Day 20 - Her first attempt!
Hey Guys!
As I've said on a previous post, since I couldn't get the closure I've needed after several flakes, I
forced a closure myself, and sent her an email (
it was a long email). Basically it said what I've understood, what I've learned, that
I would not wait for her and that I was
going to cut contact never to be heard.
Forgave her, thanked her and Godspeed.
This was 20 days ago. The last time I contacted her, after this long
5 month hell I've been living. But also, the first time I decided to act as a grown Man.
Dgwizdal said:
The smartest thing you can do right now if she texts you say "I have been thinking and breaking up was the best thing for us - I've realized that I no longer feel the same as well. The relationship has gone stale and we need no contact for a long time so we can both move forward." This will be counterintuitive to your betaness right now but you will see my wisdom 4-5 months from now. Right now you need to eliminate all of her power over you in order to spark attraction down the line.
It was quite like this, but instead
3 pages long, and
not as manly as Dgwizdal put it. I didn't act like a real man would, and if I did it like this it would be waaay better, but
it was ok, and it served it purpose!
She txt back almost instantly saying that she read over and over again, but
she couldn't answer me at the time, 'cause
I deserved the answer to be well though, so
she would reply me up until the weekend. The weekend came and went, and then the next week, and the next, and the next...
(also, I haven't replied this txt, because it would be plain stupid)
It was ok 'cause I never asked for a reply, it was my closure, but she telling me that she would reply and not doing it made me fell bad, very bad. I also regreted sending the email later.
I was really bad last week, so I've read lots of stuff, and found about
Borderline Personality Disorder. I've related instantly. I also posted the link in here to help some dudes. It opened my eyes, and I thank god I've read it. Here is why.
I was working my ass off to get better.
It has been the worst 20 days. I've cried every single one of them but yesterday.
Yesterday I felt good. And yesterday, when I was feeling kinda better, better enough to others to notice, I've opened my email unpretensiously, and
guess what...?
She sent me an email. The subject was
"This is not an answer". Hahaha, what a joke!:crackup:
As I've said earlier, thank god I've read
this
Here is some specific advice that I've read on the above site, and it's nothing further from the truth:
if she calls or "checks in" to see how you're doing in the aftermath of this relationship, it's never about you! Your needs didn't matter while she was with you, and they don't matter now. You may feel grateful she seems to care enough to keep the connection alive--but her sole purpose is keeping you around to meet her needs (no matter what she says to the contrary)...
...don't presume that she's calling for your sake.
...Do not intercept her calls; if you decide to return them, do it when you're feeling more centered, and it's easy/convenient for you. Don't reply to any emails or text messages, and do not respond to her "emergencies!" It won't win her back, or make her think more highly of you...
...It's best if you don't hear her voicemails, or read what she sends. Doing so, only prolongs your pain. Delete, delete, delete!!!
What I've done.
I haven't read it. I had my sister and my best friend reading it, and then
I deleted it
I have
ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT DOES IT SAY, and I feel great about it. Had a decent night of sleep after some long time. Though what I know is,
both said she is really worthless, that it was true and
it was not about me, it was only for her, and the cherry on top,
it was 2 (two) lines long response. Lines I said
So basically, the answer that
I deserved 'cause it had to be well though, that she would
answer me in 3 days time... took 20 days to come up, and it was 2 lines long (versus a 3 pages long email)
Bottomline, I've never felt more sure of my decision, never felt more confident about NC, and just had emphyrical proff that she is worthless (and crazy). I'm not saying that the problem is in her.
I am guilty of being a beta chump during the relationship. And I'm working hard to become the man that I know I can be.
100% focused on myself, and my self improvement!
Now let us wait for the next episode. I'm guessing that there will be a next one, hence the Subject "This is not an answer". Such a
coward and coldless b***h. Making me wait for her attention. She is really mean, and messed up on the head.
I'm guessing at least another month or so for another "I am going to answer you, just not now!" Hahahaha!
Meanwhile, the plates are spinning! =)
Thanks everyone in here, guys who are helping, and guys who are in need. You are all my personal heroes!
Dgwizdal said:
Do not give her the time of day after the "I do not feel the same way either" text mentioned earlier. Zero response, zero reply, zero emotional response (forever), until you are too much of a boss for petty b*tches
". After a few days of texting and also talking on the phone, i realised her replies were getting cold, so i established a 2nd round of NC, 1 and a half week in still no replies from her. We both have the same tuition class so would see each other on a weekly basis. Two nights ago something interesting happened to me, while i was sleeping, i dreamt of her name and suddenly woke up. I think im getting obsessed about her :O. anyways right now both of us are preparing for our national exams which is ending in 1 months time, im going to break NC after it and try to make it official between the both of us. This saga has lasted too long.
