This is an interesting story.
First, I have had not good experiences in "sports bars". I have often considered televised sports to be a cocckblocker. I tend to avoid sports bars and alumni events centered around college football or college basketball.
How was she being pulled by another guy at the sports bar that first night?
I think many men will always try to make moves on her. She is in demand and she knows she is in demand.
What sort of expectations do you set at the commencement of something new? Do you verbalize or imply that you are a non-monogamous male running a rotation and you intend to stay that way?
She was out with her friends and there were a bunch of guys orbiting them. Their group was in close proximity to mine and I could overhear one guy in particular who was just trying to DHV his life to her. And he was buying and plying her with drinks. I could see she was amused but not attracted to that guy.
Yes she is quite attractive and gets the attention of men very easily. Who knows how many are currently orbiting and simping for her in her life, at this very moment.
I have always taken things casually without declaring intent up front. I don't verbalize anything. More of a go with the flow kind of person. But I am also quite open about my dating life and dating stories when meeting a new woman, so they insinuate very quickly that I am non-monogamous upfront and "spinning plates" (interesting how some on SS don't like this term nowadays). I give off a playboy vibe but I am fine with it because it isn't untrue if their definition of what constitutes a play boy is someone who does not date exclusively upfront and dates around.
My current dating philosophy is to enjoy myself, enjoy life, enjoy the process, get to know the person and not be in a rush to establish something monogamous or committed with anyone. The reason being as some on SS might recall (from my extensive NC & Breakup journey in the NC mega thread), I find it is very easy to get into a relationship with someone but very hard to get out of one (the breakup, baggage, pain, etc). And not all women are deserving of exclusive relationship, commitment and investment. This is the advice I would give my younger self.
So I don't delude women I meet up front or promise them monogamy or commitment, I just try to have fun with them.
Since joining SS, having dated extensively and spun plates, I realized that most women expect monogamy at some point. So naturally plates break over some duration of casual dating. This has been my experience.
Do I intend to stay this way? For now, yes. At least until I meet someone who truly gets my heart going but these people are far and few.
That's also a good story to share.
The way in which it all happened seems typical.
Why do you think she went hot and cold on you?
You seem to have a pattern of attractive women pulling hot and cold behavior on you.
Why didn't you give her girlfriend status when she did the "what are we" DTR conversation?
There were plenty of betas who would give her girlfriend status quickly. There are even alphas and sigmas who would be willing to give girlfriend status at a minimum to a 9 who is a social media influencer.
She did marry a rich beta but part of her is bored with a rich beta. Her SMV has dropped now with a kid (maybe she'll have a 2nd kid) so she's somewhat trapped in that. She likely isn't fulfilled with a rich beta and eventually she'll get bored. Straying and/or filing for divorce are realistic at some point in the future (probably multiple years away at this point). You won't be her affair partner though.
Thanks.
Yes this girl and I have been like planets in a way. She has orbited and bounced back and forth with me since I met her.
I think the hot and cold is easily explainable. I give off "fxkboi" vibes to her and actually to many of the women I meet.
Why?
Well my belief is, I always have a rotation. I am not needy or beta like most of the people they meet. We have sex over a duration of time but I never move things into exclusive LTR territory by default. And I've been told that I have a reputation as well among some social circles which I have also debated here on SS whether it is a good thing or not.
Like the above, from my perspective, I don't see a rush to LTR anyone I meet. I promise only a good time, good company and fun experience.
I didn't LTR her because although I enjoyed dating and ****ing her, I don't enjoy spending time with her without the frills. That's a bad sign. Imagine being stuck in a road trip with her.
I think after a long duration of me seeing, dating and ****ing this girl. She eventually got tired of it.
But you're right, it is very eye opening. Much on the manosphere is very true. As a man who only got RP awakened a few years ago, I've seen it in action.
For example, this influencer had gotten into another LTR before the marriage and even during then she would come out with me and often I dropped her back to her bf's place after our night out. I am sure her ex was totally unaware. Nothing happened but clearly she was keen to spend time with me and I guess debating whether to do more.
That's what I think about sometimes as well. It's crazy how there is a fairytale version of courtship with women. You wife them up. Put them up the pedestal. Walk them down the aisle. Give them everything. But that dream woman of yours has probably done a bunch of nasty things, unspeakable things that you would see in hardcore porn with alpha men who have not done half the stuff but just because the woman was simply attracted to them. The conditions that some of the women have set on BP men, did not exist for some others in their life. A double standard. It doesn't necessarily devalue women any less but it definitely destroys the idealistic conceptions of courtship that we men have.