The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Arossi2211]

Thanks Tripod I know I'm getting to her and she doesn't like the fact I'm not reacting to her emotional mind games !!!

I haven't even responded to her text but I hear what your sayin man, I'm turning the tables on this ***** and I'm gonna grab my balls back off her and shove them back down her throat !!! The power shift is changing so watch this space !!!!!

 

[tripod23]

she is pissed that you havent mentioned her in any of the texts , this is a major blow for women.........as their egos are taking a pounding.

its worse than not getting text at all.......ha ha ha it made me laugh reading your posts ...its clear she wants to talk , but if you bring anything up she will shoot you down as payback...........if she says on friday why did it take you all day to reply ?.......just tell her what i said above , and tell her you had a few drinks and it slipped your mind lol lol.......it will be fireworks mate.....be prepared it may happen.

 

[Arossi2211]

Yeh I know man I'm intending on acting like I don't even fancy her anymore purely because of the way she has treated me. If you have read any of my earlier posts about how my story has panned out you will understand why I can't give her the slightest inkling that I still want her, if I do she will shoot me down quicker than you can say John Wayne.

My game is to make her head so screwed up thinking why am I not paying her any attention. She needs a good dose of her own medicine and I intend to give it to her until I have her eating out of the palm of my hands !!!!

 

[tripod23]

and when you have her eating out of those hands .......walk away......or fvck her then walk away.........lol

 

[Arossi2211]

Yep too right because she's not worth my time anymore she took me for granted !!

 

[bateman72]

Lotus Effect way to go man!


drakeramore :


for what it is worth I am seem to be hitting some sort of bottom on day 17 of my no contact challenge.

I found a note my ex had slipped into a pair of my pants just a few days before her infidelity. Very sweet little note from her. Not sure if this note set me off or whether it was just the holidays and her not calling that wound me up.

Tossed and Turned all night thinking about her. Ended up not sleeping at all.

Busy busy day at work today. I'm bleary eyed and have eye bags...staring off into space.

Don't really have a lot of positive stuff to hold onto this morning except for the fact that I have not called or texted her.

great inspirational posts guys. thanks again

 

[drakeramore]

Thanks for the pep talks, guys!

I sure as hell need them right now. Need to get my act together and march on.

It should not be so hard after all, there is lots of women out there, even though the quality ones are few and far between.

Happy holidays!

 

[bateman72]

good read for when the ex does contact you:

Q. I've been on NC for some time and my Ex just contacted me, what do I do?
A. The question is: Why are they contacting you?
If it's just to get something back, box up their stuff and have a friend give it to them.

Otherwise, there's no need to reply. No matter what, don't contact them back right away. Don't answer if they call. Show them you have a life and you don't need them in it. Yes, it's kind of a game but at this juncture, it's a necessary evil. I know a lot of people might disagree, but first of all, I would want to know why the ex is contacting me. If they are having doubts, they will make it clear. If you respond to them, be sure to take a day or two to do so. This will give you time to think clearly about what you want to say. When you reply, make sure that it's polite and to the point. Don't make any small talk. Don't bring up the past (big no-no). Don't volunteer any information about yourself. Be the first to end the conversation. Do be happy, do smile inside (CBT) and know that you'll be fine. Trust me, if your ex wants you back nothing will stop them from getting in touch with you. And this is ideally what you want. You want them to initiate the contact because it will be their heart that has changed.

If they really want you back, then you have to listen out for the apology. The complete 180.
"I'm really sorry for what I did. I don't know why I did it, but all I know, is that it was the most stupid thing I've ever done. I want to try again, and will do whatever it takes to make it up to you, prove I'm deadly serious, and regain your trust. Please, can you find it in your heart to try again?"

Anything other than this - any small talk, any "so how are you?"s, any tentative chit-chat - is just breadcrumbs. Mostly, to appease their own guilt, make them feel better, and confirm that they can still yank your chain.

The only thing you should actually ever respond to is a clear and absolutely unequivocal signal, from them that they desperately love you and would do anything to be able to try again.
Anything - ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING - else - is just a way of chatting with you and keeping you simmering on a back-boiler until you are roasted, broiled, cooked, done, shredded, dried out and falling off the bone.

Remember: The question is NEVER "Why are they doing *this* or why have they said *that*?
The question is always, but ALWAYS:
"What do I do now?"
And the answer to that, is to not try to head-read, or second-guess. It's to keep on doing what you're doing. Ignore it, and stay in NC.

 

[bateman72]

wow...so many great things posted in the previous pages of this thread. really helpful to me today:

http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

 

[mikey2012]

Drakermore hang in their bro. The bitvch don't deserve anything from you.
She is dead. You will become stronger. Yes she probably with her new bf living it up dancing drinking partying fvcking but who cares. Really do you ? She's low class trash. If you did good by her then she get her retribution .
She probably will get aids fvcking 2 dudes

 

[weepyboysantos]

Back to day 1 again. She contacted be during Christmas eve and she picked me. Although when I heard about her story about her ex. They were together for 4 years but at the same time she had 6 fubus.

That got me thinking that the happiness that she gives me is not worth it for the emotional pain that she'll probably give me when she cheats on me.

Last time I backed up our pictures together but now I already deleted those and her number without any backup, blocked her on facebook. I think this is for the best.

Happy holidays guys! I hope 2014 will be a good year for us.

 

[bateman72]

Its tough to bounce back from cheating. Its the worst thing a woman can do to a man. Surv8ve this and you can survive anything

 

[mikey2012]

Its tough to bounce back from cheating. Its the worst thing a woman can do to a man. Surv8ve this and you can survive anything

How many of you would take her if she cheated??

 

[mikey2012]

Hi guys,
Merry Christmas

I am at day #28

I was wondering, I must admit I am still thinking a lot about my ex girl, and I expect her to send me some holiday wish text these days.

I also am thinking of sending something along the lines of "thanks, likewise" back. Something very short that should attempt to project my indifference to her, nothing more. It would be rude to not answer at all if it is some kind of a nice holiday wish. Am still wondering though if I should do it, if it comes to it that is, of course.

Not replying in this case would show how hurt I still am and would be rude and kind of classless. Still though it will show her how determined I am not to get in touch with her ever again.

I see a reason to go with either route.

DID she send you anything?? NO! coz she a dirty filthy cvnt HO who is having good time suking on covk during xmas period. SHE dont give a fuk about you Drakemroe, everything you have done for her. SHE DONT GIVE A FVCK so why you getting so upset by a dirty a little HO trash cvnt like that. THese cvnts have no class. Or maybe she died in car crash. THINK like that. Get that evil cvnt out of your mind.

 

[JJ07]

PLEASE READ THROUGH

I've been reading a lot on this site as it seems every guy that's heartbroken does. I can already predict what answer I'm going to get...

My ex gf was acting cold and being a proper **** to the extent that I got so angry I had to brake up with her. She was treating me like scum! Made me feel pathetic.
Anyway she spent about two days begging and begging and begging. Obviously my still loving her I gave in asked what she would do to change. She would always twist it. But would ask me to come over, I kept my cool and explained that I wanted to sort things out before we go straight back to it. In the end it got to me begging her back and her deciding that she didn't want it. LITERALLY as soon as I started giving in a little bit (through text) she wasn't desperate anymore and wanted to leave it cause she realised that yeah she IS BEING a ***** and she doesn't know what to do about it, she knows there's something wrong with her and needs time etc. She says she wants to get back with me in the future.

I keep the no contact (this site had been very helpful for keeping me on that path) and two weeks later we see eachother at a club. I act like I'm supposed to (indifferent, polite , etc) and she was fuming about it! It wound her up and she started saying "I'm still hurting and you don't care anymore!" "Your not attracted to me anymore" in the end she stormed off. Went with her friends around flirting with other guys infront of me. I kept my cool still. She followed me to a different club, and the still overalls flirted with guys , I believe it was because she was hurt that I wasn't showing I was hurt so she was trying to get a reaction???

Now I already know the answer is going to be to leave it. My head keeps putting questions like "what if I didn't break up with her first?" Aswell as the fact that she kept saying I the first club that I didn't fight for her. (Which obviously means she basically wanted me to keep chasing and come to her house after she kept saying leave it to me)
I've got this thought that she wants me cause I could see how hurt she was, and I'm really tempted to call her up or go see her because (yes I'm going to say it) I do really want to be with her.

It was hard the other night because she is a very very good looking girl there's so many guys that would check her out, it's easy for her to get male attention. I get a lot of female attention too, but maybe cause of the onestis I don't anyone who is hotter than her.

So I just want to confirm with you guys if what I'm doing is right, what do you feel on the situation? Any advice would really help

Thanks

 

[Blinkers]

You already know the answer and you already know its the right one..

So what! She was pretending to be upset so she could leech of your emotions to make herself feel like the one in control - Ignore it and go clubbing somewhere new, meet new women instead.

"Clarise, the hamsters, they were screaming weren't they"

 

[Jariel]

She was pretending to be upset so she could leech of your emotions to make herself feel like the one in control - Ignore it and go clubbing somewhere new, meet new women instead.

Exactly! She's looking for an ego boost or for reassurance that she can still have you if her other plans fall through. I fell for this same ploy with my ex and a couple of weeks later she started seeing someone else.

You're much better looking forward mate. It's not easy to leave behind someone who meant so much to you, but we all change and the relationship you left behind was not the one that brought happiness into your life, your girl is not the same girl who you fell for...what you're left with now is not a healthy kind of love and affection, it's just neediness and desperation and all negative emotions.

There's a good chance you changed a lot too towards the end and lost sight of your identity. Instead of focusing on getting the ex back, focus more on getting yourself back.

 

[JJ07]

Exactly! She's looking for an ego boost or for reassurance that she can still have you if her other plans fall through. I fell for this same ploy with my ex and a couple of weeks later she started seeing someone else.

You're much better looking forward mate. It's not easy to leave behind someone who meant so much to you, but we all change and the relationship you left behind was not the one that brought happiness into your life, your girl is not the same girl who you fell for...what you're left with now is not a healthy kind of love and affection, it's just neediness and desperation and all negative emotions.

There's a good chance you changed a lot too towards the end and lost sight of your identity. Instead of focusing on getting the ex back, focus more on getting yourself back.

Thanks for your reply. So I can confirm that all of that stuff she said was an act to try get a reaction out of me? It was fake, and she doesn't actually want to be with me??if I were to call of text her now she would just take it as she's in control again?

ALSO, do you think it's harder if your ex girlfriend is super hot? Knowing how easy it will be for her to get guys, and how lucky the guy will be (lust wise) How do I let go of this? Or is just something that will go with time

Agin thanks for the reply talking on this forum does really help

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for your reply. So I can confirm that all of that stuff she said was an act to try get a reaction out of me? It was fake, and she doesn't actually want to be with me??if I were to call of text her now she would just take it as she's in control again?

ALSO, do you think it's harder if your ex girlfriend is super hot? Knowing how easy it will be for her to get guys, and how lucky the guy will be (lust wise) How do I let go of this? Or is just something that will go with time

Agin thanks for the reply talking on this forum does really help

Not necessarily an act, but feelings for someone are often intensified when that person withdraws.

In my case, my ex contacted me 2 months after no contact, she told me she loved me so much, missed me, would give anything to be with me. I believe she was genuine in her feelings at that time, but when I told her I felt the same and asked her to get back together, she told me she didn't want to because we broke up for a reason.

In my absence, she was clearly missing me, thinking about me a lot, but the moment I reassured her I was still here for her, I boosted her confidence and became her safety net while she went out and met other guys. She knew she could explore her options and if they fell through, she could return to me. She kept saying she missed me and wanted to see me again, and even wanted to hook up for sex...until she met someone else, and then she just ignored me and pushed me away.

It's a hard fact to accept because after a break up, all you care about is if she still loves you and all you want to hear is reassurance. Why? Because you're looking for that same ego boost to help you to move on. We all do it.

Even now, I'd like to hear from my ex telling me she loves me. I wouldn't take her back, not at all, but hearing that would make me feel pretty damn good.

As for her being hot, I don't think it really matters. It does mean she will have more options open to her, but even the hottest girls can struggle if their ego is wounded. But you need to stop focusing on her moving on and focus on you moving on. Work on yourself, hit the gym and become the man girls throw themselves at. Then it really won't matter so much.

That's what I've done. I've been hitting the gym hard lately and regularly, I'm seeing my abs again, I'm looking good and feeling amazing, and this is projecting in my confidence. And I do have girls throwing themselves at me now and believe me, it really helps put that old relationship behind you.

Use this break up to fire you up and make a firm decision to become the best you have ever been!

 

[JJ07]

Not necessarily an act, but feelings for someone are often intensified when that person withdraws.

In my case, my ex contacted me 2 months after no contact, she told me she loved me so much, missed me, would give anything to be with me. I believe she was genuine in her feelings at that time, but when I told her I felt the same and asked her to get back together, she told me she didn't want to because we broke up for a reason.

In my absence, she was clearly missing me, thinking about me a lot, but the moment I reassured her I was still here for her, I boosted her confidence and became her safety net while she went out and met other guys. She knew she could explore her options and if they fell through, she could return to me. She kept saying she missed me and wanted to see me again, and even wanted to hook up for sex...until she met someone else, and then she just ignored me and pushed me away.

It's a hard fact to accept because after a break up, all you care about is if she still loves you and all you want to hear is reassurance. Why? Because you're looking for that same ego boost to help you to move on. We all do it.

Even now, I'd like to hear from my ex telling me she loves me. I wouldn't take her back, not at all, but hearing that would make me feel pretty damn good.

As for her being hot, I don't think it really matters. It does mean she will have more options open to her, but even the hottest girls can struggle if their ego is wounded. But you need to stop focusing on her moving on and focus on you moving on. Work on yourself, hit the gym and become the man girls throw themselves at. Then it really won't matter so much.

That's what I've done. I've been hitting the gym hard lately and regularly, I'm seeing my abs again, I'm looking good and feeling amazing, and this is projecting in my confidence. And I do have girls throwing themselves at me now and believe me, it really helps put that old relationship behind you.

Use this break up to fire you up and make a firm decision to become the best you have ever been!

I'm a fitness model so I'm at the gym 5 times a week anyway. I suppose I should just continue it and working hard for more magazine covers

Thanks for your reply btw