Four year relationship ended a month ago.
Hello everyone. My story goes like this, I was with a girl for four years. When I met her she was a very depressed mess and I seemed to be her knight in shining armor. She had a bad childhood, a neglectful mother who pawned her off on her grandparents and treated her terribly, an absent father, and was always secluded/grounded from the world for stupid things. She was 17 when we met I was 19, I am 23 now. After we got together we had a great couple years followed by a couple years of hell. She didn't work because of her arthritis, refused to help herself, stayed in doors 29/30 days a month and I think she started going crazy. Long story shortish, she left me just over a month ago after everything was a problem with me. She began to treat me worse and worse yet put all the blame on me and I always took it even though it normally wasn't my fault.
The first two years were great, loved everything about each other, always had new fun and new adventures and we literally could not keep our hands off one another. She was fun, motivated, and loved me. I thought, anyhow. She didn't work then either but I told her that was fine as long as she treated me well.
Fast forward to the next two, each month her behavior was worse, she started slowly going back to that neglectful mother, and her ways were ok suddenly, I became a bad guy and each month I suited her less and she changed right in front me everything I liked about her. This mother of hers actually has kids with two brothers and exposed them to alot of bad stuff growing up. Her two sisters are easy and have been with so many, I thought my ex was different but she is crazy like them.
After a small fight she left me and threw a fit, spit on me, punched me in the face and told me she hated me, f you's all over the place, I never spoke to her this way, ever. And I was lost. Drinking all weekend couldn't stay at my apartment, moved out for a month, just recently went back for privacy and after a month of no contact and actually i started to feel much better for te last week or so, we talked for a few hours online. During this, she was nice at first claimed she cared and worried etc but wouldn't say whether she loves me or not. I guess I don't care. She either does and doesn't want to say it or is heartless and I don't care. I did everything for her because she refused to do anything. Paid all the bills, did ALL the work, bent over backwards to suit her and she left ME. Telling me I was terrible and it was all my fault and that I was worse then her messed up family who abused her growing up.
I hadnt talked to her at all since the break until last night, but curiosity got the best of me after she liked several things of mine on facebook, and I'd drank a little, wasn't drunk but felt good and thats probably why I was willing to talk to her, my sane rational self knows better even without closure. Now I'm back to day 1 nc and having lots of troubles. I've read through this forum for a while but just decided to join and share my story. During our talk she started out nice an eventually told me I need to grow up and I'm irresponsible etc. and that I'm trashy for going to bars/clubs. Oh and mind you I wasn't aloud to even be gone much during our relationship. I feel terrible. Now I want to talk to her again. Why? I have no idea. She treated me horribly and left me. She's back to her old crazy habits now and changed completely as I knew she would. It's what she always does when she has all the time in the world to sit and do nothing but dwell and feel bad for herself.
She was a controlling, manipulating, shell of a sad person and I wanted to take care of her forever. I really am lost. Lost as to why I feel even half sad over this. During the last week I was feeling much better too, then we talked and now I'm sad again. I don't want to live in my apartment. That was our place for 2 and a half of our four years. I don't want to live in this town, it's small and lonely and we were planning on moving from it soon now that's shot. I don't know what to do everyone, please help me.
