The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[hyouka]

Hello guys,

i just registered to post this
i been following this thread for as long as 3 months
i decided to start NC around 23 February so i am on the 70th Day Mark now

just wanted to share my experience with you
broke up/got dumped around last December..i tried everything i could think of to be back just as the good friends we used to but..all she could think of is i was chasing after her and labeled me as a stalker finally bad mouthed me to stay away from her..and she still bad mouth me every now and then in her work - my friend works with her - or on facebook - i am blocked but it reaches me from others somehow..

and Worst of all i couldn't avoid her even in NC coz we study in the same class together..so i just had to ignore anything she says even if it was directed at me..or bad mouthing me..i made her into a ghost kinda

well anyways MOST important thing is :

Once you decide on the NC Don't Break it..i repeat Don't think of it..you will only lose your self respect and humiliate yourself more..increasing your pain as well

Go out..keep busy..do stuff you never done..set new goals to yourself

Eventually it gets better i assure you..soon you will only think of her when you are really bored with nothing to do reminisce a little and then shrug it off.

at the 70th Day i realize i done lots of bad stuff for myself..i should have let go earlier maybe then we could still remain friends or so..but the past is the past..i could only learn and move on..

keep strong i say this to myself before anyone else as well
and good luck to you all

 

[Cerwin Vega]

End of day 5
Tried to go and hang out with friends. I ended up in a wiener party with people I do not like, making unfunny jokes and some douche even tried to make a joke on my expanse, as if I'm his *****.

So tonight was not good at all. At least I didn't get drunk, because I'm loose on the phone whilst drunk.

Hopefully the beach tomorrow will help me forget this horrible night.

That is very good going mate. Hopefully I get there too. How do u feel ? More imp have u got another gorl lined up now ? My prob right now is that I cant bring myself back in pickup mode. I am on day 7 so may be it will come later.

Same here brother.
I don't even think of asking a girl out, even if I find her attractive.
Also, I see so many flaws in almost every girl who passes by: "she's too hairy", "she's too thin", "her teeth are not perfect", "her hair is too short" etc etc.


I feel this relationship has ****ed me up on so many levels. I'm so used to trying to validate myself that I do that with friends and people I meet and it gives out such a weak impression.

Anyway, I've got a few questions:
What to do if she comes up to my house?
What to do if she "just wants to have sex one last time"?
What to do if she says she's sorry and she'll change etc etc?

Even though I'm hurt, I still hate to see her at this situation. She seems so confused and miserable.

 

[Shaka]

End of day 5
Same here brother.
I don't even think of asking a girl out, even if I find her attractive.
Also, I see so many flaws in almost every girl who passes by: "she's too hairy", "she's too thin", "her teeth are not perfect", "her hair is too short" etc etc.

I think you are just making excuse because your ex is still on a piedestal right now.

Anyway, I've got a few questions:
What to do if she comes up to my house?
What to do if she "just wants to have sex one last time"?
What to do if she says she's sorry and she'll change etc etc?

First don't think that she will come back. It will juste create hope that will be trashed.

Now, consider this : if she shows sign wanting to come back, it has to be a very strong and determined sign. Like, begging for your d!ck on her knees (well, you get what I mean)

EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST AN ATTEMPT TO GET VALIDATION FROM YOU.
One she get it and get the power back, blam ! she's gone again and you're left hurting.

Actually even is she begs for your c0ck, I think it's still an attempt to get gour validation. So, if you can't avoid the contact. Keep your professionnalism. Tell her that you are busy and that you'll talk later maybe
(you never will, but here goes the hamster spinning) and resume NC.

Realise this :
maybe you'll be together again. But ONLY WHEN YOU ARE FULLY RECOVERED and in a alpha state. And then, uou might even not consider it as you bang a lots of better women.

 

[john1234]

I'm 2months in NC. We live close by in the same area(odds are stacked against me already.) Today I walked around the area to attend an appointment. I had memories of times, when I got home , I dunno why, I checked social media, and she is posting on her EXs page and I know something is going down, I believe he has moved in.

I know this is none my f*** business , however I'm feeling really really broken down today. I feel as tho 'this meant nothing' or 'she is a sl**' Writing this I realise that I had a lucky escape from this relationship (see my posts) but I feel a mess. She just jumped on another as soon as relationship was ended.

I'm badly affected by her today.We were together for 1.5years, dam story is just so stupidly sad. I don't want to contact her as logically it dosen't make sense. You know, I have that very sad feeling, I was doing well prior.

My problem is that I can't find the strength to get rid of everything that reminds me of her. Things I purchased on holiday with her,expensive gifts given to me. I can't block her on FB (I deleted her from my friends already.) Common friends we both know. I can't delete her number.

Why! is because sub-consciously, I think we may get back together.

I am helpless today,although after we broke up. Positives have happened, my career has improved and I got my professional job a week after.Everything is going smooth and moved into my new house(cosy).

Why?

 

[sparkychops]

Its 3 am here, I went to a friends house tonight for a couple of drinks. Before the drinking even started I was sobbing. Had a good long talk, felt a bit better. I've a few drinks on me now, but no desire to text. I know for a fact he's out on the beer (payday weekend and all that), and I keep thinking if he kisses someone else etc., yet I'm not insanely bothered by it. The last time we broke up the very thought of it would shatter me to pieces, but now I think I kinda have the mentality in my head that he'll regret what he done, and by the time he does, I'll be okay. I know I'm never going back there, I don't want to be in a relationship that's ultimately a ticking time bomb, it's not supposed to be that hard. I shouldn't have to live walking on eggshells incase I say something to annoy him enough that he'll break up with me.

I keep thinking that he'll text when he's drunk etc., but he doesn't. I know I shouldn't hold on for hope that he loves me or whatever - he told me that as he was breaking up with me, the first time he's said to me since we broke up last July!! - but I honestly want him to hurt as much as I do, and be as confused as I am. I want him to reach out, but I suppose it's like a dog chasing a car. If I get the text, what am I gonna do with it? The dogs not gonna drive the car. I want to know that he's as messed up about it as I am. I want to know if he's considering picking up the phone as much as I am. I want to know if he's wondering why i haven't been in touch after chasing him so much the last time. I want to know he hasn't forgotten me. I think I just want him to validate my feelings or something, I genuinely don't know.

And even though I know all of this, it still hurts a stupid amount. I just really can't get my head around it at all. Just want it to be over.

 

[bigwuz]

Almost 6 days I damned near wanted to call her private trying to keep my head up but it's hard start working on some writing hopefully that'll keep my mind at ease

 

[Shaka]

Its 3 am here, I went to a friends house tonight for a couple of drinks. Before the drinking even started I was sobbing. Had a good long talk, felt a bit better. I've a few drinks on me now, but no desire to text. I know for a fact he's out on the beer (payday weekend and all that), and I keep thinking if he kisses someone else etc., yet I'm not insanely bothered by it. The last time we broke up the very thought of it would shatter me to pieces, but now I think I kinda have the mentality in my head that he'll regret what he done, and by the time he does, I'll be okay. I know I'm never going back there, I don't want to be in a relationship that's ultimately a ticking time bomb, it's not supposed to be that hard. I shouldn't have to live walking on eggshells incase I say something to annoy him enough that he'll break up with me.

I keep thinking that he'll text when he's drunk etc., but he doesn't. I know I shouldn't hold on for hope that he loves me or whatever - he told me that as he was breaking up with me, the first time he's said to me since we broke up last July!! - but I honestly want him to hurt as much as I do, and be as confused as I am. I want him to reach out, but I suppose it's like a dog chasing a car. If I get the text, what am I gonna do with it? The dogs not gonna drive the car. I want to know that he's as messed up about it as I am. I want to know if he's considering picking up the phone as much as I am. I want to know if he's wondering why i haven't been in touch after chasing him so much the last time. I want to know he hasn't forgotten me. I think I just want him to validate my feelings or something, I genuinely don't know.

And even though I know all of this, it still hurts a stupid amount. I just really can't get my head around it at all. Just want it to be over.

What you're feeling right now, I think everyone here know it well.
Basically, you want some proof for yourself that everything wasn't a lie. That he is as hurting as you do because he also cared.
Guess what ? He did.
Even if he doesn't show it, I promise, it's just a mask he is wearing.

But don't look too much for that kind of comfort. Stay NC. No flow of information between you. It will only slow down the healing process. You might think you'll find closure or something like that if you see him that he's hurting, and that your relationship meant something to him.
The truth is, you might feel better at first, but you have to realize that it will keep you in a state when you're tinking about him AGAIN.
And we don't want that right ?

 

[Cerwin Vega]

I think you are just making excuse because your ex is still on a piedestal right now.

Maybe. She's not a 10/10, but I REALLY like a lot of characterizes about her:
Her perfect green eyes and brunette hair. It was as if her eyes were shining ALL THE DAMN TIME. I mentioned her eyes only a couple of times throughout the 4 years since I knew (and she later told me) every guy hitting on her says something about her eyes.
Her perfect teeth. Man, I've never seen such perfect teeth, maybe on commercials, but those are natural.
Her body was so...appealing. Exactly like the endomorph here:
http://static.squarespace.com/stati...aa4f1294/1363688966681/female-body-types2.gif
Not fat or overweight, not skinny, curved in the right places.

I don't know man, I barely see any real good looking girls, even if I don't compare them to her.

First don't think that she will come back. It will juste create hope that will be trashed.

I don't; I actually prefer if she would stop calling me and go out with an another guy, so I'd know she's over me and there's no chance of her coming back. She keeps calling and leaving these heart tearing messages, it's so hard to ignore that...I know she's a good person who made some bad decisions but sometimes I think she worth a bit more than just a number.

Now, consider this : if she shows sign wanting to come back, it has to be a very strong and determined sign. Like, begging for your d!ck on her knees (well, you get what I mean)

EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST AN ATTEMPT TO GET VALIDATION FROM YOU.
One she get it and get the power back, blam ! she's gone again and you're left hurting.

Actually even is she begs for your c0ck, I think it's still an attempt to get gour validation. So, if you can't avoid the contact. Keep your professionnalism. Tell her that you are busy and that you'll talk later maybe
(you never will, but here goes the hamster spinning) and resume NC.

Realise this :
maybe you'll be together again. But ONLY WHEN YOU ARE FULLY RECOVERED and in a alpha state. And then, uou might even not consider it as you bang a lots of better women.

Commented in bold

 

[Shaka]

@CerwinVegaFan

Stay strong my friend.

You've been "70%" dumped. There is a reason for it. And realize that this reason is still there.
Now, yeah I feel you man. 4 years is no small wound (7 for me, so I've been there).
Maybe you should consider not even reading her message or listening to her voicemail ? Just delete them. I know it won't feel right at first. But this is the true form of NC.

Look, I was in the same exact position. The msgs, the calls. And each time, I found heartache reading or listening to her. Was getting better, and suddenly, bam ! a lovey text incoming. When you read it, you're like "she still have feelings, maybe we've made a mistake !".
Trust me, you didn't. The reason for your breakup is still there.
I realized then that her attempt at contact, even if she said that she was still loving me, was a source of pain for me.
As I said above, cut EVERY flow of information between you two. Don't read her msg. Delete them. Remove the source of the confusion and the pain !

 

[bigwuz]

Ahhh I had a relapse an called knowing she wouldn't answer. Why are the best things for is the hardest to do back to square one

 

[sparkychops]

Starting Day 7 NC. Woke up really agitated, but I refuse to make contact. I feel like I'm never going to get over this, and he is over it already.

 

[Ncnoob]

Day 8

Aghh! Today i feel like a loser, i mean i am the one who has been humiliated and lost the break up, i am the one in pain, i am the one suffering while i have no idea what sh is doing, today i feel like calling her meeting her and demanding answers why she broke up, i wasnt given any, " i can not give you 100%, i dont want a relationship" were what she said again and again and refused to answer any question of mine. i cried and hated her but damn i feel like a loser, i just wanna win the ****ing break up, i want her to ask me to come back and me to say no. I want her to undergo same pain, same desperation same hell that she is making me go through. Its so ****ing bad, to get this way without any answers. 7 days of nc and nothing from her. Not even a call or a text if i am even alive? I feel so revengeful and so hurting. i WANNA HURT HER SO BAD! i TRULLY BELIEVE IN KARMA! but sitting this way nc and letting her go with what she has done is making me completely mad. I wanna bang her once and never contact her again. I wanna hurt her so bad, i am ****ed up now. I just want to rip her thoughts, memories out of my head and press the undo button. sO MUCH TIME OF MY LIFE I WILL NEVER GET BACK. i WANT HER TO CRY, i want to see her crying and *****ing. I want her to get what she deserves, i wanna be happy and i want her to be sad. This is the first day of last 7 these feelings are coming out. I wanna call her so bad that lil ***** turned me so bitter. I feel like i need a rebirth just to forget everything. I need help. I need someone i can trust, i need to see her cry.

 

[sparkychops]

Day 8

Aghh! Today i feel like a loser, i mean i am the one who has been humiliated and lost the break up, i am the one in pain, i am the one suffering while i have no idea what sh is doing, today i feel like calling her meeting her and demanding answers why she broke up, i wasnt given any, " i can not give you 100%, i dont want a relationship" were what she said again and again and refused to answer any question of mine. i cried and hated her but damn i feel like a loser, i just wanna win the ****ing break up, i want her to ask me to come back and me to say no. I want her to undergo same pain, same desperation same hell that she is making me go through. Its so ****ing bad, to get this way without any answers. 7 days of nc and nothing from her. Not even a call or a text if i am even alive? I feel so revengeful and so hurting. i WANNA HURT HER SO BAD! i TRULLY BELIEVE IN KARMA! but sitting this way nc and letting her go with what she has done is making me completely mad. I wanna bang her once and never contact her again. I wanna hurt her so bad, i am ****ed up now. I just want to rip her thoughts, memories out of my head and press the undo button. sO MUCH TIME OF MY LIFE I WILL NEVER GET BACK. i WANT HER TO CRY, i want to see her crying and *****ing. I want her to get what she deserves, i wanna be happy and i want her to be sad. This is the first day of last 7 these feelings are coming out. I wanna call her so bad that lil ***** turned me so bitter. I feel like i need a rebirth just to forget everything. I need help. I need someone i can trust, i need to see her cry.

Ncnoob, I know how your feeling. I wasn't given a reason either and it was totally out of the blue. I have no idea what my ex is doing, I have no idea how he is feeling, and to be honest, I'm probably better off. If we knew they were feeling bad, wouldn't we try and comfort them? I did that the last time, and it was the worst thing I could have done.

I know what you mean about 7 days and no text to see if your alive, I was thinking the exact same yesterday. Trust me, she still cares. However, she's under no obligation to contact you, just as you are under no obligation to contact her (I know that seems harsh, my friends quite blunt and said that to me outstraight yesterday!!) but it makes sense. You chased her for so long, she may see this as a game, she's checking her phone as much as you are I guarantee you that. Don't give in, you're doing so well.

We have to lose what we had to know what we had if that makes sense, a week is a very short space of time. She needs to miss you, if you contact her, she won't. One day, she'll crack and give you all the answers along with the apologies, and by that time, you'll be walking away from her with two fingers in the air.

 

[Ncnoob]

Day 8

Aghh! Today i feel like a loser, i mean i am the one who has been humiliated and lost the break up, i am the one in pain, i am the one suffering while i have no idea what sh is doing, today i feel like calling her meeting her and demanding answers why she broke up, i wasnt given any, " i can not give you 100%, i dont want a relationship" were what she said again and again and refused to answer any question of mine. i cried and hated her but damn i feel like a loser, i just wanna win the ****ing break up, i want her to ask me to come back and me to say no. I want her to undergo same pain, same desperation same hell that she is making me go through. Its so ****ing bad, to get this way without any answers. 7 days of nc and nothing from her. Not even a call or a text if i am even alive? I feel so revengeful and so hurting. i WANNA HURT HER SO BAD! i TRULLY BELIEVE IN KARMA! but sitting this way nc and letting her go with what she has done is making me completely mad. I wanna bang her once and never contact her again. I wanna hurt her so bad, i am ****ed up now. I just want to rip her thoughts, memories out of my head and press the undo button. sO MUCH TIME OF MY LIFE I WILL NEVER GET BACK. i WANT HER TO CRY, i want to see her crying and *****ing. I want her to get what she deserves, i wanna be happy and i want her to be sad. This is the first day of last 7 these feelings are coming out. I wanna call her so bad that lil ***** turned me so bitter. I feel like i need a rebirth just to forget everything. I need help. I need someone i can trust, i need to see her cry.

 

[Tictac]

Ncnoob,

You are using NC as a passive/aggressive weapon. That will NOT work. Women use passive aggression tactics all the time which is one of the big ways they drive us crazy.

You want her to cry? Grow up.

If you are not using NC to make yourself stronger, better, happier and LESS OUTCOME DEPENDENT, you are doing it wrong.

Other people being unhappy is no way to make yourself happy.

 

[Cerwin Vega]

@CerwinVegaFan

Stay strong my friend.

You've been "70%" dumped. There is a reason for it. And realize that this reason is still there.
Now, yeah I feel you man. 4 years is no small wound (7 for me, so I've been there).
Maybe you should consider not even reading her message or listening to her voicemail ? Just delete them. I know it won't feel right at first. But this is the true form of NC.

Look, I was in the same exact position. The msgs, the calls. And each time, I found heartache reading or listening to her. Was getting better, and suddenly, bam ! a lovey text incoming. When you read it, you're like "she still have feelings, maybe we've made a mistake !".
Trust me, you didn't. The reason for your breakup is still there.
I realized then that her attempt at contact, even if she said that she was still loving me, was a source of pain for me.
As I said above, cut EVERY flow of information between you two. Don't read her msg. Delete them. Remove the source of the confusion and the pain !

On her last message she said she'll visit me today in an hour to pay for the shoes. She also said that I really hurt her by not answering the phone (oh really? as if I'm not hurt at all) and she told me that she was planning a perfect day with me and whatnot, and if I still think there's a chance between us that I should tell her because she really wants it.

I guess I really should just delete her messages...but I'm REALLY afraid she'll visit me soon, and I'd have no where to go. I feel like I'm hiding from her!

 

[Ncnoob]

Ncnoob, I know how your feeling. I wasn't given a reason either and it was totally out of the blue. I have no idea what my ex is doing, I have no idea how he is feeling, and to be honest, I'm probably better off. If we knew they were feeling bad, wouldn't we try and comfort them? I did that the last time, and it was the worst thing I could have done.

I know what you mean about 7 days and no text to see if your alive, I was thinking the exact same yesterday. Trust me, she still cares. However, she's under no obligation to contact you, just as you are under no obligation to contact her (I know that seems harsh, my friends quite blunt and said that to me outstraight yesterday!!) but it makes sense. You chased her for so long, she may see this as a game, she's checking her phone as much as you are I guarantee you that. Don't give in, you're doing so well.

We have to lose what we had to know what we had if that makes sense, a week is a very short space of time. She needs to miss you, if you contact her, she won't. One day, she'll crack and give you all the answers along with the apologies, and by that time, you'll be walking away from her with two fingers in the air.

Thanx for this, it helped and reminded me why i am doing what i am doing

 

[Darrenez]

Just checking in 14 days NC..weekends and evenings are hardest, however I'm focused on the gym 5 days a week and going out this evening. Gotta keep busy.

 

[Rave18]

Day eight

I've somehow got it into my head, that I'm never going to meet someone like her [a combination of good looks and good nature (sensitive, caring)] again Need to analyze this thought a bit more.

I think after our grieving period is over, we need to look back on our experience and take what good we can and just drop the rest.

http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000448.html ?

All the best to everyone else :rockon:

 

[Ncnoob]

Ncnoob,

You are using NC as a passive/aggressive weapon. That will NOT work. Women use passive aggression tactics all the time which is one of the big ways they drive us crazy.

You want her to cry? Grow up.

If you are not using NC to make yourself stronger, better, happier and LESS OUTCOME DEPENDENT, you are doing it wrong.

Other people being unhappy is no way to make yourself happy.

i JUST saw this now, mate the sense of injustice just takes me over, You need to understand i wasnt even given an answer why this was being done. On monday we went for a drive made out she said she loved me on tuesday something happened of which i dont know and by wednesday it from i love you to leave me alone, i am confused/cant give 100%. That hurts like HELL. I am in hell, you cant really put it into words. that how much hatred i feel, how much of loser i feel like.
I just want to win, i just want her to come to me and me to reject her, i wanna move on too. I also have a part/side motive , that wants revenge, may be when i am on day 45 i will not have that part anymore right now i want her to be in shambles. I so wanna contact her right now. But i will not,Its **** what i have to make myself go through just because i believed her.