The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[henrea4]

I'm at day 42 today, I have no intention of breaking any of the rules of NC, but it's so bl00dy hard some times! I would say the past few days have been the most difficult - is not supposed to get easier as the days clock up??

I wish she would contact me, just so I could ignore her & feel a tad better.

I feel your pain. I have been thinking about what to do after 60 days have passed and even prayed for guidance yesterday. Just a few minutes ago, I was awakened by a horrible dream: For whatever reason I was at her house and knocked on her bedroom door. She opens it and looks back at the bed. There is someone in there with the sheets pulled over his head snoring away. I was devastated. I say, "I guess I have my answer.." and walk off. I'm hoping she'll come after me or something but all I hear is her shutting the door. I then woke up, relieved that it was only a dream at first, until I thought back to what I asked God about a day ago. I don't want any more pain in my life. Maybe it's better that she isn't contacting me. In this case I'd say ignorance is bliss.

Day 32 begins.

 

[Faldero456]

No worries mate. Day 30 will find you reviewing her FAULTs and wondering how you fell so hard for her.


I think in your case, it was doubly hard, because she is 18 years your junior. So she was 30, you are 48. Pretty big ego boost for an old fart like you and I. Plus, you get that smooth firm skin and body. But you know what? None of that is worth being a disrespected meal ticket or payday for any woman.

Mauser,

Even though I am back day 3 of NC, I am reviewing her FAULTs and wondering how I fell so hard for her. As they say hind-sight is 20/20.

Yes you are right, it was an ego boost for this old fart. :yes:
But it isn't woth being disrespected.

Faldero456

 

[Tissot]

OK, day 40 of NC, a good friend of mine and my ex spoke to my ex recently and she said that my ex is about ready for contact with me. I'm pondering here whether she wants to talk/catching up and stuff or about to drop the bomb 'I found someone else'...hmmm also I asked my friend what did my ex say to her and she said nothing to specific and I said I just don't want to hear that 'she's found someone else' after 2 months we split up because that seems a bit soon and rushing into things, my friend said that's the thing you must discuss with her and don't expect more than a friendship with her and if she has found someone else you need to remember that your relationship with her was unique and she and you can't detract yourself from it and it will stay for the rest of your life...thoughts...anyone. Should I contact her and get it over with or should I wait until the 60 days mark and when I'm emotionally ready to hear whatever news...

 

[Machtwo]

I just don't want to hear that 'she's found someone else' after 2 months we split up because that seems a bit soon and rushing into things,

Make no contact, be patient, carry on with NC. Is my opinion. :trouble:

 

[Subbeh]

Hi guys, I just found this thread yesterday and started NC a few days ago after breaking up a very complicated relationship with this girl. It's good to find some people in the same fvcked up situation struggling with the same pain and reading about the successes people have after a while.

We had been together for about 2,5 years in which she cheated on me (and lied about it) because I didn't give her enough attention, fair enough. I forgave her for it but I noticed that I just didn't trust her anymore, and it seemed that I was right because it turned out that she lied about a whole lot more.

I found out about this a few days ago and broke all contact with her (deleted her phone# and blocked her on fb). Initially she told me she was sorry for hurting me and wished me all the best.
Yesterday however, she called me and I accidentally picked up because I thought it was someone else.
She told me she wasn't doing good and misses me a lot. I told her I was doing ok and just went on with my life trying to forget about her.

She called me a few times after that but I didn't pick up. She texted me later on though telling me that she wishes me all the best but she thinks it's very rude that I don't respond and especially childish that I blocked her on facebook and some other stuff.

I'm thinking about breaking NC to tell her that I blocked her on facebook to protect myself from being confronted with her personal life, and to let her know that I just think NC is the only way to move on.

Is this a bad idea? I don't know anymore... I still care about this girl a lot even though she screwed me over big time

 

[ludis]

I'm thinking about breaking NC to tell her that I blocked her on facebook to protect myself from being confronted with her personal life, and to let her know that I just think NC is the only way to move on.

Is this a bad idea? I don't know anymore... I still care about this girl a lot even though she screwed me over big time

It's a bad idea. Don't let her guilt-trip you into anything.
You don't owe her an explanation or anything else resembling that. Stay strong, keep NC and focus on your resolve.
Now is the time to take care of yourself.

 

[Subbeh]

It's a bad idea. Don't let her guilt-trip you into anything.
You don't owe her an explanation or anything else resembling that. Stay strong, keep NC and focus on your resolve.
Now is the time to take care of yourself.

Thanks ludis, I know deep down this is the best thing to do. Just have to remind myself all the time that it's really over and this girl is no good for me :trouble:
The worst thing is that we agreed on having an open relationship the last two months, and now she's having a fvckbuddy to have some distraction

 

[Faldero456]

Hi guys, I just found this thread yesterday and started NC a few days ago after breaking up a very complicated relationship with this girl. It's good to find some people in the same fvcked up situation struggling with the same pain and reading about the successes people have after a while.

We had been together for about 2,5 years in which she cheated on me (and lied about it) because I didn't give her enough attention, fair enough. I forgave her for it but I noticed that I just didn't trust her anymore, and it seemed that I was right because it turned out that she lied about a whole lot more.

I found out about this a few days ago and broke all contact with her (deleted her phone# and blocked her on fb). Initially she told me she was sorry for hurting me and wished me all the best.
Yesterday however, she called me and I accidentally picked up because I thought it was someone else.
She told me she wasn't doing good and misses me a lot. I told her I was doing ok and just went on with my life trying to forget about her.

She called me a few times after that but I didn't pick up. She texted me later on though telling me that she wishes me all the best but she thinks it's very rude that I don't respond and especially childish that I blocked her on facebook and some other stuff.

I'm thinking about breaking NC to tell her that I blocked her on facebook to protect myself from being confronted with her personal life, and to let her know that I just think NC is the only way to move on.

Is this a bad idea? I don't know anymore... I still care about this girl a lot even though she screwed me over big time

Subbeh,

Stick with NC. Don't give a rats ass about what she's doing. If she couldn't be truthfull to you while you were a couple and showed you no respect, why do you care what she thinks now?

It is hard work keeping NC. If you haven't already, go read all this thread since day one.

Faldero456

 

[Faldero456]

OK, day 40 of NC, a good friend of mine and my ex spoke to my ex recently and she said that my ex is about ready for contact with me. I'm pondering here whether she wants to talk/catching up and stuff or about to drop the bomb 'I found someone else'...hmmm also I asked my friend what did my ex say to her and she said nothing to specific and I said I just don't want to hear that 'she's found someone else' after 2 months we split up because that seems a bit soon and rushing into things, my friend said that's the thing you must discuss with her and don't expect more than a friendship with her and if she has found someone else you need to remember that your relationship with her was unique and she and you can't detract yourself from it and it will stay for the rest of your life...thoughts...anyone. Should I contact her and get it over with or should I wait until the 60 days mark and when I'm emotionally ready to hear whatever news...

Tissot,

I'd wait if I were you. You've done 40 days NC. Wow that's great, wish I was at that point.

You are worried that, "she's found someone else". You are still stuck on her. If you do meet, all it would do is send you back to day one of NC. I did that after 21 days of NC. Made me feel ****tier. Double kick in the ass. Feeling ****ty again and knowing the only thing to get back some tranquility is letting 21 days more go by.

faldero456

 

[adam225]

60 days done for me guys ! I'm not really the best at getting into detail about this kind of stuff - but I can assure you NC works good and proper - you just need to believe in it, and get yourself out there back into the real world. I've arrived at a point where I feel as long as I'm happy I don't care about anything else. It's a point you should all be aiming for. You're number one not the women...

Something else I realised it that you need to accept that she has most likely found (or is seeing) someone else. The way I got my head around this was to ask myself - if it's alright for me to do so; then it's alright for her to do so. At the end of the day she's gone - so she is nothing more than a figure in your imagination. You need to accept that nothing will bring her back and even if it did the relationship wouldn't be worth your time.

Keep strong guys !!!!
Adam225

 

[Tissot]

Tissot,

I'd wait if I were you. You've done 40 days NC. Wow that's great, wish I was at that point.

You are worried that, "she's found someone else". You are still stuck on her. If you do meet, all it would do is send you back to day one of NC. I did that after 21 days of NC. Made me feel ****tier. Double kick in the ass. Feeling ****ty again and knowing the only thing to get back some tranquility is letting 21 days more go by.

faldero456

Stronger part of me told me I should wait and contact her when I'm completely ready and not expect any news and just plain catch-up and also not being worried if she says 'I met someone'...blah blah; I've consulted a friend of mine sometimes with news you just have to confront it and get it over and done with or maybe it is just innocent catch-up chat...he also try to not to over-analyse things because the more you worried about something it's usually about nothing and he also said that the longer you put off the communication it's possible that she might actually find someone, who knows?? I'm waiting on my sister's advice and maybe she has some insight on what she thinks about this and perhaps I will ponder after.

I have honestly been keeping my mind and body busy and just learning breathing techniques to reduce the panic and the blood brooding when I get a 'bad' day and getting more awesome on the guitar and it works maybe if I decided to call her I just say "so sorry, I have been really busy with work and working on a portfolio because it's very important that I get in in this design school" I will keep light and no pressure, casual and cool and not bringing up the past and genuinely listening what she has to say for maybe only 5 min. IF she brought up the news about a 'new fling' then;

as of right now; I'm not ready to hear it...
in the next week or two; perhaps, I need more time...

I know right 40 days!! I'm feeling great and genuinely laughing with the guys at work today...haven't laughed like that in ages so I'll stay NC for now; she might ended up contacting me who knows...

 

[Tissot]

60 days done for me guys ! I'm not really the best at getting into detail about this kind of stuff - but I can assure you NC works good and proper - you just need to believe in it, and get yourself out there back into the real world. I've arrived at a point where I feel as long as I'm happy I don't care about anything else. It's a point you should all be aiming for. You're number one not the women...

Something else I realised it that you need to accept that she has most likely found (or is seeing) someone else. The way I got my head around this was to ask myself - if it's alright for me to do so; then it's alright for her to do so.

Huzzah!! congrats man and good luck from now on for you are a free man, you broke the shackles of humiliation and now walk your life with the happiness you deserves!

 

[henrea4]

You need to accept that nothing will bring her back....

This is what I'm struggling with the most right now. I'm still in denial. Thinking any day now she's going to text me saying she misses me. It's just so pathetic.

Congrats on making it through this test. I'm also glad that it was beneficial to you.

 

[Clubber100]

Hey guys, just fresh off a breakup that really is hurting me right now.

We are both in college and in our final year and basically had a summer fling. Basically we loved our time together (or so I thought/think) but she is really a busy girl and said she isn't sure she'd have the time for me in the school year. Obviously this hurt like hell, as I was willing to work through that and pursue a relationship, as she is the best girl I have ever met. I let down my guard and let her in all summer and now she doesn't want more. We never really argued and she seems really at peace with it saying I will find someone so much better than her, but I already know I won't.

She also said she was going through some personal stuff and she needed to work through that before being in a relationship with anyone. I would do anything to be in one with her but its just out of my hands I feel. Our school has a local bar that everyone attends on the weekends and I know I will be seeing her there and at other gatherings frequently and I don't know how to handle it. Today is the first day after the breakup and she sent me a message saying how I will have a great life and all that but that is just making it harder. She is the only future I want and I'd do anything for her to feel that way about me.

So any help? I felt like texting her back that but I know that begging won't get me anywhere but I'm pretty broken right now guys. I don't know how I can stomach seeing her with other guys if she lied to me and is ready for someone or especially if she goes to her ex. I don't feel like seeing other girls because I am a fiercely loyal person and I don't move on well. Has anyone ever had success getting an ex back that felt so at peace with moving on from them? We were only seeing each other for 3 or so months but they were the best of my life. Thanks for reading this and giving me any advice, I'm just in a vulnerable state right now.

 

[Clubber100]

Additionally I'd like to add that this has nothing to do about sex or physicality. I just love her personality and I feel it in my soul which is what makes this situation so hard to swallow, that I am not good enough for her.

 

[henrea4]

I don't even know what day I'm on right now...too lazy to bother doing the math. All I know is I want to contact her more and more every day. I'm trying things like looking in the mirror and telling myself, "She doesn't deserve you", "You deserve better", "You CAN do better", etc....I do this repeatedly every morning before I leave for work and after my shower when I get home from the gym. It just feels like hollow words, though. I just want to send her something short...just an "I miss you" or, "Will I ever see you again?", but I know if she responds with something like, "Please stop." or "Please don't contact me again. I'm seeing someone." it will completely destroy me. It's not like she doesn't know I don't miss her, and even if she doesn't know, would she even care? This sucks so badly. I really wish I had never met her, or at least stopped seeing her after the first time we met, like I should have done. She has completely ruined my life. I don't think I'm ever going to fully recover from this. Even if I marry someone else, I'll always wish I was with her.

 

[ludis]

I don't even know what day I'm on right now...too lazy to bother doing the math. All I know is I want to contact her more and more every day. I'm trying things like looking in the mirror and telling myself, "She doesn't deserve you", "You deserve better", "You CAN do better", etc....I do this repeatedly every morning before I leave for work and after my shower when I get home from the gym. It just feels like hollow words, though. I just want to send her something short...just an "I miss you" or, "Will I ever see you again?", but I know if she responds with something like, "Please stop." or "Please don't contact me again. I'm seeing someone." it will completely destroy me. It's not like she doesn't know I don't miss her, and even if she doesn't know, would she even care? This sucks so badly. I really wish I had never met her, or at least stopped seeing her after the first time we met, like I should have done. She has completely ruined my life. I don't think I'm ever going to fully recover from this. Even if I marry someone else, I'll always wish I was with her.

henrea4 i know that this will sound cliche, but it gets better.
Right now you're hurting bad but staying NC is really the best you can do.
I'm not just saying so because we're in the NC thread.

Also, try and watch teh film "Swingers".
You'll understand why when you do :yes:

 

[henrea4]

I'll try and track down that flick. You know, I was thinking about something after my gym session, during my ride home, and in the shower. All through our relationship, I was the type to just beat a subject in the ground....I treated her like she was my child instead of my wife..I mean the way I talked to her. And I would always question everything and be very critical of her. For the four months after we separated and divorced, I have been exhibiting that same behavior that more than likely turned her against me. What if after my 60 days is up (probably a little longer after that) I just send her a quick, humorous text....something that only she and I would "get"? Then back off for another couple of weeks/month. Then I'd send her another text...this time a bit longer to "catch up"? Then I'd back off again and text but at the end ask her if it's ok if I call her sometime....you know...just kind of slowly try to get my foot back in the door. No pressure, no begging, no criticism. I just really feel like I should give it one last shot, but do it right this time. The damage may already be done, but I want to try. She means everything to me.

 

[mike465]

Okay guys I'm technically now 2 weeks in again and I feel great! I'm talking to other girls and I don't really think about her much. I now know that she is in a worse position than me in terms of moving on...bit I don't care anyway.

I'll be the first to admit that I've acted like a little ***** but it DOES get better. I know some of you won't believe that but it's true. Henrea, don't contact her! You don't need her you really don't. It'll all become clear soon.

 

[henrea4]

*sigh*
You guys are right. I need to just let it go. And yes, honoring her wishes would be much better than continuing to try and force myself back into her life. I'm nowhere near ready to date other women yet, though. Not even trying to go there right now.