Are Dating Apps really that bad right now

[BaronOfHair]

"Are Dating Apps really that bad right now?"

Similar to asking "Is Fallujah really not giving Miami a run for it's money right now, especially in comparison to the glory days of '04?"

 

[GoodMan32]

POF in 2009-2013 was a challenging environment. The fact that you were able to initially seduce a woman from POF and retain her for 8 months is an achievement, especially considering the totality of all your issues.



That's a typical male experience on Bumble from 2016-2024. It was likely easier to get dates on Bumble in 2016-2018 than 2022-2024 but Bumble was even very competitive in 2016-2018. So many men were having the "one date, no sex, no second date" issue on Bumble in 2016-2018.

As much as I like it when you tout my successes, I'm (once again) going to cast a rain cloud.

My 8 month relationship on POF was with a strange 4/10 fattie who couldn't even fully speak English (I've mentioned on this forum before that I tend to do well if the broad's English isn't all there, as that means she fails to catch some of my socially awkward comments)

I suppose it also helped that I was young enough in 2013 it wasn't really frowned upon that I got assistance from parents.

 

[CornbreadFed]

On this forum, the main goal shouldn't be to encourage guys to use dating apps. The reason the 'dating marketplace' is in such a bad state is because low-effort 'efficiency' seekers ended up massively embracing the dating apps to the detriment of learning how to interact with women. This forum aims to help men with dating and interacting with women. Not how to 'beat the algorithm' and 'game the app' into finding dates. Threads like these should move to Reddit.

Fcuk dating apps. Go out and talk with people. Learn how to be really social, not the social of 'social media'.

Dating apps can destroy men's self-esteem when they realize that thousands of swipes resulted in nothing.

In person approach can destroy a man's self-esteem too. Not only do you face the same risks with the apps, but you add in the chances of getting humiliated in public or even shadow banned from certain areas/groups. The people over here preaching in person over apps are more than likely doing it in niche situations and not spraying in praying at the random Publix grocery store across the street.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

There's nothing unique to dating apps that sets them apart from the current trends of the dating market. The current dating market is itself imploding because of feminism and mass female delusion which itself is from social media far more than dating apps. Social media is to blame for this more than OLD; OLD is just a reflection of the dating market. Any problems you see in OLD are just as real as they are in the real world, but for some reason refuse to see it.

Anyone who thinks the dating market is fine and OLD is the problem is completely out of touch. Does no one remember that OLD has been around for almost 30 years? Back in the 00s it was nothing like it is now, because social media hadn't taken over yet. Social media + feminism is the problem with the dating market, period.

Swiping on your phone while taking a dump is not an effort. And it deludes people that it's efficient, but actually it's a huge time suck with a lousy ROI.

It's only a huge time sink if you have no vetting strategies. Tinder is 100% a waste of time though. But let me explain my Hinge process:

95% of my conversations on Hinge are initiated by the woman. I literally never swipe right on women until she's swiped right on me first. On Hinge, if someone swipes right on you, it shows up in your list of "likes" in a queue, and you can choose to reject or match with them (left vs right swipe), which is why I love Hinge.

Once we start talking, I screen them asap for compliance and interest, compatibility, and then give them my number to text me usually fairly quickly. Once they text me I push for a date, but if they show any sign of flakey/fickleness/or act "busy" I stop talking to them.

I really do put in minimal effort. I just don't think most people (men or women) have learned how to filter out only the most high IL/high quality options, because they don't realize how much time and irritation this saves you.

 

[DJ Novice]

I have found the rejection rate very high on dating apps. Even the most unattractive woman gets multiple hits so unless you stand out (through looks, humour, status, lifestyle, wealth etc.) you will find it challenging.

Dating apps are just one option in the dating market. They shouldn’t be demonised but you need to know what you are getting yourself in for.

Just because you may have success with other dating options it doesn’t necessarily follow that others will. Cold approaching in public places to me seems desperate and creepy but if it works for you go for it.

Pick your poison.

 

[Raggendecanton]

Is it really that bad for you guys? I gotta be honest its working like magic for me and some of my friends... Purely speaking of bumble. We are pulling women that are def considered "hot", from age 20-35 (we are about 27 to 32).

Then again, i would say we are way above average looking, but not like models or anything lol. Maybe its the US? Over here in Europe (western europe) it seems to be working fine still. I always wonder if its the profiles or actually the things that you guys say?

For example, i am NEVER serious while talking on this app. I am always making stupid fun of her, me or the dating scene in general. Ofcourse i def get ghosted as well, but i would say i have met a lot of amazing women this year alone true bumble. Ofcourse all of them are saying "i hate dating apps" but thats after the deed is done lol.

 

[Solomon]

I haven't been on the apps in over 2 years, so I haven't experienced any of the BS recently. However, I was getting lucky off the apps from the beginning stages of Tinder and basically lived off the apps until 2 years ago. I found it hard to believe that men could suffer on the apps because I had success, and I even saw normie men have success of it. Most of the men that couldn't get laid off apps were just over-entitled incels that were either lying on the internet to gain attention or just suffered from self-sabotage. The other cases were guys that simply aged out of their dating prime times in the apps and thought that dating would always be like they were in their twenties. Sorry, your average stable minded 18–27-year-old girl is not going to be interested in some 30 plus guy that has nothing to bring to the table other than his penis. Aside from all this, are the dating apps literally unusable or just full of more men with victim mindsets?

Got a buddy who is a 5'7 average looking white guy, makes 35K a year, 35 years old, and spinning 5 plates living with his parents (all he met on dating apps)
If this guy can get laid using apps than what's your excuse? (not OP but speaking in general)

 

[Bigpapa]

I've been cold approaching for almost 20 years, never got humiliated or shadow banned or whatever once. Some (only a few) rejections were not pleasant, for about 5mins after the approach.
But you gotta do it right.
That is my experience.

Guys miss the whole point

for girls, in the very vast majority of cases, is more important to be validated than actually date a guy. This happens because most of them are very insecure about themselves

most of girls without makeup look way different, in a bad way, and they know this and this is why they are very insecure about their looks

that is why dating apps have a very low ROI, because they are just there to be validated and they are not that serious about getting laid / looking for a relationship, unless the guy is really top and it becomes too much an opportunity to miss it out

cold approach > dating apps

The best ROI you have is when you have some sort of a lose social game, like for example going to places that are popular and you start to know the people there, and basically are a regular

 

[CornbreadFed]

I've been cold approaching for almost 20 years, never got humiliated or shadow banned or whatever once. Some (only a few) rejections were not pleasant, for about 5mins after the approach.
But you gotta do it right.
That is my experience.

I’ve seen guys literally get their asses beat at parties because they approached the wrong girl or came out as creepy approaching women and they told the guys.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I’ve seen guys literally get their asses beat at parties because they approached the wrong girl or came out as creepy approaching women and they told the guys.

Which is why it's so important to exercise your mind and not just your body.

And, again, why the focus of this board should be teaching about real life interaction with women in a way that you don't get into these situations. Not for guidance on how to manipulate manipulative people on dating apps.

 

[Isildur1]

I have found the rejection rate very high on dating apps. Even the most unattractive woman gets multiple hits so unless you stand out (through looks, humour, status, lifestyle, wealth etc.) you will find it challenging.

Dating apps are just one option in the dating market. They shouldn’t be demonised but you need to know what you are getting yourself in for.

Just because you may have success with other dating options it doesn’t necessarily follow that others will. Cold approaching in public places to me seems desperate and creepy but if it works for you go for it.

Pick your poison.

My online dating app rejection rate was huge compared to daygame - roughly speaking 6 times higher - morale of the story is real life always counts for something and as someone who met his girlfriend from daygame I can’t stress enough the importance of putting yourself out there consistently and not being a slave to an algorithm

 

[BaronOfHair]

"Are Dating Apps really that bad right now?"

We can adapt dude's words here

24:32-25:19 , when it comes to questions like these. Dating Apps(along with everything else)are "bad", IF we choose to view them as such

As others have said, we also have the option of conceptualizing dating apps as one weapon in our arsenal(Rather than the be all and end all), or/and getting specific as to what we find objectionable about them ("I'm not getting the sort of women I desire of the apps I currently use"), then putting together a viable strategy for rectifying these things

Ex. Getting on some different apps, changing our profile, spending more time out in the sunlight and fresh air and by extension meeting women out in reality, etc etc

 

[SW15]

for girls, in the very vast majority of cases, is more important to be validated than actually date a guy. This happens because most of them are very insecure about themselves

that is why dating apps have a very low ROI, because they are just there to be validated and they are not that serious about getting laid / looking for a relationship, unless the guy is really top and it becomes too much an opportunity to miss it out

I have observed 35-40 year old women who rarely get approached in real life have hundreds of men in the queues/inboxes on swipe apps.

These are women who would be lucky to have 2-3 first dates per year if they relied on in-person methods. Based on using swipe apps, they can get a lot of attention, first dates, and even ride a penis carousel.

The 35-40 year old women I've observed in that situation enjoy the attention and live for the validation.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Which is why it's so important to exercise your mind and not just your body.

And, again, why the focus of this board should be teaching about real life interaction with women in a way that you don't get into these situations. Not for guidance on how to manipulate manipulative people on dating apps.

You can also get struck by lightning during a rainstorm.

I have previously advocated strategic cold approaching in venues where it isn't frowned upon. I am 100% sure you guys are already practicing this, but when y'all go on here and say cold approaching is king with vague context, you are letting us assume that y'all are out here approaching random women left in right in public spaces or areas where approaching strangers isn't genuinely welcomed. I just find it very hard to believe that y'all are just pulling 10/10 ass from the personal checkout kroger section every day with ease. No matter great your frame/game is, a situation like I described can happen in certain environments. With dating apps, all you need are good pictures and basic social IQ to succeed on them.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I have observed 35-40 year old women who rarely get approached in real life have hundreds of men in the queues/inboxes on swipe apps.

These are women who would be lucky to have 2-3 first dates per year if they relied on in-person methods. Based on using swipe apps, they can get a lot of attention, first dates, and even ride a penis carousel.

The 35-40 year old women I've observed in that situation enjoy the attention and live for the validation.

I see women all ages sexually viable get white knighted and indirectly approached by men all of the time. Women know when men are validating them even if it is from an indirect method.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I have observed 35-40 year old women who rarely get approached in real life have hundreds of men in the queues/inboxes on swipe apps.

These are women who would be lucky to have 2-3 first dates per year if they relied on in-person methods. Based on using swipe apps, they can get a lot of attention, first dates, and even ride a penis carousel.

The 35-40 year old women I've observed in that situation enjoy the attention and live for the validation.

I have observed that most women in that age bracket who have to use a dating app to find a date are often not the type/kind of women you'd want to date, so no real loss here.

I'm glad for them they can find someone to bone them, but they are not that desirable anymore. And probably neither are their suitors, if these bottom feeders hang around in dating app inboxes.

 

[SW15]

With dating apps, all you need are good pictures and basic social IQ to succeed on them.

Disagree. Both things help but that's not enough. Also, the term "good pictures" are subjective. Plenty of guys with "good pictures" are not accomplishing much. I think the standard for "good pictures" is relatively high at this point.

The gender ratios are bad on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. They are 65-76% male. Even with good pictures, the ratios are tough.

Cold approach is difficult, and the success rate (lay) is low.

Agree. This is even true for experienced daygamers. I'm an experienced daygamer and my success rates are lower than I would like for them to be.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I have previously advocated strategic cold approaching in venues where it isn't frowned upon. I am 100% sure you guys are already practicing this, but when y'all go on here and say cold approaching is king with vague context, you are letting us assume that y'all are out here approaching random women left in right in public spaces or areas where approaching strangers isn't genuinely welcomed. I just find it very hard to believe that y'all are just pulling 10/10 ass from the personal checkout kroger section every day with ease. No matter great your frame/game is, a situation like I described can happen in certain environments.

No, the thing is, when you do enough approaching, you become attractive enough that women start approaching you. And you become attuned to where and how you should interact with women without becoming unwelcome.

With dating apps, all you need are good pictures and basic social IQ to succeed on them.

Succeed is such a subjective term. The type of women on dating apps tend to be the type I can also find in the Amsterdam Red Light District. If I'd just want to 'hookup', a ten minute walk and a hundred euro are a lot cheaper than spending hours swiping one hoe after another on a dating app and chatting for hours to getting them to go on a real life date, when all they want to get is attention and validation.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Are they really that bad?

My fat friend (certainly no Chad, but a sociable, very funny and intelligent guy) met his second wife and mother to his second kid on one.

Another friend met who is similar to a second wife (live together, she wears a ring, combined family).

Two female cousins met their husbands.

My other fat married friend did an experiment, not to cheat, but to check an app out of curiosity about how they’re so bad for men, and got responses, and then deleted his profile.

 

[Manure Spherian]

No, the thing is, when you do enough approaching, you become attractive enough that women start approaching you. And you become attuned to where and how you should interact with women without becoming unwelcome.

I’m now balding and graying and in the last three years have had more women starting conversations with me while out and about than the decade before them.