The *No Contact* Challenge! ( Read this if you just got dumped)

[henrea4]

Speaking of dreams, I had a dream about the ex the other night. For whatever reason, I was at the store (probably Wal-Mart) and saw her there with a new guy. Well, I think it was her. The were on an isle facing away from me and she never turned around all the way. It "felt" like her, though. Made me feel terrible. Surprisingly, I was ok when I woke up. A dream like that usually ruins my day, or at least half of it. Her changing her number and blocking me from Facebook was the best thing she could have done for me. I'm finally starting to heal.

 

[fuko2007]

Jariel stay strong my friend, the worst part of this whole thing is not knowing. We all hate not knowing something but this is for the better.I found out the girl i was in nc with deleted me from her FB but then she sent me a message at like 3 or 4a.m. one day on FB. I remailed back but no reply untill the next day at 3 or 4 a.m. It really messed with my head bc i was left wondering why she was up that late, why she deleted me. So i just deleted my whole fb account period. But do you really want to know what she is doing? what will you do when you find out, be it good or bad? Ask yourself that question and see what you come up with. Sometimes its better to think that they have already moved on, helps you get over them quicker. It helped me, but just stay strong and dont track her movements, you might find something you dont want to find. Take it from me. Hope the rest of your day is good bud, and god bless.

 

[dreww]

DAY 17:

Today I broke no contact with my ex. I was on day 17 NC and these past 17 days I haven't really changed much because I was doing NC externally, but internally I created a prison that I was trapped in. I did not call, text, or contact her in any way over these 17 days, but I would check her Facebook and twitter to see how she was doing. I figured enough was enough and I would restart my NC, but first I would give her all her stuff back. So I call her and she doesn't answer. Next I text her saying that I have some of her stuff I would like to return and that she has some of my stuff that I would like back. I tell her that I will drop it off in front of her door in about 30 min and she will leave my stuff outside the door. When I get there, my stuff is not outside the door so I knock and immediately get a text saying just leave it and come back for your stuff. So I leave it, walk down the hall, and come back to see the bag of my stuff she placed outside the door. In it is some clothes of mine and various gifts I gave her, which kind of stung a bit (I only returned her clothes and other personal belongings). So I picked my clothes out of the bag and left everything else there including nearly $200 worth of jewelry (should have picked it up and sold it lol). I was pretty ticked off that she was giving gifts back and couldn't even face me or hand stuff pack to me personally so I texted her after and said that I have lost all respect for her and that she's a coward. Of course this led to a big text battle where I ended up calling her a ***** because she was in a relationship only a week after our breakup. She told me that she was over me for awhile now and there was no reason to give her stuff back and try to win her back. We basically started arguing and in the end she said that I need to stay out of her life and all that ****. I response and basically ruined any chance of getting back together by saying she looked ugly as shvt without makeup and that really hot her hard.


Although I handled it in an immature way, it feels good. I have no attachment to her since I do not have any of her belongings and now am not doing NC for the opportunity to win her back because there's no way after what just went down. I blocked her on Facebook and tomorrow I will remove her from all my photos and probably crop some where I look good lol. ready to start NC for real this time!!

do you guys think that burning any bridges with your ex makes it much easier to move on?

 

[soulforge]

DAY 17:

Today I broke no contact with my ex. I was on day 17 NC and these past 17 days I haven't really changed much because I was doing NC externally, but internally I created a prison that I was trapped in. I did not call, text, or contact her in any way over these 17 days, but I would check her Facebook and twitter to see how she was doing. I figured enough was enough and I would restart my NC, but first I would give her all her stuff back. So I call her and she doesn't answer. Next I text her saying that I have some of her stuff I would like to return and that she has some of my stuff that I would like back. I tell her that I will drop it off in front of her door in about 30 min and she will leave my stuff outside the door. When I get there, my stuff is not outside the door so I knock and immediately get a text saying just leave it and come back for your stuff. So I leave it, walk down the hall, and come back to see the bag of my stuff she placed outside the door. In it is some clothes of mine and various gifts I gave her, which kind of stung a bit (I only returned her clothes and other personal belongings). So I picked my clothes out of the bag and left everything else there including nearly $200 worth of jewelry (should have picked it up and sold it lol). I was pretty ticked off that she was giving gifts back and couldn't even face me or hand stuff pack to me personally so I texted her after and said that I have lost all respect for her and that she's a coward. Of course this led to a big text battle where I ended up calling her a ***** because she was in a relationship only a week after our breakup. She told me that she was over me for awhile now and there was no reason to give her stuff back and try to win her back. We basically started arguing and in the end she said that I need to stay out of her life and all that ****. I response and basically ruined any chance of getting back together by saying she looked ugly as shvt without makeup and that really hot her hard.


Although I handled it in an immature way, it feels good. I have no attachment to her since I do not have any of her belongings and now am not doing NC for the opportunity to win her back because there's no way after what just went down. I blocked her on Facebook and tomorrow I will remove her from all my photos and probably crop some where I look good lol. ready to start NC for real this time!!

do you guys think that burning any bridges with your ex makes it much easier to move on?

the thing is drew, you will feel good about this in the short term, but in the long run, you may start missing her again. it would had been better to avoid any kind of conflict.... and stayed in no contact.... but i know this is difficult

it's amazing how b@tches totally toss you away, like you never meant anything to them, as soon as they have branch swung to another guy!


everything you did & put up with & all the special times you had... it meant nothing to them, now they have replaced you.

woman are cold hearted ruthless basta@ds... !!!!

i,m probably having the worse day of no contact so far.... i keep thinking is she with this guy, or is she not.... this question keeps niggeling away at me!

i know she was talking to some dude, after i dumped her... she exchanged numbers with him, but not sure if they are together.... i wish i could just stop myself from thinking like this... as there in no chance me and her could be together again!

i could never trust that woman ever again!

the worst part is... it was me whom dumped her... so in some way i may have pushed her into some other dudes arms... but i had no choice but to dump her, after all the shiit she put me through & also me finding out that she exchanged numbers with this dude.

i don't even know if she has tried to contact me or not... as i have taken my sim card out of the phone & changed it with a new.

my guess is, she has probably texted me a couple of times, but i will not check.

i have not even checked my emails either... there is a possibility she has emailed me too..

i just don't want to expose myself in anyway, incase she says something to hurt me further!

for all i know, she might be wanting me back... but i have to remain no contact for my own sanity!

i need to put an end to this nightmare of a relationship with her... been going through this crap for nearly 3 years now & things go from worse to worse

guys stay in no contact no matter how hard it is... breaking no contact will only bring you a world of pain... you do not want to know, who she is with, or what she is doing

protect yourselfs & get over this

 

[Jariel]

i would completely isolate yourself from her, till you start feelign stronger.

also do you know if she is going on dating sites?

I really have no idea if she's still on the dating sites as I haven't checked since I started going no contact. I don't really want to know as it will only hurt me if she is and will make it harder to move forward.

Sometimes you have to think about your own state of mind. If you can convince yourself she's at home crying over you and you meant the world to her, it will make it easier for you to move on, even if it's not the truth.

But do you really want to know what she is doing? what will you do when you find out, be it good or bad? Ask yourself that question and see what you come up with. Sometimes its better to think that they have already moved on, helps you get over them quicker. It helped me, but just stay strong and dont track her movements, you might find something you dont want to find. Take it from me. Hope the rest of your day is good bud, and god bless.

Thanks mate. Fortunately, my ex isn't playing these mindgames with me. I suspect she was at first because she was really angry at me pre-emptively dumping her, but I expect she'll calm down eventually and either move on without looking back or will regret losing me.

It's very difficult not knowing this because last time we broke up, she dumped me in the same cold hearted way, but was breaking her heart in the following weeks, crying over me, writing long love letters and reminiscing over our time together. I'd like to think she's doing the same thing now, but I'll never know and it's probably best that I don't know because I'm not tempted to try and "fix" things.

Anyway, a tough day today, but not as painful as past days. It's getting easier...

 

[Jariel]

Dreww: Oh man, I'm sorry, but that was so painful to read!! I know it can be tempting to seek out some drama, just for that feeling of attention, but like Soulforge said, you're going to regret it in a day or two when the adrenaline settles.

Truth is, I've had days where I've been tempted to do something like this too, but reading or hearing of other people doing it really helps hold me back.

I really hope this will help you move on now. Just don't get trying to undo it all now and rush back to her apologising. It'll only dig you deeper.

 

[Renegade357]

Truth is, I've had days where I've been tempted to do something like this too, but reading or hearing of other people doing it really helps hold me back.

Yeah, I was just thinking about that today before I read Drew's post. I left a $100 electric razor over at her apartment before we broke up. She hasn't tried to contact me to give it back or anything. It's a legit excuse to contact her but I can't take the pain nor do I want to break 50 days or whatever of no contact. Giving them any kind of attention effectively validates the breakup in their mind.

The thing that helps me get through this BS is thinking about how she disrespected me before we ended it. Like the last night I stayed over I woke up and tried to kiss her on the way out and she turned her cheek at me. The expression on her face was "get the f****k away from me". Like I'm some kind of stranger or something. Like I really wronged her in a serious way. All lies.

Thinking about that kind of stuff makes it really easy not to contact her.

 

[dreww]

At this moment I feel good about it, but as everyone on here as said, I'm sure I will regret it at some point or another. nearly 20 days ago, I ended things amicably with her and still when I would see her around campus, she would be a cold-hearted bvitch. I figured after nearly 3 weeks of no contact its time to start again and do it the right way: to heal myself and not to try and win her back.


soulforge: my girl did the same to me...she got this new guys number and was beginning to hangout with him as friends, which I was completely okay with. After some point she started to want to do things with him that isn't just friends, such as be in his dorm room at midnight or she was texting him more than she was texting me. I drew the line here and we brokeup after that. In a sense it was me breaking up with her, but she just made it seem that way. It did really hurt for her to tell me that she had moved on a while ago but just kept me until someone else came along. I will let you guys know how things go these next couple of days. As I said before, I feel good now because I know we will not get back together so I can do the no contact for myself and not to win her back. I have a date lined up for this weekend with a girl I met last weekend so I'm pretty excited about that and I hope that it makes the recovery process go even faster


And to everyone on here: Reading and getting your responses and input has helped so much. Thanks for everything! do not go back to your ex. women are ruthless

 

[soulforge]

At this moment I feel good about it, but as everyone on here as said, I'm sure I will regret it at some point or another. nearly 20 days ago, I ended things amicably with her and still when I would see her around campus, she would be a cold-hearted bvitch. I figured after nearly 3 weeks of no contact its time to start again and do it the right way: to heal myself and not to try and win her back.


soulforge: my girl did the same to me...she got this new guys number and was beginning to hangout with him as friends, which I was completely okay with. After some point she started to want to do things with him that isn't just friends, such as be in his dorm room at midnight or she was texting him more than she was texting me. I drew the line here and we brokeup after that. In a sense it was me breaking up with her, but she just made it seem that way. It did really hurt for her to tell me that she had moved on a while ago but just kept me until someone else came along. I will let you guys know how things go these next couple of days. As I said before, I feel good now because I know we will not get back together so I can do the no contact for myself and not to win her back. I have a date lined up for this weekend with a girl I met last weekend so I'm pretty excited about that and I hope that it makes the recovery process go even faster


And to everyone on here: Reading and getting your responses and input has helped so much. Thanks for everything! do not go back to your ex. women are ruthless

seriously mate... i don't care what my ex had, that belonged to me... for the sake of my sanity & self respect.... i would just leave it at hers & stay the f@ck away!

in my case, she only started talking to this guy, one week after i dumped her.. she probably thought it was over between us both & decided to go out & meet guys (rebounds)

but after i dumped her, i regreted it & talked to her , so she told me that she needs to think about us getting back together... when i found out, about this other guy... i thought screw this & i told her it's over!

why should i sit around waiting for her to dicide our fate.. with some other dude in the background too. screw that

 

[dreww]

I didn't go get my things back from her and give her stuff back because it was valuable to either of us. I did it so that she would have no excuse whatsoever to contact me again. A way of starting fresh and nothing between us. Now I know that if she ever contacts me again (probably wont after what went down) it won't be for us to meet up and give each other out stuff back. It was sort of a psychological thing for me. After everything that happened today I realize there's no getting her back...there's no reason to ever contact her again. She's out of my life for good now and it may be rough but with you guys and this new girl in the picture it should be a hell of alot easier

 

[rossitheking]

A common recurring theme occurs throughout this thread. A guy seeks advice on how to move on. A man who understands posts solid advice. The guy reads this and breaks no contact anyway. Why - his situation is unique.

His hamster is telling him he's invested this much time and effort and the woman must feel the same way. This overrides any advice he has taken in. 'Of course she feels it, she must do - all this ignoring she's doing is mind games, shes playing hard to get. I will get her back. A few weeks of NC will do.' the hamster is telling him this and reinforces it over and over again. Not once does it tell him 'she doesn't want you.' It is an attack on his ego and he will and must regain it.

Let me tell you, Your situation is not unique. It's the same as everyone on here. We've experienced the tornado first hand and we experience it when it passes. The tornado won't kill you.

Be grateful that you have first hand knowledge on what works and what doesn't work on this particular girl. Better than any marketing 'howtogeturexback' bullshlt. Assess how you acted when you were last around her in your attempts to assure her compared to when you first met her. Do you see a difference in you and your actions? Be honest. Only you know.


That's exactly what she saw.



How many times have you read this on here -

'Day One- I broke no contact and she's back in my arms. She loved the 10 messages in a row from me and how I followed her on FB all this time. She said it was sweet and we are now back together.'

It doesn't happen. It. Never. Happens.

You can then apply this knowledge and understanding to the next girl you show interest in. Why is this important. Because she is wired exactly the same way. You have now developed a way to understand them. You know what makes them tick and what they react too. You are on your way to becoming a known man. Some guys do this naturally. Me and you have come to learn this through our mistakes. Don't blame the woman. Blame our mistakes. Our mistakes eventually become our tools. If you repeat the same mistakes with every girl then you only have yourself to blame. Better to recognize a pattern amongst women.


Only then will your hamster tell you 'what the fvck was all that about, did i really think like that with her. No way!'

....and then you will have moved on.

That's how I did.

 

[soulforge]

A common recurring theme occurs throughout this thread. A guy seeks advice on how to move on. A man who understands posts solid advice. The guy reads this and breaks no contact anyway. Why - his situation is unique.

His hamster is telling him he's invested this much time and effort and the woman must feel the same way. This overrides any advice he has taken in. 'Of course she feels it, she must do - all this ignoring she's doing is mind games, shes playing hard to get. I will get her back. A few weeks of NC will do.' the hamster is telling him this and reinforces it over and over again. Not once does it tell him 'she doesn't want you.' It is an attack on his ego and he will and must regain it.

Let me tell you, Your situation is not unique. It's the same as everyone on here. We've experienced the tornado first hand and we experience it when it passes. The tornado won't kill you.

Be grateful that you have first hand knowledge on what works and what doesn't work on this particular girl. Better than any marketing 'howtogeturexback' bullshlt. Assess how you acted when you were last around her in your attempts to assure her compared to when you first met her. Do you see a difference in you and your actions? Be honest. Only you know.


That's exactly what she saw.



How many times have you read this on here -

'Day One- I broke no contact and she's back in my arms. She loved the 10 messages in a row from me and how I followed her on FB all this time. She said it was sweet and we are now back together.'

It doesn't happen. It. Never. Happens.

You can then apply this knowledge and understanding to the next girl you show interest in. Why is this important. Because she is wired exactly the same way. You have now developed a way to understand them. You know what makes them tick and what they react too. You are on your way to becoming a known man. Some guys do this naturally. Me and you have come to learn this through our mistakes. Don't blame the woman. Blame our mistakes. Our mistakes eventually become our tools. If you repeat the same mistakes with every girl then you only have yourself to blame. Better to recognize a pattern amongst women.


Only then will your hamster tell you 'what the fvck was all that about, did i really think like that with her. No way!'

....and then you will have moved on.

That's how I did.

love this post.... nothing you can do will bring her back... she will come back, if and when she wants to come back... or maybe never

so many posts i have read on here, where some dude decides.. oh i left my tooth brush at hers, oh i left my butt plug at hers... i best ring her up & talk to her about it... these are just excuses to break no contact.

all you can do, is stay strict no contact & move on!

given enough time, she may come back to you... it does happen occasionaly

also in that time, you will have healed & you may not even want that b@tch back...


this is also a good time to anaylize the relationship you had with her... was she really that great? does she make the ideal long term partner for you?... is this someone you could have a long lasting healthy relationship with?

or is this someone who is causing turmoil in your life

 

[dreww]

I understand I shouldn't have broken no contact with her and have read so many times that I shouldn't have even given her stuff back or cared to get my stuff back. I read all this stuff about it, but in the end I guess I just learn from experience. After today and recontacting her, it's very very clear she doesn't want me back. She had apparently been lying everytime she said I love you for the last couple days, weeks, maybe even months. That, in combination with me saying some things I had to get off my chest made me realize that I would never want to be with someone who could lie to my face for an extended period of time with no remorse. I would never be able to trust her again.


I have been having alot of fun with my buddies (whom she disapproved of because they drank and smoked occasionally). I feel like I'm finally free to do whatever I want, when I want. She seemed to think that anyone who drinks or smokes just held me back in life and were bad influences on me. I put her on a pedestal and am lucky that I didn't give up my friends for her.




heres to no contact the right way and listening to those who have been down the same road. Ill be posting in here letting you know how everything is!

 

[Machtwo]

Day 14:

Even though I don't want to get back together, even though I see all the positives of moving on and have no intention to make contact, I find myself craving some kind of sign from her that she cares and that this break up is hard on her too...I just want to know that I meant something to her.

This post break up sh1t really is like living with bipolar or some kind of personality disorder. I seem to have a different mood and outlook every day.

Jariel, you seem to have an uncanny knack of being able to put in to words which I was unable to at the time of thinking & feeling exactly as described above!!

Look, I'm around the day 80 mark now & the 'bipolar' situation definitely changes with time, but it is incremental, no sudden overnight changes, sorry.

Only driving to work this morning I'm having thoughts & feelings about my ex, just like you, I want to know if she's suffering, even if it's only a tiny amount.

Be strong.

 

[Jariel]

Jariel, you seem to have an uncanny knack of being able to put in to words which I was unable to at the time of thinking & feeling exactly as described above!!

Look, I'm around the day 80 mark now & the 'bipolar' situation definitely changes with time, but it is incremental, no sudden overnight changes, sorry.

Only driving to work this morning I'm having thoughts & feelings about my ex, just like you, I want to know if she's suffering, even if it's only a tiny amount.

Be strong.

Thanks mate. It does make me realise that I'm in no fit condition to see or speak to my ex right now as any contact would do more damage - to any connection we once shared, any lingering doubts in her mind or feelings she may still have, and worst of all, to my self esteem and dignity.

This is why most premature reconciliations end badly. In my experience, it's much better to speak to an ex 6 months or more down the road when the pain and anger has completely passed. Perhaps at that point you can rebuild a new relationship having learned from your mistakes.

As I've said previously, I've had a number of exes get in touch and want another chance with me after some time has passed and I honestly believe it could be viable...if I was interested. However, once the emotions have settled, I've never really been interested in getting back with them. I guess it goes to show that all my longing for them back after the break up was purely an emotional craving that goes against my rational thinking.

Right now, I believe my desperation to have my girlfriend back is purely emotional and irrational. I have listed over 50 reasons I am better off out of the relationship.

 

[soulforge]

Thanks mate. It does make me realise that I'm in no fit condition to see or speak to my ex right now as any contact would do more damage - to any connection we once shared, any lingering doubts in her mind or feelings she may still have, and worst of all, to my self esteem and dignity.

This is why most premature reconciliations end badly. In my experience, it's much better to speak to an ex 6 months or more down the road when the pain and anger has completely passed. Perhaps at that point you can rebuild a new relationship having learned from your mistakes.

As I've said previously, I've had a number of exes get in touch and want another chance with me after some time has passed and I honestly believe it could be viable...if I was interested. However, once the emotions have settled, I've never really been interested in getting back with them. I guess it goes to show that all my longing for them back after the break up was purely an emotional craving that goes against my rational thinking.

Right now, I believe my desperation to have my girlfriend back is purely emotional and irrational. I have listed over 50 reasons I am better off out of the relationship.

jariel i feel the same way as you... i can think of atleast 50 reasons why i am so better off without this relationship

yet i waste time & energy thinking about her everyday.


how do i deal with these thoughts i am having? she started talking to some guy 4 days after i dumped her...

i keep imagining them together, yet to be honest they might not even be together at all... it's just a lingering thought that is driving me nuts somethimes!

i imagine her sleeping witht his guy, so i have stop myslef thinking like this.

moving on becomes so much harder, when you think there might be someone else involved...

also i have blocked her in everyway from contacting me, so i,m wondering if she has tried contacting me... what is she saying?

when i look back at this relationship, i realize this woman treated me pretty crappy... and a long term future with her, would had been more pain & turmoil for me.. so i know i am better off without her

it's just the way, they just discard you, like you never existed & it meant nothing... this is what really hurts

 

[Machtwo]

it's just the way, they just discard you, like you never existed & it meant nothing... this is what really hurts

soulforge, I couldn't agree more with that statement, this is my one and only sticking point with the completion of me being over her!! I can't let it go how she acted so ruthless, so remorseless, the respect was zero & she even said how we always had an excellent relationship, the mind boggles how these women's minds work, it's like they say something, then do something that contradicts the last statement or action and more fool us for letting them continue to damage us!!

Once I give up trying to work the situation out, I'll be free of my own mind games, then she'll probably get in touch for some oddball reason & it will start all over again.

 

[dreww]

Exactly. I feel like my ex just ended things and now she has no remorse, no recollection of the good times we did have together. That is something I continually think about. Did I not have a profound impact on her life or is this just her way of dealing with a broken relationship. I can still remember the good times we had together and it's just a shame that she acts like I was never even a part of her life. All you can do is move on and forget but I feel like that will always linger in the back of my mind. How can someone who loves you so much and whom you love so much just dump you and all your memories away just like that...

 

[MaddXMan]

I've ended relationships before. Once it was a 3 year LTR. I remember the stress I had thinking about having "the talk", and the relief I felt when it was over, even though the women were upset. Thoughts of the good times had faded and didn't move me. Their tears and crying just made me sad and uncomfortable but didn't sway my decision. I didn't need any down time before I was out dating again, it was over, I ended it, and moved on.

So when I think about my ex who dumped me, and wonder if she is thinking about me, remembering the good times, I just remind myself of the above. No, she is not and has moved on, just like I did when I was the dumper. Any contact from me would probably make her cringe. That thought stops me cold from wanting to contact and helps me get past it. It is what it is.

 

[Jariel]

Yep, I can agree with your guys too. The way she ended things was so cold and hurtful, showing no remorse or tact. It was like a totally different person. That is very hard to take when you've been so close to her for so long. All you really want is a little show of respect.

However, when my gf and I split previously, she did it in a very cold way then too. Not quite as spiteful, but it was just a quick text that got to the point. When we got back together, she apologised for the way she ended things and said she was purposely cold with me because she was scared I would try to talk her out of it or make it hard for her and she couldn't handle that. She figured by being cold and to the point, I'd move on quicker.

Who really understands chick logic? It's also pretty common for them to try and turn the blame to you to try and ease their own guilt.