The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Tack]

Somewhere along the way in my obsessive reading of this particular thread someone posted this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio.

Stop what you are doing and go watch it now. I was telling my friend the other day. " I just don't ****ing get it, I did EVERYTHING right and this happened, the only thing that changed was I really started liking her and I even controlled that pretty well when I was with her." There must be some invisible thing about me that changed enough that she would stray like this. something I am unaware of that only a young hypergamous female with a billion options is just picking up from me over the last couple of weeks of being with me. Like a scent or a pheromone.

I think it was Jariel that posted it - fantastic video. Even if you don't buy into much stuff you read on this board (or similar corners of the internet), this video has proven to be an epiphany for so many that I have to echo bateman72 in supporting it.

People might remember a week ago I said I would post how I was feeling after 60 days and give some feedback. Ultimately I didn't, my reason being that I don't feel particularly qualified to be giving advice or support to people that are on the whole significantly more experienced than I am.

My relationship lasted two years, from me being 16 to 18 (as I am today), and thus straddled the awkward boundary between high school and leaving home (in my case to a university about an hour away). Without going into specifics, she was my first everything and so I came to this thread as I was at ultra high risk of spending my first semester of university catatonic with oneitis.

I suppose in regard to dodging the oneitis bullet I can offer some advice. For me the breakup came near exactly when I moved away from home and gained independence, so my world came tumbling down like a tonne of bricks. I was away from my family, my friends, broken up with the girl that was a core of my mid teenage years and starting a university course utterly unlike high school. Now that may seem like too much turmoil and uprooting to cope with but I've found it has offered me invaluable perspective.

Moving away from my family has shown just how much more important they are to me than the passing and going of a girl because unlike her they genuinely are unique to me. In addition to that, the understanding that my education is liable to decide the bulk of my future gives that precedence over her too. Then, with all that free time being single gives, I've been able to refocus on things I truly enjoy.

So that's my input: spend a moment to get some perspective on this break up compared to your life as a whole. If your life revolved around the girl then consider that you've likely been neglecting either family, friends, education, career or essentially yourself!

If you've been defining your life in terms of "her", then guess what? You've just been gifted a truckload of free time to realign that focus on yourself and the things that matter - get introspective because unlike chasing a girl it'll pay off in the long run. You can stay in no contact, everyone in this thread that has managed to keep it up is evidence of that.

You might be thinking "so you're suggesting I don't ever get in a relationship?" and I'm definitely not. This is about restoring balance to your life. For a while after a break up it's advisable to stay single for aforementioned reasons but beyond that it's about spending your time in a way that enriches yourself. A healthy future relationship will definitely be enriching but obsessing over the one girl sure as hell wont be.

I hope I haven't come across as pretentious here, I feel like I owe it to the people that have given advice/support in this thread to share what I feel I've learned. If what I've said seems totally off-key then please do say, I'm here for the same reason everyone else is - to educate myself.

 

[Machtwo]

Tack

I think it was Jariel that posted it - fantastic video. Even if you don't buy into much stuff you read on this board (or similar corners of the internet), this video has proven to be an epiphany for so many that I have to echo bateman72 in supporting it.

People might remember a week ago I said I would post how I was feeling after 60 days and give some feedback. Ultimately I didn't, my reason being that I don't feel particularly qualified to be giving advice or support to people that are on the whole significantly more experienced than I am.

My relationship lasted two years, from me being 16 to 18 (as I am today), and thus straddled the awkward boundary between high school and leaving home (in my case to a university about an hour away). Without going into specifics, she was my first everything and so I came to this thread as I was at ultra high risk of spending my first semester of university catatonic with oneitis.

I suppose in regard to dodging the oneitis bullet I can offer some advice. For me the breakup came near exactly when I moved away from home and gained independence, so my world came tumbling down like a tonne of bricks. I was away from my family, my friends, broken up with the girl that was a core of my mid teenage years and starting a university course utterly unlike high school. Now that may seem like too much turmoil and uprooting to cope with but I've found it has offered me invaluable perspective.

Moving away from my family has shown just how much more important they are to me than the passing and going of a girl because unlike her they genuinely are unique to me. In addition to that, the understanding that my education is liable to decide the bulk of my future gives that precedence over her too. Then, with all that free time being single gives, I've been able to refocus on things I truly enjoy.

So that's my input: spend a moment to get some perspective on this break up compared to your life as a whole. If your life revolved around the girl then consider that you've likely been neglecting either family, friends, education, career or essentially yourself!

If you've been defining your life in terms of "her", then guess what? You've just been gifted a truckload of free time to realign that focus on yourself and the things that matter - get introspective because unlike chasing a girl it'll pay off in the long run. You can stay in no contact, everyone in this thread that has managed to keep it up is evidence of that.

You might be thinking "so you're suggesting I don't ever get in a relationship?" and I'm definitely not. This is about restoring balance to your life. For a while after a break up it's advisable to stay single for aforementioned reasons but beyond that it's about spending your time in a way that enriches yourself. A healthy future relationship will definitely be enriching but obsessing over the one girl sure as hell wont be.

I hope I haven't come across as pretentious here, I feel like I owe it to the people that have given advice/support in this thread to share what I feel I've learned. If what I've said seems totally off-key then please do say, I'm here for the same reason everyone else is - to educate myself.

For someone so young, you have unbelievable, rational qualities, keeping up this train of thought or mindset will keep you grounded and smart for many, many, years, congratulations, older dudes on here should have your tremendous perspective and I include myself in that comment!

 

[drakeramore]

Hey Tack,

Much respect, man! And you are only 18. Indeed impressive the way you think and the way you have approached and tackled successfully the oneitis menace.

Keep it up, continue educating yourself and sharing what you have learned in the process. I know for a fact that I was nowhere near that wise and reflective on that subject when I was 18. Hell, even now at times!

 

[Arossi2211]

Good!! I know it's tough man but hang in there. If you think at the thought she might cringe if you contact her and that she maybe even laughing with her new bf at your begging then this will stop you from posting.

If she really wants you back then she will find a way to contact you.

She probably is laughing at me right now and she is happy without me so I'm going to have to deal with it. !!

 

[mikey2012]

She probably is laughing at me right now and she is happy without me so I'm going to have to deal with it. !!

Fvck her. She will not have a good death

 

[jgutta23]

what do you guys say when you see her around the way after going ghost and she asks what happened to you? why haven't you been replying to my texts?

 

[Dgwizdal]

what do you guys say when you see her around the way after going ghost and she asks what happened to you? why haven't you been replying to my texts?

I've been busy - shell get the point. Whatever you do say, do not make it relevant to the relationship ex: I thought we needed time apart

 

[Arossi2211]

Day # 5

Coming to terms with the fact that were over for good and starting to heal. Another gym session today working out as hard as I could considering how weak I've become since the split. Had my first decent nights sleep last night and also eating much better. I have arranged to see the kids next Friday so until then keeping NC and playing hard to get if she does make any advances (which is unlikely).

 

[mikey2012]

Day # 5

Coming to terms with the fact that were over for good and starting to heal. Another gym session today working out as hard as I could considering how weak I've become since the split. Had my first decent nights sleep last night and also eating much better. I have arranged to see the kids next Friday so until then keeping NC and playing hard to get if she does make any advances (which is unlikely).

She won't make contact coZ ahe a cvnt

So gutted she bad her new bf going to event thus thurs

 

[mikey2012]

It hurts so much

 

[Jariel]

Hang in there guys.

I like to keep checking into this thread every so often and offering whatever support I can. It's shocking when I look back at how I was just a few months ago, how I'd cry every morning and feel like ending it all. I felt so pathetic and desperate, like a broken man, and yet here I am today and I barely recognise what I became.

One thing you should all know is that what you're going through is natural and perfectly reasonable. A lot of guys will tell you to man up, stop being a pvssy and you'll probably even tell yourself this and you'll feel worse for it, but don't be so hard on yourself! This hurts like fvcking crazy! It can even be worse than a bereavement, because not only are you losing someone you loved, but you're dealing with the pain of rejection and wounded self esteem too.

Accept that it's going to hurt. Accept that your emotions are running wild and understand that you have to live as this broken man for a while as you heal. In the same way you cannot just get over a broken leg and walk the next day, your emotions need time to heal too.

This is a powerful and life changing experience for you! It feels horrible, but it's actually doing you so much good. It's making you stronger, smarter and you will emerge from this less afraid of rejection, more motivated for life and it can be a turning point where you go on to become a greater man than you've ever been!

I wouldn't say I'm 100% recovered from my break up, but I'm at the point now where I feel great! I'm channeling all that pain and resentment into my work outs and I'm looking and feeling like a badass. I'm dating, spinning plates and have some prospects I'm actually really positive about. I'm putting my lessons from my break up into practice and I'm working on my confidence, embracing my boldness and sexuality and each day is filled with potential.

It takes time to get to this point, but just have faith that one day your pain will end and you will emerge so much better for it.

However, the only way you'll ever reach that point is to let go of the past. Stop strategising, stop all temptation to call her, stop checking your phone for messages or missed calls and let it really sink in that it's over. Once it does, it will hit you like a sledgehammer to the guts. This is why we all put it off and cling to that hope...we just cannot face the idea of letting go. But when you do, each day gets easier and life becomes good again!

 

[drakeramore]

Day #22 almost over.

Jariel, your post does speak to me.

I do feel like a broken man. Am desperate to call her, to hear from her and to tell her how much she hurt me. I don't know what good that will do though. We all know it won't do any at all.

I feel it deep down that I still have not let it go. I am waiting for her to contact me, to give me a sign that she still thinks about me every now and then and suffers at least to a degree like the way I do. Yes, she lives with another guy now and in a new and beautiful city with lots of exciting attractions and nice people. Yet, I feel this goddamn hope that she still loves me and just has not realized it yet, that after a few months with the new guy she will want to come back to me.

That is some ridiculous bs, I know. Don't get me wrong, I have no illusions. It is just that all those lovely memories, conversations, special moments we shared, exciting and new to each of us (at least that were her words, she entered our relationship much more experienced than me and having been burnt badly in the past by a guy) start coming back in my head and I just cannot fathom and come to grips with the idea that she has now moved on and I still have not and I still live in those past days. As if all is how it was and nothing has changed. That is my mindset quite often and I find myself refusing to accept the simple and cold facts - that she has left and moved on and is most likely happy and smiling while embracing and cuddling and fvcking some new fvckin guy right now.

This line of thinking is making me crazy and I feel like am dying on the inside. At work I feel lonely as hell because I need to act as usual and usually I am the more upbeat guy who cracks jokes and is in a light mood.

Very hard to do these days.

I can't wait for this to be over, I am at day #22, I want to just fast forward two months and get rid of this feeling in my stomach and heart, that heaviness that is bringing me down and extinguishes all energy and enthusiasm I have for living.

I am looking forward to the holidays, will be going to my hometown and hopefully will be able to cheer up a little.

The weirdest thing of all is that prior to meeting this girl I was pretty much by myself, alone as a dog, living by myself, even not having a job for some time. Yet, I have never ever felt this lonely, alone and powerless, unable to get excited or happy about anything, always going back to her in my mind and the fact that most likely I will never have her again and I will never be able to bond with another woman as I did with her, that I will never be able to trust somebody as I did her. Even though she hid the truth from me that she was moving on these past months and was distant dating this guy from her workplace who lived in another country. She did not cheat on me exactly as we had in a way broken off the relationship but continued being together and talking a lot. I thought she would tell me if she was going to move on. She did not and she had been moving on for months with this guy, visited him and vice versa. And I turned out to be this naive, romantic fool who could not move on as what we had between us was "unique" and irreplaceable, I couldn't afford to lose it.

The irony is that a year ago she was all over me, begging me for my attention and wanting to have a more serious relationship with me. I wanted more freedom and felt pressured, did not want to get with her and make her exclusive and hurt her as the guy in her past by cheating on her. I was so goddamn honest with her, wanted to never ever hurt her, that is why I did not want a serious relationship at that point, took her for granted. Even told her of a female colleague of mine who was making advances and was flirting with me. I wanted to keep my conscience clean and told her everything about it. It backfired big time as she was convinced I was about to sleep with this girl. Some huge insecurities issues came up, she started blaming me and kinda pushed me away by doing that. Completely irrational because obviously if I wanted to do something with this girl at work I would have never mentioned her to my ex girl. Women's psyche right there in a nutshell.

Before meeting her I never felt the need to be with somebody, now I am craving for that and for her especially. I guess ignorance is bliss as they say.

These days have been horrible and maintaining NC is difficult as hell.

On to day #23

 

[Renegade357]

I wouldn't say I'm 100% recovered from my break up, but I'm at the point now where I feel great!

Same here man. Time to shake off the wounds, take the loss, get out of boyfriend mode and go into kill mode. No prisoners will be taken.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Originally Posted by Jariel

I wouldn't say I'm 100% recovered from my break up, but I'm at the point now where I feel great!

Same here man. Time to shake off the wounds, take the loss, get out of boyfriend mode and go into kill mode. No prisoners will be taken.

I approve this message!

 

[Jariel]

Another very insightful video I thought would be worth sharing. It won't necessarily help you with your break up, but it might help you understand and avoid the same mistakes in future...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2lwNe-sTtA

 

[Blinkers]

Just suffering a major set back. Had no choice but to see her on account of turning up on the doorstep. She said we need to call it a day. I said I know its the right choice and that im moving on, so this is goodbye. She cried, I gave her a hug and then she left. I got a text shortly after asking if we could have a second goodbye. I just text back 'im looking for hello's now' she replied with 'ok I understand' and thats how I left it. She still has some stuff here so I am sure I will see her again and ill need to be prepared and indifferent that day..

 

[Renegade357]

Just suffering a major set back. Had no choice but to see her on account of turning up on the doorstep. She said we need to call it a day. I said I know its the right choice and that im moving on, so this is goodbye. She cried, I gave her a hug and then she left. I got a text shortly after asking if we could have a second goodbye. I just text back 'im looking for hello's now' she replied with 'ok I understand' and thats how I left it. She still has some stuff here so I am sure I will see her again and ill need to be prepared and indifferent that day..

Sucks dude. I just told my ex to keep my stuff. If it can be replaced who cares? Normally they want you to take it back when the new sucker is hanging around her place. Seeing your stuff might upset him.

 

[bateman72]

update day 10

Well I am in her city and have managed not to call, text, or email her. It sucks because walking around the streets here reminds me of her.

I'm going out tonight, need to manage my alcohol consumption well as I don't want to have a moment of weakness and try to contact her.

Trying to smile and flirt with everyone but its very difficult. I am also working hard on some online dating sites, hope to arrange a date before I fly back out.

wish me luck...50 more days to go.

 

[Arossi2211]

She won't make contact coZ ahe a cvnt

So gutted she bad her new bf going to event thus thurs

What do you mean?

 

[Arossi2211]

Day # 6

Today has been a big struggle been thinking about her all day and all I want is to have her back in my life !! I'm not coping at all today feel lost.