The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Arossi2211]

arossi:

I was in a two year relationship with a woman with kids and I sympathize with your plight.

I think you are aware of the monkey analogy for women. Men take breakups harder than women because a woman is like a monkey in the jungle. She grabs on to a new branch (the new guy) before letting go of the old branch (you). A young woman never falls because she lives in a thick jungle with lots of branches to grab onto.

A single mother with kids is like a FAT monkey. A fat monkey cant swing wildly though the jungle because although there may be a lot of branches to grab, only some of the branches can support her weight. Her habit is two grab firmly onto a new branch while maintaining a tight grip on the first branch. She hangs in the jungle holding two branches and only moves along slowly. its different from a young childless monkey who can swing from branch to branch wildly. If she grabs a weak branch she will fall and fall hard.

when my relationship ended with the single mother we had a solid six month period of going out, having sex, maintaining contact. this would wax and wane, some weeks we saw each other a lot, sometimes I never heard from her. This was all done under the guise of "hey, the kids miss you, you want to go out to eat", "Hey, why don't you come over tonight, its so and so's birthday".

She can do this and not feel bad about it because it is all about the kids. my ex girlfriend held onto me (branch number one) while she was basically shaking the fvck out of the next branch. gauging the strength, making sure it would support the combined weight of her and her kids before letting go of me.

If she wants to move you on you got to be firm and make her let go of your branch. Figure out a way to interact directly with your kid that doesn't involve her.

I do get what your sayin but my daughter is only 2 and I'm only intending on seeing the kids and will try to keep contact with the ex to a minimum. I'm in a difficult situation and I want to regain some power and respect from my ex and the only way I can do this is to show her that I'm not bothered that she's seeing another guy and to show her I have moved on and I am happy without her and only interested in seeing the kids and that she no longer means anything to me !

 

[mikey2012]

Merry Christmas guys. Fck them cvnts

 

[Machtwo]

drakermore

Hi guys,
Merry Christmas

I am at day #28

I was wondering, I must admit I am still thinking a lot about my ex girl, and I expect her to send me some holiday wish text these days.

I also am thinking of sending something along the lines of "thanks, likewise" back. Something very short that should attempt to project my indifference to her, nothing more. It would be rude to not answer at all if it is some kind of a nice holiday wish. Am still wondering though if I should do it, if it comes to it that is, of course.

Not replying in this case would show how hurt I still am and would be rude and kind of classless. Still though it will show her how determined I am not to get in touch with her ever again.

I see a reason to go with either route.

If she contacts you, try this:

I think it's really sweet that you're still thinking of me on special occasions, thanks.
All the best.

And that will do.

 

[bateman72]

Fvck im depressed today. Got a suntan and laid around thinking of her all damn day long. Day 16

 

[Arossi2211]

She has text me again 3 times today I know it's about the kids but I haven't even read them !!! I don't really want to give her the pleasure of hearing from me on Christmas Day...

 

[tripod23]

bateman ,,,,dont be depressed pal , think about it as a blessing my friend...look at it this way if you were meant to be together nature would have made you two be besides one another today.

its just not meant to be , my ex lives right round the corner from my house , i am still shocked at what she did and what she has done , i feel shyt today knowing she has the ability to switch off . but on the other hand i wouldnt want to go and see her even if she text me right this minute to go round.

in my heart i know i can never trust her , because i have seen the red flags , she would have to do some amazing things for me to change my thought process as we speak , me , you , and all the other guys on here need to stay strong only for a little while longer ,things will get better .

i had a text from a pal of mine this morning say the family is here for you all the way good or bad , i must admit i had a tear in my eye , i thought to myself my mate has sent me this message , and yet someone i used to fvck , have svck my c-ck cant even have the nerve or decentcy to send me a text .

i have realised even more than ever how women who were once part of your life can turn gangster on you in a heartbeat , its just not worth worrying about , things can always be worse , another pal of mine called me to tell me his brothers son had a car crash last night and he is in a bad way , he put the motor into a tree , and he was being operated as we speak , now thats shyt.

i have made a pack with myself that next yr is going to be one mother fvcker of a yr , i am going to work harder , get more great cloths , keep looking sharp , and i am going to get myself in the best shape i have ever been in ,and this year has just been a preperation period to learn and grow better and stronger in as many ways possible .

i will say this again , do not send any text message to your ex at all , it will just reconfirm in her mind that she has your balls in the palm of her hand and she can do whatever the fvck she wants with them . fvck that game.

i wish all of you a merry xmas , be strong stay strong , and to all you who have had exes come back , but you have remained cool and indifferent to their games........good fvcking work guys . keep smiling things will be better soon.

take care out there.

 

[mikey2012]

bateman ,,,,dont be depressed pal , think about it as a blessing my friend...look at it this way if you were meant to be together nature would have made you two be besides one another today.

its just not meant to be , my ex lives right round the corner from my house , i am still shocked at what she did and what she has done , i feel shyt today knowing she has the ability to switch off . but on the other hand i wouldnt want to go and see her even if she text me right this minute to go round.

in my heart i know i can never trust her , because i have seen the red flags , she would have to do some amazing things for me to change my thought process as we speak , me , you , and all the other guys on here need to stay strong only for a little while longer ,things will get better .

i had a text from a pal of mine this morning say the family is here for you all the way good or bad , i must admit i had a tear in my eye , i thought to myself my mate has sent me this message , and yet someone i used to fvck , have svck my c-ck cant even have the nerve or decentcy to send me a text .

i have realised even more than ever how women who were once part of your life can turn gangster on you in a heartbeat , its just not worth worrying about , things can always be worse , another pal of mine called me to tell me his brothers son had a car crash last night and he is in a bad way , he put the motor into a tree , and he was being operated as we speak , now thats shyt.

i have made a pack with myself that next yr is going to be one mother fvcker of a yr , i am going to work harder , get more great cloths , keep looking sharp , and i am going to get myself in the best shape i have ever been in ,and this year has just been a preperation period to learn and grow better and stronger in as many ways possible .

i will say this again , do not send any text message to your ex at all , it will just reconfirm in her mind that she has your balls in the palm of her hand and she can do whatever the fvck she wants with them . fvck that game.

i wish all of you a merry xmas , be strong stay strong , and to all you who have had exes come back , but you have remained cool and indifferent to their games........good fvcking work guys . keep smiling things will be better soon.

take care out there.

You said it. It's amazing considering how much you been through these BITCVHES can turn gangster on you. Heartless so fvcking heartless.

 

[Blinkers]

Following on from my date with my new potential. Great night was had by all, lipstick adequately removed from target on het doorstep. Got home to a text asking to me again in a few days; so it shall be.

My latest advice -be the best you can, as soon as you can

My latest theory...
Women are emotionally perceptive beyond even their own understanding. They wont know why, but they will sense something and if you play it cool they will just assume you are emotionally connecting with them. (Instead of being heartbroken)Thats why now could be the time to make connections.

good luck brothers...

 

[Jariel]

Following on from my date with my new potential. Great night was had by all, lipstick adequately removed from target on het doorstep. Got home to a text asking to me again in a few days; so it shall be.

My latest advice -be the best you can, as soon as you can

My latest theory...
Women are emotionally perceptive beyond even their own understanding. They wont know why, but they will sense something and if you play it cool they will just assume you are emotionally connecting with them. (Instead of being heartbroken)Thats why now could be the time to make connections.

good luck brothers...

That's really great to hear. I know it can be hard to move on after a break up if you still have feelings for your ex, but when you do, it hits you just how little you need her and how good it can feel getting back in the field.

My problem when first rebounding was that I was looking for someone to replace my ex. I wanted the emotional connection straight away or someone to take my pain away. This didn't work out well for me as I put way too much pressure on the situation and either put them off me or they did not live upto my expectations. But since I started spinning plates, flirting and dating on a more casual basis, without expectations, it's falling into place very well.

I've not heard from my ex today and don't expect to, but I've had lots of emails and texts from other girls/plates. The girl I met Saturday night text me first thing and said to let her know when I'm free to see her and she'll fit in with me.

There's definitely a healthy degree of coolness you get towards women after a break up, which works in your favour. I've had a woman I was seeing play mindgames with me, but they really haven't fazed me in the slightest, and because I've not reacted, she's come round and dropped the games.

Anyway, I hope you're all getting through today ok. I'll admit it's a bit of a sh1t day for me, but I definitely have lots to look forward to in the new year.

 

[Arossi2211]

She text me this morning saying 'the kids liked their presents' I didn't respond and then 2 hours later she sent another sayin 'nice of you to reply'. I'm seeing the kids on Friday I don't know whether to text her today or not to say anything bout kids??


My thinking is to just talk to the kids on Friday and not give her any attention whatsoever ??

 

[bateman72]

Talk to the kids only

 

[Arossi2211]

Talk to the kids only

Yeh I think she's hoping I will give her some sort of attention not falling for her trap!

 

[Lotus Effect]

Got a little sad yesterday thinking about the ex. So I went to multiple parties from friends to plates to get things going.

Came home for my family's supper. After that I went out for a post xmas eve party.

It was late when I got into the club. Around 4am.
The odds were not in my favour, it was like 80% male 20% female (A real shame)

But I was feeling rather optimistic since my plate's party was really nice, and I was with a very supportive friend that said
"Yeah, the odds are not in our favour, so let's play this right. Let's hit on every girl"

Walked there alone. Left the club an hour later with two girls in my arms!

Ended up having a Christmas Threesome! :cheer: hooray!

The first threesome of my life! On Xmas! What a gift. But I guess I deserved it after all the pain and suffering I had this year because of the ex.

Anyway. Today is the 7th month mark she dumped me. I just had a 3some. Still woke up thiking about her, damn!

Its like being happy and sad at the same time!

Well. It was a really nice gift from Santa. So fvck it! Merry Christmas guys!

 

[Jariel]

Nice one Lotus!! Happy Christmas to you!!!

 

[drakeramore]

I am glad to hear that at least yours was indeed a merry Christmas, Lotus!

Mine was spent wallowing in self-pity and depression, have not yet received anything from her, am desperately waiting for something from her. She most likely is with her new bf celebrating somewhere, perhaps experiencing something exciting and cool in the new country she is in.

Me, I forced myself to meet some old pals here in my hometown where I am for the holidays. The mood was quite low - they themselves were not very upbeat and I ended up feeling the loneliest I have for a while.

A very, very low point in my life. My health issues also keep showing up (some of the theories regarding them are that they intensify at times of stress and depression - ie NOW ) I feel alone and fvcking hopeless, the holidays spirit is something I just cannot see, let alone feel. Am listening to some old songs and trying to bring myself up from this state of despair.

Writing here helps me as I find it as a means of trying to exorcise my demons and letting my emotions in the open without having to sound like a lil biatch to my friends/family, wallowing in self pity over some girl that did not even love me (although she claimed otherwise) as much as I did her. I was always the egotistical prick according to her, wasting her time. Yet, here I am, the naive fool, a few months later, not having had anything with another woman, still loving her, while she, having this intense pure love for me is in another country with another guy.

I believed her sh!t and always took the blame, I was a fool. Even though I was acting aloof and did not treat her like a princess for fear of her seeing my true emotions and just how much I loved her.

Anyway, thanks for reading, guys. It will get better I am sure, just need more time. Tomorrow will be day # 30.

 

[Jariel]

Sorry to hear how you're feeling Drakeramore. I went through all the same feelings and low moods, but at Christmas it must really intensify things.

I thought there may be a distance possibility of my ex getting in touch today, but the truth is, nothing good would come out of it. She's moved on and she's made her decision she doesn't want to be with me, so any kind of contact would mean nothing. I suppose I could try to analyse it and think "it shows she still cares" or "she's still thinking of me" and then get caught up clinging to a thread of hope again. But I've already been through that sh1t and it was the worst thing I ever did.

One day you will find yourself letting go. You will stop analysing, re-living mistakes, blaming and rehearsing things you want to say or do, and you just decide to continue your life without her. This is the turning point where life gets good again!

It's still early days for you yet though. Day 30 was a rough time for me too. Just stay strong and accept that time will heal you, just as long as you stick to the no contact.

 

[tripod23]

drakermore......i feel for you pal i really do , but listen once you reach a point where you dont give a shyt you will feel better , i had to drive past my ex road this afternoon , and it hurt like hell , this time last yr we was laughing a joking and exchanging presents , then the shyt hit the fan.

its hard as hell it really is , but in a way you need to set your self a goal in terms of time , if you can make a deal with your self , to say right in another 30 days or whatever time scale you want , i will be on my way to feeling better........i have felt bad for a good while now , but i must say it is subsiding somewhat....i have accepted the fact that its all over and i know some of it was my fault , but also there was even more her fault......i have done the sums sort of speak.

dont get depressed mate there is no point.....i repeat NO POINT.

keep your self busy doing anything you love to do , set yourself goals , try and be upbeat every day even if its only in the afternoons or something.....setting goals will help you .

and finally just accept that this chick was full of shyt , and she did not love you , she may have thought she did ...just like mine.....but when push comes to shuv......shes gone......and be honest what can you do....NOTHING.

LET HER BE MY FRIEND , WORK ON THEM GOALS , MOVE FORWARD , MAKE SURE YOU LOOK SHARP EVERY TIME YOU GO OUT , SMELL GOOD , DONT GET DOWN USE THIS LESSON AS THE STEPPING STONE TO BETTER THINGS.

LET HER NEW B/F HAVE THE NIGHTMARE THAT WILL FOLLOW SHORTLY , BECAUSE I HAVE NO DOUBT IT WILL FOR SURE.

BEST OF LUCK

 

[Arossi2211]

I ended up texting her saying 'hope the kids had a good day and looking forward to seeing them Friday' her reply was 'why has it taken you all day to reply'....

Crazy bit** what is her problem??

 

[Lotus Effect]

Hey guys! Thanks!

It was really nice indeed! It really caught me out of guard!

Anyway, Drakeramore. Chill out mate!

As I've said, if you might have read it, it's been 7 months that she dumped me. With these 2 girls I have already f*cked 6 chicks since then. I'm No Contact with her for almost 3 months now...

...And I still feel down about her. It take some time man. It is not as fast as we wanted to be!

But see this as I've said earlier. See this as the best xmas present you could have ever received. Thanks to this pain I'm working out, something I've never done before. Thanks for this pain I'm eating right. Thanks for this pain I've quited my dead end job which I hated. And thanks to this pain I found this forum which opened my eyes about how naive I was.

If the pain was short, and well...painless, I would not have done anything like that. I would have just keep on rolling with my life, like a leaf on the wind.
Now I'm a man with a purpose.

Now I'm the Lotus, that grew not only in the midst of the mud, but thanks to it!

It is time to rise man! Nobody learn in victory. We only learn through pain.
I've been here for a while now, and even though we are still hurting and thinking about the Exs, I saw lots of guys like me getting better day after day.

Jariel was one of them. Hopeless depressive. It is amazing how much the guy changed thanks to the realisation that this was in fact a good thing. And thanks to time as well. tripod23 was not that good as well. Look at him now. Always giving the best advices! The same goes to renegade357, Driggs, Machtwo, adam225, mkj1990. Everyone was sh*t. But now these guys are out there, living their lifes.

If you are in doubt, go read some of their initial posts. Go read some of mine! It is all depending on how you see the light of it. There is no way to see it in a positive light so soon, but you will eventually!

It will all be alright! There is a 3some in the end of each of our rainbows!

I hope the best to you mate! And to all of you guys!

Merry Christmas!

PS: If you have time on your hands, I recomend you reading some of these old posts. I started posting here on page 160 something I guess.
Search for these guys posts to see how much they improved! Also, read some posts on this thread from a dude named Culebra. That guy know stuff. It really have helped me out a lot!

 

[tripod23]

Arossi221.....tell Her You Have Been Out With A Friend All Day , And Lost Track Of Time.......that Will Get Her Head Spinning Like The Kid Out Of The Film The Excorcist................dont Take Any Shyt From Her Shes Trying To Puss Your Buttons Forget That Nonesense.

Turn Up Friday To See The Kids , Look And Smell Great ......and Act Cool And Calm My Friend. ...... She Has Had The Power Once......but Now The Table Is Turning.........you Have Her On The Back Foot Trust Me.........good Luck To Ya