Mixed Signals But Consistent Lays. High IL or Low IL?

[jamesfromhouston]

Spot on. Also I agree with the insecurities had her come running bit. I don’t know why OP cannot answer the question about his dating investment or lack thereof but I suppose at this point we can intimate an answer from him on this.

Sure, I can share it for the sake of this thread and future readers.

My dating investment with her:

1) I don't message her much because I am not on my phone much. But sometimes I will provide witty responses when she hits me up with casual messages.

2) I take her out to drinks, dinners, axe throwing, other fun activities and the movies since meeting her besides sex.

3) We hook up regularly in between our normal dates.

4) At this stage, I am not planning to LTR her because once again I don't really know her very well. LTR for is a serious step. At this stage of my life, I am just spinning plates.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I'm curious about this. She clearly noticed your withdrawal and asked you a direct question.

Instead of being honest and forthright telling her you were bothered by the lack of consistency, you chose to play games and replied "no" and continued your withdrawal.

You didn't have to admit to being "mad" which is a bit extreme but why not tell her you were disappointed in how the interaction was playing out and rethinking things?

You know, have a genuine conversation? I mean the truth IS you were bothered and you did seem to really like her.

That's an interesting point.

Initially I was confused rather than mad, by the point of my withdrawal, I think I sort of just gave up. Just moved on to another plate and just other things.

I guess I could have declared that but saying "Hey, I've decided your mixed signals are off putting and I've given up on you." Sounds too extreme. I guess I believe in being a bit more tactful. If things were to go truly south and she never came back, I wouldn't have said a single thing. Just let it be.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I don't mean to cause you grief, but I don't think that was the right play. Lot's of men here and men in general have cultivated this psuedo indifference/unreactive passivity mindset where they pretend they don't care even though they all do. If a women reverts to overt communication and asks you if you're upset, don't respond with the sort of covert/indirect feminine horseshvt communication that they typically do. It punishes them for being honest. If a women asks you if you're upset, and you are, tell her why. This would have been the perfect time to bring up her actions, rather than doing it reactively in the moment since it will be seen as weakness/neediness.

I'd be wary with her, just keep on eye on her behavior more.

I'm gonna say it again, but I think mind games are childish and disrespectful, and any manipulation from women (plate or not) is unacceptable in my book. High quality women won't play mind games because they know it may cause the man to walk away from her. That said, I am starting to increasingly suspect that most women nowadays don't even know how self-respecting men act, because they never encounter it. They may never encounter a man who tells them "no", or meet a man has boundaries, so their knee-jerk response is to call them "controlling" or "narcissistic", which means there may be an element of needing to train them to think properly.

Or, she wanted the power and didn't get it so now she's appeasing you again because her other options haven't crystalized yet. I'm not saying that IS what she's doing, but that's an alternative explaination. Don't overanalyze her or anything but just watch her behaviors and don't let her off the hook just yet or let your guard down. I think it's rare for a high quality women to go hot to cold then stay hot indefinitely...generally speaking, in healthy, stable relationships, there are few, if any, "hot" and cold" moments its all just "normal".

I get what you're saying but if a women likes a man she has to chase him at some point and the man has to allow her the opportunity to do so. I do agree that even some high quality women need to be chased, but it cannot be too one-sided or it ruins balance of power and she gains all the leverage.

You suggest that being indifferent and unreactive is feminine but wouldn't you agree getting upset or exuding a reaction to her aloofness is more feminine?

Wise words @FlexpertHamilton, I agree women nowadays are increasingly strange and I think it comes down to the culture of beta men who have pedestalized them and allowed them to get away with unacceptable behaviors.

On the note of this topic, are there any particular behaviors or behaviorial cues that I should be looking out for?