The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Just Got Dumped Yesterday
A brief history... Started dating last year. Instant connection and things moved fast. She had barriers up but let me through. After about three months I got scared by how fast it was mivng and backed off. Ignored her for about a week and broke up with her. Had no contact for about a year. I had to go her town for a job test and figured It would be a d*ck move to not let her know I was in the area. We are an hour away. I did, she answered right away and agreed to lunch. Things felt normal, like we didn't miss a beat. However in our time off she was dumped two more times. We slowly started back up and 6 months later here I am. Below is what I just sent a friend of mine b/c I got dumped yesterday and haven't talked to anyone about it.. needed to vent.
She texted me after she left yesterday to let me know she made it home ok. and after that I sent a light hearted message acting normal. She replied and that was the last we spoke. I beleive she truly does love me but doesn't know how and it scares her.
Email I sent to a friens earlier.....
Here goes the rambling.... Just keep going over everything in my head and
figured telling someone would help.
She just got scared... she is scared of relationships and between meeting my
sisters and the talk of going to your wedding she just closed off. Woke up
in the morning and she just seemed distant. Asked what was wrong and she
just said I don't want this, I don't want to be in a relationship.
I knew she had fears of a relationship and I think once I made up my mind I
lost sight of that and unintentionally pushed a little too hard and pushed
her away.
Not really sure what to do. We talked for a while and she cried most of the
time and said she doesn't know what she wants and feels like she may be
making the biggest mistake of her life but it feels like the lesser of two
evils and that ending it is easier than staying in something that is one
foot in and one foot out. She mentioned you can't fix what is broke and
that something just feels missing this time around. (All going back to when
I left her the first time).
It has been an up and down lately. At points she was 100% there and it was
there and at other points she would be closed off and it was missing.
Said she doesn't know if she ever wants to be in relationship with anyone
and doesn't think she can love.
My true feeling is that she is just scared and confused. Not really sure
what to do. I know backing off is best because the opposite is what drove
her away. Not that I was being overbearing but I was putting too much in to
a relationship instead of just letting it take its course. I really do want
to be with her. It really is odd the connection that I have with her. Can't
really explain it but she admitted it too which is what made the break up so
hard. It's weird to put in words but at times it was like we were the same
person, same feelings, same thoughts without even saying anything to each
other. Even when apart I would get feelings that were different for me. I
would call her later when I had time and would find out that they were her,
how she was feeling due to something that happened that day.
When we left each other she said she needed the afternoon to herself...
Later she had a pic on instagram of a stick figure with a broken heart
saying I don't want this anymore... Clear sign it's over. Just hope not for
good. The crazy thing was all day she was happy, affectionate but after I
said the word girlfriend it all changed. She had started seeing a
therapist recently to help her sort her life out and try to figure out why
she was so emotional all the time. She wasn't like that last year.
Yesterday she told me the main reason she went to talk to someone was that
she wanted us to work so bad and wanted to figure out what was holding her
back... Really don't know what to do.
A brief history... Started dating last year. Instant connection and things moved fast. She had barriers up but let me through. After about three months I got scared by how fast it was mivng and backed off. Ignored her for about a week and broke up with her. Had no contact for about a year. I had to go her town for a job test and figured It would be a d*ck move to not let her know I was in the area. We are an hour away. I did, she answered right away and agreed to lunch. Things felt normal, like we didn't miss a beat. However in our time off she was dumped two more times. We slowly started back up and 6 months later here I am. Below is what I just sent a friend of mine b/c I got dumped yesterday and haven't talked to anyone about it.. needed to vent.
She texted me after she left yesterday to let me know she made it home ok. and after that I sent a light hearted message acting normal. She replied and that was the last we spoke. I beleive she truly does love me but doesn't know how and it scares her.
Email I sent to a friens earlier.....
Here goes the rambling.... Just keep going over everything in my head and
figured telling someone would help.
She just got scared... she is scared of relationships and between meeting my
sisters and the talk of going to your wedding she just closed off. Woke up
in the morning and she just seemed distant. Asked what was wrong and she
just said I don't want this, I don't want to be in a relationship.
I knew she had fears of a relationship and I think once I made up my mind I
lost sight of that and unintentionally pushed a little too hard and pushed
her away.
Not really sure what to do. We talked for a while and she cried most of the
time and said she doesn't know what she wants and feels like she may be
making the biggest mistake of her life but it feels like the lesser of two
evils and that ending it is easier than staying in something that is one
foot in and one foot out. She mentioned you can't fix what is broke and
that something just feels missing this time around. (All going back to when
I left her the first time).
It has been an up and down lately. At points she was 100% there and it was
there and at other points she would be closed off and it was missing.
Said she doesn't know if she ever wants to be in relationship with anyone
and doesn't think she can love.
My true feeling is that she is just scared and confused. Not really sure
what to do. I know backing off is best because the opposite is what drove
her away. Not that I was being overbearing but I was putting too much in to
a relationship instead of just letting it take its course. I really do want
to be with her. It really is odd the connection that I have with her. Can't
really explain it but she admitted it too which is what made the break up so
hard. It's weird to put in words but at times it was like we were the same
person, same feelings, same thoughts without even saying anything to each
other. Even when apart I would get feelings that were different for me. I
would call her later when I had time and would find out that they were her,
how she was feeling due to something that happened that day.
When we left each other she said she needed the afternoon to herself...
Later she had a pic on instagram of a stick figure with a broken heart
saying I don't want this anymore... Clear sign it's over. Just hope not for
good. The crazy thing was all day she was happy, affectionate but after I
said the word girlfriend it all changed. She had started seeing a
therapist recently to help her sort her life out and try to figure out why
she was so emotional all the time. She wasn't like that last year.
Yesterday she told me the main reason she went to talk to someone was that
she wanted us to work so bad and wanted to figure out what was holding her
back... Really don't know what to do.
One question left...
I want to tell her that I will not be contacting her but it does not mean that I don't care nor that I have given up. Or do I just not say anything adn not contact her.
When we left eachother yesterday I told her I don't know what I am going to do. Friends is not an option. Maybe I will continue to call and text and see what happens and you choose wether or not to respond or maybe I cut everything off.
Do I tell her or not?
I want to tell her that I will not be contacting her but it does not mean that I don't care nor that I have given up. Or do I just not say anything adn not contact her.
When we left eachother yesterday I told her I don't know what I am going to do. Friends is not an option. Maybe I will continue to call and text and see what happens and you choose wether or not to respond or maybe I cut everything off.
Do I tell her or not?
Just Got Dumped Yesterday
Not sure I posted in the right spot the first time......
A brief history... Started dating last year. Instant connection and things moved fast. She had barriers up but let me through. After about three months I got scared by how fast it was mivng and backed off. Ignored her for about a week and broke up with her. Had no contact for about a year. I had to go her town for a job test and figured It would be a d*ck move to not let her know I was in the area. We are an hour away. I did, she answered right away and agreed to lunch. Things felt normal, like we didn't miss a beat. However in our time off she was dumped two more times. We slowly started back up and 6 months later here I am. Below is what I just sent a friend of mine b/c I got dumped yesterday and haven't talked to anyone about it.. needed to vent.
She texted me after she left yesterday to let me know she made it home ok. and after that I sent a light hearted message acting normal. She replied and that was the last we spoke. I beleive she truly does love me but doesn't know how and it scares her.
Email I sent to a friens earlier.....
Here goes the rambling.... Just keep going over everything in my head and
figured telling someone would help.
She just got scared... she is scared of relationships and between meeting my
sisters and the talk of going to your wedding she just closed off. Woke up
in the morning and she just seemed distant. Asked what was wrong and she
just said I don't want this, I don't want to be in a relationship.
I knew she had fears of a relationship and I think once I made up my mind I
lost sight of that and unintentionally pushed a little too hard and pushed
her away.
Not really sure what to do. We talked for a while and she cried most of the
time and said she doesn't know what she wants and feels like she may be
making the biggest mistake of her life but it feels like the lesser of two
evils and that ending it is easier than staying in something that is one
foot in and one foot out. She mentioned you can't fix what is broke and
that something just feels missing this time around. (All going back to when
I left her the first time).
It has been an up and down lately. At points she was 100% there and it was
there and at other points she would be closed off and it was missing.
Said she doesn't know if she ever wants to be in relationship with anyone
and doesn't think she can love.
My true feeling is that she is just scared and confused. Not really sure
what to do. I know backing off is best because the opposite is what drove
her away. Not that I was being overbearing but I was putting too much in to
a relationship instead of just letting it take its course. I really do want
to be with her. It really is odd the connection that I have with her. Can't
really explain it but she admitted it too which is what made the break up so
hard. It's weird to put in words but at times it was like we were the same
person, same feelings, same thoughts without even saying anything to each
other. Even when apart I would get feelings that were different for me. I
would call her later when I had time and would find out that they were her,
how she was feeling due to something that happened that day.
When we left each other she said she needed the afternoon to herself...
Later she had a pic on instagram of a stick figure with a broken heart
saying I don't want this anymore... Clear sign it's over. Just hope not for
good. The crazy thing was all day she was happy, affectionate but after I
said the word girlfriend it all changed. She had started seeing a
therapist recently to help her sort her life out and try to figure out why
she was so emotional all the time. She wasn't like that last year.
Yesterday she told me the main reason she went to talk to someone was that
she wanted us to work so bad and wanted to figure out what was holding her
back... Really don't know what to do.
One question left...
I want to tell her that I will not be contacting her but it does not mean that I don't care nor that I have given up. Or do I just not say anything adn not contact her.
When we left eachother yesterday I told her I don't know what I am going to do. Friends is not an option. Maybe I will continue to call and text and see what happens and you choose wether or not to respond or maybe I cut everything off.
Do I tell her or not?
Not sure I posted in the right spot the first time......
A brief history... Started dating last year. Instant connection and things moved fast. She had barriers up but let me through. After about three months I got scared by how fast it was mivng and backed off. Ignored her for about a week and broke up with her. Had no contact for about a year. I had to go her town for a job test and figured It would be a d*ck move to not let her know I was in the area. We are an hour away. I did, she answered right away and agreed to lunch. Things felt normal, like we didn't miss a beat. However in our time off she was dumped two more times. We slowly started back up and 6 months later here I am. Below is what I just sent a friend of mine b/c I got dumped yesterday and haven't talked to anyone about it.. needed to vent.
She texted me after she left yesterday to let me know she made it home ok. and after that I sent a light hearted message acting normal. She replied and that was the last we spoke. I beleive she truly does love me but doesn't know how and it scares her.
Email I sent to a friens earlier.....
Here goes the rambling.... Just keep going over everything in my head and
figured telling someone would help.
She just got scared... she is scared of relationships and between meeting my
sisters and the talk of going to your wedding she just closed off. Woke up
in the morning and she just seemed distant. Asked what was wrong and she
just said I don't want this, I don't want to be in a relationship.
I knew she had fears of a relationship and I think once I made up my mind I
lost sight of that and unintentionally pushed a little too hard and pushed
her away.
Not really sure what to do. We talked for a while and she cried most of the
time and said she doesn't know what she wants and feels like she may be
making the biggest mistake of her life but it feels like the lesser of two
evils and that ending it is easier than staying in something that is one
foot in and one foot out. She mentioned you can't fix what is broke and
that something just feels missing this time around. (All going back to when
I left her the first time).
It has been an up and down lately. At points she was 100% there and it was
there and at other points she would be closed off and it was missing.
Said she doesn't know if she ever wants to be in relationship with anyone
and doesn't think she can love.
My true feeling is that she is just scared and confused. Not really sure
what to do. I know backing off is best because the opposite is what drove
her away. Not that I was being overbearing but I was putting too much in to
a relationship instead of just letting it take its course. I really do want
to be with her. It really is odd the connection that I have with her. Can't
really explain it but she admitted it too which is what made the break up so
hard. It's weird to put in words but at times it was like we were the same
person, same feelings, same thoughts without even saying anything to each
other. Even when apart I would get feelings that were different for me. I
would call her later when I had time and would find out that they were her,
how she was feeling due to something that happened that day.
When we left each other she said she needed the afternoon to herself...
Later she had a pic on instagram of a stick figure with a broken heart
saying I don't want this anymore... Clear sign it's over. Just hope not for
good. The crazy thing was all day she was happy, affectionate but after I
said the word girlfriend it all changed. She had started seeing a
therapist recently to help her sort her life out and try to figure out why
she was so emotional all the time. She wasn't like that last year.
Yesterday she told me the main reason she went to talk to someone was that
she wanted us to work so bad and wanted to figure out what was holding her
back... Really don't know what to do.
One question left...
I want to tell her that I will not be contacting her but it does not mean that I don't care nor that I have given up. Or do I just not say anything adn not contact her.
When we left eachother yesterday I told her I don't know what I am going to do. Friends is not an option. Maybe I will continue to call and text and see what happens and you choose wether or not to respond or maybe I cut everything off.
Do I tell her or not?
Thanks. Here goes day two... This morning seemed worse than yesterday. I miss her but more so angry at myself. Karma is a b*tch. The whole situation played over in my head. What just happened to me is what I did to her last year. I wasn't ready and she was. This time the roles were reversed. I really hope there is a chance to come back from this in time.. When we are both ready for it. I know the only thing I can do is wait even though it feels wrong. I saw a pic of her on instagram yesterday. Just a pic of her goofing off while studying but I could see in her eyes that she had been crying. Definitely made me feel worse but also better knowing she wouldn't cry if she didn't care. I know I should not be looking b/c it will only make it harder and eventually I am going to see something that I don't want to see. I think this will be the hardest part.
Thanks to anyone listening. Just airing it out.
Thanks to anyone listening. Just airing it out.
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
Week 2 , 2nd day.
Just ate a ham egg and chees biscut, it was fvcking delicious. But i was so mad today when i woke up because i slept on my messed up shoulder i had to take a xanax. I work for my dad at our business and he and i have been fighting alot so that was mainly the reason for the xanax. I hope the girl that ****ed me up is geting gang banged and catches gonaherpasphylitis. That is all. Have a great fvcking day gentlemen and dont punch any kittens in the face.
Just ate a ham egg and chees biscut, it was fvcking delicious. But i was so mad today when i woke up because i slept on my messed up shoulder i had to take a xanax. I work for my dad at our business and he and i have been fighting alot so that was mainly the reason for the xanax. I hope the girl that ****ed me up is geting gang banged and catches gonaherpasphylitis. That is all. Have a great fvcking day gentlemen and dont punch any kittens in the face.
So close to giving in. Just went through deleting emails but couldn't help reading them. Just a few days ago everything was normal but now nothing. I really want to text or email her as we did everyday. Nothing about what happened or wanting her back. Just the normal light hearted conversations that we had every day. Sitting at a desk all day does not make this easy. The bad part is I almost know she will respond which means I would have to but I can't.... WTF, this really sucks. Never been through it like this before.
Thorninmyside
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2014
- Messages
- 636
- Reaction score
- 363
^ Be strong, man. Do 3 sets of 10 push-ups when you feel like caving, or go for a run. The endorphins will be good for your clarity.
Day 8.
This feels like 'playing games'.
She only sent two texts on day one since I shut up. Not exactly chasing me, is she? I knew if I stopped trying, she wouldn't care and would go on without a problem or second thought.
Sometimes I am so angry at her I don't want to see her again. Others I'm destroyed inside, wanting a story book ending. Today has been a very difficult day.
This feels like 'playing games'.
She only sent two texts on day one since I shut up. Not exactly chasing me, is she? I knew if I stopped trying, she wouldn't care and would go on without a problem or second thought.
Sometimes I am so angry at her I don't want to see her again. Others I'm destroyed inside, wanting a story book ending. Today has been a very difficult day.
Formerlyrossitheking
Don Juan
- Joined
- Nov 20, 2013
- Messages
- 44
- Reaction score
- 9
For those that are going through the early stages of NC (or any stage for that matter), don't underestimate the power of your ego.
Your ego will want to get even.
Just simply vanish from her guys. For good. Your pain will heel much quicker.
Your ego will want to get even.
Just simply vanish from her guys. For good. Your pain will heel much quicker.
well. she texted three times and called three times. picked up.
I don't feel bad. she said she still has feelings for me but she just can't dedicate the time to me, as she lives in new york and me florida. she works hellish hours and I do too. it's pretty hard to see each other.
such a tough loss but it'll be for the best.
I don't feel bad. she said she still has feelings for me but she just can't dedicate the time to me, as she lives in new york and me florida. she works hellish hours and I do too. it's pretty hard to see each other.
such a tough loss but it'll be for the best.
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
so i fvcked up lastnight. I passed her in the car "i think" with the dude she has been banging. They turned on the road that another guy lives on that she still sees once in a while. Maybe she wasnt in the car or maybe she was. ANYWAY i lost my ****. She has been talking about me so i told her i was going to help her learn a lesson. I have emails she has sent me about stuff that would ruin her so i told her i would foward them to her boss. And said if she didnt apologize to my face that i would send them, i also said she has untill 5 to make up her mind. WTF? i was in a rage guys.
fuko...............you need to calm down pal.......let me tell you from a lesson i have learned ....this sort of approach will make you look like the bad guy......it isnt worth it mate seriously it isnt worth making yourself look like a child throwing his rattle out.........
what you need to do is stay calm and stay silent.....i mean flat line silent...........this will work the best in the long run............
throwing a fit with your ex is one thing if she is disrespecting you.......but continuing will make her realise she did the right thing......TRUST ME.
i absolutly blasted my ex for the way she had been treating me .....that was 6 months ago......then i walked away and i have not spoke to her since.....no messages no nothing ..
i was tempted to continue the argument and tell her bosses what a fvckin tramp she was and how she had treated me.........but why.....what for it wont get the result your hoping for .
you make your point then walk......simple.......and you never look back at all.
if you get tempted by maybe her birthday to send a message , or maybe christmas wishes , or valentines day cards , flowers , all this **** will not work at all....and never will just like telling her bosses wont do any good either.
now if you want to make an impact ...........say nothing but observe everything......then one day it will be your turn to have your say .......maybe........and even then you have to keep your cool and be calm.............just be a better man and say nothing to her bosses.......IT WILL NOT WORK AS YOU MAY THINK IT WILL.................
good luck
i know you are mad / upset or whatever..........but the best answer is what i say above ...
what you need to do is stay calm and stay silent.....i mean flat line silent...........this will work the best in the long run............
throwing a fit with your ex is one thing if she is disrespecting you.......but continuing will make her realise she did the right thing......TRUST ME.
i absolutly blasted my ex for the way she had been treating me .....that was 6 months ago......then i walked away and i have not spoke to her since.....no messages no nothing ..
i was tempted to continue the argument and tell her bosses what a fvckin tramp she was and how she had treated me.........but why.....what for it wont get the result your hoping for .
you make your point then walk......simple.......and you never look back at all.
if you get tempted by maybe her birthday to send a message , or maybe christmas wishes , or valentines day cards , flowers , all this **** will not work at all....and never will just like telling her bosses wont do any good either.
now if you want to make an impact ...........say nothing but observe everything......then one day it will be your turn to have your say .......maybe........and even then you have to keep your cool and be calm.............just be a better man and say nothing to her bosses.......IT WILL NOT WORK AS YOU MAY THINK IT WILL.................
good luck
i know you are mad / upset or whatever..........but the best answer is what i say above ...
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
Yeh your right. I deleted her **** a while back and threw all that junk out last month. I just hate when people talk behind my back especially after the last time we talked she gave me the whole "i choose to believe we still care abt each other crap" She did just ext me saying she was sorry and she would give me y receipt she had for a weapons sight i need to return and that she would sit down and talk. I never said anything abt talking , i just said apologize and give me my receipt and quit talking **** abt me.Mauser96 said:
Day 3....
Still tempted of course. Still looking at social media.... I will not contact her but everytime I see a phone alert I have that hope that is is her. She had a mid term yesterday. I wanted to wish her luck but figured it would be bad and by contacting her it might put her head in a bad place and she would f* up on her exam and blame me. So I didn't. Really want to ask how it went or just say hope it went well. But I know better. I have that fear of what is too soon but what is too late. I know there is no answer to this and that it's up to her. Wait for her to contact. Talked to my parents for a bit this morning. We work in the same building. It was good to talk out loud and they reiteratted to give her space. Do not contact her at all. My Mom said at least two weeks. I'm giving myself that line, two weeks even though I know at that two weeks I still should not and won't. It is just so new and she told me she really wants this to work but it's just too much pressure for her right now. She doesn't want a relationship but is worries leaving me is the biggest mistake of her life and that she feels the true connection we have but also feels like something is missing. What is it? Is it a wall she has up not letting her due to the fact that I left her last year or is it truly missing for her. I know I will never figure it out. Just feels good to let it out around people going through the same thing.
FYI... She is 27 and I am 29.
Still tempted of course. Still looking at social media.... I will not contact her but everytime I see a phone alert I have that hope that is is her. She had a mid term yesterday. I wanted to wish her luck but figured it would be bad and by contacting her it might put her head in a bad place and she would f* up on her exam and blame me. So I didn't. Really want to ask how it went or just say hope it went well. But I know better. I have that fear of what is too soon but what is too late. I know there is no answer to this and that it's up to her. Wait for her to contact. Talked to my parents for a bit this morning. We work in the same building. It was good to talk out loud and they reiteratted to give her space. Do not contact her at all. My Mom said at least two weeks. I'm giving myself that line, two weeks even though I know at that two weeks I still should not and won't. It is just so new and she told me she really wants this to work but it's just too much pressure for her right now. She doesn't want a relationship but is worries leaving me is the biggest mistake of her life and that she feels the true connection we have but also feels like something is missing. What is it? Is it a wall she has up not letting her due to the fact that I left her last year or is it truly missing for her. I know I will never figure it out. Just feels good to let it out around people going through the same thing.
FYI... She is 27 and I am 29.
Dgwizdal
Master Don Juan
What's missing is she's not attracted to you anymore. Start being the man and stop giving a f*ck - not for her but for you.HW1984 said:
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
You ans mauser96 are right. Im not going to send that stuff but i am going to get my receipt and am walking away. She is fvcked up in the head anyway so trying to talk any type of logic to her is out of the question. I do know this , she has never had a guy blast her like i have. Felt good to put that ***** in her place for once.tripod23 said:
VikingKing
Banned
Look man. Don't turn to drugs or alcohol. Xanax is one of the strongest benzodiazpines out there. Its very easy to get addicted to. Tolerance raises quickly.fuko2007 said:
If you really need it, take little pieces of it. Take a small dose.
I got really fvcked up on benzos, its not fun at all.
