The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[narcissist]

okay so basically its DAY 12?13? of no contact... honestly not paying attention

im just going to do a full recap of whats happened so far...

feel free to read it! give me feedback! criticism, assertions, comments.. whatever you guys want i dont mind at all

so around 2 weeks ago i come home with my ex girlfriend after a night of going downtown and it was a lot of fun (at the time we were still dating). i really loved her that night no joke, but i wanted to make sure she was worth my love. This is because two months prior me and her got back together after a month of being apart beecause she cheated on me, and me being the AFC i was i got back with her after she begged... stupid mistake i made was ever getting back with her... anyways i loved her but i wanted to make sure i wasnt wasting my time becasue she has a history of cheating.....

well i looked through her phone while she was sleeping and the things i found in there were absolutely disgusting... i found out shes been cheating on me for the past month and planning on breaking up with me becasue she didnt "love me at all and was using me for emotional support" it said in her phone that she was scared to break up with me because she wanted to "ween" herself off of me so i wouldnt hurt, some bull****

i put the phone down and put on this song ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JwkUFfspu_M ) with my headphones because i was so mad and i had to get my anger out first before i talked to her because iw anted to keep a cool and calm exterior. so i blasted that song and it got me ready loool

i go lie down and she puts her arm on me and i shove it off and she immediatly gets up and asks whats wrong... i basically tell her in as little words as possible that im done with her and she has to leave and too get her stuff as soon as possible,

a couple days goes by and i throw her stuff outside - i have a pic if u want to see - and text her "ur stuffs outside, go get it" she gets it and comes back later in the night and cries to my mom saying that she "lost her bestfriend" "blah blah blah" "bulls**t"

she gets her friend to call me the same night and tells me that shell come give me my stuff instead of my ex i say "ok" and hang up

she comes like 4 days ago and i get into the car and after talking to her friend for like 3-5 mins my effing exs pops out of the trunk no joke -.-
hops in my lap and starts kissing my neck... the whole time im just like uhhhh stop and i get up an go back inside

today she texts me "i miss you so much, have a good day" i ignore

then calls me tonight via "unknown" and i pick up because i have some interviewers calling me for jobs so i have to pick it up

phone convo went on for like 1 min then im like "yeah i got to go"

she calls back 3 times i dont pick up

and basically thats up to date, figured i had to update you guys

in the first 5-6 days i was kind of sad to let her go but during the past 4-5 days ive been really happy to let her go

im talking to 3 girls right now and my friend told me this broad at my school thinks im really cute and so i think something can happen there...

all in all pretty good S**t guys

stay strong guys, a woman isnt worth it

if you have trouble with thinking about your exs and being all sad and stuff listen to the song i posted up there.. trust me u wont give a S**t after that hahaha

 

[itdude]

@european dj

Its been a while since you posted on this thread. It's good to hear that you are moving on. Has she tried to get in touch with you over this last 80 days?

It sucks that she lives so close by though. I don't think I would have been able to deal with that as you are. Hang in there guy. You are doing very well.

 

[waltfranks]

So, at the end of Day 1, she emails me saying that she is sorry about a lot of things and just wants me to know and that she will leave it be. And then the x which she uses so powerfully
Like a dunce, I email her back asking leave what be? She says she didn't want to hassle me for a response.
I tell her when I see her on the platform that she has nothing to be sorry for and it's really OK. Then I walk away which I guess partially rescues the situation.
But why, after just a day or two of NC when she made it crystal clear that she wanted nothing to do with me, did she email me late at night saying how sorry she was 'about a lot of things'.
So, I guess today is Day 1 (again)!

 

[itdude]

waltfranks - you yourself said you were needy and clingy. now on the very first day of NC you already break it!! This is what got you here in the first place.

You have a golden opportunity here to man up and show her you are not this weak guy.

GIVE HER SPACE!

 

[waltfranks]

waltfranks - you yourself said you were needy and clingy. now on the very first day of NC you already break it!! This is what got you here in the first place.

You have a golden opportunity here to man up and show her you are not this weak guy.

GIVE HER SPACE!

Thanks, itdude. How true. At least I walked away today instead of doing the usual clingy thing with her.
Will be back with more updates

 

[European-DJ]

do not contact her at all my friend , shes a cheater , and is no good in the long run , even if you got back together the is always nagging doubts in your mind ....foook that you have youth on your side ...plus you are learning this stuff while you are young , when i was 21 mate there was NO internet to fall back on like this website for instance.

Thank you for the very thorough answer, it is highly appreciated.

While I must admit that the whole scenario and insident was very devestating, I am handling the situation as good as I can.
I am not intending to break contact nor go back to her, because even though I really miss her, I know the relationship will be nothing but shvt, as soon as the 'honeymoon' stage of the reconciliation has passed, whether it last a month or a week, it simply isn't worth it.

I have a bad conscious for some of the ways I have treated her during our relationship, and I think it the consciousness that is getting the best of me, and want to go back and apologize for everything.

I have considered sending her a Christmas card, where I will thank her for the good times and apologize for my mistakes, wish her the best of luck and let her know explicitly that the letter is not an intention to get her back and instead wish her the best of luck with her new rationship.
- the reason for the letter is purely to get rid of my bad consciousness, if it is still present by the 20-22th of December.


What's your guys take on this letter by the way?

 

[European-DJ]

@european dj

Its been a while since you posted on this thread. It's good to hear that you are moving on. Has she tried to get in touch with you over this last 80 days?

It sucks that she lives so close by though. I don't think I would have been able to deal with that as you are. Hang in there guy. You are doing very well.

Hi ITdude,

Yes, its been quite a while, but I have lurked the forum and followed the progress of all you guys - and you are doing well! It is interesting to notice how the same patterns emerge throughout every breakup, and how the ups and downs come as unexpected surprices.

She has still not reached out to me, and I must honestly admit that I don't think she ever will, she has a new boyfriend and this is how complicated it is:
Her new boyfriend is best friends with her best friend. Her best friend is dating her roomie, who is best friends with my EX's boyfriend. So it is one large group of friends, who all attend the same school and are double dating all the time - what a mess for my chances of her reaching out HAHA...

On the other hand I am happy for her, and I am happy that the chance of her reaching out is probably out of reach.

 

[Formerlyrossitheking]

Thank you for the very thorough answer, it is highly appreciated.

While I must admit that the whole scenario and insident was very devestating, I am handling the situation as good as I can.
I am not intending to break contact nor go back to her, because even though I really miss her, I know the relationship will be nothing but shvt, as soon as the 'honeymoon' stage of the reconciliation has passed, whether it last a month or a week, it simply isn't worth it.

I have a bad conscious for some of the ways I have treated her during our relationship, and I think it the consciousness that is getting the best of me, and want to go back and apologize for everything.

I have considered sending her a Christmas card, where I will thank her for the good times and apologize for my mistakes, wish her the best of luck and let her know explicitly that the letter is not an intention to get her back and instead wish her the best of luck with her new rationship.
- the reason for the letter is purely to get rid of my bad consciousness, if it is still present by the 20-22th of December.


What's your guys take on this letter by the way?

This girl (who cheated on you)......deserves no Christmas card from you dude. You don't need to explain yourself to her. You've done great on 80 days. Continue to move on and send a card to someone more deserving.

 

[tripod23]

european dj........please listen to me fella........do not send anything to her no card no nothing,,,,,,,i repeat do not do it.

this will give her a massive ego trip and further proves she is still on your mind.......if the situation was different i would say go for it , but with this girl i seriously wouldnt bother dude....AT ALL.

WHATEVER YOU SEND WILL BE SHOWN TO EVERYONE WHO SHE HANGS AROUND WITH AND ALL THE OTHER DUDES WILL FIND OUT AS WELL......DO NOT DO IT PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

DO NOT TRY TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING FURTHER , YOU HAVE ALREADY TRIED TO MAKE THINGS RIGHT AND IT DIDNT WORK , I AM IN THE SAME BOAT AS A LOT OF THE GUYS HERE, AND THERE ARE DAYS WHEN I FEEL BAD ABOUT THINGS I SAID TO MY EX WHEN I ABSOLUTLY BLASTED HER TO THE POINT WHERE SHE LOOK AFRAID . ANY FURTHER CONTACT FROM YOU WILL SHOW WEAKNESS , NOT ATTRACTIVE AT ALL TO WOMEN , SURE SOME WOMEN THINK OOOH HOW CUTE HE TURN UP WITH FLOWERS, BUT STILL THEY WILL NOT SORT THINGS OUT AS THEY SHOULD.

LEAVES THINGS AS THEY ARE AND MOVE ON MY FRIEND , MY EX HAD ANOTHER DUDE ROUND AT HER PLACE SHORTLY AFTER WE BROKE UP , AND TRIED TO SAY IT WASNT SERIOUS,,,,, WELL MAYBE IT WASNT , BUT WHERE WAS HE SLEEPING UNTIL THE EARLY HRS OF THE MORNING THEN ,

LISTEN GUYS THINK ABOUT WHAT YOUR DOING BEFORE YOU REACT , I AM TRYING TO EXPLAIN THAT I HAVE DONE SOME OF THE THINGS YOU ARE THINKING OF DOING ,,,,AND PLAIN AND SIMPLE IT DOESNT WORK.

WALK AND NEVER LOOK BACK IS THE ONLY WAY TO A HAPPIER PLACE , ANY CONTACT AT ALL MUST BE HER IDEA , THEN YOU HAVE THE POWER AND THE DECISION TO MAKE WETHER TO REPLY , WHICH A LOT OF GUYS WILL REPLY , AND A LOT SAY FOOOK YOU - AND DELETE .

JUST ALWAYS TRY TO BE POLITE IF YOU CAN AS IF YOUR OK WITH THE OUTCOME , ITS HER LOSS REMEMBER BECAUSE YOUR A CATCH......

AS TIME ROLLS BY I KNOW MY EX WILL NOT REACH OUT TO ME , TODAY IS DAY 70 OF NC....AND THERE HAS NOT BEEN A PEEP OUT OF HER....SHE SH-T ON ME BIG TIME AND SHE KNOWS IT, BUT SHE IS SO STUBBURN ITS UNTRUE .

YOU NEED TO BE PLANNING THE NEXT PHASE OF YOUR LIFE AND FORGET YOUR EX , BECAUSE TO RETURN TO WHAT YOU FIRST HAD IS DAMN NEAR IMPOSSIBLE I THINK , WITHOUT A LOT OF GOOD COMMUNICATION WHICH I KNOW SIMPLE WONT HAPPEN , SO YOU HAVE CHOICES TO MAKE OR YOU STAY WRAPPED UP IN THE HOPE SHE COMES BACK AND BEGS YOU , OR YOU MOVE FORWARD.

FOR ME THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY TO GO AND THATS FORWARD , LET HER DATE WHO SHE WANTS , BANG WHO SHE WANTS , EVEN FOOOKING MARRY WHO SHE WANTS..........AT LEAST THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL . I KNOW ONE DAY VERY SOON I WILL FEEL LIKE I USED TO.

AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO THAT DAY BELEIVE ME.......

REALLY HOPE THE ABOVE HELPS SOME OF YOU.

HAVE A GOOD DAY

 

[Jariel]

WHAT THE FVCK IS WRONG WITH ME AND HOW TO I SAVE MYSELF FROM MYSELF?!

I woke up this morning having another paranoid day. All I could think about is how she was with someone else, how she's manipulated me, used me to fix her ego and left me a mess.

I ended up finding her number on an old letter and I sent her a text. Nothing nasty, just a little abrupt saying how I wish she hadn't contacted me and let me think she wanted to talk, then ditch me.

She replied soon after saying this kind of behaviour is exactly why she left me. After reading my letter she thought I might actually be sincere about taking responsibility for my mistakes, but this text just proved to her I've not changed.

Here comes the kick...she's not been in touch with me or acknowledged my letter because her dad died!!

Fvck!?! What can I say to that? I have just ruined every chance of recovery, every last shred of dignity and she probably thinks so little of me right now. I've just gone and confirmed exactly why she doesn't want me back.

I thought I'd learned this lesson. I vowed I would never do anything so stupid again, and yet here I am making the same mistake again and again!

 

[Lotus Effect]

I have considered sending her a Christmas card, where I will thank her for the good times and apologize for my mistakes, wish her the best of luck and let her know explicitly that the letter is not an intention to get her back and instead wish her the best of luck with her new rationship.
- the reason for the letter is purely to get rid of my bad consciousness, if it is still present by the 20-22th of December.


What's your guys take on this letter by the way?

F*CK NO!!!

DO NOT DO THIS MAN!!!!! FOR F*CK SAKE!!!

THINK ABOUT IT. YOU ARE 80 DAYS FULL NC. HAS SHE TRIED TO REACH YOU? NO!!!
DID SHE HAD ANY CONSIDERATION FOR WHAT SHE DONE TO YOU? NO!!!
IS SHE FEELING GUILTY ABOUT THE SH*T SHE DID?? HELL NO!!

SO DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. SHE IS A F**KING CHEATER. YOU ARE A DECENT MAN.
SHE DESERVES NOTHING BUT SILENCE FROM YOU MAN!!!

PLEASE. DO NOT SEND HER A LETTER. A CARD. AN EMAIL. A TELEGRAM. A MESSAGE. NOTHING!!!

I'VE MADE THIS MISTAKE 42 DAYS AGO. AND I LIVE TO REGRET IT. SHE CHEATED ON ME, AND NOW SHE BELIEVES SHE IS GOD ON EARTH TO ME, WHICH SHE IS NOT.

READ SOME OF MY POSTS. READ THIS THREAD I'VE WROTE.
READ THE ANSWER I GOT FROM HER.

DON'T F**KING DO IT MAN! DO NOT BE STUPID!

TRIPOD SAID THIS, AND HE IS MORE THAN RIGHT

this will give her a massive ego trip and further proves she is still on your mind.......if the situation was different i would say go for it , but with this girl i seriously wouldnt bother dude....AT ALL.

WHATEVER YOU SEND WILL BE SHOWN TO EVERYONE WHO SHE HANGS AROUND WITH AND ALL THE OTHER DUDES WILL FIND OUT AS WELL......DO NOT DO IT PLAIN AND SIMPLE.

IF YOU READ THE ANSWER SHE GAVE ME, YOU WILL REALISE THE MASSIVE EGO TRIP SHE HAD.
AND I HAVE CONFIRMATION SHE SENT MY EMAIL TO EVERYONE SHE KNOWS, BECAUSE I'VE SENT IT WITH OPENING NOTIFICATIONS, AND SHE SENT IT TO 12 PEOPLE TWELVE!! ONCE AGAIN, MASSIVE EGO TRIP.

 

[Machtwo]

but let me tell you from my point of view , you are young enough to get through this ......i saw i mate of mine last week who iv known all my life , he has just broken up with his partner after 13 yrs , they lived together and all the rest of it , he will be selling up moving back with parents and starting again . he is 42......

This could almost be me, partner of 13 years, married for nearly 3, selling up, moved back to my parents and starting again at
the ripe old age of 47!!

This is weird, I have three, 23 year old chicks who love my company, one of them I'm spending Saturday afternoon with, then meeting up with the rest of them later in the evening. Although this is a little and welcome ego boost for me, I'm not interested in females half my age, I'll let you know how this develops!

 

[tripod23]

jariel mate , im sorry your ex father died , this will have made things much worse pal , timing is everything in life , listen mate i have read some of your advice to other people on here and you sound level headed to me so stop panicing....life will sort itself out , but doing this sort of thing is never going to help trust me , you are staring up bad feelings when you had tried to set things level with her

now do the right thing here ,and from now on listen to what i am saying...... out of respect for her late father - send her a sympathy card with a very simple message inside , and if there is to be a furnural maybe turn up be polite to her and her family then walk away and go ghost......simple.

she may respect you for this [ maybe ]

jariel , do not put any bs in the card or anything about you and her , this is out of respect for one of her parents.......

talk about bad timing for fvcks sake..............

 

[Machtwo]

Jariel

I agree with tripod here, simple message in a sympathy card is all that is required. I'm not so sure about the turning up at the funeral though..if you got on well with him, maybe stand at the back, keep yourself to yourself, pay your respects and go GHOST this time, you are doing more harm than good it seems, stand back, take stock of the situation, let the dust settle, disappear.

It could go both ways at the funeral, you could make her furious or she could thank you from the bottom of her heart for supporting her, but if she has somebody else now, think carefully before acting.

**** I've had a re-think here, I have a terminally ill brother, he's not got long left, if she sends me or my family anything when the
inevitable happens, it will be getting sent right back to her with a mouthful as well!!

 

[Lotus Effect]

She gets:

No call
No text
No message
No email
No snapchat
No fb
No letter
No chance meeting
No meet up
No 'first date'
No spoonfeeding
No tease
No 'neg'
No second chance

Nothing.

Whether it's a week, 30days, the 'golden' 2 months, a year. Whatever.

She gets Nothing.

It's been. It's done. It's gone.

The sooner you realize your wasting your fvcking time. The better.

She is not coming back.

It's dead.

Grief.

Then come back stronger. Your time deserves it.

Then when she attempts to get back in contact with you (for nothing more than an ego boast) which she will eventually do (because you have showed a backbone).......be it a week, a month, a year or whatever.

You simply........repeat the above.

Your time is more valuable than some chick. Time will confirm that to you.

^^^THIS!!! Absolute spot on!

+1 Rep

 

[Lotus Effect]

WHAT THE FVCK IS WRONG WITH ME AND HOW TO I SAVE MYSELF FROM MYSELF?!

I woke up this morning having another paranoid day. All I could think about is how she was with someone else, how she's manipulated me, used me to fix her ego and left me a mess.

I ended up finding her number on an old letter and I sent her a text. Nothing nasty, just a little abrupt saying how I wish she hadn't contacted me and let me think she wanted to talk, then ditch me.

She replied soon after saying this kind of behaviour is exactly why she left me. After reading my letter she thought I might actually be sincere about taking responsibility for my mistakes, but this text just proved to her I've not changed.

Here comes the kick...she's not been in touch with me or acknowledged my letter because her dad died!!

Fvck!?! What can I say to that? I have just ruined every chance of recovery, every last shred of dignity and she probably thinks so little of me right now. I've just gone and confirmed exactly why she doesn't want me back.

I thought I'd learned this lesson. I vowed I would never do anything so stupid again, and yet here I am making the same mistake again and again!

Even though I agree with Tripod and Machtwo about sending a card, I do not believe you should keep on blaming yourself man.

I said it a million times now, and I'm feeling like a broken record now. But here it goes again.

SHE DOES NOT GIVE A F*CK ABOUT YOU!!! YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE A F*CK ABOUT HER!!!

Let me explain.
Her father died right? Yes!
Were you aware of that? No!
Why you were not aware of that? Because she have not told you!
And why she haven't told you?...

...BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!!! Simple as that.

If you meant something to her, the day the old man passed away she would have called you, crying, asking for your support.
But guess what??

SHE DOES NOT NEED YOUR SUPPORT!! SHE DON'T GIVE A F*CK ABOUT YOUR SUPPORT!!

Again, as I said a million times, her telling you "that this kind of behaviour is exactly why she left you. After reading your letter she thought you might actually be sincere about taking responsibility for your mistakes, but this text just proved to her you've not changed" is just and all about her feeling good with herself.

How? By makling you feeling like sh*t. And the dead father stuff? To make you feel worse.
Now she knows you feel like sh*t, and she is Oh so happy about it. She is mean. Don't take this like you are the villain. You are not. You've wrote on that letter what you've felt, and there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Her father might be dead or not but if your letter had any meaning AT ALL to her, she would have replied it ages ago. There would be no way in hell that if she got a letter from f*cking Brad Pitt that she would not have found time to reply. Her father dying is just an excelent excuse to make you feel like sh*t even more, and her the saint angel of righteousness.
Now, more than ever, she feels like you are nothing but a fearfull worshiper of her benevolence, and you should pay the price for judging her heavenly behaviour.

I'm sorry to say this. But F*ck her, and f*ck her dead father. To hell with him. I'm not sorry for him. I'm not sorry for any of them! Nobody was sorry for you and yet you still feel like it's your mistake. You can go tell her that your sorry and you were not aware of that, or you can send a card paying your respects. Both of them will just reinforce that SHE is right and you are wrong.
That you are the mean incosiderate ex bf who have no respect and whose SHE has to change her mind about your maturity because she is the keeper of everything that is right or wrong, and your little text just showed her, the goddess of all that is true that you are not worthy of her blessings...

F*ck that sh*t man.
Just go ghost already. Stop trying to mend a broken jar with spit. And the broken jar is not the relationship. IT IS HER.
She is a broken and problematic woman who only mission in life is to f**k little sucKers like you lifes so she can feel good about her sh*tty life for a while.

Be a man. Live with your regrets AND GET THE F*CK OUT!!!! IT IS OVER!!!
(this is also going in your inbox to make sure you will read it)

 

[Machtwo]

Fvck me Lotus, don't hold back!!

 

[Culebra23]

Fvck me Lotus, don't hold back!!

DAYUMMMM - Lotus is on a roll, LMFAO!! Right on bro, Jariel, Lotus the brasilero is correct, listen to him!!

 

[john doe71]

Even though I agree with Tripod and Machtwo about sending a card, I do not believe you should keep on blaming yourself man.

I said it a million times now, and I'm feeling like a broken record now. But here it goes again.

SHE DOES NOT GIVE A F*CK ABOUT YOU!!! YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE A F*CK ABOUT HER!!!

Let me explain.
Her father died right? Yes!
Were you aware of that? No!
Why you were not aware of that? Because she have not told you!
And why she haven't told you?...

...BECAUSE SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!!! Simple as that.

If you meant something to her, the day the old man passed away she would have called you, crying, asking for your support.
But guess what??

SHE DOES NOT NEED YOUR SUPPORT!! SHE DON'T GIVE A F*CK ABOUT YOUR SUPPORT!!

Again, as I said a million times, her telling you "that this kind of behaviour is exactly why she left you. After reading your letter she thought you might actually be sincere about taking responsibility for your mistakes, but this text just proved to her you've not changed" is just and all about her feeling good with herself.

How? By makling you feeling like sh*t. And the dead father stuff? To make you feel worse.
Now she knows you feel like sh*t, and she is Oh so happy about it. She is mean. Don't take this like you are the villain. You are not. You've wrote on that letter what you've felt, and there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Her father might be dead or not but if your letter had any meaning AT ALL to her, she would have replied it ages ago. There would be no way in hell that if she got a letter from f*cking Brad Pitt that she would not have found time to reply. Her father dying is just an excelent excuse to make you feel like sh*t even more, and her the saint angel of righteousness.
Now, more than ever, she feels like you are nothing but a fearfull worshiper of her benevolence, and you should pay the price for judging her heavenly behaviour.

I'm sorry to say this. But F*ck her, and f*ck her dead father. To hell with him. I'm not sorry for him. I'm not sorry for any of them! Nobody was sorry for you and yet you still feel like it's your mistake. You can go tell her that your sorry and you were not aware of that, or you can send a card paying your respects. Both of them will just reinforce that SHE is right and you are wrong.
That you are the mean incosiderate ex bf who have no respect and whose SHE has to change her mind about your maturity because she is the keeper of everything that is right or wrong, and your little text just showed her, the goddess of all that is true that you are not worthy of her blessings...

F*ck that sh*t man.
Just go ghost already. Stop trying to mend a broken jar with spit. And the broken jar is not the relationship. IT IS HER.
She is a broken and problematic woman who only mission in life is to f**k little sucKers like you lifes so she can feel good about her sh*tty life for a while.

Be a man. Live with your regrets AND GET THE F*CK OUT!!!! IT IS OVER!!!
(this is also going in your inbox to make sure you will read it)

We have all tried to tell him and he doesnt listen. He obviously has low self esteem and his probs are beyond any advice we give. Sux but it is rediculous. Man the fu*ck up ariel!!!!! And get on with ur life!!!

 

[Jariel]

What can I say guys, you were right and she's told me now that she's been seeing someone else.

I am not even going to recount all the mistakes I've made, all the advice I should've taken and how badly I have fvcked up.

I really should've just listened and not taken this guilt and blame upon myself.

I can't really say anything more. You guys tried to tell me, yet I wasn't taking it in. I've learned the hard way now. Hopefully it will sink in and save me this trouble in the future.

Not really sure how to rebuild myself from here.