How to Handle Being Dumped, Stood Up, or Rejected

[catch]

oooooh man, this post is depressing

its true though, what jariel said, its true,,,

and i just realised my ex did that to me!!!- the cow!:crackup:

 

[Jariel]

Thanks guys. It would be cool to read more of your examples!

We can tell that most of jariel's posts are real.

Thanks. Well I've never claimed myself as a guru or tried to uphold a reputation and always post from my experiences, whether they're good, bad or embarrassing, which I hope shows that my advice comes first hand.

Jariel, were you involved and the one with which those girls cheated on their BFs?

Do you mean in example 4? If so, this girl actually was into me and got me as far as her bedroom, but I decided to sleep on the floor. I was friends with her boyfriend and refused to fool around with her. However, she met someone else to fool around with.

 

[Jariel]

Another Example

This is something that has happened very recently and I decided I'd write about the actual mental process behind it while it's fresh.

Basically, I was seeing a girl behind my girlfriend's back. I was really into her, things were heating up and we were developing feelings for each other. I left my girlfriend, which left me and this girl free to pursue a relationship. We were kind of put on the spot by our friends, but by Friday evening it looked like I was in a new relationship that I've wanted badly for nearly a month.

However, that very night I found my interest in this girl drop completely. With my girlfriend off the scene it was too easy to take for granted now. I started thinking about other options I'd like to pursue and how maybe I didn't feel for this girl as much as I thought. Basically, all negative thoughts.

Anyway, it turned out that she had been thinking the same as me and had lost interest. She got in there first and broke things off with me.

I was relieved at first and happy to move on (I even went on a date on Monday and got on great) . Yet 4 days have passed and I'm starting to want her back! So basically, making herself unavailable to me has increased my interest considerably! I want her back quite badly if I'm honest and miss her company!

 

[FM 3321]

Wow, this is all to familiar and so damn true. Very enightening. Heh, I almost shed a tear because some of the stuff has happened to me in the past year. I'm very glad you posted this.

 

[Tomb]

Great thread.

 

[dyce]

damn great post man, 5 stars

 

[Jariel]

Another example

This is a more recent example of how I've turned around a LJBF. I confess I was a little strategic in this, but everything went exactly to plan.

Basically, I developed oneitis for a girl (HB8) about a month ago, we made out and went on a date. Unfortunately I expressed my feelings too soon (big textbook f*ck up on my part) and put her under too much pressure. What's more, in doing this I lost my sense of challenge. Our date went very badly, she was very cool and at the end of the night she told me she wasn't ready for a relationship and just wanted to be friends. Even though I knew my mistake, I was gutted and insulted, but I calmly let her know I understood and I still want to be friends.

However, instead of trying to be her best friend, trying to explain myself or try to change her mind, I did the exact opposite. I said nothing about our date or my feelings and I gave her less of my time. Sometimes when she wanted to meet up I told her I had already made plans and couldn't make it, and when I did see her, I treated her like a male buddy.

Whenever she asked what I'd been upto, I told her I'd been spending time with friends. She asked me why I don't hang round so much and if I felt uncomfortable over what had happened, to which I replied "No, it's cool. I'm glad we're still friends, but have just been a bit busy lately".

Meanwhile, I'd been spending time with other women and was keeping my options open, though I never told her this directly (it's better for her to wonder). I did let my friends know I was seeing other women, however, and here's where it came together...

Yesterday this girl asked one of my friends if I ever spoke about her and why I didn't hang around so often. My friend innocently let out that I've been spending my time with another woman. When he told her this, the girl looked really hurt and left abrupty. One of her friends followed her and found her crying. The girl admitted she has feelings for me and made a big mistake passing up her chance with me. (Remember that basic psychological phenomena: people value more what they fear losing or cannot have).

So now I'm hearing all this from my friends and her friends trying to get us back together.

I do still have strong feelings for this girl, but the key in turning things around was letting her believe I'd moved on (and actually keeping busy). I still saw her and spoke to her from time to time, just to keep myself in the picture, but acted like we were and had always been just friends.

Not sure where to take it from here, but now I'm back in the driver's seat, which is where I want to be.

 

[[o_0]]

just keep on drinking, partying and havin fun. also for some time just **** as many girls as posible bu dont seek for LTR. have fun and drink alot. it helps.

 

[razor113]

Great read.. Thanks

 

[thekhris]

anymore stories man....?

 

[Jariel]

anymore stories man....?

Not really I'm afraid, but since I got with my girlfriend a lot of girls I dated have started regretting missed opportunities and have been all over me. Even my ex-girlfriend from example #1 who went back to her BF wanted a second chance with me (almost a year after we split) and still contacts me regularly now, and emails me semi-naked pictures of herself.

I'm polite, yet distant, which seems to encourage her more!

 

[thekhris]

Jariel if you want to recall this is the last thing that happened and you give some more adviced its damn cool..eventually if you want to recall

THE PAST STORY
my 2yr ltr broke up w\me recently and usuall i loose my focus and be came an afc for a while i beg and cry and stuff..she brushesw me off everytime i called.then began study fellow dj's advices and damn it really work...

so after ten days of not calling her(in that ten days my impression to her is still a wuss because that is the last impression she sees in me before i stopped calling her)..i called her and just be polite and indifferent..i said "i just called to have my dvd back that she borrowed from me...i said "im alright now no hard feelings and give my best wishes to her new relationship and project that i was really recovered and told her that im very busy with my friends and im doing ok with my life...she still dont want to hang the phone but i insist that..im going to office and stuff so i can't stay for long chat then i said bye.. i show to her my last impression is indifferent , idont give a fck anymore but never forget to be polite..

so 5 days after that she called(her voice is very sad)...she will give my dvd be back and she wants to meet somplace...i chnged her plans and said i have no time to meet somwhere elese..i told her she can live it to our house....or if Im not in there she just can give it to my brother...and she said ok..
when she arrived to our house i became polite give her drink and stuff and let her rest for a few minutes..i became infifferent with her ..and project that thereis no grudges and no hard feelings... she asks how i am and told her that im going out with my friends... and everything is cool.. i can see her eyes are very near to crying anjd i said i shoould go...we went together in the gate and seperated...

2 days after that she called and she is crying...and her initial words to me..."I miss you"...she keep crying and stuff..and i showed to her that im poloite still cares and try not to be mean to her...try to make her laugh ..but always i always act indifferent.. and give her signs that my time is not for her..because... im going to my friends and stuff..i attempted many times to cut the calls but she refused... and try to be compassionate to her but always try to show to her taht im indifferent..and after a 20minute talk i said i have to leave..she waited me first to hang up..and i said you could called anytime she wants its no prob.. then i hang up..

now this this tis he catch.. i know i should not break down on taht call bcoz it will be not challenging for her and i know maybe if i accept her in her initial... whimmpering she could go againts the realtionship in afew days...
bcoz im so easy and i did not imput much trauma to her... and by the way she just said she missed me..and said that how she regret that this happened to us...but she never mentioned that we should try it again or beg for forgiveness..she just dont talk much keep saying how he miss me all and that and cry and cry for the last 20minutes..she is not saying much...
so i think..she is not yet ripe... so i still avoid her and act indifferent bcoz she never mentioned that she wants to try or give another shot for the relationship..or beg for forgiveness.. but she is crying damn hell.. then i cut the call..

now this is my question..its been 5 days since that last call..and she never called me back..and im just waiting for her to do somthing more than just crying... i mean do somthing like begging or begging for forgiveness and beg for give her another chance.. some stories on the other treads it takes 2 weeks before the girl crawls back to the guy some takes two months..
so am i just being too impatient in here?... or do you think she really does let go already?.... and what the hell is going through her mind right now while not calling me..i know she realised gigantic value bout me right now..and i know she realised her love for me in a peak scale... i hope she did not commit scuicide.... thanx guys

so that was thatjariel give me advice but im afraid its kinda too late...
(i wish i read it in time man damit!)
PRESENT
any way i called her up on the six day and asking to give my book who has neil gaiman authograph on it...(but my real intentions are to show to her that im alright and been having fun without her)..bcoz i think i became too polite on that last phonecall and because since i tell her that i miss her too ..i think it gives her satifaction..so i want to take the power back again by showing to her that (i dont give a fck if i loose her)..well she agreed to meet up..
and this is that moment that really gives the evidence that jariel theory is the best way to get back ur ex..
we meet up and hang on the park we used to hang... i continue to talk about ive been so busy with my friends (and gladly find a new job)... i tell her all the fun times i have with my friends and all the carzy happy things.. i really show to her that im surviving and no hard feelings to what ever happend to us.. and man...she suddenly hug me in my back i told her(hey you shouldnt doing that you have a bf already)..but she just continue hugging on me..i sit beside her and she hugs me continuesly while her head is in my shoulder... well im trying to be polite and all i treat her like a friend so allow her tocontinue hugging me and i continue talking to her like a friend telling her stories like a friend..and all of sudden..she said...
you what thekhris....
I'M STILL VERY VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH YOU THEKHRIS...and she burst out crying..and i play it cool and still drunk my beer...i let her cry on my shoulder and tell her...
WELL IF YOURE VERY VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH ME...HOW MANY "VERY's" DO YOU HAVE TO THIS GUY? 3 VERY's? and she laugh and slowly transform to heavy crying...and damn i made the most horroble mistake that tipsy dj could have..
i kissed her lips..she responded so pationately and damn it was a damn hot kiss that last for about 15 minutes on that park... so i thought it was a go signal for having her back ..but damn nooooo...
after we kissed... i told her could u look in my eye again and say i love you again...
and she did not do anything and just look to the ground and her face is sad (at this time i realized she is not into "getting us backtogether again" she just realized she still loves me and miss me so much but not into getting back or quiting the guy).. i was bit tipsy and loose my focus... and next thing i know i was pushing her to come back..and she was ignoring me and continue walking ... well i said "why r u so angry?... we meet up coz i want to end this relationship with no hard feelings and your suddenly became rude...she kept her silent and continue walking...
and i said "i was moving on! and letting go ! till you start that i really really love you so much thekhris crap!"and she was like: well move on! dont ever ever call me i will not speak to you for now on!and FORGET THAT I SAID ANYTHING!(im still very very in love with you thekhris)
and she ride the taxi and went home...
its been 10 days since that day..i never called her or do anything contact with her.. but still i want to share this to fellow dj's the good example of not being a challenge and if your doing somthing teknical and strategic to some girl be sure your not drinking beer ..and never loose your focus at the game and the rules..
well lets hope..that seizing contact and ignoring her will still do the trick and i hope even i did not call her or say to her directly i hope she will think that im still doing alright and continue having fun without her...and surviving without her....
much respect to you don master jariel

 

[shiningshadow]

^^Man, that story was a bit hard to read. Where'd you make the mistake? By getting drunk?

 

[thekhris]

im not actually that drunk but im a bit tipsy to loose my focus on the game i think my mistake is i became less challenge to her...bcoz since she said that"she still so much in love with me" i though it was GO for getting her back and I quickly jump on it...the right to do on that situation is back off on her whimmpering and be a challenge still and wait till she begs and she must be the one who enter the conversation about getting us back not me...now im not calling her for about 12 days and im not going to call her until she calls me..my question is...since the best move to do is to show to her that im surviving and no hard feelings to our break up..will be not calling her will still make her think that i dont giv a fvck if i loose her even i became a litlle afc on that last second we meet up...

 

[donpepot]

yup....the longer you dont call her the more she will realised thet you can live without her... expect her contact soon...she will call you or email you or go to your house to check if your really doing fine...(girls cant accept that guys can survive when they dump them)
and if she did see it... well the power is yours...
remember this as master jariel always says...woman give more value to what they fear loosing and cant have.... and for them LOVE AND VALUE ARE SAME

 

[Bonhomme]

Bump!

This is 24-karat gold.

 

[DC Quick]

First time poster here but this thread is perfect for the situation im in, and I am a AFC.

I have been talking to this girl for a while. We never went out(and I have asked her but being the stupid cow she is...she said no). She has told me I am cute a number of times but the other night we got into a arguement. We have had arguements before and yet it always falls on me that it is my fault. But this time it isnt going to fall on me. Anyways we argued because she flaked me off. Her, her sister, and their friend were at the school playground hanging out(and it's like 11 at night). And I approached the playground and I just arrive and I heard 3 female voices say "You have to leave, you cant be here!" and im pissed off as it is say "Alright, **** you I'm out." And I failed to mention I was tipsy. So I left and later I get on the internet(still tipsy) and she gets on. So I decide to IM her saying "Thanks for ditching me." She comes back saying "I didnt ditch you." and I say "If you didnt ditch me when why did I hear 3 female voices say "you cant be here, you have to leave." so if you didnt ditch me why didnt you say dc come back?" and she said "because my sister and sam(the other *****) would of been like what the ****." And then she sent one of her other guy friends to pretty much tell me off. So I get fed up and said **** this im going for a LOOONG walk.

And I have cut off contact with her. I stopped going on myspace but I still go on AIM. Plus, today at the carnival I saw her talking to 2 guys, I didnt say anything and I didnt even look at her. I just kept on walking. But anyways do you think she will try to contact me even though we were never a couple?

 

[FunkyMillion]

And I have cut off contact with her. I stopped going on myspace but I still go on AIM. Plus, today at the carnival I saw her talking to 2 guys, I didnt say anything and I didnt even look at her. I just kept on walking. But anyways do you think she will try to contact me even though we were never a couple?

I doubt she'll be calling you because from the information that you gave us, it appears as if she doesn't care about you. Just let it go, bro. I'm pretty sure there's another piece of a$$ out there that you can bang.


-Funk

 

[Chase12]

well im a first poster too and this fits my situation perfectly

well i met this girl i had some interest on (lyke interest of getting to know her.. i ddnt really knew her), but then i found out she had a boyfriend so i thought i'd leave it at friends. Then she somehow found out that i kinda liked her.. and her friend told me she was thinking bout leaving her current bf for me (they were figthing).

ok so.. a month ago she broke up with him... i kinda liked her but i heard she still liked her ex bf so i never asked her out... then a week ago.. this mutual friend talked to her and she said she kinda liked me too and she didnt like his ex bf.. so i thought it could work out and wanted to ask her out. But then at this party we were both kinda drunk (altho later her friends told me she wasnt really drunk) and we made out. then she had to leave with her friends (it was kinda late).

so any ways heres the thing.. Today she just talked to me and said she was drunk and she was sorry but she thought it would be better if we were just friends... I (i had read this thread already and i was kinda prepared for it) said sure no hard feelings, and walked away.

Now shes texting me on MSN saying she was really sorry and if i was really ok and all that... I told her that it was prolly better this way and no hard feelings.

well now im almost done with the "moving on" thing.. cuz now i think im finally over my fear of talking to women.. and well.. at least i got to kiss her

so it starts now guys.. wut should i do? we go to the same school so i was thinking on cutting all contact with her.. but being polite, etc. I dont really count on her comming back but if the oportunity comes i might take it(its more of a "lets try if this stuff really works" than "omg i really need this chick i would do anything for her back)

 

[The Truth]

I doubt she'll be calling you because from the information that you gave us, it appears as if she doesn't care about you. Just let it go, bro. I'm pretty sure there's another piece of a$$ out there that you can bang.

Yes this sounds right. Sorry dude but for this stuff to work there has to be some interest to begin with. The original poster can correct me if I am wrong but this isnt a wont create attraction from nothing. Its more about letting a woman realise for herself what you really mean to her by taking it away and stopping her from taking you for granted.

But you will not lose by ignoring this chick. If she is into you she will start kissing upto you when she realises you have moved on. If she is not into you then you have saved a lot of time chasing after her.