Are Dating Apps really that bad right now

[Solomon]

I haven't been on the apps in over 2 years, so I haven't experienced any of the BS recently. However, I was getting lucky off the apps from the beginning stages of Tinder and basically lived off the apps until 2 years ago. I found it hard to believe that men could suffer on the apps because I had success, and I even saw normie men have success of it. Most of the men that couldn't get laid off apps were just over-entitled incels that were either lying on the internet to gain attention or just suffered from self-sabotage. The other cases were guys that simply aged out of their dating prime times in the apps and thought that dating would always be like they were in their twenties. Sorry, your average stable minded 18–27-year-old girl is not going to be interested in some 30 plus guy that has nothing to bring to the table other than his penis. Aside from all this, are the dating apps literally unusable or just full of more men with victim mindsets?

Got a buddy who is a 5'7 average looking white guy, makes 35K a year, 35 years old, and spinning 5 plates living with his parents (all he met on dating apps)
If this guy can get laid using apps than what's your excuse? (not OP but speaking in general)

 

[Bigpapa]

I've been cold approaching for almost 20 years, never got humiliated or shadow banned or whatever once. Some (only a few) rejections were not pleasant, for about 5mins after the approach.
But you gotta do it right.
That is my experience.

Guys miss the whole point

for girls, in the very vast majority of cases, is more important to be validated than actually date a guy. This happens because most of them are very insecure about themselves

most of girls without makeup look way different, in a bad way, and they know this and this is why they are very insecure about their looks

that is why dating apps have a very low ROI, because they are just there to be validated and they are not that serious about getting laid / looking for a relationship, unless the guy is really top and it becomes too much an opportunity to miss it out

cold approach > dating apps

The best ROI you have is when you have some sort of a lose social game, like for example going to places that are popular and you start to know the people there, and basically are a regular

 

[CornbreadFed]

I've been cold approaching for almost 20 years, never got humiliated or shadow banned or whatever once. Some (only a few) rejections were not pleasant, for about 5mins after the approach.
But you gotta do it right.
That is my experience.

I’ve seen guys literally get their asses beat at parties because they approached the wrong girl or came out as creepy approaching women and they told the guys.

 

[Isildur1]

I have found the rejection rate very high on dating apps. Even the most unattractive woman gets multiple hits so unless you stand out (through looks, humour, status, lifestyle, wealth etc.) you will find it challenging.

Dating apps are just one option in the dating market. They shouldn’t be demonised but you need to know what you are getting yourself in for.

Just because you may have success with other dating options it doesn’t necessarily follow that others will. Cold approaching in public places to me seems desperate and creepy but if it works for you go for it.

Pick your poison.

My online dating app rejection rate was huge compared to daygame - roughly speaking 6 times higher - morale of the story is real life always counts for something and as someone who met his girlfriend from daygame I can’t stress enough the importance of putting yourself out there consistently and not being a slave to an algorithm

 

[BaronOfHair]

"Are Dating Apps really that bad right now?"

We can adapt dude's words here

24:32-25:19 , when it comes to questions like these. Dating Apps(along with everything else)are "bad", IF we choose to view them as such

As others have said, we also have the option of conceptualizing dating apps as one weapon in our arsenal(Rather than the be all and end all), or/and getting specific as to what we find objectionable about them ("I'm not getting the sort of women I desire of the apps I currently use"), then putting together a viable strategy for rectifying these things

Ex. Getting on some different apps, changing our profile, spending more time out in the sunlight and fresh air and by extension meeting women out in reality, etc etc

 

[SW15]

for girls, in the very vast majority of cases, is more important to be validated than actually date a guy. This happens because most of them are very insecure about themselves

that is why dating apps have a very low ROI, because they are just there to be validated and they are not that serious about getting laid / looking for a relationship, unless the guy is really top and it becomes too much an opportunity to miss it out

I have observed 35-40 year old women who rarely get approached in real life have hundreds of men in the queues/inboxes on swipe apps.

These are women who would be lucky to have 2-3 first dates per year if they relied on in-person methods. Based on using swipe apps, they can get a lot of attention, first dates, and even ride a penis carousel.

The 35-40 year old women I've observed in that situation enjoy the attention and live for the validation.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Which is why it's so important to exercise your mind and not just your body.

And, again, why the focus of this board should be teaching about real life interaction with women in a way that you don't get into these situations. Not for guidance on how to manipulate manipulative people on dating apps.

You can also get struck by lightning during a rainstorm.

I have previously advocated strategic cold approaching in venues where it isn't frowned upon. I am 100% sure you guys are already practicing this, but when y'all go on here and say cold approaching is king with vague context, you are letting us assume that y'all are out here approaching random women left in right in public spaces or areas where approaching strangers isn't genuinely welcomed. I just find it very hard to believe that y'all are just pulling 10/10 ass from the personal checkout kroger section every day with ease. No matter great your frame/game is, a situation like I described can happen in certain environments. With dating apps, all you need are good pictures and basic social IQ to succeed on them.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I have observed 35-40 year old women who rarely get approached in real life have hundreds of men in the queues/inboxes on swipe apps.

These are women who would be lucky to have 2-3 first dates per year if they relied on in-person methods. Based on using swipe apps, they can get a lot of attention, first dates, and even ride a penis carousel.

The 35-40 year old women I've observed in that situation enjoy the attention and live for the validation.

I see women all ages sexually viable get white knighted and indirectly approached by men all of the time. Women know when men are validating them even if it is from an indirect method.

 

[SW15]

With dating apps, all you need are good pictures and basic social IQ to succeed on them.

Disagree. Both things help but that's not enough. Also, the term "good pictures" are subjective. Plenty of guys with "good pictures" are not accomplishing much. I think the standard for "good pictures" is relatively high at this point.

The gender ratios are bad on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. They are 65-76% male. Even with good pictures, the ratios are tough.

Cold approach is difficult, and the success rate (lay) is low.

Agree. This is even true for experienced daygamers. I'm an experienced daygamer and my success rates are lower than I would like for them to be.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Are they really that bad?

My fat friend (certainly no Chad, but a sociable, very funny and intelligent guy) met his second wife and mother to his second kid on one.

Another friend met who is similar to a second wife (live together, she wears a ring, combined family).

Two female cousins met their husbands.

My other fat married friend did an experiment, not to cheat, but to check an app out of curiosity about how they’re so bad for men, and got responses, and then deleted his profile.

 

[Manure Spherian]

No, the thing is, when you do enough approaching, you become attractive enough that women start approaching you. And you become attuned to where and how you should interact with women without becoming unwelcome.

I’m now balding and graying and in the last three years have had more women starting conversations with me while out and about than the decade before them.

 

[Bigpapa]

Agree. This is even true for experienced daygamers. I'm an experienced daygamer and my success rates are lower than I would like for them to be.

Something extremely important that people miss is timing

the main problem ( if you have at least decent social skills ) with cold approach is that you have no idea if the girl is looking for a guy or not. Most of the girls are one way or the other in some sort of a relationship. Hence the low success rate

If a girl really likes the guy she is seeing is a very uphill battle, no matter how amazing you are

In social settings is a bit easier to distinguish who is “looking” for a guy , girls that want to be approached leave subtle clues that they want to be approached. Not necessarily iois, but more in the sense that they put themselves in situations that an approach can happen

If you are not interested in buying a car, no car salesman can sell you one, unless it is an incredible deal

 

[I_have_BDE]

I cancelled match finally. Went down hill so much! It seems around 2021 they really started going downhill. Before Covid hit, even in 2019 they were good. Sites like FB dating were good, Match had the highest quality women too, easy to get replies and numbers. Around 2021 went way downhille. More pay to play too on match, POF, Bumble less swipes before gotta pay, etc. I don't see very many hot women on them anymore.

 

[SW15]

the main problem ( if you have at least decent social skills ) with cold approach is that you have no idea if the girl is looking for a guy or not. Most of the girls are one way or the other in some sort of a relationship. Hence the low success rate

If a girl really likes the guy she is seeing is a very uphill battle, no matter how amazing you are

This is true. Additionally, a lot of women that you will approach will not inform you during the approach that they are in some sort of relationship. The conversation goes nowhere and fizzles out fast. It fizzles out so fast that there isn't even an opportunity to ask them on a first date. This seems to be more a common problem in non-bar approaching than in bar approaching, though it can happen in the bars. Showing up to a bar is somewhat of an indicator that a woman is seeking new penis, more so than showing up to a mall or a fitness class.

Swipe/dating apps are supposed to be women who are actively looking, but that doesn't always seem to be reality either.

In social settings is a bit easier to distinguish who is “looking” for a guy , girls that want to be approached leave subtle clues that they want to be approached. Not necessarily iois, but more in the sense that they put themselves in situations that an approach can happen

This happens. It is supposed to be an advantage of nightlife venues. It might also be applicable at a larger private residence party where a man doesn't know ahead of time the relationship status of all female attendees.

 

[pipeman84]

I’m now balding and graying and in the last three years have had more women starting conversations with me while out and about than the decade before them.

I find this interesting, so I have a few questions: 1. How do you explain this phenomenon? 2. Can you give some examples? 3. What's the average age of those women?

 

[Manure Spherian]

I find this interesting, so I have a few questions: 1. How do you explain this phenomenon? 2. Can you give some examples? 3. What's the average age of those women?

Thanks for the response. I’m about to head out. I’ll try to answer later tonight or tomorrow.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I find this interesting, so I have a few questions: 1. How do you explain this phenomenon? 2. Can you give some examples? 3. What's the average age of those women?

1. For me personally, for much of my younger years, I had serious depression on and off, and I believe that women can tell a man is troubled. I did have some girlfriends in my life, but those relationships did not work out partly due to me being too passive because of my condition. Even when I was in high school, a very pretty said to my friend, "M can have a girlfriend if he wants, but he acts like he can't." Keep in mind this woman did not know me from a whole in the wall; I only knew her from hi and bye. Over time my depression went away, I improved my life greatly, made more friends, met my wife, had children, and both men and women started to strike up more conversations with me when out and about and at work.

This is my interpretation of this, and my friends agree with me.

I am in my mid 40s now.

2. Yes, I can give examples. Keep in mind, I do not think that the women who start conversation or give other gestures to me when out and about are all sexually attracted to me. I believe some are, and if I were single, I would move forward with them. I am moderately attractive, dress well, and am better built than nearly all men my age (I once competed in bodybuilding) and have been involved in serious exercise for a long time.

Here are some examples I remember from the past two years.

My friend and I (also married) went out to a German place that has a bar, restaurant, and area for music and performances. I went there to meet him because I had not seen him in a long time, not because I want to meet women, as I am a faithful guy. So my friend and I were talking and this woman started looking my way on and off. We went closer to the bar next to her and her friends to order drinks, and I saw her looking at me in my peripheral vision as I stood next to her. I started chuckling and she said, "Hello." I started talking to her and her friends introduced themselves to me and my friend. She appeared to be in her late 20s or early 30s.

A few weeks ago I was walking home at around 6:15 in the morning. Coming towards me across the street was an attractive woman. Usually when I see people in the morning around town while walking or jogging, I say hello or good morning, but I don't want to freak women out while walking alone in the dark. She said, "Hey, do you go to LA Fitness?" We then had a conversation about the gym and fitness. I have a habit of talking with my hands folded in front of me and I am convinced she kept looking at my hands to see if I had a wedding ring (I do obviously). I think she was in her late 20's.

Last week I was in a Macy's in a mall. I was checking in myself in the mirror, thinking nobody was looking at me at the time, and a store worker walked past me and said, "You look good". I think she was mid 20's.

Last year I was sitting eating after a jog at a bagel place few blocks from my house after a jog. I looked up and a woman smiled and waved at me as she left. I think she was mid 20's.

Another time at the same place, again, while I was sitting there sipping coffee, a woman flagrantly looked at me while leaving. Again, I think mid 20's.

One time while I was looking at wine bottle in my hands while in the liquor store. All of the sudden I felt a swift pat on my back. I was sort of startled, looked to my side, and it was an attractive middle-aged woman who said something about the wine. I do not remember what she said. I think she was in her late 40s or early 50s.

I once was looking at shishlto peppers at the grocery store, and a petite, cute woman was there too, and she said, "I really like these. How do you make yours?" I think she was in her 40's.

This past summer, a woman started a convo in the gym about the sneakers I was wearing. She said, "I started wearing flat soled sneakers recently too, and they're much better for lower-body exercises." As I said, I do not think every woman who starts a conversation with me, but I highly doubt a woman is going to start a conversation about something as mundane as flat soles for lifting if she didn't want to strike up convo about anything.

There's a gas station with a big store I go to near my job on breaks for coffee. One time I was on line and I saw this tall, pretty Middle Eastern woman working as cashier. Although I had no interest, I thought she was very pretty, and that because she was tall, she likely wouldn't go for me if I were single because I am 5'10". I was planning on making a lazy-man's hummus that night so I grabbed a can of Goya-brand canned chickpeas as the line progressed. When she was ringing me up, she asked, "What do you plan on making with these? As a Turkish woman, I do not recommend using this brand." There was no one else behind me on line and we got into a conversation about food and travel. I think she was in her 30s.

Again, I do not know if all these women thought I was sexually attractive. But I also do not think women strike up conversation or wave or stare at men they don't think are attractive. And if I were single, I would take advantage of these situations to try to get dates.

 

[Solomon]

I cancelled match finally. Went down hill so much! It seems around 2021 they really started going downhill. Before Covid hit, even in 2019 they were good. Sites like FB dating were good, Match had the highest quality women too, easy to get replies and numbers. Around 2021 went way downhille. More pay to play too on match, POF, Bumble less swipes before gotta pay, etc. I don't see very many hot women on them anymore.

I think it's good to take breaks, I'm currently on a break personally I think the best apps currently are apps that are not well known but have a niche. However these apps tend to be dead or not a lot of people unless you live in a really big city. IMO right now I'm focused on the crypto market since it's taken off. OLD is to much work in 2025 for the crumbs.

 

[SW15]

OLD is to much work in 2025 for the crumbs.

I think that statement has been true for a long time, not just 2023-2025.

 

[Chow Mein]

I think that statement has been true for a long time, not just 2023-2025.

This cuffing season hasn’t been as successful for me as years past. I really think the OLD novelty has worn off for women, I think it’s due to the accumulation of bad experiences by socially inept men coming out of COVID.

I haven’t had many matches this year, but know I have that swag with the attention I get from women at bars, events, normal everyday errands.