The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Faldero456]

7 days of NC. Today was a good day. I felt great. She came back a few times. But I was able to push her away. One thing I tried that worked was, if she pops in your thoughts is to say out loud "NO". Tell yourself that you don't want that interuption right now. New age, tree hugger stuff, but I found that it helped. Yes, my subconscious tried to put infront of my thoughts. I told my conscious mind to push her out of my thoughts. It worked for me. I am sure she'll come back and get me crying again at some time. It is nice to be done with her for moments at a time. Those times are becoming longer.

Faldero456

 

[henrea4]

When I first started working out, I would go the entire hour and a half or so without thinking about her at all. I think I mentioned that a few days ago. It's not working anymore, though. Now I get thoughts like, "Man it would be nice if we could work out together." I don't know...I guess it's just so fresh now because the entire time that we've been separated, aside from a few days or weeks here and there, we have kept in contact. She would text me letting me know that she was sending my stuff to me. And I would usually hound her with texts about getting back together....most of which usually degraded into me accusing her of sleeping around and telling her that she never really loved me because she wouldn't have let this happen if she did. Yeah....and I'm wondering why she's not sending me 1000 texts a day. The last time I talked to her she said that she couldn't get back together with me because she thought she couldn't ever trust me to not go back to my old ways. I wanted to tell her so badly that the only reason I would change, then go back to what I was doing before was because I thought there wouldn't be any repercussions. I honestly thought she would never leave me. Now I see full well that she will and has left me. If she gave me another chance, I certainly wouldn't piss it away. I had this typed up and addressed to her, but I only saved it in my e-mail drafts folder. The next morning when I woke up I deleted it. I've told her things like this before and it didn't help. Nothing I say is going to change her mind.

Yeah, I'll try to do something I haven't done in a while. I'm going to have to think hard about that one.

 

[Faldero456]

Yeah, I'll try to do something I haven't done in a while. I'm going to have to think hard about that one.

It took me a while to figure out what to do. I'd go for walks. Different parks, diffrent places. I'd usually spend the time thinking about her. My son would run off and play with the kids in the playground and I'd stay by myself thinking about her.

It helped to go somewhere with other people to talk to. Not about her, but talk about other stuff. Don't be self-centered, like I was. Your break up isn't the centre of the universe.

Faldero456

 

[Faldero456]

I have been in no contact for over 60 days and it's a lot easier when you know the relationship is over and you don't want the person back.

However, she keeps trying to contact me and just sent me a text saying that she found some "things of mine" that she wants to come over and give to me.

I don't know how to handle this because, yes I would bone her if I still have a chance, but I don't want to ever get back together with her and I don't know how I would feel after if we actually did it. Then again maybe she wants to see if I'm distraught over the breakup and is looking for an ego boost. Any advice?

SushiOji,

my ex-experience is don't do it. We got together for one night. (See my previous post), After 3 weeks of NC on my part and 6 weeks since she dumped me. I won't lie, it was great. Talked and got along like old times. Spoke, had a few drinks, laughed, made love. It was great. Next day was absoulut shi*. At the end of it all we were still apart. All I did was erase any advance I had made in getting over her.

Faldero456

 

[SushiOji]

SushiOji,

my ex-experience is don't do it. We got together for one night. (See my previous post), After 3 weeks of NC on my part and 6 weeks since she dumped me. I won't lie, it was great. Talked and got along like old times. Spoke, had a few drinks, laughed, made love. It was great. Next day was absoulut shi*. At the end of it all we were still apart. All I did was erase any advance I had made in getting over her.

Faldero456

Thanks for the advice, I do fear that it would make me end up feeling like **** the next day and set me back to day number 1. Looks like I have no choice but to stay the course and keep ignoring any attempt from her.

For me any time I feel weak and miss her I think of all the times she disrespected me and that helps kill any thoughts I have about ever bringing her back into my life for any reason.

 

[henrea4]

This no contact thing works like a charm if you want their attention....

Unless she just doesn't care and wants to be left alone, like in my case.

 

[itdude]

day 3

I managed to not reply to her text she sent yesterday. I feel guilty but in the other hand this is what she wanted right! Feeling anxious at the moment so thought I will just post here to get it out of mind.

I think of her all the time but I am trying to stop myself each time I go day dreaming. this is hard as fvck

 

[mike465]

Day 3-4 since I restarted and it's hard today, keep thinking about her loads so had to come on here to avoid making contact.

Just wishing she would miss me and be the chaser (maybe she feels **** who knows).

Hopefully I'll start caring less. It would be so sweet to get a text off her and she feels as **** as I have. Then the ball will be in my court and that's what it's all about.

 

[henrea4]

I prayed for my ex wife last night, but afterwards I regretted it. I realized I don't want her to be watched after. And I don't want her to be happy without me. What's worse is I wound up dreaming about her last night. It wasn't any kind of fantasy/sexual kind of thing...in the dream we were very broken up, but still, I don't want to see her in my sleep. So, needless to say I won't be doing that again, at least not until I can actually mean the words I'm saying.

Getting close to 4 weeks. If anything, I have made progress. A couple of months ago, I wouldn't have been able to resist contacting her, unblocking her from Facebook or any of that jive. I've gone (almost) 4 whole weeks without reaching out in any way, shape or form, without her dangling that carrot in front of me about her needing space and maybe with time we can get back together. Nope. I had told her that if she really felt like time would help her to get over the hurt I've caused her then I would give it to her, but I couldn't wait for her forever. She texted me 4 days later and told me that she didn't think she could ever trust me to not go back to my old ways. Now before, I would have immediately called her up and demanded her to reconsider and would have been hounding her for days afterwards. Not this time. I simply said to her, "Ok. I'm very sorry you feel that way." Since I had already broken NC, I just went ahead and told her that I hope she had a nice 4th of July and that it had rained all day here. She texted back saying she had been sleeping all day and wished me the same. That's the last time I had contact with her.

Needless to say, my plan backfired. Still, I've said things to her before like I wouldn't pursue her anymore or I had given up only to be back to my old tricks a few days later. Maybe she was calling my bluff. Nah....she just doesn't care if I move on. She already has.

 

[Tissot]

Another revelation today...if you can see your ex image in your head and she's with someone else and you're not angry or saddened then you're on the right track to recovery. I had a good day at work today and I was thinking how she looks like but somehow I can only picture her less and less...and also I tried imagining her with another guy and I am being honest here guys; It didn't make me upset at all!! not one bit, I didn't break down or messed up my work or anything.

Obviously I'm not fully recovered yet, but everyday becomes a lot easier, my body is getting great results from the jogging and cardio workouts I've been doing in the past 2 weeks!! getting my 4 pack back on which is nice !! Trust me guys, it gets better...today I thought a little bit about contacting her but then I realised I have nothing to say or proof to her, I will allow time to decide whether if she's meant to be with me or not. I only care about myself right now and I feel great.

During the breakup you may experience 5 stages of grief; the depression stage was the hardest for me!! I have never shed tears so hard for this girl and I told myself after it happened; enough!! I don't want to feel like this anymore!! I want to move on and I'm sick being stuck in this situation over again! I realised that the breakup was mostly my fault and I took full responsibility of what happened, but it doesn't justify me feeling like crap for a long time...I watched 'YES MAN' last night and it relates to everyone here...you've lost a soul, your sou...not hers! Reclaim/rediscover that soul and you will set yourself free. I don't have a lot of money saved up at the moment but once I have enough I will go skydiving since I have never done it and I thought, screw it, Imma gonna jump do something new and radical guys and you'll never know what you might find...I will still be here until I fully completed 60 days, 28 days to go!!

 

[Big Keep]

Quick question guys,

7 days of N/C,

Ex texted me yesterday 2 times..

This first text in the morning ''xxx ''

Then another one couple hours later asking me if I could send her a copy of my CV so she can have an example to build hers.. When we were together, I told her I would help her to build it..

Should I send it ? (I would only link the document in her facebook inbox without adding in message)

Or would it breaks N/C and give her what she wants.. ?

Thanks

 

[ludis]

Quick question guys,

7 days of N/C,

Ex texted me yesterday 2 times..

This first text in the morning ''xxx ''

Then another one couple hours later asking me if I could send her a copy of my CV so she can have an example to build hers.. When we were together, I told her I would help her to build it..

Should I send it ? (I would only link the document in her facebook inbox without adding in message)

Or would it breaks N/C and give her what she wants.. ?

Thanks

Bigkeep, she's testing the waters. She wants to see if you'll apply for an errand boy position, friendzone style.
I'd steer clear of any contact, even a negative one.

Having said that, i'm at day 12 of NC. The only kind of contact i've allowed (she called a couple of times, didn't pick up; sent a few texts that i left unanswered) was a package that i mailed her a couple of days ago, containing stuff that she left at my place - a summer dress, panties, toothbrush.

Now, i'll lie if i'll say i don't think of her, BUT every day that passes makes it clearer that i made the right decision about NC.

Hardest part now is to confront my own issues. There where incidents that i flat out should not have tolerated, even some that i confronted her about.
The fact that i did, shows that i'm lacking integrity and congruence and it is my duty now to pick myself up, dust myself off and not repeat the same mistakes.

I'm finding this to be the most painful and hardest part of the breakup, but i like to think of it as a challenge. The pains may be hard to bear, but they are the pains of a labor of love. The love of my self.

 

[Faldero456]

9th day of NC.

No long stories today.

Even though I broke NC, I feel like I have learned from my mistakes.

I am doing good, being without her. I can live without her. Memories try to come back but I push them away.

Today she sent me 12 messages. Haven't looked or responded. Maybe later I'll look to see what she said. But I have no urge to read or reply. I might reply, if she says she has terminal cancer. Otherwise, F *** it. She made her bed, she can sleep in it.

Faldero456

 

[henrea4]

What will you do if those messages are saying that she wants to get back together? 12 texts in one day seems like an awful lot, man.

Day 27.

 

[Faldero456]

What will you do if those messages are saying that she wants to get back together? 12 texts in one day seems like an awful lot, man.

Day 27.

She wants something from me. $$$$

 

[mike465]

Day 5

Doing well at the moment. She invited me to some iPhone game (she's done this before and I'm sure it's to keep tabs on me/not completely let me go). I haven't replied and then she even nudged me due to my unresponsivness. It was pretty funny.

Stay strong

 

[RedScorpion]

Hey guys,

Almost 5 months NC here. 5-6 weeks after last I seen her. Been reading all the stories throughout. I gotta tell you, NC does work. There will be times where you think it will not get better, but it does. About 3 weeks ago, I was stricken with the idea of sending a goodbye letter, saying sorry for whatever happened, best of luck to you. I was on the fence on whether or not to - did a bunch of research on other people's experiences and see what to do. It was pretty much a resounding 'no', but what did it for me was this thread (second post) http://www.relationshiptalk.net/should-i-write-my-ex-an-apology/-goodbye-note-11213624.html

After reading that, I realized 'I don't want to write her just to ease my 'guilt'. Why should I feel guilty?' And that swung me to completely against. Right now, I don't feel anything for her. Maybe a very slight bit, but pretty neutral. A bit hopeful as well in general. A ton better than what I was feeling before. I'm actually a tad glad now she hasn't tried to contact me (which is actually a bit surprising to me as I write this).

Flirting with other girls definitely helps. Having a true reciprocated interest in a girl helps immensely as well. And in this breakup struggle, it may get worse before it gets better, it may seem like there's no end or you're doing the wrong thing. But trust yourself.

I want to thank Mauser too, for helping me out (and others too) stick to it.

 

[Machtwo]

My Story

First of all, let me say I love this blog & all who post, keep the faith!

This is a very quick version of my story:

I was with my partner for 13 years, she split us up March 31, it would have been our third wedding anniversary on May 29. I thought we had the perfect relationship & we were brilliant for each other - I am still in some sort of shock as to what has happened 4 months on.

She initially told me we had drifted into a sibling relationship and to be true to herself she couldn't live in a relationship like that. We will put the house up for sale and live together as if nothing has changed until the house is sold and then we will go our separate ways!

I told her immediately that no way was that situation acceptable. I left 4 days later, moving back with my parents - for now - until my payout from the property sale.

I have tested the 'water' about getting back together, without begging, but it is like flogging a dead horse, it seems that she has already 'checked out' from the relationship.

Fast forward six weeks and she changed her story slightly to, 'my feelings have changed towards you'. Then move forward another six weeks or so & the story changes again to 'when I heard the saying, I love you, but I'm not in love with you, it made so much sense to me'.

I removed my last item from the happy, marital home about 4 weeks ago & sent the keys back in the post. While I was there I told her this would be the last time we ever saw each other, I offered my hand to shake & said thank-you for the memories. She said don't go like this, please at least hug me & leave things differently, I flatly refused, turned & walked out of her life. I have now been NC for 21 days.

She says she cares for me deeply & wants to be friends & begged me not to 'cut her dead'. I doubt she cares & I've insisted right from the off that we will never be friends & I have now cut her dead as we have no ties.

I have severed everything because I didn't deserve this incredibly poor treatment from her, I have been an excellent husband in my opinion & a perfect husband was her opinion - I know this isn't true, I'm not perfect.

Now here's the thing, I don't have a problem continuing with NC, it is difficult sometimes but not to the point where I've ever thought I would do anything, but I suppose if I'm being honest & truthful, I really do want her to contact me! I have been through every emotion known to man this past 4 months, only now am I regaining my confidence & self esteem, every family member & friend or counsellor who knows my story, can't quite believe my story or what drastic action my wife has taken to end our relationship, I believe my in-laws are of the same opinion too. I believe she might be in the middle of a mid-life crisis, she is just 46 now, same as my good self!!

I nearly forgot, I think when I realised that she was deadly serious, I felt my situation was so far out of my control that some sort of balance was needed back in my favour, so I filed for divorce, I was advised not to do this just yet, but I felt it was the right thing to do for me, so went ahead. I did this because I am an emotional guy & I didn't want the pain or hurt again somewhere down the line when she felt like doing it, if it was all going to end, I wanted it to end all at the same time, get it all boxed off.

Some days I'm optimistic about a reconciliation or U turn on her part, but most of the time I'm pessimistic, I believe she has gone for good & it seems such a waste, I thought, wrongly of course, she was indeed my best friend.

I really have no idea why I'm letting this loser have such an effect on me, it is her loss not mine - other peoples words.

Andy

 

[henrea4]

First of all, let me say I love this blog & all who post, keep the faith!

This is a very quick version of my story:

I was with my partner for 13 years, she split us up March 31, it would have been our third wedding anniversary on May 29. I thought we had the perfect relationship & we were brilliant for each other - I am still in some sort of shock as to what has happened 4 months on.

She initially told me we had drifted into a sibling relationship and to be true to herself she couldn't live in a relationship like that. We will put the house up for sale and live together as if nothing has changed until the house is sold and then we will go our separate ways!

I told her immediately that no way was that situation acceptable. I left 4 days later, moving back with my parents - for now - until my payout from the property sale.

I have tested the 'water' about getting back together, without begging, but it is like flogging a dead horse, it seems that she has already 'checked out' from the relationship.

Fast forward six weeks and she changed her story slightly to, 'my feelings have changed towards you'. Then move forward another six weeks or so & the story changes again to 'when I heard the saying, I love you, but I'm not in love with you, it made so much sense to me'.

I removed my last item from the happy, marital home about 4 weeks ago & sent the keys back in the post. While I was there I told her this would be the last time we ever saw each other, I offered my hand to shake & said thank-you for the memories. She said don't go like this, please at least hug me & leave things differently, I flatly refused, turned & walked out of her life. I have now been NC for 21 days.

She says she cares for me deeply & wants to be friends & begged me not to 'cut her dead'. I doubt she cares & I've insisted right from the off that we will never be friends & I have now cut her dead as we have no ties.

I have severed everything because I didn't deserve this incredibly poor treatment from her, I have been an excellent husband in my opinion & a perfect husband was her opinion - I know this isn't true, I'm not perfect.

Now here's the thing, I don't have a problem continuing with NC, it is difficult sometimes but not to the point where I've ever thought I would do anything, but I suppose if I'm being honest & truthful, I really do want her to contact me! I have been through every emotion known to man this past 4 months, only now am I regaining my confidence & self esteem, every family member & friend or counsellor who knows my story, can't quite believe my story or what drastic action my wife has taken to end our relationship, I believe my in-laws are of the same opinion too. I believe she might be in the middle of a mid-life crisis, she is just 46 now, same as my good self!!

I nearly forgot, I think when I realised that she was deadly serious, I felt my situation was so far out of my control that some sort of balance was needed back in my favour, so I filed for divorce, I was advised not to do this just yet, but I felt it was the right thing to do for me, so went ahead. I did this because I am an emotional guy & I didn't want the pain or hurt again somewhere down the line when she felt like doing it, if it was all going to end, I wanted it to end all at the same time, get it all boxed off.

Some days I'm optimistic about a reconciliation or U turn on her part, but most of the time I'm pessimistic, I believe she has gone for good & it seems such a waste, I thought, wrongly of course, she was indeed my best friend.

I really have no idea why I'm letting this loser have such an effect on me, it is her loss not mine - other peoples words.

Andy

Wow....you're handling things way better than I did in the 4 months (almost 5 now) that I have been apart from my ex wife. I became the classic "crazed ex"....phone calls, harassing with walls of text messages, Facebook stalking, you name it...I did it. I was just acting out of pure emotion...zero thought. I also have problems with self control and patience. Bad combination. My ex wife, if she did have any feelings for me when she filed for divorce, surely wants nothing to do with me now. I've been in No Contact for almost a month now (28 days) and she was the one who originally initiated LC (she would text me only about moving my stuff out of her house...never about "us") As much as it hurts, I think I'm finally starting to "get it" now. She fell out of love with me and just doesn't want to be bothered anymore. I get angry sometimes and think, "who give a f*** what she wants? She didn't care about what I wanted!" but I know if I continued down the path I was going I'd only wind up hurting myself more. I've been hurting for too damn long. I'm still haunted by reconciliation fantasies, but I'm hoping with time they will fade. Your post has been quite inspirational to me. Thank you for sharing.

 

[Big Keep]

Day 10 of N/C..

I had a dream about her this night..
Can't get her off of my head this morning..

She seems so close but so far at the same time, it's hard.. But I won't text her, better to write here than to text her..

Cheers