Are Dating Apps really that bad right now

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I’m now balding and graying and in the last three years have had more women starting conversations with me while out and about than the decade before them.

Women are getting annoyed by all the wussies out there, so they are interested in mature men, especially if you appear to have your life together. Bald and grey is not a detriment. As long as you're not boring.

 

[Bigpapa]

Agree. This is even true for experienced daygamers. I'm an experienced daygamer and my success rates are lower than I would like for them to be.

Something extremely important that people miss is timing

the main problem ( if you have at least decent social skills ) with cold approach is that you have no idea if the girl is looking for a guy or not. Most of the girls are one way or the other in some sort of a relationship. Hence the low success rate

If a girl really likes the guy she is seeing is a very uphill battle, no matter how amazing you are

In social settings is a bit easier to distinguish who is “looking” for a guy , girls that want to be approached leave subtle clues that they want to be approached. Not necessarily iois, but more in the sense that they put themselves in situations that an approach can happen

If you are not interested in buying a car, no car salesman can sell you one, unless it is an incredible deal

 

[I_have_BDE]

I cancelled match finally. Went down hill so much! It seems around 2021 they really started going downhill. Before Covid hit, even in 2019 they were good. Sites like FB dating were good, Match had the highest quality women too, easy to get replies and numbers. Around 2021 went way downhille. More pay to play too on match, POF, Bumble less swipes before gotta pay, etc. I don't see very many hot women on them anymore.

 

[SW15]

the main problem ( if you have at least decent social skills ) with cold approach is that you have no idea if the girl is looking for a guy or not. Most of the girls are one way or the other in some sort of a relationship. Hence the low success rate

If a girl really likes the guy she is seeing is a very uphill battle, no matter how amazing you are

This is true. Additionally, a lot of women that you will approach will not inform you during the approach that they are in some sort of relationship. The conversation goes nowhere and fizzles out fast. It fizzles out so fast that there isn't even an opportunity to ask them on a first date. This seems to be more a common problem in non-bar approaching than in bar approaching, though it can happen in the bars. Showing up to a bar is somewhat of an indicator that a woman is seeking new penis, more so than showing up to a mall or a fitness class.

Swipe/dating apps are supposed to be women who are actively looking, but that doesn't always seem to be reality either.

In social settings is a bit easier to distinguish who is “looking” for a guy , girls that want to be approached leave subtle clues that they want to be approached. Not necessarily iois, but more in the sense that they put themselves in situations that an approach can happen

This happens. It is supposed to be an advantage of nightlife venues. It might also be applicable at a larger private residence party where a man doesn't know ahead of time the relationship status of all female attendees.

 

[pipeman84]

I’m now balding and graying and in the last three years have had more women starting conversations with me while out and about than the decade before them.

I find this interesting, so I have a few questions: 1. How do you explain this phenomenon? 2. Can you give some examples? 3. What's the average age of those women?

 

[Manure Spherian]

I find this interesting, so I have a few questions: 1. How do you explain this phenomenon? 2. Can you give some examples? 3. What's the average age of those women?

Thanks for the response. I’m about to head out. I’ll try to answer later tonight or tomorrow.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I find this interesting, so I have a few questions: 1. How do you explain this phenomenon? 2. Can you give some examples? 3. What's the average age of those women?

1. For me personally, for much of my younger years, I had serious depression on and off, and I believe that women can tell a man is troubled. I did have some girlfriends in my life, but those relationships did not work out partly due to me being too passive because of my condition. Even when I was in high school, a very pretty said to my friend, "M can have a girlfriend if he wants, but he acts like he can't." Keep in mind this woman did not know me from a whole in the wall; I only knew her from hi and bye. Over time my depression went away, I improved my life greatly, made more friends, met my wife, had children, and both men and women started to strike up more conversations with me when out and about and at work.

This is my interpretation of this, and my friends agree with me.

I am in my mid 40s now.

2. Yes, I can give examples. Keep in mind, I do not think that the women who start conversation or give other gestures to me when out and about are all sexually attracted to me. I believe some are, and if I were single, I would move forward with them. I am moderately attractive, dress well, and am better built than nearly all men my age (I once competed in bodybuilding) and have been involved in serious exercise for a long time.

Here are some examples I remember from the past two years.

My friend and I (also married) went out to a German place that has a bar, restaurant, and area for music and performances. I went there to meet him because I had not seen him in a long time, not because I want to meet women, as I am a faithful guy. So my friend and I were talking and this woman started looking my way on and off. We went closer to the bar next to her and her friends to order drinks, and I saw her looking at me in my peripheral vision as I stood next to her. I started chuckling and she said, "Hello." I started talking to her and her friends introduced themselves to me and my friend. She appeared to be in her late 20s or early 30s.

A few weeks ago I was walking home at around 6:15 in the morning. Coming towards me across the street was an attractive woman. Usually when I see people in the morning around town while walking or jogging, I say hello or good morning, but I don't want to freak women out while walking alone in the dark. She said, "Hey, do you go to LA Fitness?" We then had a conversation about the gym and fitness. I have a habit of talking with my hands folded in front of me and I am convinced she kept looking at my hands to see if I had a wedding ring (I do obviously). I think she was in her late 20's.

Last week I was in a Macy's in a mall. I was checking in myself in the mirror, thinking nobody was looking at me at the time, and a store worker walked past me and said, "You look good". I think she was mid 20's.

Last year I was sitting eating after a jog at a bagel place few blocks from my house after a jog. I looked up and a woman smiled and waved at me as she left. I think she was mid 20's.

Another time at the same place, again, while I was sitting there sipping coffee, a woman flagrantly looked at me while leaving. Again, I think mid 20's.

One time while I was looking at wine bottle in my hands while in the liquor store. All of the sudden I felt a swift pat on my back. I was sort of startled, looked to my side, and it was an attractive middle-aged woman who said something about the wine. I do not remember what she said. I think she was in her late 40s or early 50s.

I once was looking at shishlto peppers at the grocery store, and a petite, cute woman was there too, and she said, "I really like these. How do you make yours?" I think she was in her 40's.

This past summer, a woman started a convo in the gym about the sneakers I was wearing. She said, "I started wearing flat soled sneakers recently too, and they're much better for lower-body exercises." As I said, I do not think every woman who starts a conversation with me, but I highly doubt a woman is going to start a conversation about something as mundane as flat soles for lifting if she didn't want to strike up convo about anything.

There's a gas station with a big store I go to near my job on breaks for coffee. One time I was on line and I saw this tall, pretty Middle Eastern woman working as cashier. Although I had no interest, I thought she was very pretty, and that because she was tall, she likely wouldn't go for me if I were single because I am 5'10". I was planning on making a lazy-man's hummus that night so I grabbed a can of Goya-brand canned chickpeas as the line progressed. When she was ringing me up, she asked, "What do you plan on making with these? As a Turkish woman, I do not recommend using this brand." There was no one else behind me on line and we got into a conversation about food and travel. I think she was in her 30s.

Again, I do not know if all these women thought I was sexually attractive. But I also do not think women strike up conversation or wave or stare at men they don't think are attractive. And if I were single, I would take advantage of these situations to try to get dates.

 

[Solomon]

I cancelled match finally. Went down hill so much! It seems around 2021 they really started going downhill. Before Covid hit, even in 2019 they were good. Sites like FB dating were good, Match had the highest quality women too, easy to get replies and numbers. Around 2021 went way downhille. More pay to play too on match, POF, Bumble less swipes before gotta pay, etc. I don't see very many hot women on them anymore.

I think it's good to take breaks, I'm currently on a break personally I think the best apps currently are apps that are not well known but have a niche. However these apps tend to be dead or not a lot of people unless you live in a really big city. IMO right now I'm focused on the crypto market since it's taken off. OLD is to much work in 2025 for the crumbs.

 

[SW15]

OLD is to much work in 2025 for the crumbs.

I think that statement has been true for a long time, not just 2023-2025.

 

[Chow Mein]

I think that statement has been true for a long time, not just 2023-2025.

This cuffing season hasn’t been as successful for me as years past. I really think the OLD novelty has worn off for women, I think it’s due to the accumulation of bad experiences by socially inept men coming out of COVID.

I haven’t had many matches this year, but know I have that swag with the attention I get from women at bars, events, normal everyday errands.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

I wonder if the RP / SS community came together to design and create a dating app, how that app would be like?

I wonder how different it would be from Bumble/Tinder/Hinge/CMB.

In my opinion, Bumble was the closest to being aligned with some elements of RP ideas; having the ladies start the first message, helped in weeding out low IL women. Of course 99% of men, are too BP to realize it.

 

[sevbucmash]

@jamesfromhouston dating app = singles bar. Anyway you spin it, fat girl and shy guy won't get laid.

I guess you'd call the app shagshack, and do face verification, allowing only pictures through phone camera taken live as a selfie. No fee 90 days. Men & women would be presented with a selection of 10 choices, absolutely random, not based on interests, so long as they weren't presented with same choices before. To see the next 10, man would have to message at least 1 girl and get a response. For a woman, to see the next 10, she'd have to reply and strike a conversation with at least 1 man that messaged her. There is going to be chat Ai that determines if conversation has taken place or it was some BS mutterings.

 

[SW15]

Bumble was the closest to being aligned with some elements of RP ideas; having the ladies start the first message, helped in weeding out low IL women. Of course 99% of men, are too BP to realize it.

I have mixed feelings about how that played out in reality.

Women who make the first move would be more like to be feminist and lacking in appealing feminine traits. Bumble also has advertised itself towards the "Girl Boss" types over the years as well.

The first moves that most women made on Bumble tended to be low effort, such as sending silly gifs and typing two letters of "Hi". Sometimes they might do "Hi First Name".

dating app = singles bar.

In the decades before dating websites got de-stigmatized and then dating apps popped up, singles starting interactions in bars was quite common. I'd say this era went from the mid-1960s to the mid/late-2000s. For a lot of single people, bars/nightlife venues were their primary option in the absence of tech-based methods or the lack of a social circle.

The bar scene still exists for singles. Singles starting interactions at bars has been declining for the past 15-20 years though.

Bars have been evolving. A lot of bars now are hosting app arranged first and second dates.

 

[GoodMan32]

There's nothing unique to dating apps that sets them apart from the current trends of the dating market. The current dating market is itself imploding because of feminism and mass female delusion which itself is from social media far more than dating apps. Social media is to blame for this more than OLD; OLD is just a reflection of the dating market. Any problems you see in OLD are just as real as they are in the real world, but for some reason refuse to see it.

Anyone who thinks the dating market is fine and OLD is the problem is completely out of touch. Does no one remember that OLD has been around for almost 30 years? Back in the 00s it was nothing like it is now, because social media hadn't taken over yet. Social media + feminism is the problem with the dating market, period.



It's only a huge time sink if you have no vetting strategies. Tinder is 100% a waste of time though. But let me explain my Hinge process:

95% of my conversations on Hinge are initiated by the woman. I literally never swipe right on women until she's swiped right on me first. On Hinge, if someone swipes right on you, it shows up in your list of "likes" in a queue, and you can choose to reject or match with them (left vs right swipe), which is why I love Hinge.

Once we start talking, I screen them asap for compliance and interest, compatibility, and then give them my number to text me usually fairly quickly. Once they text me I push for a date, but if they show any sign of flakey/fickleness/or act "busy" I stop talking to them.

I really do put in minimal effort. I just don't think most people (men or women) have learned how to filter out only the most high IL/high quality options, because they don't realize how much time and irritation this saves you.

Good point about social media.

A lot of broads act shocked when they find out I don't use social media.

On the other hand, men really don't give a damn (or find it strange) that I don't use social media.

It all makes sense now: Because broads use social media for validation. That's why they have a hard time fathoming why anyone would be without social media.

 

[GoodMan32]

Guys miss the whole point

for girls, in the very vast majority of cases, is more important to be validated than actually date a guy. This happens because most of them are very insecure about themselves

most of girls without makeup look way different, in a bad way, and they know this and this is why they are very insecure about their looks

that is why dating apps have a very low ROI, because they are just there to be validated and they are not that serious about getting laid / looking for a relationship, unless the guy is really top and it becomes too much an opportunity to miss it out

cold approach > dating apps

The best ROI you have is when you have some sort of a lose social game, like for example going to places that are popular and you start to know the people there, and basically are a regular

That would explain why the only dates I got from OkCupid, POF, and DateHookup were fat, strange, or both.

Any broad who has it going on isn't going to meet up with a guy like me from one of those sites.

 

[GoodMan32]

I’ve seen guys literally get their asses beat at parties because they approached the wrong girl or came out as creepy approaching women and they told the guys.

In that case, good thing I never attended a single high school or college party.

 

[GoodMan32]

Which is why it's so important to exercise your mind and not just your body.

And, again, why the focus of this board should be teaching about real life interaction with women in a way that you don't get into these situations. Not for guidance on how to manipulate manipulative people on dating apps.

I know you think I'm not even worthy of your teaching.

But I'm going to take a minute to point out the fact an autist is always going to be at a marked disadvantage at interacting with broads. Because even though we can learn the basics, our social instinct simply isn't there. So there inevitably will be scenarios we'll never be prepared for.

Plus, approaching a broad in a "creepy" manner is only one scenario he mentioned. He also mentioned the scenario of approaching the "wrong" broad (I take that to mean a taken broad). Even a neurotypical isn't going to know off the top of his head if a broad at a party is taken (unless he knows her...or unless he sees her and a boyfriend together at the party)

 

[GoodMan32]

My online dating app rejection rate was huge compared to daygame - roughly speaking 6 times higher - morale of the story is real life always counts for something and as someone who met his girlfriend from daygame I can’t stress enough the importance of putting yourself out there consistently and not being a slave to an algorithm

The last woman I had free sex with (I met her offline) certainly looked a lot better than the 8 month girlfriend I got from POF. You're probably right.

 

[GoodMan32]

You can also get struck by lightning during a rainstorm.

Piss poor analogy.

Doing something "wrong" when approaching a broad is far more likely.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Plus, approaching a broad in a "creepy" manner is only one scenario he mentioned. He also mentioned the scenario of approaching the "wrong" broad (I take that to mean a taken broad). Even a neurotypical isn't going to know off the top of his head if a broad at a party is taken (unless he knows her...or unless he sees her and a boyfriend together at the party)

The thing about making a solid approach is to not directly ask a woman for the horizontal mambo.
I know that runs counter to the DJs here who think direct approaches work better than indirect, but I tend to do neither. How I interact with a woman depends on the interaction. Socially calibrated men don't just start talking about sex and intimacy, they wait to escalate with sex talk until the woman shows clear signs she's sexually interested.

When you are a sexual person, women can 'smell' it on you and they already figure why you are talking to them. Experienced versatile lovers are rare and women will instantly know when they're in their presence. It shows most often in what is often called 'confidence', these people are comfortable in their skin, move leisurely, radiate calmness and alert detached observation.

One of the reasons I don't get 'rejected' is because I don't show my cards until she shows hers. I won't escalate the conversation sexually before she does. When she shows sexual interest, I will tease her with innuendo, but I'm not eager to engage, so they have to put some effort into getting my attention and (sexual) validation.

So when a woman falters in conversation and I lose sexual interest in her, I just don't escalate, even if she does. And if she does I can signal non-interest without 'rejecting' her directly. And if she doesn't escalate, she's either not into me and/or already taken with someone she doesn't want to cheat on.

So, I don't have to know whether the woman I interact with is seriously involved with another man. Either she's interested and escalate by sending me signals that I can escalate too, or she isn't interested for whatever reason.