How to Handle Being Dumped, Stood Up, or Rejected

[duedate]

This thread is magic need your opinons

Ouick backround : Im 28, She is 23, we were best friends for 4years prior to getting together although she expressed many times during our friendship she wanted me, we got together a great 8months after 4years of sexual frustration built up between us.

She dumped me in July stating she has never been single and needs time alone, no other guy involved we have tons of mutual friends. Post break up made some classic mistakes tried to change her mind and win her back, we had afew arguments. I went no contact she would check in every now and again trying to big up how great her life was obivous it aint that great as she tried abit tooooooo hard to express.

Anyways, Im due to go travelling for a year in January to the other side of the world I used to always tell her I would never do it, she contacts me asking me how long Im going for bla bla I told her she cut our contact sharply that day, today she contacts a close friend of mine saying she cant believe Im going and I proberely wont last a year or maybe two.

My question is that maybe when I return after my travels can I get her back my ideal world would be travel for a year or 2 bang some chicks and then get her back !!!

 

[Jariel]

Duedate: First of all, you're doing the right thing by going off travelling and it will do you a lot of good.

When a girl dumps a guy (or vice versa) she usually wants to keep him as a safety net in case her other plans don't work out or in case she finds it too difficult to move on. As long as she knows you're there to catch her, she will keep swinging and having fun. However, once that safety net is taken away, she may feel vulnerable and needy.

If you stick around waiting for her to return to you, you won't get her back, but by moving on and travelling you are the one making that decision final and that gives you back some control over the situation.

To be honest, it sounds like she's already feeling a sense of loss and her sharpness shows she still cares. But even if she comes crawling back on her hands and knees tomorrow, you must not give in to her terms because you'll find yourself back where you started and she'll know she can keep returning to you.

So in my opinion yes, there is a chance you can get her back once you're done travelling. But it will also give you chance to see things with a more objective mind and you will probably find you're happier moving on.

Good luck anyway and enjoy your travelling!

 

[duedate]

Thanks for your reply man, ya am most looking forward to my travels, I know this sounds gahey but I truely do love her but I accept the situation for what it is and it gives me a free pass to do what I want without any regrets in theory maybe when Im gone she will have some regrets.

I would like her also to do some travelling of her own too before I return so we maybe could be on even ground, her contacts with me she asks tons of questions but you can sense its awkward which is good which makes me think I aint friendzoned plus I always do be replying flirty and sexy just to make her more uncomfortable

I defo wana gain some more control and if I get that by travelling and living it up man LIFE IS GOOD

Wonder will I get one for the road before I go !

 

[cassanova35]

I was in this situation once, i took my ex girlfriend back, but again i did it on my own terms even though tshe was trying to force her terms in, i refused to give in. I stood my ground and stayed as the man and let her know its my terms eventually we went our seperate ways but the fact i took her back on my own terms is what mattered.

 

[Miles28]

Jariel,

Just read this. Really helped a lot. Example 1 is exactly what has just happened with me. Got involved with girl already in LTR which has gone stale. Eventually girl leaves boyfriend for me. Only in my case her sneaky wuss of a boyfriend managed to 'let slip' via a friend that he was going to up and leave the country (I believe that this was an entire fabrication). Girl panics at thought of this guy leaving far away, dumps me and gets back with him.

I'm interested now to see what is going to happen with her and whether she will conform to the behaviour identified so well in some of the posts on this thread. This girl claims that I am the love of her life (yeah right) but she couldn't stand to see her boyfriend of 7 years move to another country. It seems that as long as he was around and talking to her she was all too happy to carry on seeing, and having sex with, me.

I was hurt for a few days but am feeling quite over it today, thanks to this board and talking to a couple of good buddies. So now hopefully I can view this as more of an academic experiment. It's only been three days since she dumped me. The last time I saw her she was hugging me and crying. I haven't contacted her once and she hasn't contacted me either. Wonder what will happen?

 

[Miles28]

Lol,

Not 2 hours after my last post I get a message: 'Can't stop thinking about you'.

F**king women. I'm totally sold on this thread.

 

[Jariel]

Really loving reading the experiences here. No matter how many times this advice is repeated, a lot of guys just don't have faith. Hopefully reading these experiences will help convince them.

 

[TizZle]

I can't believe i've never read this post. Pure Gold.

 

[Jariel]

Another recent example...

Around 8 months ago I got involved with a woman I really liked. Ok, I confess, I had oneitis for her. She was very keen, the sex was wild and she'd admit to getting jealous if any other woman showed interest in me. It was all good, but then one day we were due to meet up and she cancelled on me.

"Ok, no problem, maybe another time," I responded.

Later that night she text me to say how she felt things were getting serious between us, but she needed to stop because she still had feelings for her ex (story of my life!).

I text her back: "I appreciate your honesty. No hard feelings."

She sent another text apologising in detail asking if we could stay friends, but I ignored it. A week later she sent me an email to say she misses me and apologised again. I ignored that too.

Well, basically I just got on with my life. I deleted her off Facebook a couple of months ago and she emailed me straight away asking why and telling me how much she regretted not giving us a chance. I told her I took no offence, but I'm seeing someone else now (which I was).

About 2 weeks ago, after finishing with the girl I was seeing, I changed my Facebook status from In a Relationship to Single. This girl I'd previously deleted emailed me straight away, enquiring about me being single (obviously she was still checking my profile), telling me she missed me and asked if I'd want to meet up with her. She apologised for being mixed up last time we spoke etc and said she's certain how she feels now.

I've met with her and it went well, but I'm spinning plates at the moment. I might just have a bit of fun with her, then if it gets too serious I can always tell her I'm not over my ex. haha.

It took a long time for her to come round (though I could've got her sooner probably), but I believe the way I handled it by acting indifferent to her rejection, then moving on immediately was the key to turning it around.

 

[VanTech]

After reading through the whole thread in one go, I decided to register.

I couldn't help but notice that, after the first post, most of the thread went on in the "how to get her back" direction" but my story is a bit different..

I broke up with my girlfriend about 10 days ago, but it has only become 'official' as of this morning, when I put her on the train back home.
We've had a relationship for about 1,5 years, including a 6 month LTR, and she's been living with me in a foreign country(for my work) for about 3 months.

Things were going good here.
But, after a while, her mood/behavior changed.
She could be super cute and fun at times, and a major b*tch some other times.
We never really had any big fights, but the bits of annoyance here and there did build up without me wanting to acknowledge it, because I still loved her, and I figured we'd find a way to get through this..

I realized I needed to confront her with her behavior, since it didn't look like anything was going to change..
When I did she tried to convince me nothing was wrong, but at some point she broke down into tears.
Finally, she admitted that she wasn't in love with me anymore, followed by her crying and saying how she wished she still did.
I suspected this for a while, but it still hurt.
I asked her if she wanted to work at it, if she thought it could get better.
She said no, which led to me asking if she wanted to go back home, and she did.

That was it, I agreed, and said it was probably for the best if she wasn't happy here.

She continued to live with me for 10 more days and, although it felt like nothing had changed, I got more and more used to the idea of us breaking up. We also celebrated New Years with some friends, all was good.

She didn't have a job here yet, so I supported her(yes, an AFC thing to do, but it was worth it for me, at least till she found a job).
Besides that I also lent her money, and she now owes me quite a bit.

The thing is, now that's she's gone back home, I don't regret the decision, but I feel I won't have the opportunity to move on as long as we need to stay in touch for this reason(money).

I don't want her to want me back, because I feel it would only cause us both a lot more hurt(and we would probably end up the same way anyway), and my biggest fear is that she'll regret it and keep bugging me to take her back, because I do still care about her, and don't want to hurt her.

Instead of asking you how to get her back, I want to know what you guys think would be the best way to move on, without hurting her, and while still getting the money back(over a long period of time, most likely).

 

[Lil Magic]

love this

 

[TVeye]

Everyone must read this post. Good stuff.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks again for all the feedback on this.

I had a LJBF a few weeks ago. I was gutted if I'm honest as I really liked her, but in my reply I wrote: "No hard feelings, but now we're friends maybe you can pass my number on to Gemma [her hot friend]. I wouldn't mind that at all! x"

The girl replied straight away with "Shoulda guessed. U guys r all the same" and then deleted me off Facebook immediately. A few days later she sent me a text "Hi, how r u? Sorry if I was distant with u. Just had a lot of stuff going on. What u been upto? x"

Maybe I could salvage something, maybe not, but by acting indifferent to her rejection, I got her thinking about me and stirred something up in her.

 

[Jariel]

Instead of asking you how to get her back, I want to know what you guys think would be the best way to move on, without hurting her, and while still getting the money back(over a long period of time, most likely).

I've been in this situation before and to be honest I didn't handle it well. I tried to get money back from a girl I'd been seeing, but she made it look like I was stalking her. In the end I lost the money and ended with this girl on really bad terms.

However, I did learn a damn valuable lesson never to lend money to chicks I'm dating.

Sorry I can't offer any constructive advice on this, but hope your story turns out happier than mine.

 

[VanTech]

Yeah, i broke off all contact with her now, she does have my bank details if she ever feels like giving anything back, but i won't be waiting for it any more.
I have decided there are better things to do than worrying about stuff like this.

I agree with not lending money to anyone you're seeing, i've learned my lesson.

There's no regrets though, only new things learned

 

[Delly2000]

How about if u break up with them because they start acting distant and stop the sex and have a lot of guy friends and go on group dates with their girls and rappers.

Then the next day you apologize for getting angry and say you will call them when u get back into town. You get back the next day but dont call for two weeks. Then call and no pick up. So you send a text saying u must be in another mans arms. Then they tell u dont call or text no more and they are tired of the Jealousy. You text asking them if there is someone else and they text they just want to be alone.

Then two weeks go by you try to call and text again with no pick up or response. Then you accuse they met someone and that you are moving on because they have and they should have been honest with you.

Any chance they will come back? Then when you look on Facebook they look semi-happy...like their life hasn't skipped a beat.

 

[typical]

I've been in this situation before and to be honest I didn't handle it well. I tried to get money back from a girl I'd been seeing, but she made it look like I was stalking her. In the end I lost the money and ended with this girl on really bad terms.

However, I did learn a damn valuable lesson never to lend money to chicks I'm dating.

Sorry I can't offer any constructive advice on this, but hope your story turns out happier than mine.

I have to second this, I blew a huge amount of money in a relationship over 4 years the amount is enough to buy a brand new Ferrari. I knew for a fact that she would never ever be able to pay back any money I let her "borrow". Deep down I knew she didn't have the financial power or integrity to ever pay me back but I still supported her over the 4 years.

Now that it's ended and I see all my mistakes in clarity I don't want the money or her back, the one thing I can and have taken out of this experience is a huge amount of life knowledge and learning the art of being able to read a person for who they truly are. I can't do it in a instant but give me a month or two and I'm usually smack bang on the money (pun intended).

 

[ZaZu]

Hi, i saw this thread and i wanted to registrate instant.

My problem is basically the same, my ex leaved me again like alot of people because i was getting a *****. My big problem is that my ex-gf lives almost next to me, 50 yards away. Now she told me she wanted to stay friends for the 3 time, but i told her i couldn't because i will still have sexual thoughts about her, i dont believe in friendship between a man and a woman without that and (we kissed in several times before, even when we were broke up). So she said to me, we will see about that. Now i didnt like that answer because i will then give her the power, but i didnt know by then, so i replied like a wussy, and told here we would keep in touch etc. But now i have learned some pua, ALPHA male stuff and i regret my decision so i deleted her for the 4th time without noticing her, fb, email, msn phone. Is that a bad move, without saying it again or not ? And sometimes i see her in my town, i cant get away from her because i live in a really small town and everybody knows each other , but everytime i see her i just ignore her, or she will come to me to talk, i always act like i dont care, and just act the same when i just talk to a old friend.

My question is this, did i do a good move to just delete her for the 4th time. And do you think is there a chance to be back with her ?

thx, anyway

 

[JPlaya]

I want to add one of my own examples to this tip now.....

I had a crush on a girl and we spent a lot of time together. She flirted with me a lot and I knew she liked me so I asked her out on a "proper date". To my surprise she kinda turned me down and said "Im a bit busy the next couple of weeks but maybe another time". Sounded like a typical brush off to me so I moved on and let her know I was moving on.

When we next spoke I asked for her advice on taking a girl out. I asked "do you think taking a girl out to dinner is too formal for a first date?" She offered her advice and said something about hanging out as friends first. She assumed I was talking about her, but then I said "Oh right, because I've got a date with Amanda next week and I don't want to scare her off". She went bright red and suddenly got into a strop! She called me a womanizer and said "do what you want. Don't expect me to advise you!"

A few days later she sent me a text asking how the date went. I told her it went good but I'm not sure she is right for me. She texted me back asking if I was seeing her again. I told her "I'm not sure yet, I'll have to see".

The next time I met with her, she was all over me. She was flirting like crazy and making suggestions about kissing me under the mistletoe at christmas, but I played it cool.

Later that night she sent me a text message saying "hey, do you fancy coming christmas shopping with me next week? Then we can go get a coffee or something? xxx"

I accepted and we went Christmas shopping. All the time we were shopping she kept holding onto my arm, then put her arm around my waist and kept getting really close to me. She asked me to keep her warm so I put my arm round her. Another thing I remember is she kept talking about a film she wanted to see at the cinema. Then while we were sitting drinking coffee she said "Do you want to go to the cinema on Saturday? I haven't been for ages and I really want to see this film." I accepted.

At the end of the night I walked her to her bus stop and there was an awkward pause before she left. She reminded me about the cinema and said she'd call me and then she kissed me. It was a peck on the mouth but escalated to a quick snog before she got on the bus.

We have been together for 8 months since that day!

She has told me that she was really scared she blew her chance when she turned me down. She said she always liked me but wasnt sure she could handle a relationship with me and needed more time. She even admitted she almost cried when I told her I was going on a date.

As I said before. Its not about manipulating and making her attracted to you. Its about giving her a taste of loss and taking away any indecision - it's all or nothing, now or never!

This happened to me, but she said yes and canceled it two days before the date and I tried to reschedule and she gave me that I'm kind of busy the next two weeks, but maybe the week after. I find that highly unbelievable so I moved on.

 

[Auburnfan2010]

Do these strategies work if the "relationship" hasn't actually ended but she has been acting distant? In my situation, I acted very AFC. I came off as needy and desperate by pushing for a relationship after she had contacted her ex. I called her out for not being affectionate and a bunch of other stupid stuff haha