The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Day 4 of No Contact for me...
My ex had an abortion and abruptly changed. Withdrew from me and gradually shut me out of her life. No closure, no meaningful talks...just hot and cold treatment followed by cold indifference.
These 4 days I've just been isolated in my tiny apartment fighting the urge to reach out to her. Think I'm doing pretty well all things considered.
Anyway, since the intent of this thread is to act as a sounding board, here's what I want to say to her:
"Hey. Sorry I told you to go to hell. I do understand why you have to go your own way. If you ever feel like opening up to me, don't be afraid to. I don't have the answers but I will listen. You don't have to be in control."
My ex had an abortion and abruptly changed. Withdrew from me and gradually shut me out of her life. No closure, no meaningful talks...just hot and cold treatment followed by cold indifference.
These 4 days I've just been isolated in my tiny apartment fighting the urge to reach out to her. Think I'm doing pretty well all things considered.
Anyway, since the intent of this thread is to act as a sounding board, here's what I want to say to her:
"Hey. Sorry I told you to go to hell. I do understand why you have to go your own way. If you ever feel like opening up to me, don't be afraid to. I don't have the answers but I will listen. You don't have to be in control."
Day 52
I think I've finally gotten to the point where I feel indifferent. I see what she is trying to do and who she is dating and not trying to fix herself and her problems. At this point, I do care for her but if she wants to ruin herself and what we once had, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
I realized I am WAY too good for her in every single way and that the breakup was the best thing that ever happened because I have grown so much in 2 months and she has stayed stagnant and the same.
She has contacted me in moments of weakness but they are only breadcrumbs and just small talk as things as "How are you?"
She wanted to leave, no entitled information about me.
I think I've finally gotten to the point where I feel indifferent. I see what she is trying to do and who she is dating and not trying to fix herself and her problems. At this point, I do care for her but if she wants to ruin herself and what we once had, don't let the door hit you on the way out.
I realized I am WAY too good for her in every single way and that the breakup was the best thing that ever happened because I have grown so much in 2 months and she has stayed stagnant and the same.
She has contacted me in moments of weakness but they are only breadcrumbs and just small talk as things as "How are you?"
She wanted to leave, no entitled information about me.
Noyou said:
At the time I thought it was a mutual decision and let her know that I would support her whatever she chose. I've since come to learn that she was looking for leadership from me, wanting me to speak up and tell her exactly what to do. Not that she told me this, but it seems to be common wisdom among the rare few that have been in my situation.
So basically it was her decision and she told you to go to hell?Cheeks said:
Personally, no offense but I would have told her to jump off a cliff.
When it comes to decisions like this, there is no excuse for her to use some type of "leadership" excuse on this, she ultimately made the decision.
Noyou said:
I think what's really happening is that she resents me for getting her pregnant and letting her go through with the abortion. I think the procedure really ****ed her up emotionally because she is almost a completely different person now. Again, I don't know all of the facts because she's been so distant, but there have been moments where she's softened up and told me that its hard to be around me because of this pain.
I have heard from others that the best thing to do is just give her time and space to heal and she will come around. That's really my only play at this point.
Then again, maybe she's out getting gangbanged and this is all an elaborate smokescreen lol.
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
Throw them out or box them up and put them in storage somewhere. I would block her on FB to be honest, i blocked mine. And if you can block her number or any other way she could contact you would be good. But back to the satrt for you. I know it sucks but atleast its "OVER" for good now and you can have peace of mind. Its time for you to go out and start doing the things you like to do and hang out with your buds some.Brighty said:
afternoon guys......iv just been reading all this and it brings back some very painfull times for me from many years ago...........getting your girlfriend pregnent only to have an abortion is an extremly tough thing to go through....trust me women do not like to have to do it.......it goes against what nature intended ...
you think it fvcked with her head .??......i would say yes in a big way........
a short story for you all.........................when i was 21 ...i am now 42.........i got my girlfriend of 5 year pregnent.....i shyt myself as i seriously thought my life would be doomed .................anyway after telling her i wasnt ready for it she had an abortion...................in my mind i never really knew wtf i was doing to be honest.......just too young , insecure the whole 9 yrds..
anyway we split up........she hooked up with another dude ......got married and had a child to him................all this played games with my head for years............and i was sure it did the same to her......but i never knew for sure as we never talked from that day until the 18th jan this very year.............yes you heard right 21 years later she contacted on facebook............i was in total shock................
the truth of the matter is this ......i treat her very badly in more ways than 1.......so looking back she did the right thing at that time by getting away from me.............i accept my wrong doings .....hands up im affraid to say fellas.
anyway i had moved on in plenty of ways got my own business , cars , money , had a long term relationship which had recently ended after 13 years but thats another story .
me and this ex talked .......and do you know she was the one who brought upthe abortion.......she told me she thinks about it everyday...............when i questioned her ..... why ?.................she said its a mother thing...........that statement says it all guys ................any chick who has an abortion will be haunted for the rest of their lives trust me.............
but if they want nothing to do with you over whats been done.......as a man all you can do is offer support......and then leave them to it.......because the more you push the more she will resent you....................
i know it hurts but you have to remain strong ...........good luck
you think it fvcked with her head .??......i would say yes in a big way........
a short story for you all.........................when i was 21 ...i am now 42.........i got my girlfriend of 5 year pregnent.....i shyt myself as i seriously thought my life would be doomed .................anyway after telling her i wasnt ready for it she had an abortion...................in my mind i never really knew wtf i was doing to be honest.......just too young , insecure the whole 9 yrds..
anyway we split up........she hooked up with another dude ......got married and had a child to him................all this played games with my head for years............and i was sure it did the same to her......but i never knew for sure as we never talked from that day until the 18th jan this very year.............yes you heard right 21 years later she contacted on facebook............i was in total shock................
the truth of the matter is this ......i treat her very badly in more ways than 1.......so looking back she did the right thing at that time by getting away from me.............i accept my wrong doings .....hands up im affraid to say fellas.
anyway i had moved on in plenty of ways got my own business , cars , money , had a long term relationship which had recently ended after 13 years but thats another story .
me and this ex talked .......and do you know she was the one who brought upthe abortion.......she told me she thinks about it everyday...............when i questioned her ..... why ?.................she said its a mother thing...........that statement says it all guys ................any chick who has an abortion will be haunted for the rest of their lives trust me.............
but if they want nothing to do with you over whats been done.......as a man all you can do is offer support......and then leave them to it.......because the more you push the more she will resent you....................
i know it hurts but you have to remain strong ...........good luck
Can any of the masters here help me decipher some crap a girl who I was kind of seeing text to me. It was 3 weeks ago, and I decided to go ghost on this particular girl. She lives in Chicago, and I in the STL area. I knew that I did not want an LDR, but this girl put out and I got content with getting laid. My mind was telling me one thing, but the little head seems to do the thinking a lot. Anyways, i was coming to the chicago area to see some family, and wanted to hookup. She gives me the whole "by this time in my life, I wanted to be married and have another kid. maybe our paths will cross again, i cant handle any drama(drama? she is all drama). Just know that I love you. I look at the text and just say to myself: "man, she beat me to it", i was gonna keep it on the back burner for some easy nook, but she just cut it off. that was on tuesday, so I just go ghost on her. No contact, because it is the only thing one can do to salvage any form of self respect in these situations. The girl texted me on Fri to tell me that the mall was packed with convention people from a convention that I had family attending. I am like WTF, why would she say that to me, after she sent me the walking paper text? I did not, and will not answer her for any reason. If she wanted to give me some, I would take it, but it would have to be all her. Can anyone here shed any light on why she would send that text a few days after the "breakup text"
day 1 no contact/no social media stalking.
fck man, even after 125 days of no contact, looking at her social media can really be detrimental.. i have to stay the fck away from it.
it's over for good, and i never want to get back with her, i want to focus on my life and make it better, but every time i look at her life i feel like sht even though i never want to get back with her.
so thats it. never again will i look at her social media pages. HORRIBLE horrible choice of actions to stalk your exs social media. just a terrible fcking decision
i am truly glad i broke up with her and that i havent talked to her for 4 months. but i tend to just check up on her social media, it doesnt even hurt to see that shes good and that some of her pics are with guys. that doesnt bother me at all, in fact im over her, BUT its just this inner feeling of melancholy and feeling of sickness. I dont want to be with her ever again, this is why i broke up with her in the first place.. but i guess my heart still misses her familiarity and the love we had.
well in the first 2 months i looked at her social media, it didnt really do any good. but i went on a two month withdrawl from her social media, cold turkey, and it did me WONDERS. i cannot stress how good it was to not look at her social media, i stopped having dreams about her, and i stopped thinking about her everyday and in fact this was the most cathartic period it the break up and i truly got over her.
in the past week and a half ive been on and off, looking at her pictures, and being melancholic about it. just a humming saddness and it has taken a toll on me.. im starting to have dreams about her every night again.
I MUST STAY CLEAR OF HER.
fck man, even after 125 days of no contact, looking at her social media can really be detrimental.. i have to stay the fck away from it.
it's over for good, and i never want to get back with her, i want to focus on my life and make it better, but every time i look at her life i feel like sht even though i never want to get back with her.
so thats it. never again will i look at her social media pages. HORRIBLE horrible choice of actions to stalk your exs social media. just a terrible fcking decision
i am truly glad i broke up with her and that i havent talked to her for 4 months. but i tend to just check up on her social media, it doesnt even hurt to see that shes good and that some of her pics are with guys. that doesnt bother me at all, in fact im over her, BUT its just this inner feeling of melancholy and feeling of sickness. I dont want to be with her ever again, this is why i broke up with her in the first place.. but i guess my heart still misses her familiarity and the love we had.
well in the first 2 months i looked at her social media, it didnt really do any good. but i went on a two month withdrawl from her social media, cold turkey, and it did me WONDERS. i cannot stress how good it was to not look at her social media, i stopped having dreams about her, and i stopped thinking about her everyday and in fact this was the most cathartic period it the break up and i truly got over her.
in the past week and a half ive been on and off, looking at her pictures, and being melancholic about it. just a humming saddness and it has taken a toll on me.. im starting to have dreams about her every night again.
I MUST STAY CLEAR OF HER.
i think im almost just checking to see if she is still sad about me breaking up with her. its almost strictly ego driven why im looking at her profiles. i need to tone down the ego a bit and get back to the important things in life.
i think im going to sign off of facebook for a week.
it will definitely be a test of will power but i think it would be worth it.
i think im going to sign off of facebook for a week.
it will definitely be a test of will power but i think it would be worth it.
Back to Day 2 of NC after my relapse on Friday.
What's working for me right now, as silly as it sounds...I'm pretending that she's dead. That she has passed away and any attempt at contact would be like reaching out to a corpse.
What really shakes me up and ruins my confidence is that I have to do all these mental gymnastics to get over her...and meanwhile she doesn't care and probably hasn't given me more than a passing thought lol.
feelsbadman
What's working for me right now, as silly as it sounds...I'm pretending that she's dead. That she has passed away and any attempt at contact would be like reaching out to a corpse.
What really shakes me up and ruins my confidence is that I have to do all these mental gymnastics to get over her...and meanwhile she doesn't care and probably hasn't given me more than a passing thought lol.
feelsbadman
