The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[Iamaperson]

Women never make logical sense and I think this is where a lot of our difficulties arise. We keep trying to view it from a logical perspective, get logical answers, or even try to argue with her on a logical level, when it simply comes down to how she's feeling.

The disrespect and betrayal is what hurt me the most too, but I take responsibility for that now. I'm not saying I accept blame or that she was justified in her actions, but I accept that I became a pathetic pushover and I allowed this to happen to me. I also believe that I caused her to fall out of love with me.

I'd like to think I would do the right thing and end a relationship before looking for someone else, but if I'm honest, I don't think I would. I'd possibly cling to my girlfriend a bit longer to be sure of my feelings or in the hope things might improve. I did this with an old ex who I was losing feelings for and I didn't finish with her until I'd been on a date with another girl. So I really can't really take the self righteous approach.

As much as it hurts what my ex has done to me, I'm finding that taking responsibility for my own mistakes is very empowering, because that's something I can control.

I think you're right. We all have to own up to our mistakes. Reading through these pages has helped and I've started to realize a lot. Thanks.

 

[Machtwo]

I've been considering just calmly texting her, "hey, I'm just curious about what happened." I think I've moved on to the point that I can say that without overreacting and whatever she texts back, I can just say, "All good. Hope all is well." I feel like if I know exactly what happened, it'll be easier to move on. If anyone else wants to comment, please see my earlier post regarding my situation.

Any thoughts?

Absolutely leave it, forget about her & move on, it was 2 dates not 2 years.

*What does AFC stand for?

 

[Renegade357]

I've been considering just calmly texting her, "hey, I'm just curious about what happened."
Any thoughts?

Don't do it. You'll regret it trust me.

 

[Iamaperson]

Yeah, I'm such an idiot. I feel like a moron now asking for advice on someone who I only saw for a moment, but like I said, sometimes guys get hurt from one night hook ups too.

 

[Renegade357]

Yeah, I'm such an idiot. I feel like a moron now asking for advice on someone who I only saw for a moment, but like I said, sometimes guys get hurt from one night hook ups too.

Well you're not supposed to fall in love with a girl until you're 60 days in at least. 12-15 dates. Until that point you can't really believe anything they say. Sorry bro, at least she let you down early. Coulda been a lot worse.

 

[Jariel]

Just wondering, for all you guys holding resentment towards your ex and looking to get in a little dig...have you even considered hitting on one of her close friends?

I've not done it this time, but I've done it in the past. After getting dumped, I'll often message one of her attractive friends on Facebook and say "You probably heard xxx and I broke up. If you fancy getting a drink some time, drop me a mail" or you can take it further and suggest you were secretly into her while with your ex.

This has driven some of my exes crazy and they got really upset and p!ssed with me. It also lets her know you have a bit of a jerk/player side and you're not necessarily the "nice guy" she thought you were. Granted, if you do this, then you will burn your bridges completely and no good will come of it. She might even say some hurtful things or her friend might be a b1tch to you, but in my experience, it really does hurt her ego.

I have been tempted to do it with my ex because her best friend is kinda hot and she did find me attractive and her cousin is even hotter! But I think I'm just happier letting go this time with no drama.

 

[Renegade357]

Just wondering, for all you guys holding resentment towards your ex and looking to get in a little dig...have you even considered hitting on one of her close friends?

Yeah, all my current Exs friends are married.

I've done it before and it was with an average looking friend of an ex. I was drunk and ended up back at her place. They were currently in a fight with each other. I felt horrible about it the next day and I'm thinking the friend did too. My ex was already with a new guy and I have no idea if word ever got back.

You gotta be careful with these tactics. I don't see any advantage and the downsides are really bad. It looks like a cry for attention.

 

[Machtwo]

Just wondering, for all you guys holding resentment towards your ex and looking to get in a little dig...have you even considered hitting on one of her close friends?

I've not done it this time, but I've done it in the past. After getting dumped, I'll often message one of her attractive friends on Facebook and say "You probably heard xxx and I broke up. If you fancy getting a drink some time, drop me a mail" or you can take it further and suggest you were secretly into her while with your ex.

This has driven some of my exes crazy and they got really upset and p!ssed with me. It also lets her know you have a bit of a jerk/player side and you're not necessarily the "nice guy" she thought you were. Granted, if you do this, then you will burn your bridges completely and no good will come of it. She might even say some hurtful things or her friend might be a b1tch to you, but in my experience, it really does hurt her ego.

I have been tempted to do it with my ex because her best friend is kinda hot and she did find me attractive and her cousin is even hotter! But I think I'm just happier letting go this time with no drama.

I think you've not bothered this time because you're older & wiser.

My best female friend, helped me with some of my later e-mails to my wife, she drummed it in to me that you want them, the ex, when they finally realise, that you are the best thing ever, that they made a mistake that can't be undone, that they regret forever.
So staying polite, being nice is how you want them to remember you, I know this is so difficult when all you want to do is spit on them, slap them, verbally abuse them!!

Staying aloof is a better tactic in the long term.

Short term pain for long term gain.

 

[Jariel]

You gotta be careful with these tactics. I don't see any advantage and the downsides are really bad. It looks like a cry for attention.

I think you've not bothered this time because you're older & wiser.

Staying aloof is a better tactic in the long term.

Short term pain for long term gain.

Totally agree guys. I'm content to just walk away from this one quietly and remember the better times. I've learned some valuable lessons so my pain has not been in vain.

I think when you start seeking revenge or continue carrying the resentment, you only end up hurting yourself. I heard it said that holding onto resentment is like holding onto hot coals with the intention of throwing them at someone you hate.

 

[Renegade357]

I think when you start seeking revenge or continue carrying the resentment, you only end up hurting yourself.

It's a battle dude. You have to remember that frontal attacks never work against women. You have to flank, be patient and indirect. Let them come to you.

Well said on the short term pain for long term gain comment. Soooo true.

 

[SamTheHobit]

I spray painted my ex girlfriends wall the second time she fvcked me over. Lol that was quite fun.

I've been contemplating throwing a moltove ****tail at her house.

Scared of getting arrested for terrorism though.

 

[Machtwo]

I think when you start seeking revenge or continue carrying the resentment...

Revenge is a dish best served cold!

 

[soulforge]

Day 11:

Still feeling good!

She's not out of my mind completely and I still miss her, but since deciding to move on, I'm thinking more about the future and the benefits of being single.

I spoke to my parents last night. I've cried on their shoulders a lot lately, but I told them sincerely I think it's all for the best we broke up and I feel a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I can see now why it wasn't right for me and how the break up benefits me more than her.

When I was out and about yesterday, I felt like my old self again. I was walking upright with my head held high...and a slight swagger. I made eye contact with girls...and I picked up a number!! As I said in my last log, I feel immune to rejection, like I just don't care.

The girl whose number I got text me a few times last night. She seems sweet. I also decided to make contact with a few women on Facebook and I have 2 dates over the next 2 weeks. I have a potential fb too.

When you're in the midst of your break up pain it's like nothing else matters. Until you accept it, your mind is in chaos, questioning what has happened, doubting all the moves you made, wondering what she's thinking or who she's with or if she cares, retracing your mistakes, fantasizing about what you could've done better or how you would do things different if you only had a chance...the list goes on and on, but you're basically trying to solve an impossible puzzle. It feels like the only thing that can calm your mind and make the pain go away is your ex.

But once you make that decision to let go completely and accept it for what it is, you will notice a beautiful calm come over you. The pain goes away and you start to see things as they are. At this point, you start to realise why you broke up and that life is only as dark as the mood you're in.

I encourage everyone here going through this break up pain to make that decision to let go and start thinking of the future.

hi jariel... i have done the same as you mate... i have made a decision to let her go!!

and i am starting to feel better for it... i probably will still have bad days when i miss her... but letting go & giving up on hope is the first step to the road of recovery.

also in my case, i believe she was a bad woman, whom with i could not have a good future.. so letting her go is the only option!!

i know for a fact she is talking to some dude, so dumping her has probably only pushed her towards him!




i

 

[Hermeister]

Day 3

I had an exam today at uni and saw her and I'm fairly sure she saw me but I tried my best to avoid any form of contact with her and succeeded. Prior to going into the exam I was joking around with my friends and laughing and I could see her in the corner of my eyes just staring me down for a bit. As badly as I wanted to say hi and wish her good luck, I restrained myself and it felt good.

Later on in the night I was studying at the library with a few friends for an upcoming exam (one of those friends is her roommate) and she was studying downstairs. I don't know why, but she came upstairs to talk to her roommate when she well and truly knew I was there. Once again, I restrained from saying a single word to her. Am I doing the right thing? Is that too mean? Also what could her coming upstairs mean? Does she want to see me? I'm completely confused but trying my best to stick to NC.

All in all, in regards to NC, I did fairly well I think. But now i'm feeling fairly horrible and unsure whether or not she hates me for doing this to her and it's bugging me.

Any advice would be great and reading all of the posts here is really helpful. Thanks a lot!

 

[justin11]

Day 1...going to be hard to avoid her tho because we have a lot of mutual friends

 

[Desdinova]

I guess I'm mostly frustrated at the lack of quality replacements I've encountered so far.

This is the worst part. You date all these pieces of 5hit and you eventually find something decent. You build up a relationship and then she cuts you off. Then you have to go back into the cycle of dating pieces of 5hit until you find another good one. Then, because the last one cut you off, you realize that she's no better than the other pieces of 5hit. The problem is, you developed an emotional bond with that piece of 5hit and her stink is stuck in your nose.

My goal in a LTR is to be the best damn Don Juan she will ever encounter. That way I know that if she cuts me out of her life, she will regret it because 90% of the world is made up of AFCs. My ex seems to be realizing this. She hasn't held down a man for more than a few weeks.

Just wondering, for all you guys holding resentment towards your ex and looking to get in a little dig...have you even considered hitting on one of her close friends?

I did that with my first fiancee. It was great fun

I've been on-and-off thinking about doing that with my last ex. Her sister was bat 5hit jealous because SHE had a crush on me. If I were to play my cards right, I could probably fvck her. I've also been thinking about fvcking one of her cousins whom I got along with really well. I ran into her once post-breakup, but I was out with a one-date-wonder. I've thought about how doing stuff like that could screw up my chances of getting back together with my ex, but I shouldn't even be considering that. At this point in my recovery, if the opportunity presents itself, I'll take advantage of it

 

[Machtwo]

Day 3

I had an exam today at uni and saw her and I'm fairly sure she saw me but I tried my best to avoid any form of contact with her and succeeded. Prior to going into the exam I was joking around with my friends and laughing and I could see her in the corner of my eyes just staring me down for a bit. As badly as I wanted to say hi and wish her good luck, I restrained myself and it felt good.

Later on in the night I was studying at the library with a few friends for an upcoming exam (one of those friends is her roommate) and she was studying downstairs. I don't know why, but she came upstairs to talk to her roommate when she well and truly knew I was there. Once again, I restrained from saying a single word to her. Am I doing the right thing? Is that too mean? Also what could her coming upstairs mean? Does she want to see me? I'm completely confused but trying my best to stick to NC.

All in all, in regards to NC, I did fairly well I think. But now i'm feeling fairly horrible and unsure whether or not she hates me for doing this to her and it's bugging me.

Any advice would be great and reading all of the posts here is really helpful. Thanks a lot!

I think you handled the situation brilliantly, keep avoiding her, keep up with NC. If she truly values you, she will walk over hot coals & make it clear to you.

Keep up the good work.

 

[Jariel]

Day 12

Felt so good lately, started spinning plates, started getting back into my single mindset again and genuinely felt like I was getting over her, but had a dream about her last night and have woken up devestated and on the verge of crying again.

I'm texting these girls and they're hot, sweet and a couple of them seem like relationship material. They have no baggage either, but I'm just not connecting with them the way I did with my ex. I miss her friendship and our chats so much and keep finding myself wanting to text her and tell her about my day.

On days like this, when I think about how amazing our relationship once was and how unique our connection was, I find it hard to believe that she's not thinking the same and missing it too. She has all the same happy memories I do and can't just put me out of her mind so easily, surely.

But I am still thinking rationally and know I have to move on. The last couple of days have made me realise how much we both changed in the latter months of our relationship. My turn from alpha male to supplicating "nice guy" happened very quickly and I've already recognised and corrected this attitude. I just wish I'd seen it sooner.

In fact, what I really wish right now is that I could explain this to her and just talk to her about how we'd changed and what happened. I think we could clear things up, even if it meant never getting together again. I've started writing a letter several times now and scrapped it when I'm thinking more clearly.

I guess it's time for a confession...when I noticed something wasn't right in our relationship and the "I love you's" stopped, instead of turning to this forum and the resources that have served me so well over the years, I went and asked the advice of women. Do you know what they told me? They told me to reassure my girlfriend that I'm there for her, offer to help her during her time of stress and such sh1t. Then when we broke up, a couple of women suggested I go to her house and try to talk to her face to face, tell her I know what's she's going through and apologise for adding to her stress?!!? And when I said I thought that was a bad idea, these women snapped at me. Boy did I fvck up by turning to them!

It took a while for me to see what had REALLY caused the breakdown of our relationship and I'm sure several guys here would've told me that straight away and smacked some sense into me.

Well, it seems I've taken a couple of step backwards this morning. Perhaps I was a bit too optimistic to think I was over her already.

 

[Jariel]

I think you handled the situation brilliantly, keep avoiding her, keep up with NC. If she truly values you, she will walk over hot coals & make it clear to you.

I totally agree. You're raising her interest level by doing this and if/when she's ready to talk to you, her emotions will be too much for her ad she will make the first move.

 

[clair]

hi it is three weeks and four days I woke this morning feeling pretty lonely and sad things had slowed down for me at work and I am a bit worried I guess that is why I woke up sad and the fact that pyshco hasn't called still bothers me I have 4 weeks and three days to go hopefully by then I will b over it all:rockon: