Day 15
Some days its good, other days its bad, but on the whole I think I'm moving on. For whatever reason the past two days have been kind of rough especially when I find myself up late at night with nothing to distract me. I've been dedicated to staying the course here and haven't broken NC. It is difficult cutting someone out of your life like that, especially someone who you've made long term plans with down the line and lived together with, but life goes on. It just feels wrong in a way that other breakups haven't, and it feels like I should do some AFC sh!t and try and salvage things. I don't know if its because this was the first serious girlfriend I've had (I've dated plenty of women and had other girlfriends, but not to the extent of severity that this relationship had or made me feel), or if its something else. She still is on my mind frequently and I'll admit that the fact that she hasn't attempted to contact me in half a month either is a blow to the ego and admittedly raises some insecurities in my own head, but I run over the possibilities of what would happen if she did and where it would lead.
Once you get into Week 2-3 and have had some time to cope and distance yourself a bit from the relationship, I invite everyone else in this thread to do this exercise and write about it, answering these two simple questions:
What would happen if you two got back together? What would you gain?
If we talk and somehow she convinces me to take her back, once again I'll be back into the vortex of her crazy family and dealing with her irresponsibleness and immaturity, her BPD tendencies with her family, living 40 minutes apart, dealing with the drama of her being an actress, knowing that her mom is a psycho that will forever be a burden on the relationship (and especially so if things ever get super serious, I don't want that woman anywhere near my family), and knowing that this break up would always be the elephant in the room in our second relationship. The 15 days I've spent in this funk (really, it's more like 21 leading up to the breakup) would be completely undone and I can see this process happening again down the road.
So what do I gain from taking her back?
I gain a sense of comfort of having a relationship with someone I'm compatible with personality-wise I suppose and I gain a security on guaranteed pvssy. I gain the comfort of not having to worry and wonder to myself if I'll find someone better in terms of compatibility and meshing personality wise, but then again I will never know the truth if I just give in and settle for her. She's attractive, but if her parents are anything to go by she will age terribly. She's good at taking care of children, but her genetic history is pretty bad and I'd be rolling the dice on the health of my own kids. She and I had great chemistry when we lived together, but her true colors show when she's back living at home with her family and even when we lived together often times she caused me more stress than pleasure with some of the stupid sh!t she did.
Writing it all out like this helps put things into perspective, at least for me.
