The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[christoff522]

I am on Day 2 of NC. I told everything to my fiancee,bcoz i wanted to be completely honest with her. She always knew i had a best friend & she met her before once. But she didn't knew i like her & little possessive.

Anyway She told me i acted as idiot. My friend used me bcoz i let her use me & compromised with my self respect. My best friend realized that she can have me whenever she want,& i will return to her like puppet.

My Fiancee told me that you were not this much soft during our dating days. Never show your weak side or give remote control of your life to any women. Sooner or later they will play with it.

She said that my friend will definitely contact me bcoz she is now used to have a luxury life & none of her male friends or boy friend will spend so much like you did as fool. Her sisters also helped her in playing game & using me.

She said i know you didn't wished to hurt me or cheat me,So i am with you & will help you come out of this but you need to cut all ties with her & her family. Just pull a disappearing act on your friend & never response if she contacts. If you ever contact her,we are done.

Just for information, My fiancee is 9, My best friend is 8.5. I am an idiot seriously.

I am lucky to have such supportive fiancee & will not waste single second of my life thinking abt my friend or hoping my friend will back. I will continue NC for my own now.

Yes my friend, yes YOU ARE LUCKY, Look at this from another thread

Get Some Good Lovin

I can't deny its importance, but notice how its not at the top .

What's great about having these priorities is that they act as healthy filters. A man with high self esteem and lots of personal work done is able to recognize the signs of a quality, low-maintenance woman. I posted this in another thread, but think it deserves reiteration.

HIGH MAINTENANCE GIRL
• Enjoys stirring up a sh!t storm and then watching people clean up her mess.
• Gets a kick out of watching people on a downward spiral.
• Selfish and incapable of real love cause her ego gets in the way.
• Never satisfied which is why she depends on you so much for satisfaction.
• Annoying sense of entitlement, like the world owes her a favor
• Usually very jealous and possessive
• Tries to wear the pants in the relationship
• Holds grudges forever

LOW MAINTENANCE WOMAN
• Considerate of other people's feelings.
• Enjoys helping people out, especially friends and fams.
• Makes an effort to reciprocate everything you do for her.
• Internally fulfilled and loves herself.
• Has her own circle of friends and gives you space.
• Trusts you implicitly
• Knows her place as a woman
• Forgives easily

It seems like common sense, but you'd be surprised how many guys will stick with a girl just because she looks fine. Prioritize and gain perspective of the bigger picture, it will prove indispensable in avoiding the deep ruts sprinkled along your path.

From The Power of Priorities

 

[YeeZus]

So we crossed our path today and she din't even care a fu#k that was her attitude. It was like she just passed by a piece of sh!t. How am I going to go full NC if I frequently walk by everyday?

 

[Nis786]

Yes my friend, yes YOU ARE LUCKY, Look at this from another thread



From The Power of Priorities

Thanks bro,Your replies in my thread & in this thread really helped me in getting a reality check. I Started doing NC with a hope that my best friend will realise & return.

But now i am doing it for myself & my relationship with my fiancee. I know who should be my priority. I learned from my mistake. Now I will pull a complete disappearing act on my friend,let her pull her hair or whatever. I don't have any more time to think about her.

I will try to focus on my job & give all my time & attention to my fiancee,her support really gave me confidence. She made me realise my mistake but didn't pull me down.

Thank you again.

 

[chaj3_11]

I ve just split up with my girlfriend. She has always said she had doubts because of her previous relationship n how bad it was (violent and manipulative). She has a kid with him but i was willing to take this on. She dumped me 2 days ago because she feels she isnt ready and she needs to be alone bit she likes me n cares about me. Nothing went wrong she just came out with this everything was fine. Im so confused n gutted as i got close to her kid n she told me how happy n lucky she is. In my heart i know i need to leave it n not speak but i dont want her to move on my heads ****ed! Any advice lads?

 

[cfdagola]

My friend, please...do NOT expect anything from her. You won't get it. If she loved you and wanted to be with you she'd be with you. She's f**** in the head, she's probably a bit miserable in the relationship and is trying to triangulate you to take off some of the stress (been there). She's hooking you in with videos (been there), giving you half answers and avoiding everything you ask about the two of you being together (been there). This is the AFC in you wishing everything could be perfect and you two will have a perfect life together when this blows over. It won't happen, she's a screw up, probably a BPD from the sound of it.

Let me give you some info, a few weeks ago my bpdx rings me up in the early hours of the morning asking for help, I meet her, we make out, she tries to initiate sex which I declined for certain legally important reasons. She's got a bf. She rings me the next day. I try to be distant but supportive. I tell her the next day I'll always be there for her and I love her. She blows up. Then we go through intermittent periods of NC as I go gradually insane.

The same thing will happen to you. Sir, give up hope. Either go full NC or keep a very wide berth between you, you ain't getting back together. Nothing you've written there says anything more than her being lonely and wanting attention from someone who'll give it. If you meant more to her than just being a useful friend, you two would be together. Seriously, if Brad Pitt or George Clooney asked her to leave her bf for them (if they were single) do you think she'd be like "nooo I can't"? No! She'd be gone like a flash.

Come on man, you're on the premium forum for MEN and dating, get reading. Your ex is crazy, your ex is using you because you're letting her. She's got you wrapped around her little finger. Give it up. Find some other girls and spend your time on them, or better yet spend some time on yourself first.

I gotta agree with you on some counts. But also disagree on others. but you're mostly right. I dunno this situation is mad complicated and I should run for the hills but she has been on it as of late always texting me since that night where as before for the last 2 months she's been silent. and so have I.

the reason i disagree somewhat is she exhibited traits of high interest. she wasn't late. First time since march she wasn't 20 or 30 minutes late. she was johnny on the spot. She complained because I pretty much had one foot out the door I was just drinking water when she showed up.

her guy i'm not even sure how much of a factor he really is. The depth of their "relationship" is paper thin since me and her go "involved" he's constantly on the defensive never saying anything unless she approves. In fact she keeps her entire relationship on the total down low. and secret. she won't even let him say they're together in public. not just to people that know me but just in general. that to me is saying that she's already looking to branch swing to something in the near future.

she was willing to toss him to the side once before. I just didn't fully commit. it was an honest misread on my part. and a girl like her is always on the wire so she instantly went back to the safe zone.

we'll see. I just want to emphasize currently i think we're using each other as an ego boost. but its helping me in a way that gives me a little bit more confidence to actually get out there and meet women again.

isn't that messed up? Who knows we could end up in a totally symbiotic friendship where we're each other's backup's. and there's nothing wrong with that as long as i got other plates.

its halloween weekend this weekend so i'm planning on making some big moves. on women in general considering the atmosphere will be loose and very social.

I will say this also ex asked me if i was going out i said yes. she asked me if certian women that she knows i associate with are going and i said yeah. then I hit her back saying well i would say i hope to bump into you but i know your dude will be hanging off you. she hit me with. he's not saying the whole night sooooo..... and she left it open. I think i can infer what that means

 

[Noyou]

he's not saying the whole night sooooo..... and she left it open. I think i can infer what that means

why the hell play all these games and give like hard to give hints?

I smell a hoe.

Don't do it, you'll feel 100 times worse after

Once you hit it or she recognizes you want to hit it, she'll go cold.

Don't do it, make her come to you, then you can proceed to do what you want with her.

...but don't do it

 

[way2smart]

First time post here.
Day 7 of NC.

I was the one who dumped her. She started to grow distant and told me that I am not interesting to her anymore and she doesn't love me and that she doesn't feel the spark. She said that she needed 2 days to think if she wants to continue our relationship.

I was smart enough to recognize this, so instead of waiting for her to call me, I called her the next day and dumped her. I told her that I don't love her anymore, that I grew distance too, and like she said the spark is gone because I have met another girl.

She changed her tune immediately and started telling me that she didn't mean to tell me that I'm not interesting to her and blablablah. She started asking me if I loved this new girl i met and I said not yet. I said that I just met this girl.

You see guys, I made 3 very important moves here.

1. I recognized her low interest level and dumped her first instead of waiting to be dumped.
2. I agreed with her by telling her that I grew distance too and like her I don't feel the spark too.
3. I made her instantly jealous by telling her that I met another girl, instead of waiting until she finds out from my friends.

Guys remember, always dump a girl first, if you see any signs of low interest from your girlfriend, such as "needing a break" or needing to "think" or "space" or whatever they tell. If you dump a girl first, you stand a much better chance of getting her crawling back to you.

Never , ever beg a girl to stay, that will just make her dump you sooner.

Nevertheless, I have feelings for this girl, but I was strong enough to actually dump her first. I had to do it, otherwise she would have dumped me anyway.
At least now I have a better chance of her getting back. If she doesn't come back, I will just find another hot girl.

I will let you guys know if she tries to contact me first.

Peace

P.S: Of course i don't have a new girl, I made that up to make her jealous. And I actually do love my girlfriend a lot. That's probably why she lost interest in the first place.

 

[christoff522]

First time post here.
Day 7 of NC.

I was the one who dumped her. She started to grow distant and told me that I am not interesting to her anymore and she doesn't love me and that she doesn't feel the spark. She said that she needed 2 days to think if she wants to continue our relationship.

Welcome to sosuave. Well done getting that dump in there first. Shows a lot of balls. She was probably expecting you to beg, thus making it easier. She percieved you as weak.

I was smart enough to recognize this, so instead of waiting for her to call me, I called her the next day and dumped her. I told her that I don't love her anymore, that I grew distance too, and like she said the spark is gone because I have met another girl.

Hmm, if it's over, yes this is a great way of sticking the knife in. It probably is as well.

She changed her tune immediately and started telling me that she didn't mean to tell me that I'm not interesting to her and blablablah. She started asking me if I loved this new girl i met and I said not yet. I said that I just met this girl.

Notice she didn't say "i love you". In her head she'd already moved on, you inspired a bit of rejection fear though. Nice move. It will be a while, but you may end up as the one who got away.

You see guys, I made 3 very important moves here.

1. I recognized her low interest level and dumped her first instead of waiting to be dumped.
2. I agreed with her by telling her that I grew distance too and like her I don't feel the spark too.
3. I made her instantly jealous by telling her that I met another girl, instead of waiting until she finds out from my friends.

Whether or not this works, only time will tell.

Guys remember, always dump a girl first, if you see any signs of low interest from your girlfriend, such as "needing a break" or needing to "think" or "space" or whatever they tell. If you dump a girl first, you stand a much better chance of getting her crawling back to you.

Watch the hubris however, This thread is 300+ pages long for a reason.

Never , ever beg a girl to stay, that will just make her dump you sooner.

word

Nevertheless, I have feelings for this girl, but I was strong enough to actually dump her first. I had to do it, otherwise she would have dumped me anyway.
At least now I have a better chance of her getting back. If she doesn't come back, I will just find another hot girl.

Good lad

I will let you guys know if she tries to contact me first.

Peace

P.S: Of course i don't have a new girl, I made that up to make her jealous. And I actually do love my girlfriend a lot. That's probably why she lost interest in the first place.

Please do, and if she does come back, just say it didn't work out or whatever.
Yes chances are she saw you as clingy or something, making the run before she did may make her think twice. I really hope it works out, in the mean time I suggest you hit the archives and read some real wisdom and work on being a better man overall. Google for "the book of pook", and work on your game. If she comes back she'll be pleasantly surprised, if not you will have much more of an opportunity to pleasantly surprise other HBs.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Surprisingly, my ex broke our two month long silence and texted me over the weekend to wish me a Happy Birthday ("you've been in my thoughts today. Happy Birthday") Being nearly completely over her, I didn't find much of an issue by making an exception and replying an hour later ("Thank you. Appreciate it") Little attention seeker just had to sneak a jab in there though, responding early the next morning ("Nothing to appreciate. Hope you had a good one") I haven't sent anything back, nor do I plan to write anything else ever. A part of me momentarily regretted attaching the "appreciate it" part when she wrote back early in the AM until I quickly realized the pointlessness and stupidity in both overanalyzing our messages and engaging in a back and forth with her. I've faded out completely for two months - I can easily add another month to that, and another, and another, and so on. My sister also informed me that she just made her Instagram profile public, probably in hope of showcasing to me the boring @ss life of her's I'm no longer a part of - color me devastated :yawn: Yeah she dumped me, but I took a massive dump on her ego by means of NC. Here's to all the wisdom I've learned on SoSuave ...CHEERS!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Well done, BTL, my birthday is coming soon too, and for some reason I'm still hoping for her to text me. I guess it's the last straw of hope even though both of us have moved on physically.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I love those little passive aggressive cvnt things they say :yawn:

So do I. It was the icing to my birthday.

The little jab was to establish value over you....by demeaning you. Fact is, SHE was the one who reached out, not you. So we all KNOW who has the greater value. Stay NC

Her "nothing to appreciate" response doesn't even make any sense in context...unless, after translation, behind the words, it would have amounted to something like "my birthday text to you was pure breadcrumbs. I was hoping you'd give me something, anything more than a thank you response, even if only two little words (and you did) so I could take a swing at you by negating it." It makes me laugh to think of her plotting with friends all night on how best to respond to my reply (the girl can't think on her own two feet if her life depended on it) Guess this supports this Nietzsche quote: "One does not hate as long as one has a low esteem of someone, but only when one esteems him as an equal or superior" - and I'd rather her hate me than pity me ("I'll always be here for you! We can always remain friends! I'm so sorry for putting you through this!"), but mehh, none of that matters anymore. I've already met a bunch of hotter, smarter, funnier, more lively girls since breaking up with her, so I'm more convinced than ever that the next one (whenever that happens, and no rush to get there either - too much fun being single) will supersede her with ease. My game has improved immensely too as a consequence.

Well done, BTL, my birthday is coming soon too, and for some reason I'm still hoping for her to text me. I guess it's the last straw of hope even though both of us have moved on physically.

I know exactly where you're coming from. If I could do it all over, I'd probably just keep it to a simple "thanks" or "thank you" several hours after her text (the next day if she sends during the night, because you're too busy partying it up with friends/screwing a new chick to be bothered), then right back to radio silence.

 

[ZTIME]

Day 19.........waking up to realize I've never been alone.

I'm 43, it's crazy to see myself today as someone whose truly never been alone for any extended period of time.

At 18 years old out of high school I dated and lived with a girl for 2 years and left her to move to sunny Florida. I made Florida my home base for six months and travelled the country the other 6 months for three years. During these 3 years I had my "home base" girl who I lived with for a total of 14 years. In those 14 years I was able to start 2 companies and flourish. The end of this relationship almost killed me. (Nothing like the crazy psycho stuff now, I begged and pleaded for 2 months).

After the 14 year relationship, I dated several girls for 3 months, including my current ex girlfriend.

After 3 months I got involved with an 8.5 and lived with her for 2.5 years. (My current ex would never let me live this down) I left this girl. She was way to needy and more then I could handle.

3 weeks after the 2.5 year relationship I face book friend requested my current ex. Who was very receptive to hearing from me. This simple friend request led to the situation I'm in now 3.5 years later.

So this morning I'm waking up realizing that in the last 22 years of my life I've spent about 6-7 months as a "single" guy.

Success in business and finances are no problem, but I believe this relationship stuff is something that baffles me.

So this is where I'm at on day 19 of NC. Reevaluating myself and looking on the inside.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Over half a year has passed, I am in a relationship with a beautiful, smart, tall, sexy girl, who is much better than the ex in every term, so why do I still linger after her?
Far the past few days i started thinking of visiting her Facebook and immediately I get this huge rush of anxiety, my heart rate races and I feel sick to my stomach

The new girl knows my ex but has no idea of how I feel towards her nor I intend to tell her... everything she does remind me of the ex, I have to bit my tongue sometimes so I wouldn't say my exes name by mistake... Please tell me I'm not alone here.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Over half a year has passed, I am in a relationship with a beautiful, smart, tall, sexy girl, who is much better than the ex in every term, so why do I still linger after her?
Far the past few days i started thinking of visiting her Facebook and immediately I get this huge rush of anxiety, my heart rate races and I feel sick to my stomach

The new girl knows my ex but has no idea of how I feel towards her nor I intend to tell her... everything she does remind me of the ex, I have to bit my tongue sometimes so I wouldn't say my exes name by mistake... Please tell me I'm not alone here.

I can't tell you I've been in your shoes before as I've never had an ex fry my brain like the one I was just with (plus it's only been just over two months since the break and I haven't transitioned into another LTR yet), but two things spring to mind in your case:

1) Short of cutting into your head and removing chunks of your brain, it seems like you're doing all you can to heal and move on. Trust that you'll get to a state of absolute indifference eventually.

2) Speaking of looking ahead, you've gotten you're emotions nuked, you're on this site absorbing material from others who've experienced very similar or the same, you're getting back out there, and you're only 20! You're going to be absolutely killing it by the time you get to your late 20s/early 30s and beyond! Appreciate that you're going through this now and not much later in life. Ride it out. At this rate, I'd say your future looks extremely bright.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

I caught up with my Mom the other day. She still has my ex as a friend on Facebook, and she tells me that she just had to show me a recent pic of her that someone else tagged her in, basically warning me beforehand - "I'm not sure if this is her or not, but if it is..."

I half heartedly obliged, only to see by far the most unflattering pic of my ex I've ever laid eyes on. I'm assuming it must have been a combination of the angle and the lighting, but she looked fatter than ever (a solid 20 lbs extra on her petite 115 lb frame) and a good 8 years or so older than her actual age (she's 29 now). I stared in disbelief for a few minutes. The schadenfreude sentiments set in. "Has this girl gone on a cigarettes, beer, and ice cream cake diet since the break up?" I found another pic of her from the same night, and she appeared just as I remembered her, but it was as if I caught a glimpse of what she may degenerate into in a few years once her SMV really begins to take a nosedive. She's always tired and rarely motivated to put time in the gym. Her regular diet is mediocre at best. I actually walked away with regret at seeing that pic, despite the fact that that's what I was probably chaining myself too for the long run.

 

[Noyou]

Ok so here is something

Day 279

So the last 2 weeks I got:

1. 2 random friend requests on facebook, fake profiles of course. Another person from one of the profiles that didn't friend me, wanted to share pictures. That profile was deleted 4 days later.
2. 2 "unknown" calls, one right after one of the requests
3. Her next door neighbor liked my profile on a dating website.
4. On our "anniversary" the friend requests were retracted back.
5. She changed her profile picture. (I blocked her but her comments show on my picture and I can't delete them since I blocked her)

Odd, no? Seems like someone wants some attention
But that's not happening

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Got couple of calls from a Private number, when I answered no one was there - one at 3am after me and my new girl were out in the movies, the other two were during day time. On all occasions no one was there, the caller muted the microphone.

Can't say for sure it was her, I think she's too dumb to know how to put on a private number.

Got me thinking though.

 

[Noyou]

Got couple of calls from a Private number, when I answered no one was there - one at 3am after me and my new girl were out in the movies, the other two were during day time. On all occasions no one was there, the caller muted the microphone.

Can't say for sure it was her, I think she's too dumb to know how to put on a private number.

Got me thinking though.

The only way it got me thinking in my case was,

".... Really....."

I mean the amount of gameplay is through the roof and it shows how immature she is.

I mean at first I didn't think it was her, but then as time and things became more prevalent, I can say without a doubt it would be her.

One of my friends put it in my head that "maybe she doesn't know how to come back that she screwed up so much"

That's not my problem is it?

 

[mkj1990]

So my ex is back with her new boyfriend after a short break-up. At 4 in the morning she sent me this text:

"Hi. As I'm sure you know I'm in a relationship with *******. He's an extremely jealous guy, and has threatened with talking to you about me. So could you please do me a favour, and don't respond to him if you meet him or he texts you?"

Wtf. Hahah, what should I respond with, guys?

 

[petitefri]

Hi guys, I lost count but my ex broke up with me on the phone in May. I kept no contact for 3 months and later we started chatting everyday by text a couple of months ago. He's not well and is under going severe counselling. He was a nice guy so I don't think its a good idea to ignore him at this time of need.

Well I am moving to a new flat next week and there wasn't anyone to help me dismantle my furniture so he agreed to help me . He drove from Worcester to London to help me move these things and we shared a hotel room that night. We didn't have sex but I noticed all night he kept turning and at some point his hand was around me, hugging me .
We were up the next day for lunch, then we took a walk to my new place and then we got back home how him to drive back, I noticed his mood has changed and he looked all unhappy.
I asked what's wrong and he excused himself and went to the bathroom where I could hear him sobbing .
When he came back into the room I asked him to talk to me cos and he was like
- I am scared of letting you alone, I don't know if you will be alright. Am sorry about the way I ended things with you.... He was sobbing heavily and at this stage we were both hugging and sobbing together. He said he had to take counselling because he had a lot going on that made him so angry with everyone around him. And he noticed he was taking some of those angar on me and it was making me unhappy. And that his family and friends said it wasn't a good idea be was coming to London to see me . He said he had a great time and I reminded him of when we were dating and that he will like us to stay friends and that I can visit him any time - he promised to keep in touch.
Well we sobbed and hugged and he left.
Last time I heard from him was yesterday when he got home and sent me a me a message he got in and was thankin me for the gift I got him.
Well I accept I cried for hours after that. It felt like same break up a second time around.
I miss him but I have decided to check on him like once a month just to know his counselling is going ok. He's the one that got away but I know I will survive
What I don't get is why he sobs and worries about me when he was the one who ended things