beatjunkie said:
SOS plz someone talk me out of doing the above nowwww. I'm inches from sending it
edit: nevermind, i meditate and let that sh!t go. highly suggested for others
I'll try and help you, at least in the way I view it. The text that you were thinking about sending - I don't think it's good. The amount of 'care' put into it is just going to empower her. 'I have to be strong for me and my family' - just indicates you are suffering. Which tells her the amount of power she has over you. Thus weaker, thus less attractive.
If you guys want to 'win' this psychological war, then you have to do what is best for you. Imagine sending this text to your best friend. Your friend will think 'What kind of crack is he smoking?', instead of thinking it's sweet and tender and all that. When your ex is non-receptive to sweetness and comforting, then this stuff comes as revolting, pushing him/her away.
The key, I feel, is if your ex wants to reverse their decision, and make an effort to come back, they first have to regret it. Not through any kind of external force, but from within. That means missing you, and what you had with them. If the mistake lies within them (dumping you), then they must make the steps to rectify it. Otherwise, how can you expect to have a healthy relationship with them? You can't be the only person patching.
If they are honest about reconcilation, yes, consider it if you are open to it. Or don't if you're not. But if it's just probing, then let them go through the cycle of missing you, and deciding to pursue you. Because if you show the same symptoms that led to the breakup - it won't impress them (and it can be not even your fault. Example, with sparky - he has figured either consciously or subconsciously that he can get away with his moodiness, without actual retribution. Not your fault persay, his weakness by this shift is his own, but you have to follow the reward/punishment scheme a bit. Also, he's obviously affected in my view. Otherwise why delete his facebook?) People are attracted to strength. Don't worry about closure either - that comes from within.
I will say too, sparkychops, that I think everyone feels the same way 'Meant nothing to them'. In a sense I feel that now (with my situation). Meant not enough to her, to make up her mistake. To reach out. To do anything. Poof, gone like that. It's only thanks to a bit of insider info that I can see she is affected. But who knows if it'll lead to anything? So don't feel 'bad' about meaning nothing to them, it is normal, and in a way is part of the healing/disconnect from them. If you felt he still loved you, blah blah, it would be illogical and conflict with reality (well, he's staying away, but I know he loves me, so I'll keep holding on). Which is unhealthy and frankly, crazy. So you feel the disconnect, and will eventually lead to 'well, he doesn't care about me, why should i keep holding on?'. So, hold on to yourself. And your own feelings. Your own self is the priority.