The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
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@CerwinVegaFan
That's the power of NC. But the true purpose is to heal.
Don't call her or ANYTHING. You'll just give her validation, she'll gain the power back, then act cold again, you'll feel pain and heartache and back to square 1.
You don't want that do you ? Stay strong my friend. It gets better, I promise
That's the power of NC. But the true purpose is to heal.
Don't call her or ANYTHING. You'll just give her validation, she'll gain the power back, then act cold again, you'll feel pain and heartache and back to square 1.
You don't want that do you ? Stay strong my friend. It gets better, I promise
Day 19
Felt horrible the first week, not as horrible the second, even less horrible this week as the pain just seems to keep diminishing each day. I'm getting more sleep and I'm eating better. I miss her. She was a person I would always want to talk to about anything, problems or otherwise. It's hard having that comfort be my source of discomfort now.
I've talked and talked about it til' I don't want to talk about it anymore, so I don't see the point in even repeating how things went down here. I've been in this situation before, and I can honestly say that NC is the best option if you plan on healing.
Felt horrible the first week, not as horrible the second, even less horrible this week as the pain just seems to keep diminishing each day. I'm getting more sleep and I'm eating better. I miss her. She was a person I would always want to talk to about anything, problems or otherwise. It's hard having that comfort be my source of discomfort now.
I've talked and talked about it til' I don't want to talk about it anymore, so I don't see the point in even repeating how things went down here. I've been in this situation before, and I can honestly say that NC is the best option if you plan on healing.
I'm determined now. I will be kinda bummed if she doesn't say a word in 2 months but at least if she doesn't I won't have to fight the urge to reply.
Before reading this thread I legit thought her saying 'we can still talk and stuff' was her saying there's a chance in the future. But now I realize that's not the case.
I don't want to delete her on twitter etc cos it seems petty, although idk if seeing her name is going to effect me much yet. This is hard cos shes a cool girl.
Before reading this thread I legit thought her saying 'we can still talk and stuff' was her saying there's a chance in the future. But now I realize that's not the case.
I don't want to delete her on twitter etc cos it seems petty, although idk if seeing her name is going to effect me much yet. This is hard cos shes a cool girl.
I haven't tried to contact her since last Sunday almost 5 days now I damned near wanted to call her sis on a pay phone i don't know she's pregnant an still not trying to talk day 5 but it's getting easier I guess I have to wonder is she the type I even wanted in my life I don't know the answer yet
Hi all was just wondering how many have done this challenge succesfully and how are you lot feeling? Also is the thread starter still active?
Day 7
Had a meeting that was too close to her home,My heart wanted to go over and talk to her, but i battled on and after 15 min drive trying to tell myself reasons why i shouldnt i was successful. I hated it at that time, but i am glad i am on day 7 and did not break NC. How are you lot doing?
Day 7
Had a meeting that was too close to her home,My heart wanted to go over and talk to her, but i battled on and after 15 min drive trying to tell myself reasons why i shouldnt i was successful. I hated it at that time, but i am glad i am on day 7 and did not break NC. How are you lot doing?
RedScorpion
Senior Don Juan
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Yes, I have done this challenge successfully in the past, although I will note that I prolonged the pain needlessly on my part. I kept 'hope' alive for longer than I should have - she was moving away about 4 months after we broke up, I kept hoping she would return. She never did, probably because her moving was a motive to break up (focus on studies), and I told her she can just forget about me (breaking any hamster thoughts of her trying to get in touch with me).Ncnoob said:
The main problem was I kept hope alive for a situation not worth it. That hope/loss was just dragging me down. It took about 6 months to get over her, helped when I focused on a new girl.
Now, with my current challenge, I have rooted out and identified NC as the best and really only viable way of 'winning', both in terms of keeping my self-respect, and getting her to come chase me, short or long term. I have to let things proceed this way, despite my stomach not liking it, because I know kissing her ass, or getting angry, or even reaching out - shows her that I need her more than she needs me, which will doom any sort of future interaction. There are no barriers this time, I have not shut the door like last time. If she doesn't come back or make any attempt, then how would I have a relationship with her? Chain her to my door step? No. It's a two way street, one she should be pushing more on anyway.
I know in my mind it's the correct action, and I press forward regardless of my heart whining. Elsewhere, I will look and see for a better quality girl (may take time but it will happen).
Follow the stories of others (good and bad), and the wisdom they share. If you think breaking nc is good, you will find many examples of what follows.
beatjunkie
Senior Don Juan
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"Hi
Didn't want to reply to your text because this is a break up and I want to keep any contact between us to a minimum and short. I have to be strong for me and my family. Hope u understand. I enjoyed the time I spent with you so no bad feelings from me. Life is all about learning to love ourselves and being positive. "
A senior DJ advised I send this to clear my conscience. What do you guys think? I'm on day 18
Didn't want to reply to your text because this is a break up and I want to keep any contact between us to a minimum and short. I have to be strong for me and my family. Hope u understand. I enjoyed the time I spent with you so no bad feelings from me. Life is all about learning to love ourselves and being positive. "
A senior DJ advised I send this to clear my conscience. What do you guys think? I'm on day 18
beatjunkie
Senior Don Juan
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SOS plz someone talk me out of doing the above nowwww. I'm inches from sending it
edit: nevermind, i meditate and let that sh!t go. highly suggested for others
edit: nevermind, i meditate and let that sh!t go. highly suggested for others
Last edited:
Backwardsman
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beatjunkie said:
DO Not send - you will regret it in the long run, why go backwards.....
Stay NC dude..
Cerwin Vega
Master Don Juan
Friday night, day 5
Had a few dreams about her, I guess it's getting harder and harder. She left me two voice memos - "I love you" and "I really miss you a lot, I wanna see you, I will come over to your house tomorrow, please answer me"
Why is she doing that? To reassure herself she can still have me? Because she fears she's losing me? Anyway, not going to answer, and I'm going to the beach tomorrow with my buddies.
Had a few dreams about her, I guess it's getting harder and harder. She left me two voice memos - "I love you" and "I really miss you a lot, I wanna see you, I will come over to your house tomorrow, please answer me"
Why is she doing that? To reassure herself she can still have me? Because she fears she's losing me? Anyway, not going to answer, and I'm going to the beach tomorrow with my buddies.
Backwardsman
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Yep, she wants to see if she still has a hold on you, dont buy it, trust me, have fun at the beach tomorrow, this is all about you now, move onCerwinVegaFan said:
sparkychops
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I'm so glad I found this forum. Although it does seem to be mostly men, I'm a girl who got dumped 11 days ago, in day 6 of NC.
We were together for about 1.5 years. We broke up after seven months the first time, after going through a messy time (an abortion, not giving eachother enough space etc.). I chased him like a fool. When I say I ran 100 miles an hour after him I mean it. We decided to stay friends and my counsellor had given me advice on how to deal with the abortion for me and him. (I had a break down shortly after we broke up) We done it all, and in October decided to give things another go, making everything official in February.
Well, last week we went out, he got really drunk, lost his head for no reason at all and broke up with me on a packed street. He's gotten very aggressive when he drinks lately anyways, so I didn't think much of it. I called the next morning and he said he "thinks" he meant what he said and after last night he "thinks" we're finished. I told him I'd go to his house later that night so we could talk. I then decided to text him and ask him for a straight answer so I wouldn't be shocked by what I was gonna hear later on, are we finished? And he replied with one word - "yes".
I couldn't believe it. I decided not to contact him, I didn't go to his house. He text me later on asking if I was still going, he then text and called the next day, I ignored. The following day I get a message asking if I was calling him, which I wasn't so I replied and said "No" he then asked how I was and I said I couldn't talk. Two days later I called him, I didn't know what to say so I pretended I'd hit off my phone in my pocket. (I know, I know :nono: ) then called back to say the same. He asked how I was I said I was fine, he said he'd been better.
Sorry for a long rambling post but I had to get it off my chest.
He's deleted his facebook account, which is a relief for me. I was driving myself crazy checking it. My friends think he's hiding something from me by deleting it, but that's not like him.
Into Day 6 of NC and I miss him like crazy. I constantly want to pick up the phone. I want an explanation, but I obviously want him to change his mind. The thoughts of him off out and not having a care in the world while I'm miserable kills me. I feel like I meant nothing to him.
We were together for about 1.5 years. We broke up after seven months the first time, after going through a messy time (an abortion, not giving eachother enough space etc.). I chased him like a fool. When I say I ran 100 miles an hour after him I mean it. We decided to stay friends and my counsellor had given me advice on how to deal with the abortion for me and him. (I had a break down shortly after we broke up) We done it all, and in October decided to give things another go, making everything official in February.
Well, last week we went out, he got really drunk, lost his head for no reason at all and broke up with me on a packed street. He's gotten very aggressive when he drinks lately anyways, so I didn't think much of it. I called the next morning and he said he "thinks" he meant what he said and after last night he "thinks" we're finished. I told him I'd go to his house later that night so we could talk. I then decided to text him and ask him for a straight answer so I wouldn't be shocked by what I was gonna hear later on, are we finished? And he replied with one word - "yes".
I couldn't believe it. I decided not to contact him, I didn't go to his house. He text me later on asking if I was still going, he then text and called the next day, I ignored. The following day I get a message asking if I was calling him, which I wasn't so I replied and said "No" he then asked how I was and I said I couldn't talk. Two days later I called him, I didn't know what to say so I pretended I'd hit off my phone in my pocket. (I know, I know :nono: ) then called back to say the same. He asked how I was I said I was fine, he said he'd been better.
Sorry for a long rambling post but I had to get it off my chest.
He's deleted his facebook account, which is a relief for me. I was driving myself crazy checking it. My friends think he's hiding something from me by deleting it, but that's not like him.
Into Day 6 of NC and I miss him like crazy. I constantly want to pick up the phone. I want an explanation, but I obviously want him to change his mind. The thoughts of him off out and not having a care in the world while I'm miserable kills me. I feel like I meant nothing to him.
sparkychops
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Sorry I shouldn't have rambled so much. I'm trying to keep him outta my mind but I just can't. It hurts so much.
That is very good going mate. Hopefully I get there too. How do u feel ? More imp have u got another gorl lined up now ? My prob right now is that I cant bring myself back in pickup mode. I am on day 7 so may be it will come later.rasj1983 said:6 weeks today.
Stay strong. I hope u like me are trying ur best to move on. Compared to u my problem seems so little , I wish u all the best. I hope u put down ur feelings as u progress through nc. Rather than saying it to him say it tp the forum, well thats what I plan to do. I am on day 7 and it hurts like crazy, but I hope for far better days in future and thats what keeps me moving forward every minute.sparkychops said:
My workplace is near her home and its difficult to stop my self from goin over but I have managed the urges upto now and will be hoping to do so for next 54 days. Strength to all of us .
RedScorpion
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I'll try and help you, at least in the way I view it. The text that you were thinking about sending - I don't think it's good. The amount of 'care' put into it is just going to empower her. 'I have to be strong for me and my family' - just indicates you are suffering. Which tells her the amount of power she has over you. Thus weaker, thus less attractive.beatjunkie said:
If you guys want to 'win' this psychological war, then you have to do what is best for you. Imagine sending this text to your best friend. Your friend will think 'What kind of crack is he smoking?', instead of thinking it's sweet and tender and all that. When your ex is non-receptive to sweetness and comforting, then this stuff comes as revolting, pushing him/her away.
The key, I feel, is if your ex wants to reverse their decision, and make an effort to come back, they first have to regret it. Not through any kind of external force, but from within. That means missing you, and what you had with them. If the mistake lies within them (dumping you), then they must make the steps to rectify it. Otherwise, how can you expect to have a healthy relationship with them? You can't be the only person patching.
If they are honest about reconcilation, yes, consider it if you are open to it. Or don't if you're not. But if it's just probing, then let them go through the cycle of missing you, and deciding to pursue you. Because if you show the same symptoms that led to the breakup - it won't impress them (and it can be not even your fault. Example, with sparky - he has figured either consciously or subconsciously that he can get away with his moodiness, without actual retribution. Not your fault persay, his weakness by this shift is his own, but you have to follow the reward/punishment scheme a bit. Also, he's obviously affected in my view. Otherwise why delete his facebook?) People are attracted to strength. Don't worry about closure either - that comes from within.
I will say too, sparkychops, that I think everyone feels the same way 'Meant nothing to them'. In a sense I feel that now (with my situation). Meant not enough to her, to make up her mistake. To reach out. To do anything. Poof, gone like that. It's only thanks to a bit of insider info that I can see she is affected. But who knows if it'll lead to anything? So don't feel 'bad' about meaning nothing to them, it is normal, and in a way is part of the healing/disconnect from them. If you felt he still loved you, blah blah, it would be illogical and conflict with reality (well, he's staying away, but I know he loves me, so I'll keep holding on). Which is unhealthy and frankly, crazy. So you feel the disconnect, and will eventually lead to 'well, he doesn't care about me, why should i keep holding on?'. So, hold on to yourself. And your own feelings. Your own self is the priority.
narcissist
Master Don Juan
6.5 months no contact.
I dont think about her anymore
I dont feel the need to contact her at all
I dont have dreams about her anymore
I dont check her social media anymore
I forget what her face looks like, and what her voice sounds like
And to be honest I feel fvcking great.
I have had sex with a lot of women since I broke up with her back in November.
Right now I have 2 plates. Ive been working out like a monster. Ive been getting amazing grades in school. Ive been reading relentlessly. Ive made a lot more friends. I can feel myself becoming smarter and more experienced. Im more patient. I meditate. I am never upset. And most of the time I am very content with how life is going.
I have also hit a point where I do not want to engage in monogamous relationships anymore. They are a hindrance to my goals, dreams, and aspirations.
I know she has a new guy in her life, and it use to bother me, but at this point I have gotten over the anger stage. I am now at acceptance and am truly happy for her. I have nothing but positivity to spread towards her and her life.
Anyways, I will continue doing no contact indefinitely. Even if i did talk to her I am over her, I can safely say that now. So if we did begin to talk again I would not be affected by her. But regardless, she cheated and I have enough self respect to not allow a women like that back into my life, even for the most minute reasons.
Why I am writing this
I wanted to write this in order to show you guys something. No contact is brilliant. It works. It really does help you get over your ex.
Check out my earlier threads and posts on this forum. You'll see that I was truly hurt and upset.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211251
just check out that thread and see how upset i was and how affected i was by her. I wrote that around 5 months ago. And now i could give less of a fvck what she does. In fact if i saw that pic now I wouldn't even think twice about it.
But with time, persistence, and determination you WILL get over her or him (for the girl above). Its a matter of will power and REALIZING that you are doing it to make your life BETTER. Do no contact to ERADICATE TOXICITY AND NEGATIVITY out of your life!!!!
I promise you that at the 6 month mark you will not even think about them. And if you do you wont even remember what they are like.
Go out, spin plates, achieve your goals and dreams, and become the best damn person you can become. Life is short. Live it to the fullest, and never let one measily person get the better of you. ITS YOUR MOVIE. You run the show.
I dont think about her anymore
I dont feel the need to contact her at all
I dont have dreams about her anymore
I dont check her social media anymore
I forget what her face looks like, and what her voice sounds like
And to be honest I feel fvcking great.
I have had sex with a lot of women since I broke up with her back in November.
Right now I have 2 plates. Ive been working out like a monster. Ive been getting amazing grades in school. Ive been reading relentlessly. Ive made a lot more friends. I can feel myself becoming smarter and more experienced. Im more patient. I meditate. I am never upset. And most of the time I am very content with how life is going.
I have also hit a point where I do not want to engage in monogamous relationships anymore. They are a hindrance to my goals, dreams, and aspirations.
I know she has a new guy in her life, and it use to bother me, but at this point I have gotten over the anger stage. I am now at acceptance and am truly happy for her. I have nothing but positivity to spread towards her and her life.
Anyways, I will continue doing no contact indefinitely. Even if i did talk to her I am over her, I can safely say that now. So if we did begin to talk again I would not be affected by her. But regardless, she cheated and I have enough self respect to not allow a women like that back into my life, even for the most minute reasons.
Why I am writing this
I wanted to write this in order to show you guys something. No contact is brilliant. It works. It really does help you get over your ex.
Check out my earlier threads and posts on this forum. You'll see that I was truly hurt and upset.
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=211251
just check out that thread and see how upset i was and how affected i was by her. I wrote that around 5 months ago. And now i could give less of a fvck what she does. In fact if i saw that pic now I wouldn't even think twice about it.
But with time, persistence, and determination you WILL get over her or him (for the girl above). Its a matter of will power and REALIZING that you are doing it to make your life BETTER. Do no contact to ERADICATE TOXICITY AND NEGATIVITY out of your life!!!!
I promise you that at the 6 month mark you will not even think about them. And if you do you wont even remember what they are like.
Go out, spin plates, achieve your goals and dreams, and become the best damn person you can become. Life is short. Live it to the fullest, and never let one measily person get the better of you. ITS YOUR MOVIE. You run the show.
Hello everyone,
I noticed that this thread is going in a wrong direction recently.
Ok, I'll share my story later (currently 1 month NC, 7 years relationship) because I need time to correctly write it.
Sorry, if I sound too arrogant btw, but I want you all to feel better, so keep in mind that I don't want to offense you in any way. But if I can do a little push, only if it's just a little, then I will do it and hope you'll take comfort in those words and get stronger
Anyway, you really have to realize this (especially BeatJunkie and sparkychops).
NC is the BEST way. There is NO OTHER SOLUTION. You want to contact your ex ? for what ? feel better ? find closure ?
Believe in eveyone in this thread. Read the previous post and realize THAT YOU WON'T FEEL BETTER.
You'll just find more pain and heartache, and slow down the healing process.
Bath yourself in all those previous experience of the members here. It can be therapeutic and it will prevent something that you will regret. Try to push away such thoughts as "but but ! what if ?"
NO, you're story is like any other stories. Believe me. Resist the urge to contact your EX.
Soon enough, you will feel BETTER. Actually, you'll be in a new process, feeling empowered, when you're going to build a new, better, and stronger you. You are worthy of LOVE and you will be WHOLE again with a better partner
Repeat it. You are worthy of love and you will be whole again
100% sure about that.
Trust me. If you don't, trust the experience of all the people here, in this thread. It get better, I promise, it get better...
So now, WAKE UP MOTHERFACKER ! Read this post, then get out. Keep yourself busy. And when you're feeling down or want to contact your ex, come back here. Write it here. I'll take care of you. You're not alone in this.
Remember that, you're not alone. You may feel trapped in your own emotions right now, but you're not alone.
I noticed that this thread is going in a wrong direction recently.
Ok, I'll share my story later (currently 1 month NC, 7 years relationship) because I need time to correctly write it.
Sorry, if I sound too arrogant btw, but I want you all to feel better, so keep in mind that I don't want to offense you in any way. But if I can do a little push, only if it's just a little, then I will do it and hope you'll take comfort in those words and get stronger
Anyway, you really have to realize this (especially BeatJunkie and sparkychops).
NC is the BEST way. There is NO OTHER SOLUTION. You want to contact your ex ? for what ? feel better ? find closure ?
Believe in eveyone in this thread. Read the previous post and realize THAT YOU WON'T FEEL BETTER.
You'll just find more pain and heartache, and slow down the healing process.
Bath yourself in all those previous experience of the members here. It can be therapeutic and it will prevent something that you will regret. Try to push away such thoughts as "but but ! what if ?"
NO, you're story is like any other stories. Believe me. Resist the urge to contact your EX.
Soon enough, you will feel BETTER. Actually, you'll be in a new process, feeling empowered, when you're going to build a new, better, and stronger you. You are worthy of LOVE and you will be WHOLE again with a better partner
Repeat it. You are worthy of love and you will be whole again
100% sure about that.
Trust me. If you don't, trust the experience of all the people here, in this thread. It get better, I promise, it get better...
So now, WAKE UP MOTHERFACKER ! Read this post, then get out. Keep yourself busy. And when you're feeling down or want to contact your ex, come back here. Write it here. I'll take care of you. You're not alone in this.
Remember that, you're not alone. You may feel trapped in your own emotions right now, but you're not alone.