The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[drakeramore]

Day # 23

I felt better today.
Still there were moments (one in particular that lasted like 3-4 minutes) when I felt like an emotional wreck, like a guy with no direction in life, doomed. I felt like a pvssy, my emotions started doing the thinking for me, and they were telling me that I fvcked up big time losing what I once had, that I am no good etc. Very pathetic stuff. Felt just like a woman who got rejected - emotions flying back and forth in my head.

In general I am quite an emotional guy and I constantly strive to keep my feelings in check lest they get loose and unleashed. Then I become depressed, emotionally unstable etc, the world starts looking like a lonely and scary place. Very pathetic indeed.

If I have to be honest with myself, I am still not ready to move on. Subconsciously I want to keep myself from other girls, just in case my ex girl starts wanting me back and shows up one day. Again, these are not rational thoughts but I keep having them. I feel incapable of being with another girl even if I know that my ex girl is with another guy right now.

This behavior of mine I cannot understand. I guess it is because I still love her and she is on my mind quite a lot of the time, even if I am not on hers.

I am waiting for her to get in touch, during the holidays especially, to wish me well etc.

I feel pathetic and angry with myself for being such a wimpy wreck right now.
I cannot rationalise what is going on with me, it is embarrassing to see myself like that. It is just that life doesn't seem worth living at the moment.

It is not always this bad but at times it is unbearable and I even want to cry. Self-pity is something I have never allowed myself to sink into as it is a despicable quality if done for a long time. It happens to everyone every now and then but one should never allow this mindset to take his life over.

She was my soulmate, best friend and girlfriend all at once. A very bad combination when you get dumped by a person who has these roles in your life.

Anyway, just venting here guys, thanks for reading.

 

[Arossi2211]

Day # 23

I felt better today.
Still there were moments (one in particular that lasted like 3-4 minutes) when I felt like an emotional wreck, like a guy with no direction in life, doomed. I felt like a pvssy, my emotions started doing the thinking for me, and they were telling me that I fvcked up big time losing what I once had, that I am no good etc. Very pathetic stuff. Felt just like a woman who got rejected - emotions flying back and forth in my head.

In general I am quite an emotional guy and I constantly strive to keep my feelings in check lest they get loose and unleashed. Then I become depressed, emotionally unstable etc, the world starts looking like a lonely and scary place. Very pathetic indeed.


If I have to be honest with myself, I am still not ready to move on. Subconsciously I want to keep myself from other girls, just in case my ex girl starts wanting me back and shows up one day. Again, these are not rational thoughts but I keep having them. I feel incapable of being with another girl even if I know that my ex girl is with another guy right now.

This behavior of mine I cannot understand. I guess it is because I still love her and she is on my mind quite a lot of the time, even if I am not on hers.

I am waiting for her to get in touch, during the holidays especially, to wish me well etc.

I feel pathetic and angry with myself for being such a wimpy wreck right now.
I cannot rationalise what is going on with me, it is embarrassing to see myself like that. It is just that life doesn't seem worth living at the moment.

It is not always this bad but at times it is unbearable and I even want to cry. Self-pity is something I have never allowed myself to sink into as it is a despicable quality if done for a long time. It happens to everyone every now and then but one should never allow this mindset to take his life over.

She was my soulmate, best friend and girlfriend all at once. A very bad combination when you get dumped by a person who has these roles in your life.

Anyway, just venting here guys, thanks for reading.

I'm going thru the same emotions man so I totally understand !

 

[StayingHopeful]

Day 31

I find myself laughing more and more everyday. When the few rare moments come that I do think about my ex, I just laugh and think about all the things she's missing out on by not being with me. I know it's petty and immature but dammit it makes me feel better knowing that the guy she's with now or whatever guy she ends up with next will never compare to me. And when she finally realizes that, it'll be too damn late for her!

 

[bateman72]

Day # 23

It is not always this bad but at times it is unbearable and I even want to cry. Self-pity is something I have never allowed myself to sink into as it is a despicable quality if done for a long time. It happens to everyone every now and then but one should never allow this mindset to take his life over.

She was my soulmate, best friend and girlfriend all at once. A very bad combination when you get dumped by a person who has these roles in your life.

Anyway, just venting here guys, thanks for reading.

I went out last night in my ex's home city. Was on a date with a girl not nearly as cute as her and got really drunk and my mobile phone got stolen.

Came back to my hotel and almost cried like a baby.

its 700 am here and I am up and have to go into work. I can't begin to describe how dreary this morning is. Hang over, mediocre date etc.

I hope today is the bottom and I don't have anywere to go but up from here. It is day 11 of no contact.

 

[bateman72]

hey guys:

update.

I opened up my email box this morning and found three emails from her.

She cheated on me. I know I'm not supposed to respond but need some guidance from you guys.

what do I do?

 

[Jariel]

hey guys:

update.

I opened up my email box this morning and found three emails from her.

She cheated on me. I know I'm not supposed to respond but need some guidance from you guys.

what do I do?

That's tough mate. This could go one of a few ways for you now and that's mostly upto you. Either you let this crush you, let it scar you and leave you a bitter man for years to come, thinking of ways to get revenge. Or you become pathetic and try to make her feel guilty for it, beg for answers, tell her how much it hurts you etc. Or you can accept that you've just had a lucky escape with a manipulative b1tch who never deserved you in her life. You've seen her true colours now and you can accept her for the trash she is and vow to never look back.

Either way, this is going to hit you hard for a while, but ideally this should give you the closure you need. No more thinking of ways to get her back, no more hoping for her to come running back and telling you she loves you. It's time to get on with your life and learn from this experience.

As for the emails. The best response is no response at all. Delete them so that you won't keep reading and analysing them. Don't waste another second on her.

Or alternatively, just write a very short response saying "No problem. It's in the past now and things have all worked out for the best."

Keep it short and without any emotion. Let her see you're unfazed, but offer no explanation at all.

I hope this helps. You WILL bounce back from this!

 

[mikey2012]

hey guys:

update.

I opened up my email box this morning and found three emails from her.

She cheated on me. I know I'm not supposed to respond but need some guidance from you guys.

what do I do?

Take her back and cheat on her

 

[bateman72]

day 11-first email from ex

That's tough mate. This could go one of a few ways for you now and that's mostly upto you. Either you let this crush you, let it scar you and leave you a bitter man for years to come, thinking of ways to get revenge. Or you become pathetic and try to make her feel guilty for it, beg for answers, tell her how much it hurts you etc. Or you can accept that you've just had a lucky escape with a manipulative b1tch who never deserved you in her life. You've seen her true colours now and you can accept her for the trash she is and vow to never look back.

Either way, this is going to hit you hard for a while, but ideally this should give you the closure you need. No more thinking of ways to get her back, no more hoping for her to come running back and telling you she loves you. It's time to get on with your life and learn from this experience.

As for the emails. The best response is no response at all. Delete them so that you won't keep reading and analysing them. Don't waste another second on her.

Or alternatively, just write a very short response saying "No problem. It's in the past now and things have all worked out for the best."

Keep it short and without any emotion. Let her see you're unfazed, but offer no explanation at all.

I hope this helps. You WILL bounce back from this!

Jariel:

you are right. I put myself in her shoes this morning and thought to myself what would I have done if she caught me cheating and she broke up and went silent on me.

I would have done a lot more than three late night two line drunk emails. I would call her 100 times trying to win her back. I would have stood outside her apartment for hours trying to get her to forgive me. I would fly anywhere at anytime just to get her to talk to me again. At the very least I would have EXPLAINED myself and my actions. Her emails last night don't mean anything when I stop and think about it. She probably posted a self pic on facebook that only got 15 likes so she has a moment of neediness and reached out to me.


I think 99% of guys would respond at this point and I don't want to be one of these 99%. I am going to ignore her mails, not out of "butthurtedness" but out of regard for both her and I's future. She needs to evolve into something more than a hot girl. For some hot girls there will never be enough male attention. She is one of those girls whose entire life revolves around being a hot chick. no hobbies, no job, no real interests beyond receiving accolades and attention from people responding to her appearance.

I need to take this as a lesson about picking the right girl if I get into another LTR. Even though I thought I handled this girl well I can still see a million small things I did wrong. You don't get this clarity unless you go through a break up like this. I watched a ton of those RSD tyler videos on you tube and I am beginning to understand what they mean when they say a break up brings your game to the next level.



Yesterday was a real rollercoaster with me alternating between dark despair and cautious optimism. At the end of the day I forced myself to go a crowded nightclub alone and managed to make friends, dance my ass off, get drunk and hit on girls. Not earth shattering progress but I didn't call her last night and I managed to widen my post GF social circle.

responding to her mails would be a huge step backward.

thanks for listening.

 

[mikey2012]

Jariel:

you are right. I put myself in her shoes this morning and thought to myself what would I have done if she caught me cheating and she broke up and went silent on me.

I would have done a lot more than three late night two line drunk emails. I would call her 100 times trying to win her back. I would have stood outside her apartment for hours trying to get her to forgive me. I would fly anywhere at anytime just to get her to talk to me again. At the very least I would have EXPLAINED myself and my actions. Her emails last night don't mean anything when I stop and think about it. She probably posted a self pic on facebook that only got 15 likes so she has a moment of neediness and reached out to me.


I think 99% of guys would respond at this point and I don't want to be one of these 99%. I am going to ignore her mails, not out of "butthurtedness" but out of regard for both her and I's future. She needs to evolve into something more than a hot girl. For some hot girls there will never be enough male attention. She is one of those girls whose entire life revolves around being a hot chick. no hobbies, no job, no real interests beyond receiving accolades and attention from people responding to her appearance.

I need to take this as a lesson about picking the right girl if I get into another LTR. Even though I thought I handled this girl well I can still see a million small things I did wrong. You don't get this clarity unless you go through a break up like this. I watched a ton of those RSD tyler videos on you tube and I am beginning to understand what they mean when they say a break up brings your game to the next level.



Yesterday was a real rollercoaster with me alternating between dark despair and cautious optimism. At the end of the day I forced myself to go a crowded nightclub alone and managed to make friends, dance my ass off, get drunk and hit on girls. Not earth shattering progress but I didn't call her last night and I managed to widen my post GF social circle.

responding to her mails would be a huge step backward.

thanks for listening.

If you are indifferent why don't you use her as fvck buddy

 

[bateman72]

day 11 no contact

If you are indifferent why don't you use her as fvck buddy

hey mikey:

I have definitely thought about this. I doubt myself because it is our sexual connection that put me into the this relationship and I worry that another round with her will put my back into this "in love" mode.

Plus I just restarted the CKD diet, I want to fuxK her when I get my abs back!

 

[Jariel]

You're taking a brilliant attitude to this Bateman and it's great to see you're learning so much from this experience. What Tyler said about your game exploding after a break up is so true. I'm more or less recovered now and I've got several women on the go now, some great options and above all, I feel fvcking great and really motivated for life and making the most of myself!!

As for the fvck buddy thing. Don't make this mistake! I tried to do this with my ex when she got back in touch. I offered her the chance and at first she said she'd take me up on the offer. But what happened then is that I continued contact with her, waiting for that time we would hook up...waiting and hoping, sinking lower, until finding out she had started seeing someone else.

We tell ourselves "it's just sex" and take this casual mentality towards it, but surely if we believed this, we would just move on and look to have sex with another girl instead. What's more, if you offer the chance of fvcking, it lets her know you still find her attractive and gives her an ego boost and power over you.

I'm with Mauser. Get the abs, get a hot girl, be happy with your life and if you run into her again, she'll see just what she missed.

 

[SNK]

Dumped 9 month relationship

Hello..
Stumbled on this wicked site and been doing some reading on here and had to post about my recent experience.
I am 33 was dating a woman of 42, we had been together for 7 months, she ended it at the 7 month mark because the way I was feeling I said I was unhappy with certain things in the relationship.
I'll explain further she had baggage but was a good looker, she had two lads both 21 and the other 23, she had been married at 18 and was in a physically and verbally abusive marriage which lasted for 8 years and she divorced him, he had no contact with his sons.
She had a few relationships since then and told me she always ended them because it didn't feel right and she never felt in true love, she never lived with any other partner after her husband. Relationships lasted for 2 years max and she said she never got serious with anyone after that.

Anyway I was seeing this woman and she was doing a lot of chasing I only saw her a FB at the time I was spinning another plate but dropped that one because I struggled to keep the two going due to work and home commitments foolish I know.
Things were going great see each other twice a week which I was ok but she wanted to see me more so I thought she was needy. She texted a lot, and would seem to blow up if she texted 3 times and never got a response from me she would accuse me I was up to no good - major insecure.

We went on our holiday sex was great, she played hard to get at first but soon caved and we had sex after 3 weeks of casual dating.
Now she didn't drive much and I lived an hour away but worked not far from her home so would go to hers more than she would come to mine, her sons lived at home and she always felt bad having sex with them in the same house but she accepted it.
I started to get doubts about her because of her attention seeking ways, always creating drama and trying to make feel insecure which I never fell for Im not insecure at all and always trusted her but she never trusted me. She would light my phone up when I was out with the boys on a night out. She was an AW.

Anyway she dumped me 7 month in because she felt she couldn't see me as much as she hoped and thought I could do lot better than her. She was a simple woman yet Im quite an intelligent guy, I was earning double what she was and she had to work a shed load of hours to keep her house and kids. When she ended it I got back with her the following day very easily just by explaining she wasn't holding me back and she was the girl I wanted. Things though were never the same after that and I always knew she would do it again at some point if I complained things weren't good or something.
A situation arose where her best friend (a woman) had to move in to her house and she was putting her up, this woman was even sleeping on and off in my girlfriends bed although by girlfriend would sleep on the couch WTF? I told her how I felt but, she though a lot of this friend and obviously was putting her friend before me and her son by giving up her bed for her.

This put a major strain on the relationship and I called her out on it, I demanded to see her and spend the night on Thursday for sex she boiled over and I accused her of putting this friend before me. She denied this.

Anyway this escalated which I knew it would as I wasn't happy if I cant get regular sex so I saw this coming before she did so was ready for her to end it as she had really bad temper I think she was man hater after her abusive marriage and had signs of bipolar, sons would tell me she would lock herself in her room for days on end and then appear on top of the world.

We talked about living together and I was planning to move in next year so she could see me more etc

We arranged to have xmas day together and she losed me down on that out of spite, she ended the relationship saying she was no good for me and I deserved better and she couldn't live up to my standards blah blah

I didn't reply to this and started the No Contact, she text me the next day saying she was sorry and I could still have contact with her sons and hopefully we can still be friends.
That was Wednesday Ive not replied to that either, 2 days on Ive had no more texts from her.

Her son messaged me via facebook to say my xmas presents were at her house and would I be free in the next few days to pick them up. I don't know if she is planning to try to see me to rekindle anything but I said Im free next week to pick up presents as didn't want to disrespect her sons.

Ive not intention of getting back with her at all and this NC is the best way to go, I don't feel hurt although think about her quite a bit still. Don't know how she feels right now but she used to say stuff like I was the man of her dreams and she wanted to be together forever. I sometimes reciprocated that stuff like an AFC but very very rarely on when she was feeling very insecure.

I know this I feel a damn lot better than she does, I think she is regretting her lashing out on her last messages and exposed her true self, she's in the trash right now and any AFC is welcome to her as far as Im concerned.
Aparantley I she said she didn't like the way I was treating her and felt the none existant woman as I didn't take her with me to places as I wasn't needy or clingy like she was and I wanted to do my own stuff. Like I say things were great when I was seeing her twice a week when we saw each other more things took a turn.

Well man up guys we don't need women like this, she was control freak and manipulative. I feel a ton better for going NC and im only 3 days in

 

[Arossi2211]

Day # 7

Still feeling like I'm stuck in a rut and finding it hard to cope. The gym sessions are coming along ok and I've been force feeding myself to keep me going. I just keep wondering why things got so bad that she doesn't even feel the need to see if I'm ok, she knows I'm hurt and yet she's so cold towards me. Was I just fooling myself to think that she ever had feelings for me or is she too busy shacked up with some other dude. These are the messed up thoughts going round in my head and I will probably never know.

All I can do is keep dusting myself off each day and slowly try to rebuild my life. I want to be stronger and never feel pain like this again. I was wrapping up the kids Xmas presents today and it really makes me sad that I won't see them open them on Xmas day. I will take them next Friday for the kids to open and I will make sure I don't give any sign to my ex that I'm still dwelling on her I'm going to give all my attention to the kids and not show her any emotion at all. She no longer deserves my love or attention so I will give it to my kids.

 

[SNK]

That's the right approach mate, I feel the same towards my ex, they couldn't have had the feelings we thought they had.

Im on day 3, still think about her obviously as I was in 9 month relationship, but when I think of her I think of what she missed out on. She's welcome to try it with another dude its her life, im just glad Im not part of it. Theres much better women out there.
They don't deserve any of your time, thoughts and attention. I was dating an AW and she was a nightmare good riddance to them. It will get easier

 

[bateman72]

DAY 12 no contact

We tell ourselves "it's just sex" and take this casual mentality towards it, but surely if we believed this, we would just move on and look to have sex with another girl instead. What's more, if you offer the chance of fvcking, it lets her know you still find her attractive and gives her an ego boost and power over you.

QUOTE]


guys:

I am day 12 no contact and spending my last morning in the city where my ex is.

I was out last night and she called me about 20 times. I never picked up.

Jariel your message is very timely for me. I am of course thinking about what it would be like to have sex with her again but I know whatever power/strength and perspective ive gained so far would be lost immediately.

 

[bateman72]

Day # 7

Still feeling like I'm stuck in a rut and finding it hard to cope. The gym sessions are coming along ok and I've been force feeding myself to keep me going. I just keep wondering why things got so bad that she doesn't even feel the need to see if I'm ok, she knows I'm hurt and yet she's so cold towards me. Was I just fooling myself to think that she ever had feelings for me or is she too busy shacked up with some other dude. These are the messed up thoughts going round in my head and I will probably never know.

All I can do is keep dusting myself off each day and slowly try to rebuild my life. I want to be stronger and never feel pain like this again. I was wrapping up the kids Xmas presents today and it really makes me sad that I won't see them open them on Xmas day. I will take them next Friday for the kids to open and I will make sure I don't give any sign to my ex that I'm still dwelling on her I'm going to give all my attention to the kids and not show her any emotion at all. She no longer deserves my love or attention so I will give it to my kids.

yeah it sucks to be going through all this during the holidays.

 

[mikey2012]

Day # 7

Still feeling like I'm stuck in a rut and finding it hard to cope. The gym sessions are coming along ok and I've been force feeding myself to keep me going. I just keep wondering why things got so bad that she doesn't even feel the need to see if I'm ok, she knows I'm hurt and yet she's so cold towards me. Was I just fooling myself to think that she ever had feelings for me or is she too busy shacked up with some other dude. These are the messed up thoughts going round in my head and I will probably never know.

All I can do is keep dusting myself off each day and slowly try to rebuild my life. I want to be stronger and never feel pain like this again. I was wrapping up the kids Xmas presents today and it really makes me sad that I won't see them open them on Xmas day. I will take them next Friday for the kids to open and I will make sure I don't give any sign to my ex that I'm still dwelling on her I'm going to give all my attention to the kids and not show her any emotion at all. She no longer deserves my love or attention so I will give it to my kids.

Man everyone thinks like this. Thats the power of NC. Even if she was happy that you are gone and she is plugging some other dude your NC will get her thinking twice. She will in turn think what you are thinking now. How come he hasnt called me? Doesnt he care? Then she will think about it more and more. The other dude who is with here because he is abundant will get less of her attention unless he is John Holmes style fvcking her in which case there is no cure. She will think of you more and more. One day she will contact you and and want to get back together by which then you will be over her.

Put it this way if she comes back its meant to be, if not then fvck her. Anyway you should be happy she is happy.

Women are evil biatches. They can swing from one guy to another without emotion. IF she she finds she truly loves you she will be back.

Dont worry, the guy she is with now will get the same treatment from her at some point....

btw you only on day 7...long way to go.

IF you contact her and beg you will lose all power and dignity. Even if she dont contact you again, at least you will stand out from all the other aFCS WHO begged and pleaded.

If you ever tempted to contact her think of her...cringing when you make contact...and her and her new BF laughing at you . I guarantee if you have that thought in your mind you WONT want to contact her..

 

[jgutta23]

Why do you guys think about going NC, ex hits you up, you guys have sex then you go ghost again?

 

[SNK]

Why do you guys think about going NC, ex hits you up, you guys have sex then you go ghost again?

Whatever, if you want to move on keep ghosting her dude, if you want to use then use her as a fb and nothing else.

 

[Arossi2211]

Day # 8

Got all the answers I needed tonight!! I have been out today looking for a new home and I needed paperwork from her house to secure a new property. I had the urge to go to her place to get the paperwork and I also wanted to catch her with her new man and that was exactly what I did. I saw her getting into his car and she saw me I called her name and she ignored me got in his car and they drove away. He was laughing and she looked shocked. I went to the house and her sister let me in to get the paperwork I needed. I then sent her a text saying 'have a good night with your new fella ' and then I said 'Bye'. I am angry that she has moved on so quickly and is out having a good time while I'm suffering. I can't face seeing the kids on Friday and I don't think there's any point me bothering now because one of the children isn't mine and I don't even know if the other is mine for sure because she cheated around the time she fell pregnant. My name is on the birth certificate but a DNA test would need to be done to prove I am the father. So now the only time I intend to go back is to clear everything out her house that belongs to me ! I know I broke the no contact but I am glad I've seen her for what she really is and now I know she never loved me or she wouldn't have treated me this way! I just feel sorry that the kids will grow up without a dad but then she doesn't give a **** so why should I.