The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Betterz]

Yes, dating helps ALOT. Just getting kisses, gropes and affection from other woman instantly makes you realise SHES the one at the loss here. Especially since you say you span 10 plates bro, get the hell out of the house and chase that poontang and leave her sorry ass in history where it rightfully belongs.

Honestly watching you guys cry and moan all day on here makes me feel alot better about myself, not being like that.... and I think the most important thing you all need to remind yourselves first is that you were fine before her, and you're fine without her.

What helps me is, I think about how I was a few days before I ever met her and that was AWESOME. And will continue to be awesome now for other sexier girls

Date hotter girls.

 

[soulforge]

This has been the hardest part for me too and the source of my panic. It hurts so much to think of her being with another guy...even just texting him at night instead of me. And for a while I had this instinct that I must act fast to stop that from happening. This is where the desperation comes in.

Unfortunately, if she chooses to be with another guy, there's nothing we can say to change her mind and anything we do will push her toward him.

I suggest you do what I did last night and make a firm decision that it's over. No more doubts, no more hoping for her to come back or planning what you will say or what you should've done. Trust me, it feels very liberating and you start to see picture yourself with someone else, being happy.

I've just started setting up some dates and engaging in a bit of text sex. It reminds me how dull my relationship had got!

jariel in your case, she made it quite clear to you, that she did not want to be with you anymore..

my case is somewhat different... i need your opinion please mate!

5 days after i dumped her... i went over to her house, she did not want to see me, but i persuaded her to have a chat with me.

i told her why i have been angry with her & why i dumped her... i told her i was sorry for over reacting, because i did say some nasty things to her... but then again i had a bit to drink that night too. i was quite drunk & didn't mean to say what i said

anyhow she seemed distant & said to me, she needs time to think & is not sure right now... so i said that is fine

i asked her how her week has been & what has she been up to!

she told me, that she went out for a meal at a restaurant on saturday night with her mates & then a few drinks..

i asked her in a joking fashion, have you met anyone, or any dates? she said, no i have not, we only split up last week... so i said okay!!

so it was quite late & she said it was ok for me, to stop at her house... we slept in the same bed & she cuddled me all night

around 5 am her phone went off... it was a text message!

she waited around 10 minutes, then asked me to pass her the phone... she told me, it was her son

when i picked up the phone, i saw the message... it was from a guy called JOSH

i read the message "HI IT'S JOSH FROM SATURDAY NIGHT, HOPE YOUR GOOD"

so there and then i knew she lied... so she admitted it was the waiter from the restaurant she went to

she told me, he had asked her for her phone number & asked her if she was single.. so she gave him her mobile number.

so i juts jumped out of bed & said to her, look i have to go home, i have an appointment to go to.

she then told me, that he had rang her just once & he asked her how she was etc & just sent her this one text

anyhow i tried my best not to let her see i was bothered about it...

she abviously went out on the pull with her friends & decided to give this guy her number... what else could it be?

maybe she was hurt, because i dumped her & needed to use someone to get over me... who the f'ck knows


but i left her house, then i sent her a text message saying...

I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY ANYTHING HURTFUL TO YOU THAT NIGHT WE ARGUED... I WAS UPSET & ANGRY & WAS QUITE DRUNK & DID NOT MEAN ANYTHING BY IT..

ANYHOW I DON'T THINK I WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN... GOOD LUCK WITH THINGS

i then removed my sim card from my mobile phone & changed it over with a new sim card...

i have not even looked at wether she replied back to me or not


i do not think she was actually seeing this guy yet... i think they just exchanged numbers & and maybe spoke once or twice

but it is obvious she was out on the pull that night...


now it kind of makes sense, why she told me she was not sure about getting back together & why she needed time to think...

maybe she wanted to see what the outcome would be with this guy first, or she wanted to keep me hanging a little till she was sure


anyhow i walked away from her, told her i dont want to see her again...


but i feel so sh@t.... maybe i should have fought for her... maybe she meant it, when she said, she needs time to think??? maybe i should have gave her that time

but how the f@ck can i do that, with another guy in the picture? soon as a i realized she is talking to another dude, within one week of us splitting up... I KNEW IT WAS TIME TO BAIL

when i asked her, if she had met anyone or had nay dates... she lied


how the f@ck do i try to work things out with her, with some other guy in the picture... so i had no choice but to dump her again & get the f@ck out out of there

 

[soulforge]

maybe i should have asked her if she is planning to see this guy? but i did not want to be this guy, groveling to get her back, while she is talking to some other dude...

so i left her to it

 

[Betterz]

Dude, just go bang other girls

 

[soulforge]

Dude, just go bang other girls

i ahve got zero plates at the moment lol no girls in sight


plus she was the hottest girl i ever got, so how do beat that?

 

[Betterz]

i ahve got zero plates at the moment lol no girls in sight

Get out of the house

plus she was the hottest girl i ever got, so how do beat that?

Find hotter girls like I'm doing..

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=208220

 

[soulforge]

betterz you mentioned you left your first relationship, as you was super afc...

did it take you some time, to get over it & get your confidence back

 

[Betterz]

Truthfully, I mourned like a little b1tch when I first got to the UK. I left her, but the 5 years spent living together meant a breaking of a big emotional bond. That's why it took me 2 months to join online dating after i got to the UK, as I was wallowing in self pity.

I think this happens to all beta guys, we cry, b1tch and moan like little girls as it's the end of the world. 3 months later we're like who was that wusy? That's not me...

So I understand where you are coming from and how you feel and that's why I put my Journal up, as I wanted to show you guys that you were awesome before you met her (Try remember back to the few days before you met her how your mental state was) and you will continue to be awesome without her.

 

[rossitheking]

Thanks Jariel.

Imagine that moment where you see her months later after moving on. You have a big smile on your face chatting to everyone around you having fun and teasing other girls. She on the other hand is looking back at you with the 'oh...what have I done' look on her face.

It feels good man.

It's not to make her jealous, being spiteful, playing games or whatever. It's simply being your natural self in the present moment. That's when I knew I was stronger for it.

Keep at it.

 

[Iamaperson]

Online date

This is kind of long and detailed but I hope you will read it so you can understand the situation fully:
Met this girl online on OkCupid. She contacted me first and I think she paid for her servie because her visiting me never showed up on her profile (already weird). We clicked automatically, same interests, and everything.

First date on a Thursday, I took her to amusement park after work, loved it, and we held hands. she revealed she liked and wrote poetry during the date, so I took her to a slam poetry session in NYC.

She was very into me during that date. We held hands, she rested her head on my shoulder, and we hooked up (but not all the way) in my car afterwards. While we were hooking up, I did make an attempt to finger her but she said no and laughed it off but didn't stop because of it and she gave me a handjob afterwards. You would have assumed we were going out for a while even though it's only 2 dates. I encouraged her to perform and told her I wrote poetry myself back in the day and she said she'd love to see it. I had previously told her that I was going on a 3 week vacation to visit family and she told me that she was going as well to Cancun with friends the day I come back. She said, "oh you'll probably forget me and say oh who is this (her name) girl." I said I won't. Afterwards we kissed goodbye and I texted her that she should def perform even if I didn't take her. Everything seemed cool.
She had to wake up early the next morning (Tuesday) because she works at a hospital as a nurse so the next day, I said, "Tired, lol?" She got semi irritated and said, "I'm glad you laughed out loud at my 5 hours of sleep." I said, "I only got 5 :/" Then I told sent her a poem I wrote and said that I was thinking of performing too, to which she replied a day later, that I should. I figured I was bothering her so I didn't text her. I was going to leave for vacation that Friday night, so I took the day off from work. I called her to ask her if she wanted lunch and she never picked up so I texted her at around 11 am. AFC move, I guess, idk. She texted me back, later, sorry I was asleep. I said "hey, no worries, I figured you were tired from the past few days". (she had worked back to back shifts with very little sleep, I assumed).

Then I made, what may have been a dumb move, I added her on facebook but at the time, I just figured it wouldn't hurt, I'd added an ex before pretty early while we were dating and she didn't mind. (She never accepted so I removed the friend request a few weeks later) Then I left and I guess I was already having doubts then because she had acted a bit cold later on in the week after being so receptive. I figured whatever.

I went out of the country that Friday so I had no internet except for WiFi. I go to a cousin's house the next week who had WiFi and I check my messages and I get a message sent from her when I had already left, saying that "You didn't say bye, meanie!" I took that to mean she was still interested and replied back, "I figured you were hibernating so I didn't want to bother you. We'll see each other when we're both back. Have fun in Cancun. ". I forgot about the time difference; it was noon where I was and it was around 6 am back in the US so that may have bothered her too.

I come back from my vacation and I wait a week and a half (last Tuesday) to text her, hey how was Cancun? She never responded. So I figured maybe she's not back yet so I'll text her Friday. On Friday, I text her "hey, back from vacay?" She says, "hey yea, I'm back. how are you?" I texted her a couple hours later, "Super busy, major jet lag when I got back and boss gave me a ton of work this week. how does it feel to be back?"
I get no response.
I figure she's busy but anyway, I text her the next day (last Saturday), asking if she wants to go to dinner. I accidentally texted it twice, because the first one didn't go through automatically. She didn't respond until this Monday, when she said, hey you're a sweet guy and I had fun on our 2 dates but I think we should just be friends. I was in complete shock, but I knew that I couldn't overreact so I said, "That's probably best. Have a good one." Haven't contacted her since.

The past few days have been rough for me because I am wondering what went wrong. I was into her because she seemed like she was very into me.
Possible explanations:
-One thing that I think may have bothered her but she never brought it up was that I was still online on OKCupid and I sometimes was on her profile to answer the random quiz questions because they're addicting. It was weird because she added a new pic on it too. That should have been a red flag for me.
-Also, maybe I just acted too nice and came off as too attached esp since I added her on fb but that doesn't make sense because after I added her she still messaged me during my vacation.
-She found someone else. I was gone for a while and she got bored. This seems very likely and hurts the most because that means she probably will never contact me.

All in all, I know we've only been on 2 dates, but I feel like she played me hard especiall, since she was so into me before I leftand I'm fishing for an explanation of why. I'm really not a player and I felt that we had chemistry. I guess this must be what girls feel like when guys have a one night stand with them, promise to call, and never do. I'm very new to this and I guess online dating sucks in that way. I'm pretty much afraid to get emotionally attached to any girl now for fear of getting hurt. Have a date with one from OkCupid next Friday, (hopefully she doesn't flake) and I'm still reeling from this one.

I guess I am a huge AFC.
I have been on NC for 4 days but I really want an explanation of what went wrong? Should I ask? And what should I do if she does text me again, which it seems she doesn't? She seemed like such a great girl to me and we really clicked. If we had just gone on a couple dates and I felt that she wasn't feeling it, I would have moved on much easier. But it just feels like none of what happened had an effect on her.

 

[Jariel]

All in all, I know we've only been on 2 dates, but I feel like she played me hard especiall, since she was so into me before I leftand I'm fishing for an explanation of why. I'm really not a player and I felt that we had chemistry. I guess this must be what girls feel like when guys have a one night stand with them, promise to call, and never do. I'm very new to this and I guess online dating sucks in that way. I'm pretty much afraid to get emotionally attached to any girl now for fear of getting hurt. Have a date with one from OkCupid next Friday, (hopefully she doesn't flake) and I'm still reeling from this one.

This is what you call a valuable lesson mate. I've had this happen to me many times before and I have literally lost count of the girls who went from hot to cold in a few dates. It's just the nature of the dating scene, especially when you date online. The key is never to build up your hopes. Go into each date as a bit of fun with no strings attached. Once you master that mindset, that's when it's most likely to develop into more.

I think you would benefit from this forum a lot. There are a lot of mistakes you made, but once you realise where you're going wrong, you can put it right and have more success.

 

[Jariel]

Day 11:

Still feeling good!

She's not out of my mind completely and I still miss her, but since deciding to move on, I'm thinking more about the future and the benefits of being single.

I spoke to my parents last night. I've cried on their shoulders a lot lately, but I told them sincerely I think it's all for the best we broke up and I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can see now why it wasn't right for me and how the break up benefits me more than her.

When I was out and about yesterday, I felt like my old self again. I was walking upright with my head held high...and a slight swagger. I made eye contact with girls...and I picked up a number!! As I said in my last log, I feel immune to rejection, like I just don't care.

The girl whose number I got text me a few times last night. She seems sweet. I also decided to make contact with a few women on Facebook and I have 2 dates over the next 2 weeks. I have a potential fb too.

When you're in the midst of your break up pain it's like nothing else matters. Until you accept it, your mind is in chaos, questioning what has happened, doubting all the moves you made, wondering what she's thinking or who she's with or if she cares, retracing your mistakes, fantasizing about what you could've done better or how you would do things different if you only had a chance...the list goes on and on, but you're basically trying to solve an impossible puzzle. It feels like the only thing that can calm your mind and make the pain go away is your ex.

But once you make that decision to let go completely and accept it for what it is, you will notice a beautiful calm come over you. The pain goes away and you start to see things as they are. At this point, you start to realise why you broke up and that life is only as dark as the mood you're in.

I encourage everyone here going through this break up pain to make that decision to let go and start thinking of the future.

 

[European-DJ]

Day 18:

While I am starting to accept the fact that she is with someone else, I still get caught up in some sadness once in a while. I am not sad that we are not together, I am sad of the way she played me, the way she fooled me, and the fact that I was begging her for her attention, at my birthday, and afterwards realizing the reason I didn't get it - she was cheating on me with him.

It hurts, because I invested so much in the relationship, and while it was far from perfect and far from a healthy relationship, I am still hurt, mad and furious that she couldn't cut me off before she cheated!

I simply doesn't understand the scenario:

She leaves him to be with me, I go on vacation and she cheated on me with him, even on my birthday, I come back - unknowing of what had happened - she starts ignoring him, and even buys me a 400$ watch for my birthday. We have a good time, and on our '2nd' year anniversary we meet the other guy, and everything is revolved, whereafter she apologizes to him, and I go to her apartment to get some kind of closure, but she picks him over me, and I am history.. It doesn't make any logical sense! This is why I am still a bit stuck, I cannot believe that she doesn't love me, it must be a 'mistake' I tell myself, we have been together for 2 years with small breaks in between... Thinking about the whole thing makes me even more confused and frustrated.

Anyway, I am calmer now, but as soon as i start thinking about her cheating and playing me, it is like a chain reaction, and before I know it I am in the middle of the tsunami of negative thoughts!

As jariel said, it's like being bipolar - with extreme mood swings from time to time..

I am almost at the 1/3 mark, I can do this!!!

 

[Jariel]

It hurts, because I invested so much in the relationship, and while it was far from perfect and far from a healthy relationship, I am still hurt, mad and furious that she couldn't cut me off before she cheated!

It doesn't make any logical sense!

Women never make logical sense and I think this is where a lot of our difficulties arise. We keep trying to view it from a logical perspective, get logical answers, or even try to argue with her on a logical level, when it simply comes down to how she's feeling.

The disrespect and betrayal is what hurt me the most too, but I take responsibility for that now. I'm not saying I accept blame or that she was justified in her actions, but I accept that I became a pathetic pushover and I allowed this to happen to me. I also believe that I caused her to fall out of love with me.

I'd like to think I would do the right thing and end a relationship before looking for someone else, but if I'm honest, I don't think I would. I'd possibly cling to my girlfriend a bit longer to be sure of my feelings or in the hope things might improve. I did this with an old ex who I was losing feelings for and I didn't finish with her until I'd been on a date with another girl. So I really can't really take the self righteous approach.

As much as it hurts what my ex has done to me, I'm finding that taking responsibility for my own mistakes is very empowering, because that's something I can control.

 

[Desdinova]

Jariel, nice to see you in this thread! I was in here a while back, and I figured I'd throw some stuff in here about my progress...

It's been 8 months since me and my LTR split up. I'm still thinking about her every day. When you're with someone for over a year and have a really incredible connection, they're not going to just disappear. I had one moment of relapse back in April and contacted her. I was at home ill, away from work, and missed the hell out of her. Nothing came of it and I went back to NC. At the end of May she texted me asking for her frisbee back, so I packed all the 5hit she left in a box and dumped it on her doorstep without responding via text or letter. She sent another text thanking me for giving all her crap back. I was really tempted to throw another woman's panties in the box for fun, but I didn't.

I haven't heard from her since, but I have heard about her and seen a recent picture. She gained quite a bit of weight and has become an alcoholic. Good riddance to bad rubbish. And I still fvcking think about her every goddam day.

I've been laying women since the break up and about a month ago, I finally got to the point in my game where I've been wanting to be. I have lots of options, I seem to be naturally attracting them, and I'm always being flirted with. I've also altered my wardrobe, and I have my confidence back. Things are going well 8 months later. And I still fvcking think about her.

 

[Machtwo]

Desdinova - Its also 8 months since my LTR broke up and i breath a sigh of relief that, like myself, you are also thinking of your ex every day. I wake up in the morning at times and i know i have been dreaming about her!

I feel a big difference in my mood and every day is getting better but im sick to death of her sinking in to my thoughts each day. I know that as soon as i find another chick that she will be outta my mind, but that's just the problem at the moment, a dry patch on the p@ssy side to say the least!

On the up side, i have met some new and great friends who i have hung around alot, can sort of see the light at the end of the tunnel, looking forward to meeting a chick who is actually interested LOL.

It's nearly 6 months for me and all of the above relates to me as well!

 

[Machtwo]

I have learned many things about women on this forum in such a short space of time, these are the most profound, that I will never forget:

Women will lie, cheat, deceive to avoid being found out.

Never lie to someone that trusts you.
Never trust someone that lied to you.

 

[Renegade357]

Time for a rambling post. I think I'm like 45 days in. Lost count. I was doing well until I started dating again. I forgot how much I hated it. The quality of women out there when you get to your mid-30s is really bad. At least in my town. Maybe I need to move to the east coast or something.

I've also been angry at how things went down with my ex. I keep running it through my head. I feel really disrespected the way things ended. She couldn't just be honest and say she didn't love me. She had to string me along with the distance/fake fight/hot/cold bullcrap for weeks until I had no choice but to dump her. She said she couldn't work things out. I manned up and cut her loose. Even at the very end she couldn't admit to me that she wanted to break up. She wanted it to look like it was all my fault. She's a freaking angel and did nothing wrong haha.

I guess I'm also kind of pissed that she's made no effort to reach out to me. Yeah I know it's better that way.

Yeah, you could call this a relapse day haha. I guess I'm mostly frustrated at the lack of quality replacements I've encountered so far.

 

[BeDJ]

I saw my ex-gf's picture yesterday. She gained 20 lbs. Stay strong for you mental and emotional well-being.

Good luck, gentleman.

 

[Iamaperson]

This is what you call a valuable lesson mate. I've had this happen to me many times before and I have literally lost count of the girls who went from hot to cold in a few dates. It's just the nature of the dating scene, especially when you date online. The key is never to build up your hopes. Go into each date as a bit of fun with no strings attached. Once you master that mindset, that's when it's most likely to develop into more.

I think you would benefit from this forum a lot. There are a lot of mistakes you made, but once you realise where you're going wrong, you can put it right and have more success.

I've been considering just calmly texting her, "hey, I'm just curious about what happened." I think I've moved on to the point that I can say that without overreacting and whatever she texts back, I can just say, "All good. Hope all is well." I feel like if I know exactly what happened, it'll be easier to move on. If anyone else wants to comment, please see my earlier post regarding my situation.

Any thoughts?