The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Groverz]

Day # 8

Got all the answers I needed tonight!! I have been out today looking for a new home and I needed paperwork from her house to secure a new property. I had the urge to go to her place to get the paperwork and I also wanted to catch her with her new man and that was exactly what I did. I saw her getting into his car and she saw me I called her name and she ignored me got in his car and they drove away. He was laughing and she looked shocked. I went to the house and her sister let me in to get the paperwork I needed. I then sent her a text saying 'have a good night with your new fella ' and then I said 'Bye'. I am angry that she has moved on so quickly and is out having a good time while I'm suffering. I can't face seeing the kids on Friday and I don't think there's any point me bothering now because one of the children isn't mine and I don't even know if the other is mine for sure because she cheated around the time she fell pregnant. My name is on the birth certificate but a DNA test would need to be done to prove I am the father. So now the only time I intend to go back is to clear everything out her house that belongs to me ! I know I broke the no contact but I am glad I've seen her for what she really is and now I know she never loved me or she wouldn't have treated me this way! I just feel sorry that the kids will grow up without a dad but then she doesn't give a **** so why should I.

That is ruff, but it almost sounds good she is gone. She will do the same to that guy she did with you. You don't need that **** in your life.

 

[bateman72]

Day # 8

Got all the answers I needed tonight!! I have been out today looking for a new home and I needed paperwork from her house to secure a new property. I had the urge to go to her place to get the paperwork and I also wanted to catch her with her new man and that was exactly what I did. I saw her getting into his car and she saw me I called her name and she ignored me got in his car and they drove away. He was laughing and she looked shocked. I went to the house and her sister let me in to get the paperwork I needed. I then sent her a text saying 'have a good night with your new fella ' and then I said 'Bye'. I am angry that she has moved on so quickly and is out having a good time while I'm suffering. I can't face seeing the kids on Friday and I don't think there's any point me bothering now because one of the children isn't mine and I don't even know if the other is mine for sure because she cheated around the time she fell pregnant. My name is on the birth certificate but a DNA test would need to be done to prove I am the father. So now the only time I intend to go back is to clear everything out her house that belongs to me ! I know I broke the no contact but I am glad I've seen her for what she really is and now I know she never loved me or she wouldn't have treated me this way! I just feel sorry that the kids will grow up without a dad but then she doesn't give a **** so why should I.

Arossi:

This is a big moment in your relationship. I don't really like the sound of this woman, she sounds like she has a ton of baggage. If she has already met another guy and is bringing them around her place can I assume that she has introduced her children to this new man?

I have a 12 year old with me and the one unbreakable/unmutable law about raising children as a single parent is you do not introduce your kids to people you date. my rule of thumb is maybe at the six to nine month point I introduce my child to someone im dating.

im curious to know the situation with the kids before commenting further on your post.

 

[Arossi2211]

The guy picked her up from outside the house so I don't know if she has introduced her new man to the children I think she has only been going out on dates with him. But when I met her she introduced me to her son after the very first night I met her so I wouldn't put anything past her tbh !!!

 

[bateman72]

I don't know if she has introduced her new man to the children I think she has only been going out on dates with him. But when I met her she introduced me to her son after the very first night I met her so I wouldn't put anything past her tbh !!!

Hmmmm...

Single mother is already a red flag. Single mother that introduces her kids to every man she dates is probably not a great mom and more interested in her near term instant gratification than the long term emotional well being of her kids. Can't expect a woman like this to respect any relationship including her relationship with you.

you really got to get away from this situation! anyway for you to compel her to get the paternity test done? Seems like you should go NC from the whole situation until you know for sure what your responsibilities are regarding the child.

just my opinion but I come to this opinion from having dated a few single mothers.

 

[bateman72]

Day 13 updates

melancholia.

 

[Induced Drag]

This is my first post so hi everyone. I got dumped and did really well staying nc for five weeks. Then I started listening to friends telling me this and that plus I thought I was over her. Yes, you know where this is going. This last Thursday the 19th I sent a short text to my ex. I told her my sister in law had her baby and that I'd like to talk. That was it. I haven't heard anything back from her but it's only been three days. Since I thought I was so strong I looked at her FB since I was on there. We're not friends but I noticed that she changed her profile picture. It's cropped, she's smiling and looking happy. I don't know if she's messing with me or if I'm acting like a little girl reading into that which is not there. Anyway, I feel terrible and I realize I should have stayed nc.

 

[mikey2012]

dude

why bother posting on here..she forgot about you...pure and simple

 

[Jariel]

Referring to the Tyler RSD video posted a while back on how a break up can lead to a major leap in your game...this is exactly what's happening to me!!

I'm losing count of the plates I'm spinning right now and picking more up, but the most amazing thing happened tonight at work. I don't want to give too much away about where I work or what I do, but I work at a public venue where there have been a few Christmas parties lately.

I decided to go into work tonight believing I am totally confident, magnetic and upbeat and irresistable to women. The theory is that you can create your own perception and then project it onto others and they will buy into your reality. The key is to have faith.

So I went into work with my head held high and a bit of a swagger. Started teasing some of the staff, smiling and holding eye contact with women and I felt amazing.

Within 30 minutes of starting my shift a guy starts hitting on me. Not long after I'm catching women looking me up and down and checking me out. I'm getting lots of smiles and eye contact, and it's all adding to my perception that I'm the man!

It's not long after that a gorgeous blonde 22 year old comes up and starts talking and flirting with me. I reciprocate and the chemistry is building and she's asking all about me. I have to excuse myself, then end up getting hit on by a group of women, many of them saying how fit I am, asking me to take off my shirt and so on. Another woman came upto me and looked me up and down, then gestured by fanning herself down and saying "I think that says it all, but wow!"

I'm amazed by what's happening. I feel like a celebrity pin up. A bit later the hot blonde approaches me again, starts getting flustered and finally asks me if I can join her and her friends for a drink. I have to decline as I'm working but I offer to take her number. I get it of course and we agree to go on a date.

This all continued throughout the night. Women wouldn't leave me alone. I got invited to a hotel room by one girl, another girl asked if she could do anything to help me work.

Well, to cut to the chase, I ended up getting it on with the hot 22 year old blonde. I found her, engaged in conversation, and just went for it without any hesitation and zero fear of rejection.

To think that just over a month ago I was still crying over my ex, girls would walk past me like I didn't exist, and I felt like a broken and pathetic man. But I turned all this around inside my own head.

This is the key guys! You've got to master your own mind. You've got to create your own perception, your own reality in which you are this super confident and attractive stud, and have faith in it!

I could've posted this as a field report elsewhere on this forum, but I wanted to post it here as inspiration. Many of you have followed my journey through the darkness, how I had to seek councelling, started having suicidal thoughts and began taking anti-depressants. I was a fvcking mess, but the last weeks I've felt incredible!

This sh1t hurts like hell, but this will raise your immunity to rejection. No knockback is ever gonna hurt like this hurts, and you can emerge from this stronger and almost fearless. Just keep pushing through it guys and instead of focusing on the past, on getting her back, on getting revenge or having the final words, focus on moving forward because once you do, life is awesome and you can be fvcking awesome too!

 

[bateman72]

go jariel

Referring to the Tyler RSD video posted a while back on how a break up can lead to a major leap in your game...this is exactly what's happening to me!!

I'm losing count of the plates I'm spinning right now and picking more up, but the most amazing thing happened tonight at work. I don't want to give too much away about where I work or what I do, but I work at a public venue where there have been a few Christmas parties lately.

I decided to go into work tonight believing I am totally confident, magnetic and upbeat and irresistable to women. The theory is that you can create your own perception and then project it onto others and they will buy into your reality. The key is to have faith.

So I went into work with my head held high and a bit of a swagger. Started teasing some of the staff, smiling and holding eye contact with women and I felt amazing.

Within 30 minutes of starting my shift a guy starts hitting on me. Not long after I'm catching women looking me up and down and checking me out. I'm getting lots of smiles and eye contact, and it's all adding to my perception that I'm the man!

It's not long after that a gorgeous blonde 22 year old comes up and starts talking and flirting with me. I reciprocate and the chemistry is building and she's asking all about me. I have to excuse myself, then end up getting hit on by a group of women, many of them saying how fit I am, asking me to take off my shirt and so on. Another woman came upto me and looked me up and down, then gestured by fanning herself down and saying "I think that says it all, but wow!"

I'm amazed by what's happening. I feel like a celebrity pin up. A bit later the hot blonde approaches me again, starts getting flustered and finally asks me if I can join her and her friends for a drink. I have to decline as I'm working but I offer to take her number. I get it of course and we agree to go on a date.

This all continued throughout the night. Women wouldn't leave me alone. I got invited to a hotel room by one girl, another girl asked if she could do anything to help me work.

Well, to cut to the chase, I ended up getting it on with the hot 22 year old blonde. I found her, engaged in conversation, and just went for it without any hesitation and zero fear of rejection.

To think that just over a month ago I was still crying over my ex, girls would walk past me like I didn't exist, and I felt like a broken and pathetic man. But I turned all this around inside my own head.

This is the key guys! You've got to master your own mind. You've got to create your own perception, your own reality in which you are this super confident and attractive stud, and have faith in it!

I could've posted this as a field report elsewhere on this forum, but I wanted to post it here as inspiration. Many of you have followed my journey through the darkness, how I had to seek councelling, started having suicidal thoughts and began taking anti-depressants. I was a fvcking mess, but the last weeks I've felt incredible!

This sh1t hurts like hell, but this will raise your immunity to rejection. No knockback is ever gonna hurt like this hurts, and you can emerge from this stronger and almost fearless. Just keep pushing through it guys and instead of focusing on the past, on getting her back, on getting revenge or having the final words, focus on moving forward because once you do, life is awesome and you can be fvcking awesome too!

Jariel:

I was feeling sort of down today but your posts help pick me up. I hooked up twice on my trip to my GF's city. I had a bit of a "don't give a fvck" attitude and didn't even mind getting blown out a few times.


I was sitting here on my ass thinking that what happened to me (gf cheating on me) is about the worst damn thing a woman can do to you. I am upset, I have had some bad dark moments but I'm not THAT upset. Down a bit but impatient to move on. all in all this is a motivating moment in my life.

thanks for the post and the inspiration.

 

[Arossi2211]

Hmmmm...

Single mother is already a red flag. Single mother that introduces her kids to every man she dates is probably not a great mom and more interested in her near term instant gratification than the long term emotional well being of her kids. Can't expect a woman like this to respect any relationship including her relationship with you.

you really got to get away from this situation! anyway for you to compel her to get the paternity test done? Seems like you should go NC from the whole situation until you know for sure what your responsibilities are regarding the child.

just my opinion but I come to this opinion from having dated a few single mothers.

Just got the problem of having most of my stuff at her house and it's all worth a lot of money !

 

[Blinkers]

11 Days since I realised I was wasting my time and money with, and on my Ex. I think right now I feel infuriated that she took years of my life from me that I can’t get back. What more is I realise I didn’t just lose her, but more importantly she took my future dreams away with her. I take a good long look at myself and in those years I spent loving that woman I have gotten Fat, Tired, and Stressed and emotionally incapacitated by this system of male slavery.
Occasionally I feel numbness and almost sheer indifference which is so beautiful that I wish I could hang on to it. Unfortunately there is always a reminder and that there is my kryptonite. She has to take some major items from my home and has decided to do it in Christmas Eve. That will be the last time I ever need to see her and I think in the New Year, realising I have gone from failed relationship to failed relationship over the last 15 years; I think it’s time for me to go my own way. I just need to find the rest of the men that have done so, to help me with the transition

 

[Arossi2211]

Had 3 text messages from her this morning after last nights fiasco and have not replied !

 

[bateman72]

Had 3 text messages from her this morning after last nights fiasco and have not replied !

no good can come of you responding, delete them, don't read them.

 

[Jariel]

Jariel:

I was feeling sort of down today but your posts help pick me up. I hooked up twice on my trip to my GF's city. I had a bit of a "don't give a fvck" attitude and didn't even mind getting blown out a few times.


I was sitting here on my ass thinking that what happened to me (gf cheating on me) is about the worst damn thing a woman can do to you. I am upset, I have had some bad dark moments but I'm not THAT upset. Down a bit but impatient to move on. all in all this is a motivating moment in my life.

thanks for the post and the inspiration.

I'm glad it inspires you mate and this is one of the greatest benefits of a break up. Since my break up I've been on a few dates and two of them rejected me. In the past I'd feel gutted, unworthy, but this time I shrugged it off and wished them well.

The last big break up I had after a 5 year relationship the same thing happened. I started to realise that no girl I date or approach could ever hurt me as much as this, so I started putting myself out there and taking more chances. I ended up dating and banging the hottest women I've ever been with, including models, and having the best sex of my life.

Until then, I always used to overthink things, hesitate before going for the kiss, get scared about flirting or pushing her too far, whereas now there's no hesitation at all.

I'm at the point now where I can honestly say I'm grateful for my break ups. We talk a lot about emerging stronger from this, but it's literally true. If last night is anything to go by, I've emerged a lot stronger, more confident and generally more attractive thanks to the break up, and all that pain I went through has prepared me for a greater destiny.

 

[Arossi2211]

I'm seeing the kids on Friday to give them presents and spend time with them. I know she's seeing another dude but I've got this strange feeling she might try it on with me if she does how do you guys think I should handle it?

 

[mkj1990]

So last night I met my ex for the first time since the break up. It was not planned, we met outside a club.

She cried. She begged. Said she would do anything to have me back. And then she told me her mom had been diagnosed with cancer just before we broke up, and told me that was partly why she did break up with me. I really like her mom, she was allways so kind to me, so I felt so sorry for her and her family.

What made it even harder was telling her that I didn't want her back, watching her eyes fill up with tears and then run away from me. I later got a text that she "couldn't take it anymore", and that she felt like she had lost everything.

I guess every guy wants to be perceived as a "though-guy" but when I got home last night I just started crying. I can't tell why really. I really care for this girl, but I don't want to get back together with her. Maybe because these mixture of feelings that I've had for so long now allways seem to come back to me and fvuck things up again. I thought I was doing so well, but today I feel like I'm back at square one. Feel terrible. Her world seems to fall apart, and I'm making it even worse it seems by not taking her back. I know I don't own her anything, she did treat me terribly, but at the same time I feel for her. I know the most important thing is to take care of myself, but it's hard at the same time when a situation like this occurs.

 

[Blinkers]

Don't give yourself a hard time over crying. However relationships end you know that you can never have that person back in your life again and that's not far from the same emotional level as a death. It is after all the death of the perceived future you would have shared..
Its better for everyone this way.. Keep thinking logically brother...

 

[bateman72]

Day 14 updates

I am doing ok today. I have been lurking a bit on her public facebook page over the first couple of weeks. I have resolved not to do this anymore and I think it is helping me keep my head in the right place.

I am also slowly realizing that my gf was a bit of an escape for me while we were dating, if I had something unpleasant to do or wanted to divert my attention from an unpleasant thought I used to reach out to her and procrastinate. Not a great habit and I just realized I was doing that the entire time we were together.

 

[mikey2012]

Thanks Rossi, I would've repped you for that post, but I've already repped you as much as I can.

I realise what you and others are saying is absolutely true. By trying to get over her, I am thinking about her. By trying to ease my pain, I must first be aware of the pain. And yet this is all I've been doing since the break up. I've even been putting my life on hold thinking "I'll get on with my life once I work out how to get over this break up".

Now it's pointed out, I see why this is not good for me at all.

I've taken your advice and dumped my lists about her. All I have now is a list of goals, positives of being single and the lessons I've learned from this break up.

The last time my ex and I broke up, I bounced back so strongly and it set me on the path to building up a side business. That business is starting to take off now and shows potential. However, I have to confess she was my motivation - to become financially secure and successful so we could have the fantasy life we always talked of. I'm not sure if that's a good thing to do or if I'm just keeping myself hooked, but there is something very inspiring about the idea of meeting her a year or so from now and being more successful and desirable.

As for diet and working out. I'm going at it hard. I decided now is a good time to bulk since that is when I feel most masculine and bold. It's going great to be fair and I'm already looking bigger and badder than I've looked for ages. I just wish I could feel the animalistic mindset that goes with it.

I do feel like a broken man, but you're right, grieving takes time for anybody and I should be more accepting of it. It happens to even the strongest of men and it helps to get that perspective.

As far as I'm concerned, there is no option other than no contact. If I never see or hear from her again, I want her to remember me as the man she had an amazing relationship with, but who walked out of her life with dignity and without drama when it was over.

She's not used to a man doing that. Her ex husband continues to plead, play mind games, guilt trip and all the typical desperate and emotional behaviour. Likewise, all her girlfriends had needy ex boyfriends/husbands who made a drama and tried desperately to win them back. No contact is my chance to set myself apart from all these guys and show that I'm more confident and in control.

Thanks again for the support, it means a lot!

There's your answer everyone

 

[mikey2012]

Day 25:

I had a long period of respite last night where I felt clear about things, where the pain subsided and I started thinking very positively about moving on. I started reviewing my break up and started seeing it from a very different perspective.

I have not and do not intend to break no contact, but I'm now left wondering if I'm seeing things more clearly or if my mind is attempting to play tricks on me.

When I thought about how we broke up, she was so cold and angry at me. There was no gentle let down or explanation how she's fallen out of love with me, it was just pure venom and anger and it genuinely seems that in her mind I was to blame.

She told me she'd just been through the hardest week in her life and needed some space to deal with some things. We had talked in previous months and I had agreed to give her the space when this time came. However, when she requested it I took it badly and instantly reacted by telling her we should just end things and move on, I immediately deleted her from FB and removed my messenger picture of her and me. I behaved like a spoilt brat!

When I look at it like that, I was a selfish bastard who broke up with her during a bad time and was very blunt about doing so. What's more, I showed her a very immature and insecure side of myself, and she called me on it.

It was only after I sent that text saying we should end things that she activated her dating profile...and put up our special photo that hurt me so much. And that was the only update she made to her profile. When I confronted her about it, she wasn't defensive...she was spiteful and cold. She even threw things back in my face saying, "you were the one who said to move on, so I'm moving on" and "I wondered how long it would take you to get back on that dating site and there you are!" as if she'd been pre-empting me going on there and had put her profile and that hurtful photo online to purposely hurt me.

Ok, so this is an entirely different perspective that changes everything and shows that I am the one who lost my composure and acted insecure (which I have to admit to)...and I'm the one to blame for the break up.

What got me worked up to this state of paranoid is that she had been slightly distant and cancelled a couple of dates the weeks leading upto. She also stopped saying "I love you". I confess that I read a lot into that, perhaps too much. I mean, she still continued to text me every day, still used her loving pet names for me, shared a sexual fantasy about me and said things like "I miss you so much" and "I'm so happy I get to see you tomorrow". She even referred to a few memories in her texts saying what amazing days we had and how thinking of it always brings a smile to her face.

So now I'm left wondering if this whole break up is my doing. Did I fvck up and let my paranoia and insecurity getting the best of me? I've known all along that I was getting insecure and needy, especially in the later month of the relationship and I fear this may have clouded my judgement during this time.

I also have to consider the fact that she was dealing with her biggest divorce court case and had received some bad news regarding finances that changed everything.

What's more, a lot of past memories about her marriage was obviously being dragged up, including a lot of emotions related to her ex. Perhaps she needed the space to let those emotions settle and couldn't give me the love and attention I was craving at that time. She'd already told me a couple of months in advance she would need space during this time because she didn't want her stress to ruin our relationship. I agreed to it and I understood, but I blew it.

All this time I've been jumping to a worst case scenario that she'd been plotting to string me along while she looked for another man, using stress as an excuse and asking for space so I'd be her safety net.

That paranoid thought process and paranoia comes from my own insecurities I guess, but also from many of the woman-hating seduction gurus and PUAs who believe the slightest blip in a relationship means she's cheating or looking to cheat.

I know if I started a topic right now saying "My girlfriend is stressed" I'd get several responses saying she's got another man or is looking to branch swing...and that's exactly how I was thinking. I'd had this paranoia instilled in me.

I never considered that maybe she had a legitimate reason for wanting space or needing me to step back, even though I'd seen her losing weight from stress, getting ill, seeking anti depressants and medical consultation and getting worked up into a panic over it all. That was definitely not an act.

So is my mind playing tricks on me or am I starting to see the break up from a more objective point of view?

Rest assured, it changes nothing in terms of no contact. I won't break it because there's nothing I can do now. I showed her an insecure and offputting side to myself now and that alone has damaged the relationship and her view of me beyond repair. In that case, no contact still applies because I need to detach from her, to heal and get over my neediness and my insecurity.

So that's day 25. Feeling clearer and more stable, and yet still questioning my own mind.

Nothing you can do now