The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Lotus Effect]

The first three weeks of NC was no problem...
...Thank God I did not break NC. 23 days, and counting.

You just got to be kidding me right!?

Hahahahaha! :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Seriously man, if you are checking her facebook, you ARE having contact.
Bear with me on this one. Contact does not only mean comunicating (Speaking, meeting, txting, phone talking). Go read a dictionary dude.

You are in contact with her every time you check her facebook, you see a picture of her, you open an email from her, a txt message, read an old letter, hug the stuffed teddy bear she gave you. Wake up man!

You are only fooling yourself. No wonder why you are angry. It's not mondays, it's not her partying while your were crying over your sorry ass. It is you.
You are angry because you are being stupid man.

CUT. THE. CONTACT. All of it. If you can't handle not checking her fb, block her. Unblock by the end of the 60 days. There is no reason to delete her, 'cause adding her back will be a terrible move, and you always want to keep her a good f**k buddy for the future.
Besides, delete the emails, rip the photos, and burn teddie and the letters.

Oh, and I'm sorry to inform you, but it's not day 23 for you mister. Not at all!
It's ground zero all over again.

Welcome to Day One.:cheer:

 

[Lotus Effect]

Do not know whether this is counted but im still going to post it here. I went NC with this girl from my school, you can say that we are always like a couple but didnt make it official? So back to the story, I went NC twice with her over the past month, this first NC was broken by her after a week when she texted me saying "did you forget about me?". After a few days of texting and also talking on the phone, i realised her replies were getting cold, so i established a 2nd round of NC, 1 and a half week in still no replies from her. We both have the same tuition class so would see each other on a weekly basis. Two nights ago something interesting happened to me, while i was sleeping, i dreamt of her name and suddenly woke up. I think im getting obsessed about her :O. anyways right now both of us are preparing for our national exams which is ending in 1 months time, im going to break NC after it and try to make it official between the both of us. This saga has lasted too long.

You'll be sorry.

Hahahahahaha! Congratz Driggs, Best answer ever! It is funny to read the stuff guys post in here now that my eyes are wide open.

C'mon hottiedoggie, she did not contacted you because she is into you. She did it only for her ugly ego. She wants to know that there is a little puppy that chases her after the smallest sign of presence.

And then you chased her, she felt confortable, realised she was good like this, and bam, gone cold.

And now you think that you will go NC for a month. A SINGLE MONTH. And you will magically be official. Hahahahaha. Don't make me laugh man! You weren't ever official, she dumped you and gone cold. What in earth makes you think you guys are going to be official! WAKE UP MAN!

You will chase her, and she will step in you like the little s**t she thinks you are. And then you are going contact for real by then... for another month or so, with some great excuse to talk to her.
And then that is it. She will lose all respect she once had for you.
And then you are going NC again. The last time!!
Until you demoralized yourself so damn much, she is not only not going to feel sorry for you, she will despise you like she despise a roach!

To sum it all up, "You'll be sorry - Driggs"

 

[Driggs]

Thanks. I'm not like a lot of people here, I do think you can recontact after NC and have things work better, but you have to use it as a chance to regain frame and allow her to forget whatever betaness you displayed. A lot of that stuff gets lost in the chaos, I think, but when you recontact you had better be ready to alpha up.

Several of the posts here are about the girl recontacting at roughly the same time the guy decided to. That happens because our brains work in roughly the same way and it takes time for bad feelings to settle.

The sooner you go NC the better. A great signal to do it is beta-ish behavior on your part. If you are getting all weird, step the **** off and there may still be something to come back to in a month or two.

That's also a great example of making decisions based on how YOU feel rather than some perceived emotion or behavior of the female (that is to say, of a crazy person).

 

[Lotus Effect]

Exactly. I'm not a ex gf enemy either.

In fact, I'm a huge supporter of the famous Closure! I do belive it's excelent if we have the chance for one.

But in order to have closure, or getting back, or at least not being despised, No Contact must be followed as it is!

 

[Lotus Effect]

Day 20 - Her first attempt!

Hey Guys!

As I've said on a previous post, since I couldn't get the closure I've needed after several flakes, I forced a closure myself, and sent her an email (it was a long email). Basically it said what I've understood, what I've learned, that I would not wait for her and that I was going to cut contact never to be heard. Forgave her, thanked her and Godspeed.
This was 20 days ago. The last time I contacted her, after this long 5 month hell I've been living. But also, the first time I decided to act as a grown Man.

The smartest thing you can do right now if she texts you say "I have been thinking and breaking up was the best thing for us - I've realized that I no longer feel the same as well. The relationship has gone stale and we need no contact for a long time so we can both move forward." This will be counterintuitive to your betaness right now but you will see my wisdom 4-5 months from now. Right now you need to eliminate all of her power over you in order to spark attraction down the line.

It was quite like this, but instead 3 pages long, and not as manly as Dgwizdal put it. I didn't act like a real man would, and if I did it like this it would be waaay better, but it was ok, and it served it purpose!

She txt back almost instantly saying that she read over and over again, but she couldn't answer me at the time, 'cause I deserved the answer to be well though, so she would reply me up until the weekend. The weekend came and went, and then the next week, and the next, and the next...
(also, I haven't replied this txt, because it would be plain stupid)

It was ok 'cause I never asked for a reply, it was my closure, but she telling me that she would reply and not doing it made me fell bad, very bad. I also regreted sending the email later.

I was really bad last week, so I've read lots of stuff, and found about Borderline Personality Disorder. I've related instantly. I also posted the link in here to help some dudes. It opened my eyes, and I thank god I've read it. Here is why.

I was working my ass off to get better. It has been the worst 20 days. I've cried every single one of them but yesterday. Yesterday I felt good. And yesterday, when I was feeling kinda better, better enough to others to notice, I've opened my email unpretensiously, and guess what...?
She sent me an email. The subject was "This is not an answer". Hahaha, what a joke!:crackup:

As I've said earlier, thank god I've read this

Here is some specific advice that I've read on the above site, and it's nothing further from the truth:

if she calls or "checks in" to see how you're doing in the aftermath of this relationship, it's never about you! Your needs didn't matter while she was with you, and they don't matter now. You may feel grateful she seems to care enough to keep the connection alive--but her sole purpose is keeping you around to meet her needs (no matter what she says to the contrary)...
...don't presume that she's calling for your sake.

...Do not intercept her calls; if you decide to return them, do it when you're feeling more centered, and it's easy/convenient for you. Don't reply to any emails or text messages, and do not respond to her "emergencies!" It won't win her back, or make her think more highly of you...
...It's best if you don't hear her voicemails, or read what she sends. Doing so, only prolongs your pain. Delete, delete, delete!!!

What I've done. I haven't read it. I had my sister and my best friend reading it, and then I deleted it
I have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT DOES IT SAY, and I feel great about it. Had a decent night of sleep after some long time. Though what I know is, both said she is really worthless, that it was true and it was not about me, it was only for her, and the cherry on top, it was 2 (two) lines long response. Lines I said

So basically, the answer that I deserved 'cause it had to be well though, that she would answer me in 3 days time... took 20 days to come up, and it was 2 lines long (versus a 3 pages long email)

Bottomline, I've never felt more sure of my decision, never felt more confident about NC, and just had emphyrical proff that she is worthless (and crazy). I'm not saying that the problem is in her. I am guilty of being a beta chump during the relationship. And I'm working hard to become the man that I know I can be. 100% focused on myself, and my self improvement!

Now let us wait for the next episode. I'm guessing that there will be a next one, hence the Subject "This is not an answer". Such a coward and coldless b***h. Making me wait for her attention. She is really mean, and messed up on the head. I'm guessing at least another month or so for another "I am going to answer you, just not now!" Hahahaha!

Meanwhile, the plates are spinning! =)
Thanks everyone in here, guys who are helping, and guys who are in need. You are all my personal heroes!

Do not give her the time of day after the "I do not feel the same way either" text mentioned earlier. Zero response, zero reply, zero emotional response (forever), until you are too much of a boss for petty b*tches

 

[mkj1990]

You just got to be kidding me right!?

Hahahahaha! :crackup: :crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Seriously man, if you are checking her facebook, you ARE having contact.
Bear with me on this one. Contact does not only mean comunicating (Speaking, meeting, txting, phone talking). Go read a dictionary dude.

You are in contact with her every time you check her facebook, you see a picture of her, you open an email from her, a txt message, read an old letter, hug the stuffed teddy bear she gave you. Wake up man!

You are only fooling yourself. No wonder why you are angry. It's not mondays, it's not her partying while your were crying over your sorry ass. It is you.
You are angry because you are being stupid man.

CUT. THE. CONTACT. All of it. If you can't handle not checking her fb, block her. Unblock by the end of the 60 days. There is no reason to delete her, 'cause adding her back will be a terrible move, and you always want to keep her a good f**k buddy for the future.
Besides, delete the emails, rip the photos, and burn teddie and the letters.

Oh, and I'm sorry to inform you, but it's not day 23 for you mister. Not at all!
It's ground zero all over again.

Welcome to Day One.:cheer:

Haha, well actually I HAVE blocked her from my news feed and FB-chat. Did that weeks ago. But was sitting with my friends laptop, and he obviously hasn't blocked her on facebook. Obv. should have included that in my first post.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Haha, well actually I HAVE blocked her from my news feed and FB-chat. Did that weeks ago. But was sitting with my friends laptop, and he obviously hasn't blocked her on facebook. Obv. should have included that in my first post.

Silly "mistake". Watchout for these "accidents". They are prone to happen. I asked for my friends to hide her news, some hide it, others deleted her. She is poison and they know it.

And so should your friend!

Me on the other, have made a more agressive decision. I left facebook. Don't use it anymore. My life is already trouble enough for me to care about a second virtual life where I have to pose as everything is going great!
The account is there, I just don't know the password, since my asked my sister to change it.

 

[hottiedoggie]

Hahahahahaha! Congratz Driggs, Best answer ever! It is funny to read the stuff guys post in here now that my eyes are wide open.

C'mon hottiedoggie, she did not contacted you because she is into you. She did it only for her ugly ego. She wants to know that there is a little puppy that chases her after the smallest sign of presence.

And then you chased her, she felt confortable, realised she was good like this, and bam, gone cold.

And now you think that you will go NC for a month. A SINGLE MONTH. And you will magically be official. Hahahahaha. Don't make me laugh man! You weren't ever official, she dumped you and gone cold. What in earth makes you think you guys are going to be official! WAKE UP MAN!

You will chase her, and she will step in you like the little s**t she thinks you are. And then you are going contact for real by then... for another month or so, with some great excuse to talk to her.
And then that is it. She will lose all respect she once had for you.
And then you are going NC again. The last time!!
Until you demoralized yourself so damn much, she is not only not going to feel sorry for you, she will despise you like she despise a roach!

To sum it all up, "You'll be sorry - Driggs"

So what now then?

 

[mkj1990]

Silly "mistake". Watchout for these "accidents". They are prone to happen. I asked for my friends to hide her news, some hide it, others deleted her. She is poison and they know it.

And so should your friend!

Yeah. But it was a reality-check for me. I realized I still have a way to go.

 

[Lotus Effect]

So what now then?

It isn't obvious by now.

You don't do nothing. Vanish in the haze. Poof.
It is the best thing to do. She will respect you for that man. Act like a Grown Man, no, better, BE a grown man!

BE GONE and reclaim your balls.

If you chase her, she will think you are weak, then she will turn cold, then she will be indifferent and in the end she will despise you, and the sole idea of seeing anything that reminds you will creep her in the spine.

Anyway I can tell that you are not going to follow any of these advices and you're going to make a lot of mistakes.
But that is ok though, any of us here that are so convinced of what we are saying are only saying this out of experience.
What I mean is, you will have to f**k your own self, to learn how things work

And in my opinion, it's better this way, I suffered so damn much, but in this suffering I learned a lot of things REALLY FAST. I guess if things worked out the way I wished and I got back with her I would be back to my old self, thinking I was supperior 'cause she chased me, when in fact I am the one who was in need of enlightment... Which would eventually (and probably sooner than expected) lead me to another breakup with my heart broken even worse.

So I don't know. You might have to learn for yourself. I know I did!

Anyway do yourself a favor, Please, I beg you dude, read this:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204816
and this
http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

She is not different from the others.
I'm still inclined to think that mine also was an exception, but the sad reality is that she is not, and yours most likely isn't as well

 

[Groverz]

Trying this out, broke up a few weeks ago, about 4. Messed up a bunch of times, sent her some pretty lame txts, and some sexual pics, and hints and flat out said if you're horny again come find me, really bad move. She did say that she has started to feel bad lately about hurting me and I have not talked to her for a few days. I do have a question about things like FB. We have some of the same friends, she will see what I am doing when I post stuff, is that ok? It's mostly all good stuff, pics out at partys, things I made, posts between me and friends ect. I don't want to have to block half my FB friends just to avoid having her see it. Not a minute goes by that I don't think about her though. It's ruff.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Watch Out!!

Trying this out, broke up a few weeks ago, about 4. Messed up a bunch of times, sent her some pretty lame txts, and some sexual pics, and hints and flat out said if you're horny again come find me, really bad move. She did say that she has started to feel bad lately about hurting me and I have not talked to her for a few days. I do have a question about things like FB. We have some of the same friends, she will see what I am doing when I post stuff, is that ok? It's mostly all good stuff, pics out at partys, things I made, posts between me and friends ect. I don't want to have to block half my FB friends just to avoid having her see it. Not a minute goes by that I don't think about her though. It's ruff.

You don't need to talk about ruff man. It has been 5 months for me, I do understant almost everything that there is, and still I think about her EVERY SINGLE DAY. Relax, this will take some time!

About the facebook, what you should do is Hide her updates (dont delete or block, only block if you think you will not be able to check her page) and hide the updates from her closest friends.
And keep living your life. But watch out, I must warn you in this one. When I say keep living your life I mean it.

If you are just posting this kind of pic to affect her, you are with the wrong mindset. I did this for a long long time, and even though it may have affected her, I never knew.
And the real issue is, if you are posting, and taking pictures thinking how she would react, you are not living at all. You are living for her, while she is also living for herself.

And who the f**k is living for you?? This is a very dangerous game!

Oh and also man, she flat out said she feels sorry for hurting you. This is standart procedure. She likes you for what you represented, but she does not see you as potential mating matterial anymore.
I cannot stress this enough, embrace this oportunity and Bail. Disapear from the face of the world. Go cold turkey. This feeling that she has for you, plus the fact you are not there anymore will create "missing you" feeling in her. This is the best time to go NO CONTACT as it is stands in this forum!

This will make her crawl back to you like a little lost kid in the mall.
On the other hand, waste this oportunity and chase her, and she will feel disgusted and smothered, and this feeling of pity will wear off, leaving her only with regret that she has ever let you put your winy Pen*s inside her precious golden v*gina

 

[Cali-83]

29 Days

So 29 days now of no contact that I started right away. I haven't seen her or talked to her. Yesterday I passed her walking I was in my car shot her a waive and just kept going. It brought up a lot of thoughts I do really miss her and want her back in my life.

We didn't break it off badly she just needs to get her stuff together without involving anyone right now. I'm sure that's just a nice way to let me go. I'm doing pretty well have a lot going for me right now. I never know what the future is going to hold but I just need to keep strong knowing I'm doing the right thing not reaching out. Looking forward to getting a full month under my belt and never looking back.

 

[Groverz]

You don't need to talk about ruff man. It has been 5 months for me, I do understant almost everything that there is, and still I think about her EVERY SINGLE DAY. Relax, this will take some time!

About the facebook, what you should do is Hide her updates (dont delete or block, only block if you think you will not be able to check her page) and hide the updates from her closest friends.
And keep living your life. But watch out, I must warn you in this one. When I say keep living your life I mean it.

If you are just posting this kind of pic to affect her, you are with the wrong mindset. I did this for a long long time, and even though it may have affected her, I never knew.
And the real issue is, if you are posting, and taking pictures thinking how she would react, you are not living at all. You are living for her, while she is also living for herself.

And who the f**k is living for you?? This is a very dangerous game!

Oh and also man, she flat out said she feels sorry for hurting you. This is standart procedure. She likes you for what you represented, but she does not see you as potential mating matterial anymore.
I cannot stress this enough, embrace this oportunity and Bail. Disapear from the face of the world. Go cold turkey. This feeling that she has for you, plus the fact you are not there anymore will create "missing you" feeling in her. This is the best time to go NO CONTACT as it is stands in this forum!

This will make her crawl back to you like a little lost kid in the mall.
On the other hand, waste this oportunity and chase her, and she will feel disgusted and smothered, and this feeling of pity will wear off, leaving her only with regret that she has ever let you put your winy Pen*s inside her precious golden v*gina

Damn man, thanks! I know what you mean about the posts trying to affect her, that is not my intent but it is something I think about when I put them up there, I did that before our break up to, so it's not like I am going crazy posting everything I do but lately since I have been doing more things there are quite a few more posts and many pics with random girls.

Another question you might be able to help with, her bday is in a month, and I already had a custom painting of her and her dog sitting on a beach made, it's not something I can toss or put up in my house, would it be ok to still give it to her? Maybe drop it off at her house when she is not home? I still have a key and can just leave it in the front doorway. Part of me thinks it will make me look like a AFC but it's a pretty bad ass painting.

Wish I knew some of you guys around here to hang out with, we could kill it out on the town.

 

[MichiganMan1111]

Hello everyone! new here. I browsed through this thread and decided that I have enough history with this topic that I should join and post about my experiences. AND I HAVE MANY!

My back story: Wife left me about a 14 months ago. A lot of it was my fault, but it wasn't 100% me. Did the usual: begged, pleaded, texted, cried (basically was a *****). What did it get me? Divorced. She wanted nothing to do with me and about 5 months after she initially left we were legally done.

At this point I actually did a NC without even knowing what it was. I just simply needed to distance myself so that I could maintain my sanity. Guess what happened? 6 weeks of NC after we were divorced and she was contacting me and we started dating.

We dated for about 5 months and it was actually really good at first. Eventually, old habits from both of us popped up and guess what? She left.

I did the usual: begged, pleaded, texted, cried (was a ***** again). She went completely off the grid. Not surprised. Anyway, I went NC again about a month ago. AND I FELT GREAT. I lost tons of weight, picked up new hobbies and rediscovered old ones. Then...she texted me. I waiting a few days but was dumb enough to respond. There were a few nice texts back and forth, but in the end I got a "this is too much, I need space" text. WTF?

So here is what I have learned: NC can work to get someone back. However, that is the beginning, not the end, of the process. I really don't even want this woman in my life right now, but as a friend of mine says: "*****es be crazy." If any of you do get back with the ex, you will need to take major steps to eliminate the problems that plagued the first relationship. I can also tell you this: being told "this is too much, I need space" after you were doing fine during NC is a huge shot to the ego and the nuts. During NC you feel like YOU are in charge. When you are tricked into breaking it, you become the panzy ***** that no man wants to be. If you do NC right (focus on yourself) you will feel like a million bucks, I promise you. The golden vagina theory is so true. You start to see that ex for what she really was/is. Stay strong guys, these times are tough...but NC will teach you to be a MAN again. It will also help you learn how to be calm and collected...no small prize.

Im going out friday with a girl that is 7 years younger than me. That's my focus now. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. I sure as hell, however, will never break NC again.

 

[Renegade357]

and still I think about her EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Yep, me too. Been over 3 months of military NC and even though it doesn't hurt anymore I think about her constantly still. If I could remove her from my memory I would. I've been dating again. Met a really cool girl the other night who I think I'll pursue. I just want the old drug out of my head.

 

[MichiganMan1111]

I just want the old drug out of my head.

Think of it this way: real drugs don't want to let you go. This drug does.

You know all those miserable women you see in their 40s? The one's who have lost their looks but try desperately (through makeup) to look young...
Each one of them has a man of the same age that they left when they were younger....only problem is those guys are happy now with their new woman.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Another question you might be able to help with, her bday is in a month, and I already had a custom painting of her and her dog sitting on a beach made, it's not something I can toss or put up in my house, would it be ok to still give it to her? Maybe drop it off at her house when she is not home? I still have a key and can just leave it in the front doorway. Part of me thinks it will make me look like a AFC but it's a pretty bad ass painting.

Dude, I know this from the other side.

We were broken up by the time it was my birthday, but still talking. She had other plans for the day and explicit told me so, but calling it "plans on the tuesday", only to later say that she did not made the conection between the week day with the actual numerical day...and than calling me a drama queen.
Also she didn't gave me squat, which got me pretty mad/sad. More sad though.

Listen to yourself, do you really want to sneak into her house and plant it there, like a ninja. C'mon. This must be like the most stupid idea I've ever heard.

Wether you gave it to her or a least tell her you are dropping it there, or you toss it away/hide it/give it to street bums for bonfire, which I believe is the best idea for two reasons:

She will be expecting something and will not going to get it, which will leave her in that mad/sad situation

You will remain resiliant to the No Contact, and will become a little bit stronger, which is the whole Idea that everybody that post in this thread keeps forgeting.

Yep, me too. Been over 3 months of military NC and even though it doesn't hurt anymore I think about her constantly still. If I could remove her from my memory I would. I've been dating again. Met a really cool girl the other night who I think I'll pursue. I just want the old drug out of my head.

It is a drug, and this is rehab.

And everytime you break NC, is the same thing as just doing a little blow, "it's just a little, it won't do any harm".
And there you are, back to ground zero.

 

[Stryker]

Hi guys. Well it's been a week since I initiated NC with my ex. It was going fine until today. My problem is with Facebook. I have deleted my ex from my friends list, but due to the fact that we have several mutual friends, pictures of her keep popping up! I'm actually beginning to wonder whether I should just quit Facebook altogether, at least until I've fully healed. It'll pain me to cut contact with a lot of old friends, but seeing her face is putting me back two steps.

 

[hottiedoggie]

It isn't obvious by now.

You don't do nothing. Vanish in the haze. Poof.
It is the best thing to do. She will respect you for that man. Act like a Grown Man, no, better, BE a grown man!

BE GONE and reclaim your balls.

If you chase her, she will think you are weak, then she will turn cold, then she will be indifferent and in the end she will despise you, and the sole idea of seeing anything that reminds you will creep her in the spine.

Anyway I can tell that you are not going to follow any of these advices and you're going to make a lot of mistakes.
But that is ok though, any of us here that are so convinced of what we are saying are only saying this out of experience.
What I mean is, you will have to f**k your own self, to learn how things work

And in my opinion, it's better this way, I suffered so damn much, but in this suffering I learned a lot of things REALLY FAST. I guess if things worked out the way I wished and I got back with her I would be back to my old self, thinking I was supperior 'cause she chased me, when in fact I am the one who was in need of enlightment... Which would eventually (and probably sooner than expected) lead me to another breakup with my heart broken even worse.

So I don't know. You might have to learn for yourself. I know I did!

Anyway do yourself a favor, Please, I beg you dude, read this:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204816
and this
http://gettinbetter.com/anycost.html

She is not different from the others.
I'm still inclined to think that mine also was an exception, but the sad reality is that she is not, and yours most likely isn't as well

So right now I can assume that she's knows that I'm going to wait till our exams are over before contacting her and I shouldn't contact her even after it?

Frankly speaking, it's kinda hard for me to vanish completely in her life, we take the same tuition class so we will obviously see each other on a weekly basis.