The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Renegade357]

I'm 18 days into NC with a girl I had a relationship with for a little over 13 months. It was a pretty good relationship but it sort of fizzled out at the end. I'll admit I have been a little too sweet to this girl and given her lots of attention. Not calling or texting every day but when we were together I was always the one initiating touching/sex ect.

She did the cold/distant routine on me about a month before the break and I called her on it. She claimed she was mad at something stupid I said and refuses to forgive me. That's the reason she gave but I don't believe her.

I told her we either work out our problems or we part ways. She wouldn't answered so I answered for her and we split. I wished her well and haven't spoken with her since. No begging, no crying, no ploys, nothing on my part.

I'm interested to see if she reaches out to me. I'll let you guys know. I'm playing NC like a pro and have no desire to break it.


Side note NC has worked for me before with a girl who cheated on me. I threw her out of my apartment and told her never to talk to me again. 2 weeks later she sends me a email saying she misses me. I ignored it. 3 weeks later she shows up at my door begging me to take her back.

My prediction is NC doesn't work on every girl. They don't all come back. I don't think my current NC will work on this girl. She's too hard headed and wasn't into me enough. Rarely said "I love you" ect..

Anyway for you other dudes that are going through this take it from a vet. It aint nothing and the more you do it the stronger you get. Eventually we'll all find someone better if we do the right things.

 

[henrea4]

Meh....rough day today. Feeling especially lonely (see desperate). I was so close to texting my ex today but after 4 months of unsuccessfully trying to "win" her back, I quickly realized the futility of it and decided to stay the course. Right now it just feels like I'm so undesirable. Maybe I'm at the depression stage of grief.

 

[Renegade357]

Right now it just feels like I'm so undesirable. Maybe I'm at the depression stage of grief.

Work out and go talk to some chicks, you'll feel better.

 

[BlackgumL]

Day 22 of NC comes to an end.

I have read most of this thread, and it helped me get through the first 3 weeks. I find myself right now wanting to text, call, go over to her house...and I just might if she were still in the country.

A little over a year ended 23 days ago. We started out as fvck buddies. She wanted me to commit and I would not. She was extremely needy and that feeded my ego those first few months. Then I would disappear for several days, not texting back, not returning her calls, etc. And, then when it died down I would reappear. The thing is I never wanted a relationship other than the 2-3 times we would have sex and the occasional lunch or drinking date.

So about eight months of this go by, and she tells me this younger guy (15 years younger, she is 39 and I am 42) is interested in her. I tell her to go for it. Maybe it will get her off of my back. So she does. Of course she still wants us to be friends and have sex if I want, which I do, and meanwhile she would tell me all about her new boy. It really never bothered me until one night I run into the two of them together. I admit, I was jealous but I never mentioned it to her.

So she would still come around and tell me if I would commit to her she would lose her boy toy and her and I would be the couple she believed we were always destined to be. So one night her and I are out drinking pretty heavily and she asks me, and I suppose the timing was just right and I agreed. She dumps the guy and then her and I are in a committed relationship for about 2 months. Well...guess what happens?

Yep, I learned that she continued to text, talk to, and see her youngster. I get her to admit that the two of them had continued to carry on while her and I were supposed to be in a committed relationship. So I break up with her. I'm a little pissed but just chalk it up to another lesson learned. I go complete no contact.

The first 5 days I got numerous texts, phone calls. After a week just a few. I didn't reply to any of them. Then it dropped to simple a simple daily quote from one of my favorite authors (she's a librarian). Well, last Thursday was the last time I received such a quote or any text at all. I learned earlier today that she went to Europe for a 2 week vacation with her young man. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it does. I counted on her to feed my ego, make me feel smart, sexy, etc. And, now I feel lost and left behind.

I swore I would just follow this forum while I went through my 60 day NC on my own, but I had to register and post. This isn't getting easier at all. It is in fact getting harder. Today has been the worse. I feel rejected, depressed, angry, pissed, upset, irritated, blah blah blah. Somebody somewhere inspire me to greatness and help me get over this wicked witch!

 

[BlackgumL]

I ran into a friend at the grocery store who works with her. Proceeded to tell me how I did the right thing letting that one go as she ran off to Europe for two weeks with her new man. "Boy that chick has more issues than Time Magazine" were his exact words describing her. I still miss her. Why can't I let her go? I feel like she has a hold on me. Maybe it's the full moon. Madness I swear.

 

[BlackgumL]

I don't really want her back. The truth is I never really wanted a long term anything from her. She is sexy and smart, but can be way too arrogant at times for my taste. She is not a very sweet girl. She can be pretty judgmental - something I have experienced with women working in academia.

I fear this is some kind of conquest/conquer thing on my part. I didn't want her when I could have her and then wanted her when I feared I could not. Really insecure stuff going on with myself which is new territory for me. It does help to write this all out in this little window. I just feel so disrespected in all of this. I am sure there are those who might say the player got played, but I never once lied to her. She knew my boundaries going in and she agreed with them. Meanwhile...my heart is aching (so that's what it feels like!) and my imagination runs wild with her in Europe with a guy that was born the year I graduated high school. What a cliche my life has become. So gentlemen, any advice? I think I am going to take off for a little fly fishing trip over the next few days. Chase some trout for a change! Thoughts?

 

[FiguriingItOut]

I don't really want her back. The truth is I never really wanted a long term anything from her. She is sexy and smart, but can be way too arrogant at times for my taste. She is not a very sweet girl. She can be pretty judgmental - something I have experienced with women working in academia.

I fear this is some kind of conquest/conquer thing on my part. I didn't want her when I could have her and then wanted her when I feared I could not. Really insecure stuff going on with myself which is new territory for me. It does help to write this all out in this little window. I just feel so disrespected in all of this. I am sure there are those who might say the player got played, but I never once lied to her. She knew my boundaries going in and she agreed with them. Meanwhile...my heart is aching (so that's what it feels like!) and my imagination runs wild with her in Europe with a guy that was born the year I graduated high school. What a cliche my life has become. So gentlemen, any advice? I think I am going to take off for a little fly fishing trip over the next few days. Chase some trout for a change! Thoughts?

I'm in a very similar situation. I took my FWB for granted and thought I didn't have any feelings for her until I lost her to another man. She wants us to still be friends of course, but I told her that isn't what I signed up for. I spent a few weeks trying everything I could think of to get her back, but all it did was lead to fights one day and chit chat the next day. She says we still have a strong connection and she has feelings for me, but she isn't prepared to stop seeing the other man. Thats the main reason I'm going NC. It's time for me to move on if she is moving on (she says she's confused). It's also time for her to start missing me like I've missed her. Once you take a woman's security blanket away, she will see if she really has feelings for you or not. Women crave attention and security; once you take it away from them for any length of time, they start to question the decisions they've made that got them to that point.

To answer your question, go fish. Drop off her radar for a few. I know it's tough as I am in the same position.

 

[BlackgumL]

Day 23:

Was going fishing (still might), but can't find the motivation.

 

[clair]

I am on day 3

I am on day three of the NC challenge it feels of if it is an up hill battle the days are not getting easier I go out with friends and go to work I am fine when I am with friends but when I get home I feel so lonely and angry b cause I feel he is seeing someone else b cause he does not try to contact me it was so easy for him to move on it has been 2 and a half months and I haven't heard from him....yes I want to move on but it hurts that letting me go was so easy

 

[Beyond-Birthday]

Day one even though I deleted her off Facebook last week. She wasn't too thrilled but I had to. I say day one because after that I would randomly check her twitter even though I am not friends with her on there. I also deleted my facebook, just in case temptation kicks in. For now, I am just going on POF and trying to talk to some chicks. Some people say its two early, since its been like 2 weeks since the break up. It was supposed to be a year September 7, she kicked me out of her house August 8 and ended it the 13..It hasn't been easy.

 

[henrea4]

I am on day three of the NC challenge it feels of if it is an up hill battle the days are not getting easier I go out with friends and go to work I am fine when I am with friends but when I get home I feel so lonely and angry b cause I feel he is seeing someone else b cause he does not try to contact me it was so easy for him to move on it has been 2 and a half months and I haven't heard from him....yes I want to move on but it hurts that letting me go was so easy

I know just how you feel.

Day one even though I deleted her off Facebook last week. She wasn't too thrilled but I had to. I say day one because after that I would randomly check her twitter even though I am not friends with her on there. I also deleted my facebook, just in case temptation kicks in. For now, I am just going on POF and trying to talk to some chicks. Some people say its two early, since its been like 2 weeks since the break up. It was supposed to be a year September 7, she kicked me out of her house August 8 and ended it the 13..It hasn't been easy.

Depends on the person. For some people, a new girl is a good distraction and can speed up the healing process of a breakup. They say rebounds rarely last, though. For me, personally, I know I'm still way too hung up on my ex wife to consider dating right now. All I'd be doing is comparing the new lady to my ex and wishing I was back with her instead. That's not fair to the new prospect. I'm not going to do that to anyone.

 

[European-DJ]

Officially starting no contact from now on with the girl who fvcked me over.

After a 2 year LTR it is going to be hard, but it is the right thing to do!
- I went over to her place and returned all of her stuff, and afterwards only texted her to know if my modem is still at here place, since I cannot find it.

Only if she has my modem I will go pick it up, if not, that will be the absolutely last thing she hear from me.


Remember, I am initiating this NC because I want to move on, not to win her back - so I don't think I ****ed up by asking for the modem, and when I gave her her last stuff, I also made it clear that that was it.

I am strong in my belief, but I know this is going to be such a *****!

 

[FiguriingItOut]

Day 2: She texted me 4 times yesterday (Day 1). First one was hope you have a good day, then I hope one day you won't hate me, followed by I know you're just ignoring me, so I'll leave you alone. Finally, she wanted to tell me a story about her husband that was going to "blow my mind". Remember, she and I are both married and she has found a new guy that she wants to give it a shot with. I did not respond to anything. Today has been more difficult, but it's also made me realize something. Stage 1 of NC isn't much more than ignoring someone. Once they realize that you're ignoring them; they will play the game and ignore (stop texting) you. However, the kicker becomes when you don't respond and she changes her thinking from "he's ignoring me" to "he's moving on." Once she thinks that way; that's when the fear sets in that she might lose you. The issue is staying strong until she reaches that point. It could be a few days or a few weeks, but I guarantee you it will happen.

 

[Beyond-Birthday]

A little bit of me really wants her to message me and I know it's way too soon for that, I mean..I was with her for a year and just like that its over. I keep assuming its easier for her because shes dumped so many guys and she was my "first" love. Hopefully this NC works..

 

[BlackgumL]

Day 24:

Spent the day on the river fly fishing. Lots of time to think. I need "closure" but it ain't gonna happen. Almost half way to my 60 days, but nowhere close to half way feeling any better. I am having the hardest time saying goodbye to the potential of what could have been. Now I have to start all over again. All that training someone to understand all my idiosyncrasies. It truly becomes an investment. And this one was another loser! Mostly I feel like a 42 year old failure. Today's upside? I caught a nice 18" brown on a dry. Back to the river tomorrow.

 

[FiguriingItOut]

Out of curiosity, why did you feel the need to stary on your wife?

Boring sex, nothing more.

 

[Beyond-Birthday]

So guys, after a few days I get this text. "I know you dont want to hear from me. I just need to apologize for being an ass. I dont expect your forgiveness at all but i need to. apologize for probably making you feel as if you never did anything for me. we've done a lot for each other and i down played you a lot. I'm sorry. Night." Even though I technically started NC yesterday, I havent' talk to her in two weeks. Like I said we were with eachother for a year and it's a long story which at this point it doesn't matter. What do you guys think, I want her back but I don't want to be a ***** about it either. My friend told me to let a rock a bit more and not respond. Just wondering what you guys think?

 

[FiguriingItOut]

So guys, after a few days I get this text. "I know you dont want to hear from me. I just need to apologize for being an ass. I dont expect your forgiveness at all but i need to. apologize for probably making you feel as if you never did anything for me. we've done a lot for each other and i down played you a lot. I'm sorry. Night." Even though I technically started NC yesterday, I havent' talk to her in two weeks. Like I said we were with eachother for a year and it's a long story which at this point it doesn't matter. What do you guys think, I want her back but I don't want to be a ***** about it either. My friend told me to let a rock a bit more and not respond. Just wondering what you guys think?

I'm with your friend. Let her simmer with the fact that you are in control enough not to respond.

 

[Beyond-Birthday]

Thanks, how long though. Is there like a time table or till the next message?

 

[Machtwo]

Thanks, how long though. Is there like a time table or till the next message?

Until you get the complete 180 turn around, read the original post again for guidance.