MichiganMan1111
Don Juan
You can ignore her. She will inevitably get pissed and say you are a jerk...which really means she still cares.hottiedoggie said:
The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)
- Thread starter Daydream Engineer
- Start date
Renegade357
Master Don Juan
Treat her like you treat every other student in the class. She deserves nothing special.hottiedoggie said:
Machtwo
Don Juan
Well it's been a week since the 'happy birthday' text from the EX & I wish she hadn't bothered, FFS!! If she was attempting to get in my head she succeeded, why couldn't she just leave things as they were - NC since July?Renegade357 said:
It also hasn't helped that my best female friend said, 'see, she cares about you & she's thinking about you too'. :box:
Why do I not see it like my female friend does?
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fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
day 3 for me here. saw her lastnight while i was otw home, she was leaving the bar she likes to go to. Set me back a little, dont think she saw me tho. Today is a big day for me, i go to take my commercial drivers licence test and hope no thoughts of her pop up and mess me up. This test is a big deal , ive got one shot and its one of the condtions set forth that i must meet so i can take over the family company. So wish me luck guys.
Machtwo
Don Juan
Good luck fuko
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Don't be Naive!!
Don't fall for this one. My ex sent me an email the day before yesterday. Do you know what I did. I've told my sister and a friend to read it, and deleted it.
I have no Idea what the message was about, and I'm sure I'm better off this way.
Don't fall for her game. She WAS indeed attempting to get insede your head. She MEANT to hurt you.
And the golden rule, as always is, never follow women advice. Your friend has absolutelly no idea what she is talking about. And if and when the time comes for her to be cruel with a poor chap, she will act just like your ex.
Your ex DO NOT care about you, she IS NOT thinking about. If that was the case, she would already have done some previous contact, or tried to reach in any kind of form. She is emotional, a woman after all. Think about it.
She would chase with all her strenght after something she trully desires. She is emotional, if she trully wanted to be with you, that would be the case.
Are you with her now...? I guess not! =/
So wake up dude. She haven't sent Happy Birthday 'cause she is hurting. It was not for your sake. It was only for her devious needs man. It's always about her. She couldn't leave things as they were 'cause she wants to feel good. She wants to feel desired. She needs to know that you are feeling like crap to feed her ego.
My sister and my friend also said something like that.
My sister said, "it is going to be a heartfull message". It was a two liner.
My friend said, "you see, I told you, she is also hurting and thinking about you". He read it and then said, "She is worthless, you were right, this is not for your sake, it's for hers"
I keep telling you guys to read this, so please man, do yourself a favor.
Read THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best of luck!
PS: And Good Luck Fuko!! =)
Hey Man.Machtwo said:
Don't fall for this one. My ex sent me an email the day before yesterday. Do you know what I did. I've told my sister and a friend to read it, and deleted it.
I have no Idea what the message was about, and I'm sure I'm better off this way.
Don't fall for her game. She WAS indeed attempting to get insede your head. She MEANT to hurt you.
And the golden rule, as always is, never follow women advice. Your friend has absolutelly no idea what she is talking about. And if and when the time comes for her to be cruel with a poor chap, she will act just like your ex.
Your ex DO NOT care about you, she IS NOT thinking about. If that was the case, she would already have done some previous contact, or tried to reach in any kind of form. She is emotional, a woman after all. Think about it.
She would chase with all her strenght after something she trully desires. She is emotional, if she trully wanted to be with you, that would be the case.
Are you with her now...? I guess not! =/
So wake up dude. She haven't sent Happy Birthday 'cause she is hurting. It was not for your sake. It was only for her devious needs man. It's always about her. She couldn't leave things as they were 'cause she wants to feel good. She wants to feel desired. She needs to know that you are feeling like crap to feed her ego.
My sister and my friend also said something like that.
My sister said, "it is going to be a heartfull message". It was a two liner.
My friend said, "you see, I told you, she is also hurting and thinking about you". He read it and then said, "She is worthless, you were right, this is not for your sake, it's for hers"
I keep telling you guys to read this, so please man, do yourself a favor.
Read THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Best of luck!
PS: And Good Luck Fuko!! =)
Machtwo
Don Juan
falecomnetto, what would your advice have been to the happy birthday text?
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
You already know my answer
After that, cry, get angry, wonder WTF was that. But that is it!
Do not answer her. She is expecting you to be weak. So don't be.
You don't have to be polite. You don't have to be friendly.
You don't have to be nothing. You don't have to DO nothing
Imagine the scenarios:
1st - She text you. You get confused. You MAN the f**k up. You don't reply. She couldn't care less. A month goes by, and you are already over that specific txt, so you still haven't replied, and NEVER will. She is left wondering how come you have not replyed. She gets confused.
2nd - She text you. you get confused. You think that she is being considerate and friendly. You reply with a simple thank you, 'cause you don't want to come across needy nor rude. She couldn't care less. A month goes by, and you are still thinking about that txt, and yet no reply from her. You are left wondering how come she was so friendly and then so cold. You prolong your pain
This IS THE TRUTH! Now, think about it. Which case you rather be??
Stop being a Beta, act like a MAN. If it's over, it's over. Walk away. Women dig it!
Since you (and all the guys in here) are having a hard time reading the link I keep posting and posting and begging for you all to read, here is a small excerpt of it. I hope it encourages you on reading the full article:
And while she is wondering how come you have not replyied, thinking about it time and time again (in the shower, sucking a dude's d**k, whatever. You name it) you will be focusing on yourself to become the best man you could ever be, to evolve. To become MachThree! =P
Here is the link again! Now Please, READ IT THIS TIME!!!
CLICK ME, I AM A LINK! READ THIS S**T TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON.COM
I hope this give you some insight. Best of luck man! =)
You've already read it, so not reading it is not a possibility anymore.Machtwo said:
After that, cry, get angry, wonder WTF was that. But that is it!
Do not answer her. She is expecting you to be weak. So don't be.
You don't have to be polite. You don't have to be friendly.
You don't have to be nothing. You don't have to DO nothing
Imagine the scenarios:
1st - She text you. You get confused. You MAN the f**k up. You don't reply. She couldn't care less. A month goes by, and you are already over that specific txt, so you still haven't replied, and NEVER will. She is left wondering how come you have not replyed. She gets confused.
2nd - She text you. you get confused. You think that she is being considerate and friendly. You reply with a simple thank you, 'cause you don't want to come across needy nor rude. She couldn't care less. A month goes by, and you are still thinking about that txt, and yet no reply from her. You are left wondering how come she was so friendly and then so cold. You prolong your pain
This IS THE TRUTH! Now, think about it. Which case you rather be??
Stop being a Beta, act like a MAN. If it's over, it's over. Walk away. Women dig it!
Since you (and all the guys in here) are having a hard time reading the link I keep posting and posting and begging for you all to read, here is a small excerpt of it. I hope it encourages you on reading the full article:
I've made all the mistakes, but I've learned from them. Use this opportunity as a shifting point of power over this mess.
And while she is wondering how come you have not replyied, thinking about it time and time again (in the shower, sucking a dude's d**k, whatever. You name it) you will be focusing on yourself to become the best man you could ever be, to evolve. To become MachThree! =P
Here is the link again! Now Please, READ IT THIS TIME!!!
CLICK ME, I AM A LINK! READ THIS S**T TO UNDERSTAND WHAT THE F**K IS GOING ON.COM
I hope this give you some insight. Best of luck man! =)
Machtwo
Don Juan
I've read the link three times, it's brilliant, but I have trouble remembering stuff!! lol
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
I myself have also problems memorizing stuff...Contrails said:
So do what is best, reffer to it as many times as possible! Read it over and over again. Until it stops being an web article, and turn into a value of yours.
Follow Contrails advice. It's good s**t!
Besides the link, also read my last post for you again and again. Not to brag, but there is some decent advice there!
Also Two more tips:
1 - There this post by this dude, Nismo, it is sticky, which means it is a good read. And guess what...? It is an excelent read.
It's shocking, you will feel sad, angry, and probably ashamed. But it is for the best! Also read it
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204816
2 - The psychiatryst behind the website (gettinbetter.com) does answer ONE email if you send her. I've sent it, it took 2 weeks to be replied, but it was, and she told me some insightful stuff, and pointed me to two articles I didn't read.
So read a lot, get your s**t straight, and send her one email with a well thougth question. It may be of use.
Have a good one mate! Keep your head up!
SO close to checking her blog today. :crazy:
Instead I went straight to http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html
Feel like writing some **** down, just to get it out of my system. Usually helps. So here it goes:
I think mornings are worst for me at this point. Earlier it was when I was going to bed, and could not sleep because of her, but now everything is fine untill I wake up in the morning, un-f*cking-motivated to do anything. It's allmost been a month now since I heard anything from her, and I guess I'm at the point where I am wondering if she still cares. Not that it should matter, because I don't want her back. But I guess we all still want to know if they care.
What I think of the most is how it ended. We broke up months ago, but we were close to getting back together when she flaked on me a couple of times, and all of a sudden sent me a LONG text in the middle of the night. She wrote that she was sorry for treating me like **** over the last couple of months, and that the reason she was flaking was because she was to afraid to tell me face2face that she wanted to end everything. I just responded with "I understand", and that was it. Last time we had contact (except for her sending me a couple of snapchat-pictures that I never opened). Think I handled it the way I should have. What made me angry was not necessarily the fact that she ended it all, but that she did it over a TEXT in the middle of the night.
She fits so many of the characteristics that is described in the boarderline-article. Had I read that article about a year ago, things would have looked so different for me. The daddy-issues, the ex-boyfriends, getting angry at me and isolationg herself out the blue. But instead I saw none of the warning-lights, and fell in love with her. I know that she's not good for me, but I guess these tings take time. NC seems to help though. Just need to get my act and game together.
Instead I went straight to http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html
Feel like writing some **** down, just to get it out of my system. Usually helps. So here it goes:
I think mornings are worst for me at this point. Earlier it was when I was going to bed, and could not sleep because of her, but now everything is fine untill I wake up in the morning, un-f*cking-motivated to do anything. It's allmost been a month now since I heard anything from her, and I guess I'm at the point where I am wondering if she still cares. Not that it should matter, because I don't want her back. But I guess we all still want to know if they care.
What I think of the most is how it ended. We broke up months ago, but we were close to getting back together when she flaked on me a couple of times, and all of a sudden sent me a LONG text in the middle of the night. She wrote that she was sorry for treating me like **** over the last couple of months, and that the reason she was flaking was because she was to afraid to tell me face2face that she wanted to end everything. I just responded with "I understand", and that was it. Last time we had contact (except for her sending me a couple of snapchat-pictures that I never opened). Think I handled it the way I should have. What made me angry was not necessarily the fact that she ended it all, but that she did it over a TEXT in the middle of the night.
She fits so many of the characteristics that is described in the boarderline-article. Had I read that article about a year ago, things would have looked so different for me. The daddy-issues, the ex-boyfriends, getting angry at me and isolationg herself out the blue. But instead I saw none of the warning-lights, and fell in love with her. I know that she's not good for me, but I guess these tings take time. NC seems to help though. Just need to get my act and game together.
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Day 22 - I feel you bro (Feeling like S**T)
Hey Man!
I'm also feeling like crap these last days. She sent me an email that I have not read and deleted it last sunday. All I know is that was two lines long, and it was a response to a 3 pages long email that I've sent.
Even though I haven't read it, it f**ked up my mind.
I lost all my motivation, I don't want to do nothing, I've got overwhelmed with so much information/posts/books/chalenges that I've gave'm all up. I'm completely aphatic.
Mornings are terrible, I'm totally souless during the work hours, when I get home I just want to sleep, and then I can't sleep at night. I'm always anxious and in pain, my heart is always beating at fast rate and my whole body is shaking.
This over rationalizing you are doing I am also doing. About things I've said and sent her and how I handled the situation (which was bad). And this thoughs about if she feels the same way about me is also a frequent. But I know she is not, otherwise she would be with me, not partying and slutting around.
But it seems that this behavior of ours is normal, at least acording to http://gettinbetter.com
On the other hand, there was no way we could ever know this stuff prior to this event. And even though it is so painfull right now, I forcing myself to belive that this was for a greater cause.
This s**t that we are going through will be a valuable lesson for the rest of our lifes, I'm pretty sure of that.
But keep in mind that any message she send you is only for her sake, and make to make you feel bad. As I said on a previous post, when you answer you are giving away all your power to her. So in my opinion answering to that txt she sent you, even though it was a short answer that demonstrated that you are not needy, was a mistake.
If you don't reply you have the benefict of doubt. She would not be so sure about what you think, which adds a little mystery to yourself, and slowly reframe you as the prize, i.e. days go by and she wonders a little bit why haven't you replied. Anyway, remember that everytime you get a message from her, you will feel hurt to the core, and the more you don't reply, you will feel a little bit stronger.
I feel s**ty, but anyway, I wish the best of luck! (for us)
Hey Man!
I'm also feeling like crap these last days. She sent me an email that I have not read and deleted it last sunday. All I know is that was two lines long, and it was a response to a 3 pages long email that I've sent.
Even though I haven't read it, it f**ked up my mind.
I lost all my motivation, I don't want to do nothing, I've got overwhelmed with so much information/posts/books/chalenges that I've gave'm all up. I'm completely aphatic.
Mornings are terrible, I'm totally souless during the work hours, when I get home I just want to sleep, and then I can't sleep at night. I'm always anxious and in pain, my heart is always beating at fast rate and my whole body is shaking.
This over rationalizing you are doing I am also doing. About things I've said and sent her and how I handled the situation (which was bad). And this thoughs about if she feels the same way about me is also a frequent. But I know she is not, otherwise she would be with me, not partying and slutting around.
But it seems that this behavior of ours is normal, at least acording to http://gettinbetter.com
On the other hand, there was no way we could ever know this stuff prior to this event. And even though it is so painfull right now, I forcing myself to belive that this was for a greater cause.
This s**t that we are going through will be a valuable lesson for the rest of our lifes, I'm pretty sure of that.
But keep in mind that any message she send you is only for her sake, and make to make you feel bad. As I said on a previous post, when you answer you are giving away all your power to her. So in my opinion answering to that txt she sent you, even though it was a short answer that demonstrated that you are not needy, was a mistake.
If you don't reply you have the benefict of doubt. She would not be so sure about what you think, which adds a little mystery to yourself, and slowly reframe you as the prize, i.e. days go by and she wonders a little bit why haven't you replied. Anyway, remember that everytime you get a message from her, you will feel hurt to the core, and the more you don't reply, you will feel a little bit stronger.
I feel s**ty, but anyway, I wish the best of luck! (for us)
fuko2007
Senior Don Juan
day 4, was looking foward to my test only to be set back again. have to take a written one tomorrow before i can take the driving and pre-trip. been studying my butt off. Today is halloween and i know she was planning on going to a party tonight. I bet she will still go, i would not have been invited anyway bc the people having it are your want to be young mid 20's to late 30's social eliete. And are all snobby and i dont put up with that crap, Sad part is my family is in the top tier of this town more so than any theirs. But what erks me is i dont know what she will end up doing if she go's. She might go with some guy or might go by herself or not go at all. And the house it is at is right down from our office and i have to pass it. Sucks, especially with my set back test wise. I would have not a care in the world right now if could have taken it and passed yesterday.
Why do i even care what she does? she has no emotions feelings or regrets. she just tosses people away and acts like she never knew them. She didnt even send a good luck text yesterday and she knew i was supposed to be taking that test then. My game is way off to, i can pick girls up but seems like i cant keep them on the hook anymore. Not a problem in the past for me. This just sucks, i hope she gets wasted and gets a dui or something, for all the pain she has caused me. Being treated like crap and walked on to only be texted and informed we sould not see each other any more. Sound mature for a 40 year old?
Why do i even care what she does? she has no emotions feelings or regrets. she just tosses people away and acts like she never knew them. She didnt even send a good luck text yesterday and she knew i was supposed to be taking that test then. My game is way off to, i can pick girls up but seems like i cant keep them on the hook anymore. Not a problem in the past for me. This just sucks, i hope she gets wasted and gets a dui or something, for all the pain she has caused me. Being treated like crap and walked on to only be texted and informed we sould not see each other any more. Sound mature for a 40 year old?
One month
I hit one month today it's be a wild ride of emotions. I do know that going no contact straight away was the right thing and all of you don't doubt yourselves for one second that it's not the right thing.
A Radiohead song came on today that reflects exactly how we are all feeling. There, There is the song you should listen to it.
"Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there"
To me it reflects that even how strongly you feel about someone they might not be feeling the same way. All of us deserve to have someone feel the same way about us that we feel for them. This is why we should all move on an find that person. Stay strong.
I hit one month today it's be a wild ride of emotions. I do know that going no contact straight away was the right thing and all of you don't doubt yourselves for one second that it's not the right thing.
A Radiohead song came on today that reflects exactly how we are all feeling. There, There is the song you should listen to it.
"Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there"
To me it reflects that even how strongly you feel about someone they might not be feeling the same way. All of us deserve to have someone feel the same way about us that we feel for them. This is why we should all move on an find that person. Stay strong.
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Dude,fuko2007 said:
Don't try to find out where she is going, it will only cause you more pain and unproductive thoughs. The more you, the worst you get.
She is going to hook up with a dude, you can bet your sorry ass on that. That is their way of getting over... And I know it seems impossible right now, but you should also be doing the same.
She didn't sent you a txt message 'cause she don't have to. You guys are not dating anymore, so why would she care. You are nothing to her anymore. Nothing. She only care about herself, and you should be trying to do the same.
And what the F is this 40 y/o story. She is forty years old and she is going to a Halloween party with guys in his 20 somethings... That is just plain sad!
Good luck man!
I just want to make a comment on the BPD thing that keeps coming up here.
I must admit, when I read the link others have posted here I was convinced my ex was BPD. Then after a while I thought "sh!t! I have all those traits too" and started to think I am BPD.Hell, I started to question my sanity in a lot of ways during my break up, even wondered if I was manic depressive or had multiple personality disorder.
However, what I've noticed is that a lot of people show these traits during break ups. It's an emotional time and it's natural for us to struggle between rational thinking and emotional thinking, and this affects our actions.
This has been one of my biggest relationship mistakes. Sometimes I would let my insecurities get to me, even to the point of paranoia. I'd let the emotion build up and start behaving irrationally. In the end, I would blow up and end things or play a mind game to try and protect my ego...and then realise how badly I fvcked up and how distorted my perception of reality had become.
When I first started posting in this forum, I was convinced my GF was cheating on me. And yet, as things became clear, she hadn't at all and there was never any evidence of this. In fact, I was the one who dumped her and acted like a d!ck, and yet I literally couldn't see it. Then of course, she retaliated, started showing emotional responses, started behaving irrationally and we could both appear like BPD cases.
The reason I'm pointing this out is because it's too easy to pass blame, or put it all down to a condition, and yet this really doesn't help us to learn and grow. We have to face our mistakes and accept responsibility for them...whether we were irrational and hurtful, or whether we were soft and needy and drove them away. In some way, we all played our role in our break ups.
Once you can accept your part in it and take responsibility, the sooner you can learn and avoid repeating those mistakes in future. OR, the sooner you can make amends and repair your relationship.
I must admit, when I read the link others have posted here I was convinced my ex was BPD. Then after a while I thought "sh!t! I have all those traits too" and started to think I am BPD.Hell, I started to question my sanity in a lot of ways during my break up, even wondered if I was manic depressive or had multiple personality disorder.
However, what I've noticed is that a lot of people show these traits during break ups. It's an emotional time and it's natural for us to struggle between rational thinking and emotional thinking, and this affects our actions.
This has been one of my biggest relationship mistakes. Sometimes I would let my insecurities get to me, even to the point of paranoia. I'd let the emotion build up and start behaving irrationally. In the end, I would blow up and end things or play a mind game to try and protect my ego...and then realise how badly I fvcked up and how distorted my perception of reality had become.
When I first started posting in this forum, I was convinced my GF was cheating on me. And yet, as things became clear, she hadn't at all and there was never any evidence of this. In fact, I was the one who dumped her and acted like a d!ck, and yet I literally couldn't see it. Then of course, she retaliated, started showing emotional responses, started behaving irrationally and we could both appear like BPD cases.
The reason I'm pointing this out is because it's too easy to pass blame, or put it all down to a condition, and yet this really doesn't help us to learn and grow. We have to face our mistakes and accept responsibility for them...whether we were irrational and hurtful, or whether we were soft and needy and drove them away. In some way, we all played our role in our break ups.
Once you can accept your part in it and take responsibility, the sooner you can learn and avoid repeating those mistakes in future. OR, the sooner you can make amends and repair your relationship.
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Man, you should really be listening to more upbeat songs.Cali-83 said:
I know it's good to indulge these sad feelings, 'cause your brain likes the confort of being the "victim", but Radiohead is not the best option to be listening right now... And any other song with delusional lyrics (Which is pretty much all of the songs out there)
Well, she basically has all the traits that put her in the category of being BPD. It's quite a list, but since you asked, be prepared for a long read.Driggs said:
(Oh, and I also have ALL the characteristics of the kind of people that fall for BPD's and I'm feeling exactly as described at gettinbetter)
- First of all, she is ridiculously Sexy, and she did came across as a genuine girl with no disguises at all, which wouldn't be normal for a girl of her calliber
(Here is a pic, she is the blonde Crazy Ex Girlfriend )
- She left me with no further reason, and when she gave me an explanation, they were things that I was NEVER aware of, like wearing red sneakers, spiting on the sink, restraining her from her friends (She had only 2, and I've always let her go out with them)
- Rebound relationship that didn't last, irrational abandonment fears, extreme jealousy, lying, drug and alcohol abuse, hypersexuality, 'crazy-making', low self-esteem, passive-aggression, eating disorders, suicidal ideation... This is pretty much her last name. There is no way to describe her better than this!
- The vilified boyfriends histories were incredible. She made them look like garbage, and I felt like a hero
- She was so damn "cultured", she always had a decent word in everything her wisdom, her spirituality and her incredible skill for stating things that make her sound like an absolute authority on health and well-being. But all those things she said, were never ever practiced by herself
- In the beggining she was so insecure and needy, and I was always there for her. And then, she got crazy and left, but then again, became a needy puppy, sending sad letters, sad pictures, lame excuses. And Ive returned to take care of her illness.
On the other hand, the only time I was really ill, was the time that she left me for good, with another dude on the hook.
- LJBF right away after the end... This one speaks for itself
- By the end, The more I demonstrate that she was lovable, the more disdain she feels towards me. And those were the same things that she did "fell in love" in the first place. She told me that she was so happy to finally found someone who was so in touch with his feelings only to call me a Drama Queen in the end.
- I've sent her a closure email, not asking for a reply, and she text me right back telling me that she read it over and over again, but unfortunatelly could not answer me at that time, but she would answer me by the weekend because I deserved something well though as an answer "Just so you know, kisses!".
She did sent me an reply... 21 days later, I didn't read it, but it were only two lines. My sister who read it said that it wasn't for me, it was for her as described: if she calls or "checks in" to see how you're doing in the aftermath of this relationship, it's never about you! You may feel grateful she seems to care enough to keep the connection alive--but her sole purpose is keeping you around to meet her needs
- She won't change, she don't have to! Last time I saw her, she was Incredibly sexy, and she left her phone on the table when she went to WC, with her messanger opened, and there were at least 8 new messages from 8 different dudes. And also she did flat out told me when we broke up when I found out about the other dude, that she was just being flirty with him, to feed her ego! (This particular memory disgusts me)
- She indeed lacked a healthy bond with their birth mother, which is the core of this difficulty. Her mother did not liked her as well. She tried lots of people as a mother figure, with no success. But she hated her mother for one specific reason, that in fact forged her BPD.
- Her mother is a Borderline Queen, she had 14 relationships in the first 16 years of my Ex life. And each an everyone of this relationships ended by her hands. After each brealup she moved from the house, the city, 3 times state and the latest the country. Now she lives desolated in her 50 somethings with two 20 something girls in Argentina (I'm brazilian... and so are them)
- She always told me about her Beta coworkers who were always chasing and doing stuff for her. Only to make me jealous, and pursuing her even more.
- She made me fight with her all the time, only to disappear for a day or two, and come up with sexy dinners by her house, or calling me to come over only to find her half naked by the door. Always seducing me back. Red Lipstick was always a must.
- Even though she left me for no reason, we got back together, and I found out that she was with another dude, she diabolically made me feel guilty, as it was my fault. I still feel that I was not worthy enough, and that it was indeed my fault.
- Our first breakups (constant) she always blackmailed me into coming back. Suiced threats, Long tear stained letters, pictures of her vomit on the couch...
- Now that she is done with me, I feel completely empty, developed a series of illness, I'm angry and ashamed, besides that I feel 100% guilty of what happened and I've lost the trust in all women almost to the point of hatred (You can check my latests posts and you will see it)
In the end, I'm 22 days NC and I feel really bad for not answering/reading her email. But I do know that if I answer that, I'll regret it later, and would feel bad for answering and not getting a reply (At least a decente one).
That is pretty much it! I don't know how it may help you, but my ex fell exactly under all predictaments, and so do I.
Have a good One!
Lotus Effect
Master Don Juan
Hey man, long time no see...Jariel said:
I'm not here trying to promote a "All ex's have a condition and we don't have any fault in the breakup, 'cause she is Clinicaly ill" campain.
The fact is, I've read about it, and my Ex do have all the core problems, speacially her mother, which was a terrible example of women during all of her childhood/adolescence.
And I go to treatment at least for 4 years. I've been diagnosed with chronic mild depression, OCD, ADHD, anxiety, but none of this were 100% verifiable. I came up with this BPD to my Phychyatrist and she really said, "Yeah, maybe we've been dealing with a personality disorder, that's why no other treatment never fully worked". I've also have been abused when I was a child, and never cared for any women before her.
What I mean by this is, I'm a 100% sure of my part in the breakup, since I'm not that functional (and some other perspective and vision issues).
I'm not putting the blame on her, in fact I feel guilty for what happened. But it really helped me to understand her crazy behavior during and after the relationship!
Not everyone might be in the same boat as I am, but I guessed it was a good read for anyone trying to figure out what the f**k might be happening!
Anyway, I guess you are right, and it easier to put the blame on the other half. But when a breakup happen, it's always both sides.
The idea was to show the guys, what might be the problem in the other side, since, before I've read this, I just could not see it!
That's it! Have a good one Man! =)
falecomnetto said:
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not denying this condition at all, but I think it's good to understand that difficulties in relationships, break ups and any instances where emotions are running high really can fvck with your head and even make you think you (or her) have serious issues.
Another risk is that people will get into the mindset of thinking they can't change or there's not point in trying, and develop this defeatist attitude.
I think it's really good that you recognise your problems and how it can be destructive though. It will help you to move forward and understand why your relationship broken down and what you can do to help yourself in future.
Best of luck mate, I really hope you can get this in check and can look back at this one day as a learning experience.
