The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[weepyboysantos]

Hi guys, I'm new to this forum. So here is the story

I've been dating this girl for 3 months. Lately I found out that she has been living with her ex while she was dating me, I told her about it and she said that they've talked about it and said that it's over between them.

A week passed and she told me that her ex was invited to her cousin's wedding(last Saturday), I was cool about it, you know being Alpha and whatnot.

And then last night she wanted to talk to me. She said that she was confused between the two of us. So I said that to make it easier for her, I'll not contact her for a month so that she could think clearly.

This is day 1, I cried when I woke up because I'm used to receiving a text from her but there was none when I woke up. Right now I'm feeling lonely but not to the point that I will contact her. My plan was to use this 1 month to really move on so when she has already decided and she picks the other guy, I wouldn't feel that bad since I'm already in the process of moving on. And if for some reason she picks me, then I don't know what to do. Can you guys help me?

Thanks.

 

[Blinkers]

Only one of two things can happen
1) If she picks him then there really is no need to ever contact this girl again.
2) If she picks you then there really is no need to ever contact this girl again.

She is asking you to have a **** measuring contest with another man and you are agreeing to it like a chump! Tell her you are not waiting any longer as there are plenty of girls who know exactly what they want, and thats the type you are interested in.
Good luck brother..

 

[weepyboysantos]

Only one of two things can happen
1) If she picks him then there really is no need to ever contact this girl again.
2) If she picks you then there really is no need to ever contact this girl again.

She is asking you to have a **** measuring contest with another man and you are agreeing to it like a chump! Tell her you are not waiting any longer as there are plenty of girls who know exactly what they want, and thats the type you are interested in.
Good luck brother..

Thanks Blinkers. Just a follow up question. Should I tell this to her now or should I wait until the 1 month no contact is over?

 

[Blinkers]

Well, you went right head and dug yourself a hole, so whatever you do now is going to;
A) Feel like the wrong decision to you and be my fault.
B) Feel like the wrong decision to you and be your fault.

When she said she is confused between the two of you, she was telling you that she IS sleeping with the other guy. A girl’s vagina is used to settle her confusions between men.

To tell her she can have a month to sleep with this guy and you will be there happy with a chance to be second best seems to me, a strange plan.

YOU have to decide this. As for me, I would call it off immediately but I am sure others will suggest just forgetting her and never contacting her again. Trouble is, going Ghost still leaves Her (And You) in some false delusion that there is an acceptable 30 day forgivable **** fest pass issued with a chance of reconciliation at the end.

Make women responsible for their actions.

What would I do, I would just text;
“I wish we could be together without all this ambiguity but as we can’t then I’m sorry but I am moving on. Perhaps we can be friends someday”

And wait for other replies on here. Nothing like a plethora of opinions to help get you thinking straight; and don’t do anything while you are all emotional.

 

[MichiganMan1111]

Guys, there is HOPE!
I just wanted to drop in and let all of you guys that are in the trenches right now know that it can and will get better.
I read some of your comments and I remember when I was in your shoes: trying to figure out how to make the no contact challenge get my ex back. Here is the truth fellas: It doesn't bring her back (even if it does bring her back temporarily, it is not the same relationship you had before and it is doomed to fail because of mistrust).
What it does do: make you a REAL man and set you up to be a great partner for the next girl.
I was only a few weeks into No Contact with my ex when I met another girl. I decided to take things very slowly with her and we are now in a great relationship. I am more confident. I am more level-headed. I am much happier. Oh yeah, by the way guess who started texting me last week (about 60 days into NC): the Ex. I deleted the texts immediately, simply because I didn't care.
You know what, I realized that the guys on this board that had said the NC was about ME and not HER, were 100% correct. I won't even call this a NC challenge for me anymore...its over...I simply don't want to talk to her because I have moved on. She, the one who dumped me, clearly hasn't. Oh Well...Im having too much fun banging my new girlfriend to care.
Keep your heads up fellas. God gave you a **** for a reason. It was to be a man and not a ***** being lead around by some chick who can't get her head out of her ass long enough to realize her **** stinks.

 

[Jariel]

Guys, there is HOPE!
I just wanted to drop in and let all of you guys that are in the trenches right now know that it can and will get better.
I read some of your comments and I remember when I was in your shoes: trying to figure out how to make the no contact challenge get my ex back. Here is the truth fellas: It doesn't bring her back (even if it does bring her back temporarily, it is not the same relationship you had before and it is doomed to fail because of mistrust).
What it does do: make you a REAL man and set you up to be a great partner for the next girl.
I was only a few weeks into No Contact with my ex when I met another girl. I decided to take things very slowly with her and we are now in a great relationship. I am more confident. I am more level-headed. I am much happier. Oh yeah, by the way guess who started texting me last week (about 60 days into NC): the Ex. I deleted the texts immediately, simply because I didn't care.
You know what, I realized that the guys on this board that had said the NC was about ME and not HER, were 100% correct. I won't even call this a NC challenge for me anymore...its over...I simply don't want to talk to her because I have moved on. She, the one who dumped me, clearly hasn't. Oh Well...Im having too much fun banging my new girlfriend to care.
Keep your heads up fellas. God gave you a **** for a reason. It was to be a man and not a ***** being lead around by some chick who can't get her head out of her ass long enough to realize her **** stinks.

Well said man! I'm realising the exact same thing for myself now and I really hope guys he will see posts like this as an inspiration. Life can be awesome again.

Unfortunately, so many of us can ONLY focus on getting her back during this time and anything else seems insignificant. It's hard to get through to anyone after a break up that things will get better...without her but it's true!!

I was doing a bit of thinking last night. I am still buzzing from getting off with a hot 22 year old Saturday night and I'm excited by the many plates I'm spinning and the return to my old self, the influx of confidence and enthusiasm for life. I asked myself the following questions:

"Would I rather be back with my ex now?"

I answered No.

"If I had a choice of re-living the last 2 months of my relationship or re-living Saturday night with the 22 year old, which would I choose?"

I thought about how mundane my relationship had been during those last 2 months, how discontented I was, how it was dragging me down and how it lacked excitement. I would re-live Saturday night.

"If my ex got in touch now, begged for another chance and admitted she'd made a big mistake, what would I tell her?"

I would tell her I hold no hard feelings and have good memories of our time together, but breaking up has been for the best.


"If she asked for one last night of sex together, would you take it?"

This was a tougher one to answer, but I decided no, because if I did it might stir up old feelings and set me right back to where I was a few months ago. I'd rather just have sex with one of my new prospects.


I realise now that my life is better without my ex. We had some amazing times and were very much in love with each other, but over time that love turned more to clinginess and the relationship lost its excitement...and above all else, I lost sight of my identity.

 

[mikey2012]

Well said man! I'm realising the exact same thing for myself now and I really hope guys he will see posts like this as an inspiration. Life can be awesome again.

Unfortunately, so many of us can ONLY focus on getting her back during this time and anything else seems insignificant. It's hard to get through to anyone after a break up that things will get better...without her but it's true!!

I was doing a bit of thinking last night. I am still buzzing from getting off with a hot 22 year old Saturday night and I'm excited by the many plates I'm spinning and the return to my old self, the influx of confidence and enthusiasm for life. I asked myself the following questions:

"Would I rather be back with my ex now?"

I answered No.

"If I had a choice of re-living the last 2 months of my relationship or re-living Saturday night with the 22 year old, which would I choose?"

I thought about how mundane my relationship had been during those last 2 months, how discontented I was, how it was dragging me down and how it lacked excitement. I would re-live Saturday night.

"If my ex got in touch now, begged for another chance and admitted she'd made a big mistake, what would I tell her?"

I would tell her I hold no hard feelings and have good memories of our time together, but breaking up has been for the best.


"If she asked for one last night of sex together, would you take it?"

This was a tougher one to answer, but I decided no, because if I did it might stir up old feelings and set me right back to where I was a few months ago. I'd rather just have sex with one of my new prospects.


I realise now that my life is better without my ex. We had some amazing times and were very much in love with each other, but over time that love turned more to clinginess and the relationship lost its excitement...and above all else, I lost sight of my identity.

Dude but you still hurting inside... Don't deny it

 

[Jariel]

Dude but you still hurting inside... Don't deny it

Yes a little and I do still hold some resentment towards her for putting me through that. But I accept that it's going to take time for me to heal 100% and even a year from now I may think of this and it'll hurt, but the most important part is that I'm finally moving forward rather than clinging to the past, and I'm seeing a whole new perspective on the relationship now my emotions are settled.

 

[Arossi2211]

Day # 10

I've ordered a DNA testing kit which should arrive tomorrow and I will be taking it with me on Friday when I visit the kids. I will finally find out if one of the children is mine should have been done a long time ago but now the relationship is over the truth needs to be out for everyone's sake !!!!


Wish me luck......

 

[Blinkers]

Best of luck my friend - ****ty time of year for this but it has to be done...

 

[Renegade357]

A week passed and she told me that her ex was invited to her cousin's wedding(last Saturday), I was cool about it, you know being Alpha and whatnot. .

Alpha or not you never want Exes lurking in the background. Never.

 

[Arossi2211]

Best of luck my friend - ****ty time of year for this but it has to be done...

Yes worst Christmas ever for me I think !

 

[bateman72]

Day 1: GF just friended her ex on Facebook after constantly nagging me to defriend my ex(which I did, and admittedly she saw some sketchy stuff I said to her so she was right to do it). I dumped her. She is out of state and was sending me lovey texts while she was at a party he was at, and then she friends him :/. This girl has done a few sketchy things in the past too so I was sort of looking for a way to end it. I think she really tried to be a good girlfriend and she gave me a great and thoughtful gift but she just can't help herself. She has one of those personality types that is predisposed to attention wh0ring, if not outright cheating. What the true proverb says has happened to them: “The dog returns to its own vomit, and the sow, after washing herself, returns to wallow in the mire.”

Unfortunately this is not my first pre-Christmas breakup. It just hurts because I don't know for sure if she cheated or not and I would guess not, although boy was she unapologetic!-admittedly I dumped her before she had a chance to explain herself. I know that now she will ho around for sure to get over the pain of rejection. And I hurts knowing that she will hurt HERSELF by wh-ring around in that way. Can someone talk me out of this logic? I know its a fallacy but I just cant quite pinpoint where.

Mark 10:6-9

"But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.…Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."

Dude I am going through the same mental process as my ex keeps trying to contact me at day 14 of no contact. I am asking myself "was I too quick to go silent on her, why didn't I give her a chance to explain" "maybe I was too quick".

Fact of the matter is with a little distance and a little hard won perspective from going no contact I see worrying personality traits in her (attention whoring) that I just wasn't focused on when I was in the heat of a relationship witH her.

Maybe a gut feeling made you act pre-emptively. Trust your instinct.

If I was in the right mental state maybe I would never have started an LTR with her. I'm committing to a minimum of sixty days no contact with her just because I know that my perspective and my mental state will continue to improve.

Like you say its ok to miss her, be sad and upset that she is probably fVcking someone but in the end focus on yourself and where you want your head to be.

 

[weepyboysantos]

Day 2: I've already deleted her number, our pictures together. After that I sent a text message telling her that I'm walking away and that she still has strong feelings for the guy and that she and her guy could just be together and I'm happy that she is happy with him(I know it's very AFC).

She then told me "Why are you making that decision for me?", "And that I'm giving up that easy and that I am afraid of a lot of things".

So back to day 1 I guess. I'll try not to contact this girl again and hopefully heal myself from all the pain.

 

[mikey2012]

Dude I am going through the same mental process as my ex keeps trying to contact me at day 14 of no contact. I am asking myself "was I too quick to go silent on her, why didn't I give her a chance to explain" "maybe I was too quick".

Fact of the matter is with a little distance and a little hard won perspective from going no contact I see worrying personality traits in her (attention whoring) that I just wasn't focused on when I was in the heat of a relationship witH her.

Maybe a gut feeling made you act pre-emptively. Trust your instinct.

If I was in the right mental state maybe I would never have started an LTR with her. I'm committing to a minimum of sixty days no contact with her just because I know that my perspective and my mental state will continue to improve.

Like you say its ok to miss her, be sad and upset that she is probably fVcking someone but in the end focus on yourself and where you want your head to be.

If she wants to get in touch she will. No need to regret that you haven't explained

 

[Blinkers]

And so the end has finally arrived at Day whatever it is now….

Today she turned up with a van to move everything out and to make it easier I had already dismantled and boxed up everything of hers. I did admittedly pack away some of the things she gave me that I just can’t stand to look at any more. I was desperate inside but managed to maintain my composure, no tears, no words of affection; just sheer indifference and “It was the right decision” comments.

She did say that she can’t believe it has come to this and asked if I will ever contact her again. Of course I want to and may have to amputate my limbs and tongue to stop myself but I just said “No” She told me that if I ever want to contact her that I can – but I won’t, I’ll just talk to you guys instead if that’s OK…

So that’s it then really… Now I know 100% that I do not have to see her, contact her, or her me; does this mean this is Day 1 Again?

I am completely convinced that I left things perfectly so the burden of doubt will be heavily biased to one of us and not me. I may have also just convinced myself that it is the best thing that could have happened.

On a positive note I have a date tonight and well, let’s face it, who wants to sleep alone on Christmas Eve? I have even been joking with this date; when she asked “will we be eating” I text back “There’s smoked salmon and champagne for breakfast” she text “breakfast in bed xx”
Not that I want to sleep with this girl tonight particularly as my state of mind may prevent me from performing which would be hard to explain; although the last girl I said could stay but I have a rule that I don’t sleep with girls until I think it may be leading somewhere, practically raped me when we got home..
**** – Who am I kidding, I am still in Love and really can’t be bothered with dating, and tonight will be a disaster for me but hopefully some fun for you guys when I share the story.

 

[tripod23]

blinkers......i think you have handled it perfectly mate , listen you have shocked this chick by playing it cool , if you would have said to her come on lets sort it out , she would have kicked you in the nuts by rejecting you pal.

you played it right in my book , you are going to feel bad mate for a good while and it sucks and smells like shyt at this time of year , i myself am going through a shyt time buddy , but this is life ....i have just been out shopping and saw a young guy in a wheel chair , i thought fvcking hell whats it all about , these things happen and most of the time you just have to ride the storm , its rough its gloomy and it plays on your mind , but hey wtf you have a date tonight.....you lucky devil.......get some drinks down you and bang the plate from room to room......and smile like top cat......if i had a date tonight i would be singing my all the way to that pvssy mate .

did you notice how this chick said if you want to call me you can , thats her way of reaching out to you...because you was showing indifference . works like a fvcking charm most of the time.......

dont feel too bad mate just go out on the date as if it was your last .

merry xmas to ya and good luck for tonight.....

 

[Jariel]

blinkers......i think you have handled it perfectly mate , listen you have shocked this chick by playing it cool , if you would have said to her come on lets sort it out , she would have kicked you in the nuts by rejecting you pal.

you played it right in my book , you are going to feel bad mate for a good while and it sucks and smells like shyt at this time of year , i myself am going through a shyt time buddy , but this is life ....i have just been out shopping and saw a young guy in a wheel chair , i thought fvcking hell whats it all about , these things happen and most of the time you just have to ride the storm , its rough its gloomy and it plays on your mind , but hey wtf you have a date tonight.....you lucky devil.......get some drinks down you and bang the plate from room to room......and smile like top cat......if i had a date tonight i would be singing my all the way to that pvssy mate .

did you notice how this chick said if you want to call me you can , thats her way of reaching out to you...because you was showing indifference . works like a fvcking charm most of the time.......

dont feel too bad mate just go out on the date as if it was your last .

merry xmas to ya and good luck for tonight.....

I absolutely agree.

You played it perfectly Blinkers. If only we could all maintain your cool in these situations. It's going to drive her mad and even though it still hurts now, it's going to make it so much easier and quicker for you to get over this.

You're an inspiration to everyone on this thread.

 

[mikey2012]

And so the end has finally arrived at Day whatever it is now….

Today she turned up with a van to move everything out and to make it easier I had already dismantled and boxed up everything of hers. I did admittedly pack away some of the things she gave me that I just can’t stand to look at any more. I was desperate inside but managed to maintain my composure, no tears, no words of affection; just sheer indifference and “It was the right decision” comments.

She did say that she can’t believe it has come to this and asked if I will ever contact her again. Of course I want to and may have to amputate my limbs and tongue to stop myself but I just said “No” She told me that if I ever want to contact her that I can – but I won’t, I’ll just talk to you guys instead if that’s OK…

So that’s it then really… Now I know 100% that I do not have to see her, contact her, or her me; does this mean this is Day 1 Again?

I am completely convinced that I left things perfectly so the burden of doubt will be heavily biased to one of us and not me. I may have also just convinced myself that it is the best thing that could have happened.

On a positive note I have a date tonight and well, let’s face it, who wants to sleep alone on Christmas Eve? I have even been joking with this date; when she asked “will we be eating” I text back “There’s smoked salmon and champagne for breakfast” she text “breakfast in bed xx”
Not that I want to sleep with this girl tonight particularly as my state of mind may prevent me from performing which would be hard to explain; although the last girl I said could stay but I have a rule that I don’t sleep with girls until I think it may be leading somewhere, practically raped me when we got home..
**** – Who am I kidding, I am still in Love and really can’t be bothered with dating, and tonight will be a disaster for me but hopefully some fun for you guys when I share the story.

Tough beat

 

[bateman72]

Hey way to go Blinkers. Its christmas eve here and im feeling pretty down. Missing her, life k8nda lost some brightness. Day 15 no contact.