"We have to talk. I'm moving out."

[Married Buried]

Boiler while I understand what you are saying, and as me being a guy who usually always tries to give advice on here that tries to use every means possible to save a LTR that is worth saving-to the point where a few call me a WK, in this case I believe that because BB is a respected poster on here, some are willing to let him slide. To me, that is a dangerous road to go down. And it goes to show that even the wiliest and mature guys on here can slide back into afcdom.


Cut out everything else. The lack of sex. The weight gain. The general boredom with each other. The lack of spark in a relationship. The fact is this girl, who lets be honest here, probably does not have a lot of other great prospects right now, left BB. Broke up with him. Moved to another place without so much as a warning. For the life of me I cannot imagine my fiance doing such a thing, as that is such a huge change and upheaval in lifestyle. So to do something like that imo really shows a lack of love from her to him-to be able to go to that extreme. Now, did he do a lot of things that caused her to become this way? Yes I am sure. It sounds as if BB became lazy, unambitious, content, and to be quite honest about it, immature. That is not a cutdown of BB, but any man his age should be able to survive on his own without relying on a woman. At the very least he should have his own things and be able to pay his own bills.

As I said a few days ago, and as Gordon Gekko said before that, this is your wake up call pal, go to work. This is a golden opp to start over, to give him the incentive to get his life on the right track, and to find someone he REALLY is proud to be with AFTER he gets things going with his own life. And not be with someone just because. BB was left by a girl who I bet 90% of guys on here, a site full of desperate men, probably would not touch. What does that tell you about his standing in society, and in her eyes, right now? Especially if he comes back groveling like a lost puppy dog as it appears he is? She is going to rule him with an iron fist. He is going to be walking on eggshells and it will never work out. They are both wasting each others time here. Instead of spending time and energy on people that do respect BB, he is going to be spending precious time and energy on a person that has shown what her true colors are.

IF this was any regular poster on here, you know exactly what you would be telling him Boiler, to leave and don't look back.

The thing I don't get is Bible Belt is this alpha in shape guy who does martial arts. I wonder how he looks glued to a fat chic. Hey but who cares what everyone else thinks?

 

[moneygold]

I'm a long time lurker on this board. I first started following this site back in 2004. I never really wanted to sign up and post, because I just enjoyed reading about everyone's experiences. But this post has finally spurred me on to register.

I don't know how a guy like Bible Belt can have THOUSANDS of posts and been a member for almost a decade, yet still doesn't get it? I understand where he's coming from. He's getting older. And when you get older it gets harder to play the game. You feel like, at some point you want to be able to just trust someone and let your guard down. I think BB is tired. He invested a lot of time into this woman-and the prospect of starting over at age 37 is daunting. BUT, and this is a big BUT, her actions indicate that no matter what he does, it's over. She went behind his back, without saying a word, and basically started a new life. This isn't just a woman having second thoughts, this is a woman who ACTED on those thoughts. There is no way on God's Green Earth that this woman will stay with him for the long haul. No matter how he tries to justify it, when women lose "that feeling", they're gone for good. They might play with you for a while. They might relish in the attention you'll give them, but eventually the same things that made her leave in the first place will surface again. It's obvious this woman lacks character and integrity. That surely hasn't gone away in a week.

I wish Bible Belt the best, but rest assured, it's going to hurt a whole lot more when she pulls the rug out from underneath you again. You should have just dealt with it now and did your best to move on. Take care.

 

[Married Buried]

Maybe this chic has money. Maybe she has money and she is paying the bills? I think it has to be something like this because it's the only thing that makes sense.

 

[moneygold]

Maybe this chic has money. Maybe she has money and she is paying the bills? I think it has to be something like this because it's the only thing that makes sense.

I don't know man. What bothered me about it was this inherent "weak tit" attitude he has. Supplicating and ass kissing get under my skin. Especially from a guy who handed out advice for years that is directly opposite of what he's doing. But, to be honest- We really don't know the whole story.

 

[evan12]

I'd say let Bible Belt be. Keep this thread running...and let him update it throughout the next few months so we can all see what happens.

He's a man, 37 years old, and he can make the decisions from here on out.

What I want see, is how much weight his girl is going to lose in the next couple of months. Will she do things to keep Bible Belt around? She needs to change her ways too.

her weight is what prevents her from finding another man ,that what really kept her from dumping BB

 

[Bokanovsky]

So since the OP got completely checkmated by this chick and his mind is off in la-la land somewhere, the lesson for everyone else is:

What caused this to happen? And how could I prevent it from happening to me?

Something to think about.

My answer would be, as it usually is: always have multiple relationships going at the same time. Imagine what would have happened if OP weren't dependent on his one fat girl for all his social / sexual / psychological needs. And NB: you can't wait until the breakup happens to start dating other chicks and expect that to work. Too late by then, you need multiple established relationships for them to help when you have a crisis with one chick. Also, they tend to prevent these crises from happening in the first place.

The second thing I see is that OP got suckered into depending greatly on her in many other ways... phone, TV, furniture, dogs, etc. etc. etc... all were hers. She knew that withdrawing not only herself but all her stuff would show him how lost he is without her. Brilliant move on her part. I'll give her that.

She basically said, "Look around you, you are nothing without me, and you have nothing without me." He looked around at his empty place and his dwindling Facebook friends list and said, "You know what, you're right."

A move so forceful and which takes so much energy and causes distress to so many people (including families and friends) has one end goal: marriage.

EDIT:

I find it absolutely fascinating the OP originally stated that the chick gained "80 lbs" and then, once he allowed his world to be destroyed by her, changed that to "40 lbs."

Best thread on SS in months. So eye-opening with great lessons taught. Really a good one.

EDIT 2:

The only problem I see with her immense power-move is that she allowed him back in too quickly. This might prove to be the downfall of her plan. For her move to really work, she should have held out longer. Make him grovel, make him really beg. Flowers, more dinners, and within a month an engagement ring. That should have been her play. She buckled too easily, and that fact might save our OP.

Wow Zarky, is that really you? Solid post. I am in shock.

 

[Bokanovsky]

The thing I don't get is Bible Belt is this alpha in shape guy who does martial arts. I wonder how he looks glued to a fat chic. Hey but who cares what everyone else thinks?

Just because someone is in shape and does martial arts does not make him an alpha. Alpha is a state of mind.

 

[TonyBaloney]

Hey bible,

I'm very sorry to hear about this. Must have been a real shock to have realised what was being done behind your back.

I've recently come back to the board for advice after some recent sitings of an ex, an ex who kinda did something similar as your ex has done, and that was betrayal.

Its very hard to accept, and the whole affair is tiring, draining and emotionally confusing. I went back to mine again and again, just looking to make reality out of an illusion. I'd heavily invested like you with 4 years on and off.

When she finally knifed me in the back, I was devastated like never before.... and to be honest, as you might have read in my thread, I still have anger which is subsiding slowly.

I thought that it was the end of times for me, nothing but doom and gloom UNTIL I snapped out of it and met my new woman....shes given me a new lease of life, a child, she cooks, cleans and worships the ground I walk on, FAR FAR FAR superior to the bpd ex.

You will be making a grave mistake if you pursue this one any more. Man it hurts. but don't prolong the agony. Just go GHOST ON HER......... Its the only card you got left....you can start again.

Hope this song inspires......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC8-2o5e6Yg

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Bible,

Just so you know you're not alone here, I like voluptuous women, so if you're into that, don't worry about what other guys say. However, if it's a case where you're just tolerating the extra weight, I see potential trouble down the road for you guys. Level with her and tell her how you feel about that. Then, if she doesn't slim down, you need to decide if you'll really be happy being with her at that weight. And it wouldn't be fair to her to pretend that she still turns you on and is as attractive to you if she isn't.

I think the bigger issue (heh), is how does she feel with the extra weight? Did it make her feel less sexy and did that contribute to the downfall of your sex life? If that's the case, that issue isn’t going to go away.

If you don't mind my asking, you mentioned that she had sent information about engagement rings. Had you guys been discussing marriage beforehand or was she dropping hints or kind of forcing the issue?

If it was a case of her wanting to force the marriage issue and you not responding that helped contribute to her leaving, that sounds like a major Sh*t test. Be very careful about being eager to sign up for marriage now. The last thing you want is a woman giving you an ultimatum.

Be on the lookout for the sex diminishing issue returning. Hopefully, it was just the birth control, but my gut feeling is that it wasn't just that.

Think long and hard about the marriage thing and if you decide to go that route, go with a long engagement. It will give you some time to see if she's really changed or not.

And as other posters have said, keep working on yourself, becoming higher value and improving everyday. And keep your options open. Keep railing her if you want, but don't jump into anything permanent and if something better comes along, why not?

Good Luck

-Augustus

 

[Burroughs]

Thus another reason for women to marry: she can gain a ton of weight because the man vowed to love her "unconditionally."

Physical appearance makes a helluva difference to men; women, not as much. So men should stop pretending like outward apperance doesn't matter. Most men choose (or settle for) partners based on PHYSICAL appearance!!!

And yet women have no such *unconditional* hangups when the man loses his job

what looks are to men

money is to women

yet women have no qualms about leaving a husband once he loses a job...and society applauds her for this.

men don't seem to be bothered by this double standard

truly most men are happiest when they are wage/emotional slaves to women and can't seem to construct a meaningful life outside of this

 

[zekko]

Just because someone is in shape and does martial arts does not make him an alpha. Alpha is a state of mind.

Literally, alpha is a position. The #1 male. PUAs, and maybe only PUAs, tend to think of alpha as a mindset because they are trying to mimic the behaviors and attitudes of true alpha males.

 

[disgustipated]

Once you embrace being "on" in every facet of your life, that shiit won't bother you anymore. Of course their love is conditional...so is ours....it might be so pc for us to state this but so what I don't need to rub it an orkas face that her weight is why she's physically disgusting to me. I know it and that's good enough. If a 9 wants to let me know my broken down Ranger ain't gettin it for her.....dem da brakes...I can handle that. The quicker and more we accept that attraction is conditional the better off well be and can.plan accordingly.

 

[disgustipated]

Am I the only one that thinks this guy, BB, is in a perfect position to get frame back in this relationship....if.that's what he wants to.do? I know most guys here are deadset against him entertainimg her any further.....but....it appears he's going that route.

A forced seperation like this is prime time to work push pull strategy and inject some mystery about himself back into this relationship. If he's gonna go back in, might as well reset the frame. She won't know.what hit her if he does it right. And shell love him for it. Anyone?

 

[visions]

It's so amusing to watch the worthy, wise, sage "veterans" in this site, get furious over something that has nothing to do with them.

Your capacity to be as narrow-minded as possible amazes me. So if a woman is fat, she can't be loved, made love to, given any compromises, or forgiven.

They lived together for 5 years, day to day, and you want Bible to value your trigger-happy opinions because you found out about all this in 5 minutes and decided on their verdict...

Most of you are immature, and insecure, as one of the smartest and the most stable guys on this site, Bible says : Paranoia is not an asset, it's an obstacle.

This is very true ... A lot of you would be way happier if you let go of this blind hatred.

Bible probably wouldn't be attracted to a fat girl if he saw her walking down the street tomorrow, but this is a girl he was attracted to 5 years ago, who got fat. That dynamic is different, and given the right circumstances a lot of us could have been in that position.

If you can call a guy whom you have respected for years a "faggot", "AFC" , "arrogant" in 7 pages of a newly created thread ..., there's really no hope for most of you in becoming objective individuals.

This is no different than leftist Feminists who always bend the truth their own way...

Cheers,

i agree the name-calling on this site is ridiculous- don't know how much more i can stand.

 

[Burroughs]

Can you imagine, though, a similar public service announcement curtailing the negative effects of obesity in women? "Hey girl: If you become fat, you could LOSE your boyfriend." OMG the fvucking feminists would be all over that shiat. The guy would immediately be labled an insensitive prick, a douchebag.

But it's perfectly fine to air a commercial portraying a man's worth based soley on his material possessions.

And it would be the white knights doing most of the bashing...

men seem to have very little regard for their own needs and wants but when a woman asks they are all too willing to destroy other men on the whim of biatches

men are their own worst enemies and they don't seem to have the intelligence or backbone to understand this

 

[Bokanovsky]

Literally, alpha is a position. The #1 male. PUAs, and maybe only PUAs, tend to think of alpha as a mindset because they are trying to mimic the behaviors and attitudes of true alpha males.

Yes, the word "alpha" is used in a different context on this forum. A true alpha would never have to worry about "game" and picking up chicks because, as the most powerful male, he could claim any woman he chose.

 

[evan12]

Yes, the word "alpha" is used in a different context on this forum. A true alpha would never have to worry about "game" and picking up chicks because, as the most powerful male, he could claim any woman he chose.

that is in theory , in biology alpha male is the most aggressive male who can fight other males for resources and females. but may be here is the lesson , you fight other males and get resources and females will come to you volunteerly , but if this alpha was only chasing females it wouldnt work

 

[Bokanovsky]

that is in theory , in biology alpha male is the most aggressive male who can fight other males for resources and females. but may be here is the lesson , you fight other males and get resources and females will come to you volunteerly , but if this alpha was only chasing females it wouldnt work

The original concept of an "alpha male" does not really apply to the modern society. No one man - not even the President of the United States or a CEO of a Fortune 500 Company - could have any woman he wanted. In fact, such rich and powerful men often have very ordinary looking or even ugly wives. Sure, there are hot gold diggers who'd love to get with Bill Gates for his money, but thanks to our laws, he'd be a fool to have a relationship with women like that. And we all know what happened Bill Gates and Tiger Woods when they tried to get some action on the side.

Bottom line is, we live in a society where power and wealth can actually be an obstacle to getting women. The very real threat of becoming a victim of false allegation, combined with the nosy media always on the look for the lastest scandal, makes it difficult for men at the very top to score. The only exceptions to this rule, for the time being at least, are performers and movie stars. They are the closest thing to an alpha male that exists in the modern society.

 

[Zarky]

From what I've read, the term technically refers to "the highest status male" in a smallish group of animals. And technically you can't have "alpha males," you can only have one in any given group.

You're not going to have a true "alpha male" in a group of 100 million krill in the ocean, or of 7 billion humans. However you could have an alpha male in a small population of humans.. say in a small town or at a place of business etc. And if a guy is well-known enough (movie star, african dictator, etc) he could likely be seen as an alpha male even in a large population.

So this is how I look at it in human context:

"Alpha males" are the men who have the highest social status in a particular group. This status could be caused by any number of things, depending on the goal of the group. At some gym it might be the most built guy; at some comic-con convention it might be the guy with the most kickass Darth Vader costume. It's completely contextual

"Game" is merely the simulation of higher social status than you actually have. True alpha males don't have to use game because they don't need to simulate what they already have. However, in large cities where women can't check up very easily on whether or not you actually have high social status, game can work quite well because women have to take those cues from your own behavior.

One of the reasons women try to delay sex is so that they can check to see if the status you project is your true status. This is one of the reasons for "sh*t tests."

So my prediction would be that 'game' works best in large communities, and less well in small communities where all the women already know that you're a shlub

 

[zekko]

Those are all good points, Zarky. I don't live in a big city, so maybe that's why I've always found the "act like you're a bigger deal than you are" type techniques to be laughable and even immature. And why I've been able to have success with more honest approaches. I definitely try not to undersell my own value though.

As you state, most guys can only hope to be alphas of relatively small groups. This is why PUAs talk about "situational alphas", where a guy can be king of his gun club but a small fry at work or in his social group. In modern society we move quickly between different sets of groups, something that didn't really happen in small primitive tribes.