How to Handle Being Dumped, Stood Up, or Rejected

[The Truth]

so any ways heres the thing.. Today she just talked to me and said she was drunk and she was sorry but she thought it would be better if we were just friends... I (i had read this thread already and i was kinda prepared for it) said sure no hard feelings, and walked away.

Now shes texting me on MSN saying she was really sorry and if i was really ok and all that... I told her that it was prolly better this way and no hard feelings.

You handled it PERFECTLY!

She probably doesnt want to commit to dating or especially a relationship for now because she might be mixed up about how she feels about her ex boyfriend and you are best not getting in the middle.

If you can keep being cool with her and make her feel like she has lost her opportunity she will start to realise how she really feels about you. You should also let her know tactfully and subtly that you are interested in other women.

An ideal situation is if she asks again if you are ok about being just friends tell her something like "No it's fine. I've got my eye on someone at the moment anyway" or "Don't worry about it. I went on a date last week and it went quite well". Don't tell her you had sex or you are in a new relationship because that will rule you out but you should let her know you are not going to be around for long.

 

[Chase12]

heh.. good thing i read this before she did that..
if not i would be prolly screwed right now hahaha

 

[The Truth]

I want to add one of my own examples to this tip now.....

I had a crush on a girl and we spent a lot of time together. She flirted with me a lot and I knew she liked me so I asked her out on a "proper date". To my surprise she kinda turned me down and said "Im a bit busy the next couple of weeks but maybe another time". Sounded like a typical brush off to me so I moved on and let her know I was moving on.

When we next spoke I asked for her advice on taking a girl out. I asked "do you think taking a girl out to dinner is too formal for a first date?" She offered her advice and said something about hanging out as friends first. She assumed I was talking about her, but then I said "Oh right, because I've got a date with Amanda next week and I don't want to scare her off". She went bright red and suddenly got into a strop! She called me a womanizer and said "do what you want. Don't expect me to advise you!"

A few days later she sent me a text asking how the date went. I told her it went good but I'm not sure she is right for me. She texted me back asking if I was seeing her again. I told her "I'm not sure yet, I'll have to see".

The next time I met with her, she was all over me. She was flirting like crazy and making suggestions about kissing me under the mistletoe at christmas, but I played it cool.

Later that night she sent me a text message saying "hey, do you fancy coming christmas shopping with me next week? Then we can go get a coffee or something? xxx"

I accepted and we went Christmas shopping. All the time we were shopping she kept holding onto my arm, then put her arm around my waist and kept getting really close to me. She asked me to keep her warm so I put my arm round her. Another thing I remember is she kept talking about a film she wanted to see at the cinema. Then while we were sitting drinking coffee she said "Do you want to go to the cinema on Saturday? I haven't been for ages and I really want to see this film." I accepted.

At the end of the night I walked her to her bus stop and there was an awkward pause before she left. She reminded me about the cinema and said she'd call me and then she kissed me. It was a peck on the mouth but escalated to a quick snog before she got on the bus.

We have been together for 8 months since that day!

She has told me that she was really scared she blew her chance when she turned me down. She said she always liked me but wasnt sure she could handle a relationship with me and needed more time. She even admitted she almost cried when I told her I was going on a date.

As I said before. Its not about manipulating and making her attracted to you. Its about giving her a taste of loss and taking away any indecision - it's all or nothing, now or never!

 

[realsmoothie]

I want to add one of my own examples to this tip now.....

I had a crush on a girl and we spent a lot of time together. She flirted with me a lot and I knew she liked me so I asked her out on a "proper date". To my surprise she kinda turned me down and said "Im a bit busy the next couple of weeks but maybe another time". Sounded like a typical brush off to me so I moved on and let her know I was moving on.

When we next spoke I asked for her advice on taking a girl out. I asked "do you think taking a girl out to dinner is too formal for a first date?" She offered her advice and said something about hanging out as friends first. She assumed I was talking about her, but then I said "Oh right, because I've got a date with Amanda next week and I don't want to scare her off". She went bright red and suddenly got into a strop! She called me a womanizer and said "do what you want. Don't expect me to advise you!"

A few days later she sent me a text asking how the date went. I told her it went good but I'm not sure she is right for me. She texted me back asking if I was seeing her again. I told her "I'm not sure yet, I'll have to see".

The next time I met with her, she was all over me. She was flirting like crazy and making suggestions about kissing me under the mistletoe at christmas, but I played it cool.

Later that night she sent me a text message saying "hey, do you fancy coming christmas shopping with me next week? Then we can go get a coffee or something? xxx"

I accepted and we went Christmas shopping. All the time we were shopping she kept holding onto my arm, then put her arm around my waist and kept getting really close to me. She asked me to keep her warm so I put my arm round her. Another thing I remember is she kept talking about a film she wanted to see at the cinema. Then while we were sitting drinking coffee she said "Do you want to go to the cinema on Saturday? I haven't been for ages and I really want to see this film." I accepted.

At the end of the night I walked her to her bus stop and there was an awkward pause before she left. She reminded me about the cinema and said she'd call me and then she kissed me. It was a peck on the mouth but escalated to a quick snog before she got on the bus.

We have been together for 8 months since that day!

She has told me that she was really scared she blew her chance when she turned me down. She said she always liked me but wasnt sure she could handle a relationship with me and needed more time. She even admitted she almost cried when I told her I was going on a date.

As I said before. Its not about manipulating and making her attracted to you. Its about giving her a taste of loss and taking away any indecision - it's all or nothing, now or never!

Heh... it's not about manipulation... but you're giving her a taste of loss? That sounds like manipulation to me. But it doesn't matter... I think, when the girl is at that stage where she's not sure if she likes you, you have to do that anyhow.

I wish I'd known about the whole girl-jealousy thing earlier in my life. It is SO TRUE I almost can't believe how money it is. I was at this party the other night where there were about 15 of us all in this one room and I started making out with this very hot blonde... there were three other girls in the room that I knew who were very obviously not too pleased. And all three of them had been flaky with me up until that point. Two have called me since then... and it was two days ago.

 

[Bigg Boss]

Well I already made a thread about my break up. It wasn't your typical break up. We were still in love with each other but she broke up with me because I didn't pay her enough attention or acted as if I didn't care (this is after 6 months). Instead of talking about it (she got close to talking about it b4 the break up but she got as far as "it's not the same anymore"). She said we should seperate, blah blah.

So I play it cool. When I was alone or talking to my best friend I'm all mad about the break up, but other than that, I really gave off the message that "I've moved on". (Especially on myspace). She sent me a message asking can we be friends and I never responded.

Blah forget all that, faaaaaaaast forward to today. She asked do I think we should get back together. I made a mistake at this point (DAMN she is good, I love this girl most because she is a true DJ). When she asked that I thought she was asking me out so I said "Yeah I always thought we should get back together". Then silence while all the power shifted to her hands (damn she had to be feelin good because I held so much power the whole relationship). I then asked her does she want to get back together. She thought about it for a second (I'm like WTF). She says uhhm... well.... uh.... yeah. I asked her why she had to think about it and she said that she didn't want to have to break up again (and i preceded to tell her i learned my lesson).

But yeah, I acted indifferent and all that sweet stuff and it turns out i got my girl back in 5 days. Damn I can't wait to see her, too bad she's outta town right now for the rest of the week.

 

[Faca]

Jariel and many others, i see the same and same situations happening over again. Almost the same thing happend to me as with in Example 1, with the girl breaking up with her bf because of you and then again going back to him.

I wish i had read your advice a couple of months ago, but then again. What would i have learned from it if i didn't went through the same.
For me it is true, that the best teacher is life itself! Learn from your mistakes and move on. At first it won't be easy, but in the long-run it will only benefit you.

Just face the reality
We were acting to desperate and wanted to become emotionally attached to her too soon. (and this because of the desperation)

It has been said a lot on this site, The One with the power in a LTR or any other human interaction is the one, that is less emotionally attached. What does this mean for me?
Don't let your happiness depend on women!
Don't look for status in women, or through sex.

Personally, i don't use the having options stuff. Sometimes i'm dating 3\4 girls at the same time and sometimes just one or none. Not having other options should be your last save from desperation. Just live good and have a lot of things going on for you, and the women will come. Believe me!

To write down all mine experiences, would be a waste of time. Cause basically it'll comes down to the same thing. Acting too nice, letting other people step over you, and being DESPERATE.. got us all there!!!

Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[Jariel]

Thanks again for the feedback and keep the examples coming!

Heh... it's not about manipulation... but you're giving her a taste of loss? That sounds like manipulation to me.

Yes it can be used strategically as a manipulation tactic (I've done it), but generally you are merely walking away from a hurtful situation and exercising your free will to get on with your life.

If a woman turns down an opportunity to be with you, it's HER who made that choice. All you are doing is giving her time to see how it feels without you and the conclusion she reaches is ultimately her own!

 

[Arsinel]

Example #1

Earlier this year I met a girl in a 3 year LTR. She admitted she was attracted to me and started developing feelings for me. Things with her boyfriend were turning stale and in the end she decided to break up with him and pursue a relationship with me.

I felt flattered and rather ****y knowing I had just won this girl from her long term boyfriend. Things were going well, she didn’t want to talk to him and every time he called she brushed him off. Her friends praised me, she was proud to be with me and things were developing fast.

However, her ex-boyfriend suddenly changed his attitude and instead of getting jealous of me or upset over being dumped, he gave us his best wishes, told her there were no hard feelings and he moved on. He started hanging round with his friends more and stopped calling her. After two weeks of not hearing from him she started calling him to check if he was ok and see what he was upto, only to find he was fine and enjoying his free time. Soon she started pushing him to remain friends and asking him to meet up with her. He postponed, cut his calls with her short and even stood her up a few times. Yet she persisted more.

All this time I could see it was getting under her skin and that I was losing her affection. I could have been the perfect guy, but he had the upper hand and there wasn’t a thing I could do about it. Every time he made an excuse not to meet her or ignored her call, she would get uptight and keep moaning about him. Sure enough she told me she wanted him back. She left me and started pursuing him all the time, but he continued backing off. She became obsessed and depressed, wouldn’t look at another guy and even burst out crying if he didn’t answer her calls. Next thing I hear, they’re back together under his terms. He had her in the palm of his hand, even cheated on her and she still stuck with him and remained loyal.

Lol, owned.

 

[The Truth]

This is one of the reasons this tip is so important.......

When Women Want You Back

After a woman dumps you and you begin to move on with your life, she feels unwanted, undesireable, and jealous of any other woman who feels wanted and desired by you. She's doing what's natural to make those feelings go away: she's pursuing you! Once she gets you back and her emotions calm down, she may lose interest again because it's no longer bothering her. You try moving on again and her feelings come back! She again reacts to them, and the cycle continues. This is why men get thrown into the "Friend Zone" after a breakup - because she can't handle the emotional shaking of completely cutting ties.

The "Friend Zone" is a neutral area where she still has control over you and how you affect her emotions without actually being in a relationship. If you start straying, she can c0ckblock you or show you a bit of sexuality to make you think you still have a chance. When you're stuck in this neutral zone, she can have her cake and eat it by screwing any guy she likes while keeping you from disrupting her emotional equalibrium.

 

[Mr80LBBalls]

^ that's detailed so well and so correctly. Happens with my ex all the time. It's been about 9 months and I'm still not over her because she does that sh*t to me and I fall for it every time.

 

[MenAreBetterPeople]

I see a lot of you guys agree that breaking the ties with the ex is your best bet if you want to win her back...but what if YOU caused the break-up and f**ked up your relationship? In that case, do you still agree that you shouldn't keep in contact and call her? Because in my situation, I was the one who f**ked up my relationship...and I've been thinking maybe it's best I keep in contact with my ex to try and build up her love for me again and also prove to her that I've changed. What do you think here?

 

[Chase12]

You handled it PERFECTLY!

She probably doesnt want to commit to dating or especially a relationship for now because she might be mixed up about how she feels about her ex boyfriend and you are best not getting in the middle.

If you can keep being cool with her and make her feel like she has lost her opportunity she will start to realise how she really feels about you. You should also let her know tactfully and subtly that you are interested in other women.

An ideal situation is if she asks again if you are ok about being just friends tell her something like "No it's fine. I've got my eye on someone at the moment anyway" or "Don't worry about it. I went on a date last week and it went quite well". Don't tell her you had sex or you are in a new relationship because that will rule you out but you should let her know you are not going to be around for long.

heh this stuff is beggining to work.. it has been 2 weeks and yesterday she started asking me why was i ignoring her, that i always walk away when shes near, etc etc.Se never talked about going out, etc. so i just said.. its ok, i told u, no hard feelings, etc etc. and she was lyke ok w/e and then she apologiced for yelling at me the other day. Then she had to go..


i dunno if it will go further than that, and im not counting on it (already looking into other options). But i tell u guys, this is THE thing to do when u get dumped/rejected, its ur best bet at not getting hurt, or winning her back. Its a win win situation. Instead, if you dont move on, you'll get hurt when shes fvcking some1 else, and u prolly wont win her back..

n e ways my 2 cents

 

[Ricky]

This is a great post.

It is hard to walk away and painful to give up but in doing so you heal quicker and also have the best chances to get them back.

Walking away without contacting them again certainly gives them the WTF feeling.

 

[Ilovemesomeme]

Great post, I can attest. Going strict No Contact with your ex is the best thing to do. My girl of 3 months broke up with me in January. I was a typical AFC. Which kind of suprised me. I am confident, funny, good looking, good built, and have no trouble getting woman. Its just this chick had something that made me fall in love. The sad thing is I can't pinpoint what it is. Anyway, she broke up with me, because she said she didn't feel the same way as I did. It hurt, but I moved on. I didn't call, e-mail once. I did see her in church one Sunday, and I just waived to her. No biggie. In my mind its over, she wasn't into me, there is no chance. However, she e-mails me 9 weeks later. Asking me about my band, and if its O.K if she can see my band play. It funny she didn't care much about it when I was with her. Anyway, she also said she had time to reflect on our situation and wanted to talk.

I played it cool for awhile. She came to see my band play, and it didn't hurt that we attract many female fans. We eventually talked over coffee, and she told me she missed me and had feelings. We get back together. Happy story, right? Not quite.

You see it was great the first months. In fact I believe she fell in love with me. She said it, and it felt like it. I am thinking I can't believe it. Things are awsome, and I am actually going to marry this woman (I am 37 and she is 29, I am ready to settle)

2 weeks ago, she opens up to me, cries in my arms about stuff she is going through, and I am like "Wow, she even trusts me now" (she was very guarded and not to open about things). Only to have her tell me a hour later, she loves me, but is not in love with me.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I then asked her. "Why the hell did you call me back then"? You knew what I was about? You knew I am looking for a serious relationship, why did you come back. She tells me "The thought of another woman in your arms drove me crazy". "I wanted to snatch you up before someone else did". Looking back I wish I would have pressed her on this, but I was so in shocked. I didn't think of it.
The crazy thing is, she said she wanted a commited relationship with me.
Now, I am going crazy. I am still with her. I got a taste of her love, and it sucked me in.

So what is the moral of the story.

Do everything possible to avoid your ex. Don't call, e-mail, text etc. Go on with your life, and work on yourself. That is what I did, and it worked like a charm.
However, and this is the true moral of the story. If you take them back, proceed with extreme Causion. Because its worse the 2nd time.

 

[Phyzzle]

Do everything possible to avoid your ex. That is what I did, and it worked like a charm.
However, and this is the true moral of the story. If you take them back, proceed with extreme Causion. Because its worse the 2nd time.

As Doc Love said: Ignoring an ex will get you more sex by riling her EGO, not her INTEREST LEVEL. When it comes to real relationships, exes really are gone forever.

 

[Phyzzle]

My example

The last breakup I had was the most irritating ever for me. It was 3 months, but the painful part was the suddenness.

One night she was waking me up at 3am to smooch me and 'make sure I'm really there'. 48 hours later, we go to lunch, and she recoils from my touch, mumbling excuses about illness and final exams. Boom. It was already over, for no reason whatsoever. Bewildering. Has anyone had a breakup without warning signs like that?

Anyway, I end up dumping her first. This results in breakup sex.

I don't call her. She calls me to come get her stuff from my house, bringing me some small gifts out of the blue, trying to hug and kiss me.

After another week of ignoring her, she wants me to go to her house for a home-cooked meal (she has a culinary degree). I'll go for the food, but let's face it, even if I get her back, it will be because of her hurt ego at my ignoring her, NOT because she actually likes me.
~Phyzzle

 

[DJHoolahoop]

well there was a girl just recently i was attempting to persue dating exclusively with, but she was beginning to flake on me and i didn't want anything to do with that. so i haven't even called her and don't intend on talking to her until she calls me, so if she don't call i know i made the right choice.

that's why you can't be too invested with these girls, for some reason they can't help themselves from missing out on these great opportunities with us, but its retarded though. like they just feel dumb for flaking out like they were dumb enough to think they could get away with it in the first place. that's what i don't get. that THEY say how badly they look for a solid man and once he comes their way, they screw it up by being bytches.

dumb@sses

 

[Jariel]

I decided to add some more wisdom of experience to this thread from a post by Jay Jay. Hope you don't mind dude!

I started this as a reply to another thread but it blew out into a huge write up and thought I might as well put it on the main board. It seems to be an issue many of us struggle with.

Lets go.

Is it possible to get that girl you loved back after being LJBFed?

You can.

But its not easy.

And I don't recommend it.

I've done it... kind of...

Heres the story.

I caught myself what I thought was the perfect woman. 9.5 out of 10 on most guys scale 29485832 out of 10 on mine. She's incredibly intelligent, witty, charismatic and sexy as hell. Her smell is enough to give me a hard on. I must admit I was so overwhelmed by this woman I turned into such a ***** I still feel shame three and a half years later.

The reason I got her in the first place was being a really great guy. When she was with me she was happy. She trusted me completely. Our time together was a pleasure for both of us. But of course coz I was such a ***** she could not feel love for me.

When she dumped me I had tears in my eyes. I sat there trying not ball asking "why don't you love me?" .

She couldn't tell me. "I wish I did but I don't..." she said with pity in her eyes.

I know a lot of you will read that and think it impossible to come back from that. But I did.

It took along time.

At first I backed off. I never called her and the only time we got together was when she initiated contact. Even then I made myself scarce.

I kept her at arms length because I could not be in her company without falling back in love with her. For a year I couldn't even masturbate without thinking of her.

Eventually, after visiting sites like this and talking to both guys and girls I learned what I did wrong; I gave up my power to her.

So the first step was taking that back. I got on with my life and did really cool things. I made myself happy without her.

After the teary incident I never acted into her at all. I f8cked another girl at the earliest chance and let her know about it (the ***** still managed to get a break up root before me!).

For a year we only saw each other occasionally. I was constantly working on myself. My mindset wasn't trying to get her back. What I wanted was to make her regret ever letting me go.

Gradually I improved every aspect of my life. I got fitter, happier, more money, more confident in myself. I developed game. I got a new girlfriend who was amazing and had a great relationship (but deep down I still loved the other girl).

She went travelling for nine months. Just before she went she apologised for dumping me like she did and said she just didn't know what was going on in her head. I laughed it off and said it was for the best, that I learned from it and grew.

While she was away I continued to work on myself and grow. I think this break was crucial to being able to get her back. If you wanna get a girl who LJBF you I think you need a 9-12 month break. Read on for why.

When she returned she looked long and hard at me. "Something has changed about you."

A ****y smile touched my lips. "I've grown up." I told her looking deeply and confidently into her eyes.

I then "friended" her and asked her to help set me up with a girl at her work.

After that she began calling me more and more. When we got together I would tell her about my girls, my ambitions and achievements in a casual self depreciating funny kind of way.

One day we were having a coffee. By this time the confident body language I had been working on had become natural. I sat back arrogantly, teased her and eyed up the other girls having coffee and these girls looked back at me with similar interest.

"You've been having heaps of sex haven't you?" She asked.

"What makes you say that?" I replied with what I hoped was a sexy look.

"You can just tell."

From then she began intiating kino. I gave her about a third of the kino she gave me.

I started wearing a cologne I knew she loved every second or third time I saw her. "I love that smell." She would say and smell me.

"I love yours too." And I would breath deeply on her neck.

She began fishing for compliments from me. I gave these sparingly but with sincerity and only after teasing her for fishing. I didn't let her get away with being a precious princess and when she was out of line I would let her know.

When we were together I made sure it was me who said it was time to go. She began asking me to stay out longer, to have another drink. But I would always go once I said I was going.

I never broke plans for her and she began to find is she wanted to see me she had to break HER plans.

When she spoke about other guys I would tell her I wasn't interested, to tell her girlfriends. She would say she needed a guys a opinion about this or that. I never said a bad word about these dudes and pretty soon she would want to tell me what was wrong with them. "The only **** I care about is mine." I would tell her and laugh at my own sexist crassness.

The balance of power had shifted.

One night we were at a mutual friends party. We were chatting and the second hottest girl at the party, (after my ex) a known maneater, strolled past. I ogled her magnificent breasts. "Thats so rude!" She snapped at me.

"What."

"Staring at her boobs like that." She was pissed. "That's just disrespectful."

"I'm quiet sure she likes me looking at them." I replied laughing.

She gave me a dirty look. "I doubt that."

"Considering how intimate I have been with them recently I'll stand by my statement."

I then called to the girl with the boobs. Her face lit up when she saw me and give me a big kiss. The girl who had dumped me looked like she'd had a bucket of cold water thrown over her.

Then the next time we saw each other I finally let her know straight out that I wanted to **** her. Simple as that. "We should ****."

We ****ed.

After, I lay back and laughed and told her how good it was to just have sex as friends without expectation of anything more. I had never felt so good after sex. Two years of frustration, desire, pain... it felt like it had all been swept away. I felt that I had won!

She looked at me with her beautiful eyes, her perfect body glistening with sweat and her gorgeous face flushed with pleasure. Her seductive lips smiled as they uttered the word "bullsh*t"

And here's the moral of the story.

She was right.

I felt every bit of self esteem I had developed fly away. My peace of mind was shattered. I'd fooled myself. I'd spent two years working on getting this girl back. I had thought I had been working on becoming the person I wanted to be, the truth was I had been working on becoming the person I thought she wanted me to be.

My other girls weren't good enough. All I wanted was HER!

I did the only thing I had the power left to do.

I ran.

So if your wondering if you can get the girl back...

Yeah, you can . But it aint worth it boys. Move on.

JJ

 

[DharmaBear]

Bump. This post is my inspiration, and has kept me from doing some seriously stupid sh!t with the ex that broke up with me two months ago. Thanks to all who've posted here.

-Dharma

 

[Zerix]

I decided to add some more wisdom of experience to this thread from a post by Jay Jay. Hope you don't mind dude!

Wow...

That was moving.

Haha, that's just... wow.