I still have the confidence to talk to other women. I'm not ready for any relationship anytime soon so I was happy to just talk.

Keep up the great work guys and stay committed not to break NC. I know it's hard but it does gets easier by the day. I got back into my jogging routine and tomorrow I think I might look for volunteer work and start doing good things for my community who knows where it will lead me!

 

[Casey]

Day 2

Blocked the Ex on Facebook today. The genius part of this is that it prevents you from even looking at her public profile AND she can't see your public profile either. Bonus: No more wasted mental energy trying to make her crazy with public timeline posts of my own.

I also deleted my gmail account (it was only used to communicate with her), set up my browsers to prevent me from accessing her Tumblr page, blocked her on the modeling site (I'm an amateur photog), took down her YT videos, removed all traces of her from a Facebook FanPage I manage, etc, etc.

Very cathartic.

Now, I just wish I hadn't memorized her phone number. :/

 

[henrea4]

Getting worse. I'm missing her more every day. I hate this. Wasting all of this energy on someone who probably wouldn't spit on me if I was on fire. She claims she didn't tell me her true feelings at the end of our marriage because she "didn't want to hurt me". Ha! She failed big time there. She had no problem going through with the divorce and all of that other sh$$ that she KNEW would hurt me. I want to hate her so much. I SHOULD hate her. But I just can't. She threw away 9 years like it was nothing and doesn't even seem to care. She just goes about her day without a care in the world. Yes, I'm bitter. But, why can't this anger be directed at her? I just feel like I deserve this in a way. I didn't appreciate anything I had. Not her, not my home, not my job....and all of it is now gone.

Sorry...just blowing off a little steam. Better to post this here than texting it to her, right? I hate no contact with a bloody passion.

 

[Faldero456]

henrea4,

Been there twice. Twice divorce.

Stop beating yourself up. You thought you had a good thing going. It wasn't that good or it wouldn't have ended.

One thing that has helped me after being dumped after a 7+ years relationship, is to accept 100% of 50% of the reasons it failed. The woman who dumped me, I thought I was ready to get married again. I was that "into" her.

She dumped me back in June. After looking back, I now see that there where signs in March all was not good.

Don't just look at where you are now. Take a good look back.

Faldero456

 

[henrea4]

That's the problem. I have been looking back, remembering her from the good times. Like I've said before, I didn't appreciate what I had. She was very good to me. Maybe too good. She probably poured so much energy into the relationship and wasn't getting back what she put in so it made her resentful and after a while, she just became completely drained emotionally. I never would bend...never compromised. She never really told me how much my behavior was hurting her, though. I don't know...back then, I probably would have just shrugged it off. Maybe this was the only way I could have truly seen how poorly I actually treated her. Now it's too late. Yeah, I know....use this knowledge for your next relationship. I really don't want to hear that right now. I don't want to be with anyone else. I only want her. The problem is she doesn't want me. 24 days, gentlemen....not a single one letter text from her. She always told me that she went through with the divorce because she is "mad" at me, not because she doesn't want anything else to do with me. pffft. I don't really know why she would tell me that....it gives me false hope. Makes me think that eventually she'll get over it and we can pick up where we left off. But, that's just a fantasy that will only exist in my mind. I have zero value to her. The longer I go NC the less she will think about me. I really wish we could switch places. Let her see how this feels.

 

[Faldero456]

That's the problem. I have been looking back, remembering her from the good times. Like I've said before, I didn't appreciate what I had. She was very good to me. Maybe too good. She probably poured so much energy into the relationship and wasn't getting back what she put in so it made her resentful and after a while, she just became completely drained emotionally. I never would bend...never compromised. She never really told me how much my behavior was hurting her, though. I don't know...back then, I probably would have just shrugged it off. Maybe this was the only way I could have truly seen how poorly I actually treated her. Now it's too late. Yeah, I know....use this knowledge for your next relationship. I really don't want to hear that right now. I don't want to be with anyone else. I only want her. The problem is she doesn't want me. 24 days, gentlemen....not a single one letter text from her. She always told me that she went through with the divorce because she is "mad" at me, not because she doesn't want anything else to do with me. pffft. I don't really know why she would tell me that....it gives me false hope. Makes me think that eventually she'll get over it and we can pick up where we left off. But, that's just a fantasy that will only exist in my mind. I have zero value to her. The longer I go NC the less she will think about me. I really wish we could switch places. Let her see how this feels.

If you feel that she just needs her space? Give it to her. abscence make the heart grow fonder.

 

[henrea4]

That's my entire motivation behind this challenge. Unfortunately, I feel like she may have been dishonest with me....maybe out of guilt/pity. She's probably relieved that I've ceased communicating with her. Still, I know in my mind that this is the best course to take right now. I wasn't getting any better by constantly hounding her about getting back together. And yes, I know full well how much absence makes the heart grow fonder as I'm experiencing that right now. Every day that goes by I feel like I miss her more than the last. But out of sight, out of mind is also true. That's probably where she's at.

 

[Faldero456]

That's my entire motivation behind this challenge. Unfortunately, I feel like she may have been dishonest with me....maybe out of guilt/pity. She's probably relieved that I've ceased communicating with her. Still, I know in my mind that this is the best course to take right now. I wasn't getting any better by constantly hounding her about getting back together. And yes, I know full well how much absence makes the heart grow fonder as I'm experiencing that right now. Every day that goes by I feel like I miss her more than the last. But out of sight, out of mind is also true. That's probably where she's at.

henrea,

Let her go.

Stop thinking about her. I was in your shoes. Lo those many years ago. I was with the ex-wife for a reason. I now know why. We parted. Then I met my recent ex. Together for 7 years or more. I do not regret getting together with her. Not at all. I have grown and become a better person because of her.

Yes it hurts. What I thought was great, wasn't for her. At the end. It ended.

Now it is time to focus on you. Learn from your mistakes. How can YOU be better? Not for her. But for you.

I too, am a helpless romantic. But at the end of the day, YOU have to be okay with YOU.

If you aren't you can't be for someone else.

Faldero456

 

[itdude]

day 2

Day 2.

Yesterday was really tough as it was the first time in a long time where we didn't have any contact. it was really tough but I survived it.

I feel strong cause I am not contacting her. but if she doesn't contact me soon I think I might start to suffer and feel the urge.

 

[henrea4]

henrea,

Let her go.

Stop thinking about her. I was in your shoes. Lo those many years ago. I was with the ex-wife for a reason. I now know why. We parted. Then I met my recent ex. Together for 7 years or more. I do not regret getting together with her. Not at all. I have grown and become a better person because of her.

Yes it hurts. What I thought was great, wasn't for her. At the end. It ended.

Now it is time to focus on you. Learn from your mistakes. How can YOU be better? Not for her. But for you.

I too, am a helpless romantic. But at the end of the day, YOU have to be okay with YOU.

If you aren't you can't be for someone else.

Faldero456

lol..."Stop thinking about her"??! If I was capable of that, I wouldn't be here. I know you're trying to help me and I truly appreciate the advice but I find it hilarious whenever someone suggests that to me. I spent 9 years of my life with this woman and she was my entire world. She won't be exiting my mind anytime soon...maybe never.

 

[SushiOji]

I have been in no contact for over 60 days and it's a lot easier when you know the relationship is over and you don't want the person back.

However, she keeps trying to contact me and just sent me a text saying that she found some "things of mine" that she wants to come over and give to me.

I don't know how to handle this because, yes I would bone her if I still have a chance, but I don't want to ever get back together with her and I don't know how I would feel after if we actually did it. Then again maybe she wants to see if I'm distraught over the breakup and is looking for an ego boost. Any advice?

 

[itdude]

she just sent me a text saying that she is thinking of me. I am not going to reply but I better keep myself very busy tonight otherwise I might fold. she asked for the no contact so I intend on giving it to her but fvck this is hard.

 

[mike465]

Hey boys

Excited about tonight. Heading out for the first time in a while and feeling really good about it. Got the uplifting trance blasting in my speakers and ready to get amongst the girls!

Have a great week all of you!

 

[henrea4]

Tried to go to the gym today for a nice, long workout to burn off some of this negative energy I've got bottled up inside me. Couldn't go yesterday because apparently "Workout Anytime" doesn't apply to Sundays (you have to make an appointment ) I really didn't feel like going today, but forced myself. I tried to up the intensity level but my body quickly said, "Nope!" About 35 minutes into my routine I started getting really dizzy. Had to sit down for a while. Got back up and tried to continue. No strength at all. So, I went home. Disappointing to say the least.

Day 25.

 

[mkj1990]

She invited me to her birthday party. I told her I would not come, in a polite way. (because I don't think it is smart. Could be fun, but probably would end in fighting and/or make-up sex. Not intersted in either, though I still have feelings for her) She then said "Ok. **** (a friend of mine) wanted you to come, so that's why I'm asking.", obv trying to make it sound like she didn't care. What do you guys think? Think she would have asked med if that was the case?

Well, I'm going out partying with my friends anyway. Hopefully she won't drunk dial me or anything. (though it would not surprise me)

Well... She didn't just drunk dial me... When I did not answer, she actually tracked me down like a bloodhound. (obv. asked a friend of mine where I was) She could not get into the club I was at, so she waited outside for me to come out. Could not avoid contact, unfortunately.

This no contact thing works like a charm if you want their attention, but though I still miss her like hell, I know now is not a good time for me to see her.

 

[Faldero456]

lol..."Stop thinking about her"??! If I was capable of that, I wouldn't be here. I know you're trying to help me and I truly appreciate the advice but I find it hilarious whenever someone suggests that to me. I spent 9 years of my life with this woman and she was my entire world. She won't be exiting my mind anytime soon...maybe never.

henrea,

I hear ya. Sometimes stuff here sound like platitudes. But it's not. Once you get there you'll understand.

Try this. Do something that you haven't done in a Long, long time. Last weekend I went to an old friends place. I invited myself over. Haven't seen him in a dogs age. I thought I'd spend the night talking about the break up. His wife and kids wouldn't let me. They talked about other stuff. Before I knew it 5 hours had passed. It was 5 hours, that I wasnt thinking about not thinking about her. It was great. Yes she came back the next morning. But it was great to not have her there for those 5 hours.

Faldero456